Two or three things about having a crush on Mr. Dazai

I lay down in the office in the Central Plains for a long time, until it was completely dark before I woke up from my stupor, took out my black coat and put it on.

——That is the jacket that Zhongyuan once used. As a tradition of the Port Mafia, the person who leads you into the organization will give you one of his items.

I'm too skinny and the coat doesn't fit me well.The hem of the clothes was as long as my knees, and the sleeves were longer than my straight arms, which just covered all the training scars.

But I'm quite satisfied, because this is very similar to Mr. Dazai.Mr. Dazai doesn't like to put his hands into his sleeves, so his sleeves often hang down like this.

I endured the pain in my heart and left the office step by step.The Hong Kong gangsters guarding the gate happened to be changing shifts, and an uncle in sunglasses greeted me: "Mr. Takeshita is leaving get off work so late today?"

"Yes."

I was hurt badly today and just got up.

He was the man who pointed a gun at me when I first came, and I met him a few times later, so it was fate.

"Your complexion is very bad, please take care of yourself." The uncle was quite enthusiastic.

"Thanks, I'll pay attention."

The quality of Hong Kong black members is commendable.

I walked out of the office in the Central Plains for a week in a row with a look of kidney deficiency, and my complexion became worse every day. According to their rumors, my identity ranged from a human sandbag to a tool for venting desires.

But when I walked past them, they stood majesticly wearing sunglasses, not even showing a trace of strangeness.

There are even such uncles who, regardless of the gossip, greet me with a few words and care about my body.

It's a pity that I'm going to disappoint his care. Under the strict training in the Central Plains, I don't see any possibility of keeping myself intact.

The next day, I went to the Hong Kong and Black Hospital for an examination and received the medicine. I rejected the nurse's suggestion to stay in the hospital for observation, and launched "Nullness" to find Mr. Dazai.

The training is so tiring that I have no extra energy to find it.Now the longing that has been suppressed for a whole week is about to move, almost crazy.

I secretly disobeyed my boss Nakahara Nakaya's request that "it is not allowed to use abilities outside of training", shuttled back and forth between the walls of the Hong Kong Building, drifted up and down, and hurried to every place where Mr. Dazai might exist.

no, no, no...

Even Nakahara Chuya and Mori Ogai met twice, where is Mr. Dazai?

Out of the field?

I am very unwilling, this is a rare day off, but I can't see him.

I searched all over the places where the mafia was active today, and finally had to admit with disappointment that Mr. Dazai had really gone out to work.

As the sun goes down, a wave of mafia heads home from get off work.I saw a familiar face, followed behind him sullenly.

The person I followed was Oda Sakunosuke, a member of the lowest rank of the Port Mafia, who dealt with boring chores all day long because of the creed of not killing people.

He also has an identity that I value - a friend who occasionally drinks with Mr. Dazai.

There is no one in Dazai-san's house, so I'll take another gamble.

I floated behind Oda and followed him to a tavern called Lupine.

It was dark, and kerosene lamps were lit in the tavern.

Oda walked down the stairs step by step, and when he turned the corner, he and I saw a figure in front of the bar playing with a wine glass with his fingers at the same time.

Mr. Dazai.

I can't tell what kind of coincidence this is. I have been to this tavern where Mr. Dazai frequents three times today, but I have never met him.

And when Oda came, Mr. Dazai was here.

"Hi, Odasaku."

Dazai yelled happily.

I also wanted him to call me "Hi, Takeshita" or "Hi, Qiu" happily, but I knew it was a dream.

Oda sat on Mr. Dazai's right, and the bartender put the glass of distilled liquor directly in front of him.

I floated carefully to the seat to the left of Mr. Dazai, making sure not to bump into him, and then silently listened to their exchange of trivial and casual things.

Dazai will have many vivid expressions in front of Oda, these expressions come from the real and jumping emotional reflection in his heart.

I'm too used to these, to any of Mr. Dazai's mood changes without warning, to his shrewdness in front of his subordinates, his cruelty in front of his partners, and his childishness in front of his friends.

But this time when he laughed lively in front of Oda, I actually felt a bit of jealous pangs.

"Hey, Odasaku, I met a puppy a few days ago." Dazai said.

Oda Sakunosuke: "Puppy?"

Dazai: "A puppy with blue eyes. It looks very well-behaved on the outside. It doesn't understand anything. Just because you glanced at it, it circled around you, as if it was going to jump at any time. Come up and lick your face."

blue eyes...

I realized something, and my heart beat a little faster.

"Really, what happened next?"

Oda was always like this, able to take Mr. Dazai's words without thinking.

"Later I drove him away," Dazai said.

"why?"

Good question!

I applaud Oda Sakunosuke in my heart.

"Because I don't want a dog in Port Mafia."

"It's a legitimate reason." Oda sighed.

"It is said that dogs are man's most loyal companions." Dazai shook the wine glass in his hand.

Oda: "There is such a saying."

"The kind of loyalty that seems to dedicate everything to you makes me have the illusion that he is my property or I am his property."

Dazai murmured dissatisfied.

"Hey, Oda Saku, is this kind of loyalty that you love at first sight really possible?"

"Your description is too metaphysical, I can't imagine it." Oda said, "... Maybe it exists. Love at first sight exists, let alone loyalty at first sight?"

"Well, it makes sense. However, love at first sight is the emotion that is most likely to appear and fade away, and it is often quite unreliable. I don't know that dogs are different from people."

Oda took a sip of his wine: "It's not like talking about a dog anymore."

"Who knows?" Dazai smiled and narrowed his eyes.

This topic ends here.

From the beginning to the end, I tensed my soul's body and listened carefully to every word.

Mr. Dazai said more than once that I am a dog.

—just a stray puppy.

—a puppy with blue eyes.

He knows my loyalty to him.

——As long as you are loyal.

——the kind of loyalty that seems to dedicate everything to you.

He doesn't like the way I look at him.

—Restrain your gaze and desire, Aki Takeshita.

——It seems that it will pounce on your face at any time.

——It actually gave me the illusion that I don't know whether he is my property or I am his property.

Mr. Dazai asked me to "use my brain", so even if I didn't meet his request, I tried to use my brain to think.

In the end I came to the conclusion:

"I want to hide my need for Mr. Dazai and my voyeurism."

Since I was born as a soul, following and watching "Osamu Dazai" has been my highest standard. It is too difficult for me to get rid of this habit.

But since I am human, I must do so.

Because I was too engrossed in thinking, I was almost accidentally bumped by Dazai who was stretching.

I fell back as if startled, and almost fell to the floor of the tavern.

When I got up, Dazai-san and Oda were about to leave.

They went to a western restaurant for dinner.

I was still quietly floating opposite Mr. Dazai, watching him eat as usual.

then……

I heard a "goo" from nowhere.

After examination, it was found that the embarrassing sound came from my own abdomen.

I'm hungry.

When I entered the state of "nothingness" and was running to find Mr. Dazai, I didn't dare to appear in the middle of it at will, for fear of being discovered by other subordinates of Chuya Chuya.

Except for the breakfast I ate during the hospital examination, I hadn't eaten all day.

I decided to try Mr. Dazai's dinner at this restaurant.

After confirming that Dazai and Oda had left completely, I appeared in the dark, walked into the restaurant, and sat in the seat where Mr. Dazai had just been, ordering.

"Have a mixed curry rice."

I thought while eating, this rice is really spicy.

It's so hot that I want to cry.

It must be crying hotly, not because I want to give everything of myself to a person, but he rejects me indifferently and holds doubts.

"you……"

familiar voice.It was a sound I had just heard in the tavern.

I froze in astonishment.

The hand holding the spoon also froze.

I looked up and saw a man with short brown-red hair, handsome features, and a slight beard standing in front of me.

Oda Sakunosuke.

I turned my head stiffly, I didn't see Mr. Dazai around him, and then slowly, slowly put my raised heart back to the original place.

And then I noticed Oda's gaze on me——

A handsome and thin boy, wearing loose and casual private clothes inside, and an overlong black coat outside, with bandages wrapped around his wrists in the same way as Dazai.

Sitting where Dazai was just now, eating the same curry rice as Dazai, weeping expressionlessly while eating.

"Azure blue eyes?"

I saw the doubt on Oda's face.

My gut told me he knew.

"Please keep it secret for me, please."

I lowered my voice, my voice was a little hoarse from the spicy food, and it sounded like I was sobbing uncontrollably.

"Who are you?" Oda asked me.

"I'm the dog he turned out," I heard myself say.

"Don't say that..." Oda seemed to have a headache, "What I want to ask is your name."

"My name is Takeshita Qiu."

"Takeshita-kun," Oda sat down next to me, and explained, "I came back to explain something to the boss."

So he won't tell Dazai about it.

I heard what he meant: "Thank you."

Oda silently watched me finish the plate of curry rice, and asked the boss for water and paper towels for me.

He is like a sea, with his own laws of ebb and flow, tolerant of your emotions without judgment.

I suddenly understood Mr. Dazai's desire to confide in front of Oda.

"Why is Mr. Dazai unwilling to accept my loyalty?"

I asked him involuntarily.

The man at the lowest level of the port mafia sighed softly, rubbed my head with his broad palm, and said in a voice without emotional ups and downs:

"Takeshita-kun, you are too young."

"...Let's recuperate well first."