[Net King] Take away my heart

Death is not the opposite of life, but exists forever as a part of life. ——Haruki Murakami

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To good news:

The rain is falling gently over the city.

This is a poem written by Verlaine after Rimbaud's death. The title of the poem is "Tears Flow from the Bottom of My Heart".

At the beginning of the poem, Rimbaud quotes this sentence: The rain falls gently over the city.

The rain is falling gently over the city... just such a short and sad sentence, but it is the only way he is trying to express his love at this moment.

'Tears are falling on my heart

like rain falling over the city

what kind of sadness

Come down on my heart like a thorn? '

The one he loves is dead, and the love that meant destruction and madness has long left him, but the incessant rain reminds him every moment that that lonely and sad soul once existed in this land, In the shortest time, it showed the world the most tragic and beautiful love story.

I like Rimbaud. Recently, I keep thinking of him, his poems, and his young and fleeting life.I will also think of Verlaine, when he looked up at the gray sky in the rainy city, his sad expression as if he had lost all hope.

Good news, I hate Verlaine, I even hate him, I hate his incompetence and weakness.But you're not like that, are you?In order to raise enough money to buy his out-of-print collection of poems, you quietly took on some jobs behind my back. You didn't tell me, and I wouldn't ask you, even though I found out early on.

You are a sensible child, but sometimes I think you are too sensible.Everything is suppressed, and everything is tolerated. When I told you that I hate Verlaine, you just kept silent.

You seldom tell me about your family, but I always complain to you about my parents.They quarreled again yesterday, my mother packed her luggage and went back to her parents' house, and my father started drinking again. They are really hopeless two people.

Listening to me go on and on about these annoying family chores all day long, you never showed any signs of impatience.No matter what I say, meaningful, meaningless, amusing, boring, you always have that faint expression.But occasionally, you will show a smile inadvertently, I don't think it's my illusion, you always like to listen to my speech, no matter what I say, you will listen carefully.

Good news, if you receive this letter, listen to me carefully again.Why can't you be more willful?

You are a person with feelings, and you even have more subtle insights than anyone else, but you are constantly suppressing yourself, suppressing your hatred, suppressing your sadness, and even suppressing your emotions for him.

You tolerate everyone who has hurt you around you, you value them, cherish them, and would rather suppress yourself than hate them.

But you are wrong, it's not that you are sorry for them, it is that they are sorry for you from the very beginning.

Remember the first phone call you made after I arrived in America?You were silent on the phone for a long time, only I kept talking about the new school, new home, and new environment.I know you are not good at speaking, so I told you later, don't make phone calls in the future, and write letters instead, that is our old profession.

At this moment, you finally spoke. You said that Yukimura's illness showed signs of sudden relapse, and he would be admitted to the hospital again. You didn't know what to do.You tried your best to hide your crying on the other end of the phone, but I still heard it.

I didn't comfort you much, because this kind of thing is not my specialty.After a few words, we hung up the phone. Since then, we have kept in touch with the most primitive way of sending letters.

I'm sorry, Jiayin, I can't be by your side to comfort you, and I can't say anything nice.I know your pain, but I cannot identify with it.

It's okay if Yukimura dies, it's a relief for you and your family in my opinion, isn't it?

In the past ten years, he has monopolized all the attention of your parents, because of him you were thrown to the countryside, because of him you were forced to separate from your parents, because of him you were not given the care you deserved since childhood.He has taken too many things from you, your family name, your relatives, your freedom and all the happiness you deserve.

I can't say these cruel words in front of you, I know that Yukimura is not a bad person who deserves to die, his illness is just another curse of fate.But this curse made your family spend more than ten years, separated from each other, estranged your family, exhausted your financial and material resources, but in the end you still had to face the empty ending.

Let him go, Jiayin, maybe God was destined to take him away?It's just that your parents are stubbornly defying God's will and insist on keeping him in the world.

You must be very sad to see me write this, but Jiayin, have you ever thought that you should be born to be a victim of the curse of Yukimura?You did not cause his illness, nor did you cause his misfortune. Why do you have to pay for it?You are just an ordinary person, you should get the care of your parents like all normal children, you should live a happier life, and you should have your own dreams... But you are imprisoned in the cage of your brother's unfortunate fate.

He doesn't deserve your stupid agreement.

You and I both know that Yukimura won't last long.God is willing to let him stay in the world for a while out of pity for your parents, but once the time is up, he will still go where he should go, which no one can stop.

Good news, everyone says that Yukimura is a near-perfect existence, he is favored by the heavens, possesses unparalleled talent and compassion—you see, isn’t this the truth?It is impossible for mortals to be as perfect as him, and his unreachable extraordinary talent is too close to the gods, so he does not belong to the world.

After writing so much, it seems that I hate Yukimura so much, and I just want him to die.In fact, it's not the case... I have no grievances or enmities with him, and we haven't spoken a few words in total. If there is no good news for you, the existence of this person is simply insignificant to me.

There are too many unfair things in this world, I can't take care of them one by one, and I can't take care of so many.But you, Good News, you are different.

You shouldn't be deprived of the right to happiness, as long as it's your business, as long as it's about your future and happiness, I can't just sit idly by.

Sometimes I feel sorry for you, and sometimes I am very angry with you, but most of the time, you are the one I want to protect and love from the bottom of my heart.

You know I can't let you go.

Even in this distant country, I still think about everything about you and Lihai.Have you ever resented me?Are you mad at me for leaving you and the Poetry Club behind?You always say nothing, you always accept everything as it comes.

Stay with me, try even if you know it's useless, don't say nothing, don't force yourself to accept everything, don't think that letting me go is for my own good.

On the surface it looks very chic, but you must know that I also have reluctance and helplessness.I just can't act like a fool and cry and act like a baby, saying that I don't want to go, saying that I'm actually afraid of becoming a person.

Because my self-esteem does not allow me to show weakness.

Ah... so tired.Obviously just writing a letter, but as tired as after running 5000 meters.Looks like I'm almost at the limit too.

Originally, I wanted to write something for Lian Er and Jack, but it should be another day.

I will write to you again.