Two or three things about having a crush on Mr. Dazai

Oda was stunned: "...will you die if you don't see it?"

I nodded solemnly: "Yes."

Oda: "Then I can only promise you."

Me: "Please."

Minors are not allowed in the tavern alone (except for Dazai?), maybe if accompanied by an adult guardian.

Oda: "I don't guarantee that Dazai will come tonight."

"It's okay," I said with certainty. He'll be there.

I drank another sip of wine, and felt as if I was in the clouds, full of pride, there was nothing I couldn't do, and there was no one I wanted to see but couldn't see.

Then I had a long dream.

In the dream, I coerced Oda to take me to find Mr. Dazai, and I would die if he didn't take me there, but he had no choice but to obey.

I was led by Oda into the tavern, and when I passed the corner, I saw Mr. Dazai sitting in the old seat, with a medical crutch leaning against the bar.

I thought to myself that this dream has realistic logic. Not long ago, Mr. Dazai broke his leg when he fell off a cliff in a fast car.

As soon as I saw him, I broke away from Oda's hand, jumped down the stairs to the bar in three steps at a time, and grabbed Oda's seat—the seat on Dazai's right. He slapped the table: "A glass of ×× brand ×× milk!"

Everyone in the dream was shocked by my boldness, especially the old bartender in a red vest.

He seemed to say something: "Sir, there is no milk here." Since I didn't hear clearly, I pretended that he didn't speak.

There was some tingling in the palms, but that wasn't the point.

The point is that Mr. Dazai seldom showed a dazed expression. He raised his glass halfway and didn't let it go or let it go. He looked at me and blinked.

"What, what's going on, Odasaku?"

He walked over to me and asked Oda behind him.

Oda sat on my right side, sandwiching me with Dazai, and said, "Takeshita wants to see you."

He added mildly: "He had a drink just now—that's what it is."

Add another sentence: "Two mouthfuls."

"I do not have."

I retorted aggrievedly, "I can only sneak in even if I come in, how could I order wine."

Oda shrugged at Dazai.

Dazai tilted his head, sighed, "It's troublesome."

"Life is the process of creating troubles and solving them. Without troubles, there is no life."

In the dream, I was talking loudly to Mr. Dazai.

"Little troubles like this are not worth mentioning."

"Then what's the big trouble?"

Dazai put his hand on his cheek and asked with interest.

"The big trouble is... not being able to find love."

I say with absolute certainty.

What a wonderful dream, I thought wistfully.I was actually able to sit at the bar counter with Mr. Dazai in the middle of the night, like a pair of ordinary friends, chatting ordinaryly like he and Oda before.

After all, in my impression, Mr. Dazai's attitude towards me is always cold and disgusting, and he will drive me away with a cold tone, and there is no trace of nostalgia when he turns around.

It's amazing, this dream.

I am so happy that I want to cry.

I never had the opportunity to say so much to Mr. Dazai without being turned off by him.He even responded with simple answers.

My consciousness was fuzzy, but I still seized the opportunity to tell Mr. Dazai in my dream.

I said to Mr. Dazai, you said I am a dog, I do not agree.I am not a dog.I have seen many dogs during my mission, and I am different from them.They're certainly not as smart as me anyway.Dogs don't have minds, but I do.A dog wouldn't feel bad being called a dog, but I would.

I told Mr. Dazai that the tolerance of humans and animals is different, and the tolerance of humans is different.Animals are driven by instinct and cannot restrain their desires.When people ask for something, they will be patient.

Dazai asked, what about the difference in patience between people?

I said, the closer the wish is, the more patience one has, and the farther the wish is, the less patience one has.This involves a time variable, which is also one of the characteristics of human beings - human beings know that they will live for a long time, so they dare to make long-term wishes, but according to the principle that patience and time are negatively correlated, their wishes Often difficult to achieve.

Dazai said, oh, that sounds quite philosophical.So what if one's wish is to kill one's own time?

I said, isn't this you?Your wish is to die, to reach the end directly beyond all kinds of desires in the world.According to the average life span of ordinary people, death is a distant thing, so you don't have the patience to wait, so you actively seek it.And because it can be achieved at any time, you have enough patience to enjoy the pleasure of dying.

Dazai asked me, wouldn't that be weird?

I said, not surprising.Because you just think a century faster than the average person.Some people notice it when it happens, some people regret it after it happened, some people don't think about it after it happened, but Mr. Dazai counts everything before it happens.Looking too far, seeing death is also a normal thing.People who think faster than others are usually not understood by their contemporaries, but they are called geniuses by later generations.

Dazai laughed out loud when he heard the words, and said while laughing, did you hear that, Odasaku?What he said was really interesting!

Dazai asked again, what is your wish?

I said, my wish is to see Mr. Dazai.

Dazai teased, he is a century faster than ordinary people, how do you, an ordinary person, look at him?

I'm dissatisfied, can't I watch it because I'm an ordinary person?No matter where Mr. Dazai is, I will follow him.No matter what century.

I also said in the dream that since Mr. Dazai is my wish, I have infinite patience to fight life.But if he goes away and my wish is lost, my patience will also crumble to pieces.

Having said that, I feel wronged, and I will never leave Mr. Dazai so far, for such a long time, so long that he may disappear.Otherwise, it is completely putting the cart before the horse for me.

I said, in fact, it doesn’t matter if Mr. Dazai doesn’t agree with me, it doesn’t matter if he says I’m a dog, as long as I can look at him, I’m satisfied, and I’m about to go crazy if I don’t see him for half a month.

Dazai let out a oh, and said that it is so, your bottom line is quite low.

Dazai also asked Oda in the dream, how long do you think Takeshita can maintain such an idea?I have only met Takeshita a few times, how can he understand me so well?Why do you think he is chasing people like me?Neither love at first sight nor loyalty at first sight seem to make sense.

Oda didn't answer clearly, but said calmly as always that he was drunk.

So I thought to myself that this was indeed a dream.

Besides life and death, Mr. Dazai, how could there be so many things he doesn't understand?

When I asked, Dazai and Oda were speechless.

Dazai spread his hands and said, there are many things I don't understand, and you are one of them.

Mr. Dazai in this dream was so easy to talk, he neither scolded me as a waste of stupid dog nor pointed a gun at me.

My courage suddenly became infinite, and I slowly approached Mr. Dazai's face, looking at him obsessively.I smelled the faint smell of blood and medicine on his body, and I touched the hair next to his ear with my hand, it was really fluffy and soft.

Before my lips were about to fall to the gauze on his left cheek, the childish playfulness on his face faded, and he calmly covered my face with his hands, blocking my mouth.

I turned to licking his palm with the tip of my tongue, licking the line between the texture of his skin and the bandage.

Dazai raised his eyebrows and said, "It's not a puppy?"

I held the hand he gave me reverently in the palm of my hand, lowered my head and slowly rubbed my lips upwards.

There are rough bandages from the back of the hand to the forearm, but I am also very satisfied thinking that this is Mr. Dazai's bandage.

I put his hand on my cheek and said, I know when you got your medicine, I know when your bandages were changed, I know whether your bandages were tied from the left or the right, I know everything about you. all know.

In this too beautiful dream, I uttered those three words that caused me eternal pain in countless pasts and countless futures——

i love you.

Dazai asked, why?

I say:

No reason.

Because you are Mr. Dazai.

——Because you are the one who gave me everything.It is my god, the only belief I have in this world.

I asked again:

can i hug you

But got no answer.

"That's it."

This was the last sentence I consciously heard, and then I fell into a stupor unwillingly.

The dream is over.I think.

The next day I woke up in a strange place.

Someone called me: "Takeshita-kun, get up and have breakfast."

Narrow room, neat bedding.

There were 190 bumper cars clattering and crashing in my head, and I opened my eyes for a long time with stars in my eyes.

A man in a camel windbreaker, short brown-red hair, and a slight stubble stood beside me waiting for me.

"... Mr. Oda?"

"Ah. Good morning."

I jumped up and frowned: "I haven't seen Mr. Dazai yesterday."

I only had a very long dream, and I still forgot about it. The only thing I remember is the bubbling mood.

"You forgot?" Oda was a little surprised.

"What did I forget?" I was equally surprised.

"I took you to the bar last night, and you talked to Dazai for a long time. You kissed his hand, and you held on to his bandage. Oh, yes—you ordered a glass of milk to the bartender, and the bartender couldn't help it." Went to the store in the middle of the night to buy you a bottle. Here it is."

I looked back, and there was a bottle of familiar milk on the bed.

But successfully ordering a glass of milk at the bar is not the point.

The point is...

I, Mr. Dazai, chatted for a long time?

I, kissed, took his hand? ?

Me, pulling his bandage, no, let go? ? ?

?

? ?

???

How did I miss so much?

Why did I forget everything?

I just wanted to pinch my neck last night and shake it hard.

Aki Takeshita, you idiot, you didn't write down all these! ! !

Oda said: "I didn't expect you to drink in two mouths. In the future, be careful not to drink casually."

I:"……"

Why the hell did I drink last night.

Why should I drink when I can have a good chat with Mr. Dazai! ! ! ! !

Gan.

It may be that my resentment turned into substance or my ashamed expression shocked Oda Sakunosuke, and he comforted me carefully: "I really can't remember? Why don't you have breakfast first."

I asked Oda: "Did you bring me here last night?" This is obviously Oda's residence.

Oda: "Yes."

"How did Dazai-san react to me last night?"

Oda touched his chin: "It's probably a surprise."

Surprised...

very... amazing...

Oda: "Takeshita, don't cry. Don't cry, there are poached eggs and porridge for breakfast, delicious porridge. Qiu, calm down, Dazai is just surprised, and he doesn't dislike you. In fact, you chatted pretty well. Qiu, you Don't……"

He was weak: "Don't cry."