Start by pursuing a talented beautiful girl

"don't want."

Chen Yanxi pursed his lips.

It was still a ruthless rejection.

Although her attitude towards Wang Ge has changed a lot compared to before, the answer to this question has never changed.

Wang Ge was used to being rejected and didn't care. He just said resentfully, "Okay, okay, you are noble. You have escaped from the low-level taste of love and love. You pursue your lofty ideals, leaving me alone as a lonely old man." Staying alone in an empty room..."

This is all such a mess... Chen Yanxi shook her head dumbfounded, "There is no difference between low-level and high-level if you like this kind of thing."

"In the eyes of the public, you people with ideals are much more advanced than people like me who have no ambitions and just want to lie flat." Wang Ge shrugged.

"Lying flat is also an ideal. In today's society, everyone is equal. No one is nobler than anyone else. Isn't the ideal the same?"

"I completely agree with what you said, but comparison is the driving force for social progress. There are all kinds of comparisons everywhere, and ideals are also unavoidable..."

The two of them strolled casually on the street, keeping a distance that was neither too far nor too close, chatting about some inexplicable and messy things.

Chen Yanxi really likes this feeling.

That night, she wrote in her diary:

"I have to admit that being with Wang Ge is really, really tempting."

"With him, my current situation can be greatly improved. I no longer need to work part-time, go to cram school, or endure this suffocating family. I can do something I like to do." You can even experience the sweet love described in the book."

"He can easily bring me all the beautiful things I have never experienced and longed for."

"I have thought more than once, how about I agree to Wang Ge? It would be nice to be with him, relaxed and free. I like him anyway, right?"

"It's like taking a shortcut in life and having a cheating device in life. As long as I nod my head and agree, my world will change dramatically, and those beautiful things will come one after another."

"But, nothing in this world is completely beautiful."

"If there is one, it must be a trap set by the devil to tempt people to fall."

"It's not that I'm lofty or ignorant. I insist on enduring hardship and disdain to take shortcuts."

"But what Wang Ge can bring me is only the shallowest level of beauty. They are based on Wang Ge's love for me. Once this love disappears, the beauty will be shattered in an instant, leaving a mess on the ground."

"I'm not doubting Wang Ge's feelings for me, it's just that, as I said to Wang Ge during the day, nothing in this world is eternal, and everything has a certain shelf life."

"My parents also fell in love a long time ago, and the smiles in the wedding photos were so sincere."

"But what now?"

"Whether you like it, hate it, love it, or hate it, these emotions based on human subjective emotions are the most perishable things. No matter how deep and unforgettable they are, they will gradually fade away under the erosion of time. ”

"Taking a step back, even if Wang Ge can always like me."

"But the beauty brought by others is not something that truly belongs to you after all."

"In life, one should not only be bound by these superficial things. In a long life, there must be something that is higher than others, higher than everything else. Even if you give up your life, you must pursue it."

"That is the beauty that truly belongs to you."

"For others, it may be an ideal, it may be justice, it may be love, or it may be a certain person or a certain thing."

"To me, that's freedom."

"It is the freedom to be unfettered and completely control your life."

"I have been restrained for too long. Growing up, my parents never let me do anything I really wanted to do. This led me to have an extreme desire for freedom, something I had never had. eager."

"I know this desire is not normal, maybe even a little misshapen."

"I don't want this abnormal desire to affect my normal judgment of feelings for Wang Ge. For this reason, I have asked my heart many times."

"What exactly do I want?"

"Is it the beauty that is within reach as long as you hug the person in front of you, or is it the desire for freedom that is deep in your heart?"

"What does the freedom I want look like?"

"Is it enough to just leave this family? Is it enough to be able to do something you like freely?"

“Through repeated self-questioning, self-reflection, and self-examination, I got the answer.”

"In the face of freedom, love and all the beauties it brings are so fragile, small, and vulnerable."

"Freedom is the entire meaning of the existence of this person named Chen Yanxi."

"Wang Ge likes me, doesn't that just mean he likes me? If one day, I give up my insistence on freedom, then the Chen Yanxi that Wang Ge likes will disappear, leaving behind nothing but ordinary people. A body without distinction.”

"Then he won't like me anymore, and the good things he brought to me will be shattered like a bubble."

"Like I said above."

"So, the logic is closed."

"And the freedom I want is definitely not that simple."

"Promise Wang Ge, of course I can rely on his strength to easily break away from the shackles of the family. But in this way, I will owe him something, our relationship will no longer be equal, and our feelings will no longer be pure."

"Isn't this just jumping from one cage into another?"

"All intimate relationships are a kind of shackles. I always liked to say this sentence before. Now, as my thoughts become more mature, I want to add a prefix to this sentence."

"All unequal intimate relationships are a kind of shackles. The deeper the bond, the stronger the shackles."

"It's not that I can't be with Wang Ge. Freedom and love don't conflict, but it must be based on equality."

"I am not ignorant or inflexible. If I were a mediocre person with nothing to do, if I was incapable of breaking free from the shackles of my family, I would naturally ask Wang Ge for help."

"But since I have the ability, I have to rely on my own ability to gain freedom."

"In this way, when we meet again one day in the future, I can stand opposite him as an equal and accept with a smile this incomparably pure feeling composed entirely of like and love."

"I might be with him, but definitely not right now."

"..."

"After reading the above diary again, I suddenly realized that I am really a selfish person."

"Relationships should be a matter between two people, but I have been thinking about myself."

"I need to reflect."

"..."

"I reviewed myself again and found that I didn't consider Wang Ge, probably because of that girl named Gu Panyan."

"I thought I didn't care about it, but I still felt a little uncomfortable and a little bit resentful towards Wang Ge, so I subconsciously didn't consider his feelings just now."

"——Obviously before, I always thought about compensating him or something."

"From this point of view, this may be regarded as 'jealousy'?"

"It's an interesting feeling."

Don't criticize me, don't criticize me. I don't understand many things. Please be more tolerant to me, a new author.

In addition, this chapter may be revised several times later, and some more beautiful words may be used to embellish it, but the specific plot will not change, so don’t worry

Finally, please read and vote~