Two or three things about having a crush on Mr. Dazai

half year later.

"Tuk, tuk, tuk..."

One afternoon, in the corner of Lupine’s underground tavern, I flicked the body of the milk bottle with my fingers, emptying my mind amidst the rhythmic sound.

Observing the bar from this corner is an excellent view, but the three figures I know well haven't appeared at the bar for half a year.

Whether it is Oda Sakunosuke who is sleeping peacefully on the hillside by the sea, Mr. Dazai who defected and left Hong Kong half a year ago and has never heard from him, or Sakaguchi Ango who has returned to work in the government's supernatural secret service.

And I still come here often.

But I don’t go to the seat in front of the bar, every time I sit in this corner that the old bartender dubbed the “milk place”.

The days without seeing Mr. Dazai seem to be the same as usual.Work at work, learn interrogation after get off work, occasionally go on a business trip to assassinate, and read books, study physics and do some hand sewing at home.

After recovering from his injury, he fought with Akutagawa, went to supervise Xiaoyin's training, and lived a busy life.

A few days ago, there was a heated discussion in Hong Kong and Heilongjiang about the "automatic note doll service".Automatic note doll service, that is, letter writing service.

It is said that the original "automatic note doll" is just a machine that can record the contents of the human voice in words and has the function of "writing on behalf of others". Later, it gradually became a synonym for letter writing service.

In this era of rapid communication development, people communicate less and less with pen and paper. One is that they are unwilling to be bothered, and the other is that they don't know how to put their thoughts into words.

And "automatic handwriting doll service" has professional and beautiful girls who organize language to write letters according to customers' requirements and convey customers' ideas, making letter writing a very convenient thing.

When people's need for writing letters is aroused, the "automatic memorization doll service" became popular for a while and became very popular.

The Hong Kong and Black members who have experienced it are full of praise, and word of mouth spreads internally.

Among the postal companies with "automatic handwriting doll service", CH Postal Company is one of the companies with excellent reputation. The most important thing is that it claims to have a guarantee: as long as the letter has an addressee, it can be delivered.

Hearing this, I was directly escalated from curiosity to heartfelt about this service of writing and sending letters on behalf of me.

In the past six months, I have thought too much, and there are too many things I want to tell the person who disappeared after defecting.

Although I have reservations about whether they can find Mr. Dazai, I am willing to give it a try.

This afternoon, I made an appointment with a "doll" girl from CH Postal Company. It is said that she is very famous in the field of automatic note dolls, and her business level is extremely excellent.

What kind of letter will the "doll" who can see through the heart of the customer write for me?

I am looking forward.

From the window, I saw a girl with a brown trolley bag and a snow-white dress outside. I guessed that someone from the C.H. postal company had arrived.

I left the half-drunk milk on the table, flipped over the chair blocking the way and walked out.

I shouted to the bartender: "Don't take my stuff, I'll be right back."

Old bartender: "Okay—"

It was daytime, and Lupine's store sign was not lit.Under the old lampboard, stood a young girl.

She has the delicate features of a doll, her silky blonde hair tied in a bun and tied with a crimson ribbon.There is an emerald brooch on the chest.The snow-white silk skirt is very gorgeous, but the brown leather boots on the feet look neat.

She is about the same age as me, about fifteen or sixteen, much younger than I imagined.

The "doll" girl's ocean-like blue pupils were calm and unwavering, meeting my same blue eyes as hers.

"Excuse me, are you Master Takeshita?"

Her voice is crisp, as perfect as her appearance but without substance.

I said: "Yes."

The girl put the heavy-looking trolley bag on the ground, took a step back, lifted the hem of the skirt with both hands and leaned over to me:

"When we meet for the first time, as long as the customer is interested, no matter where they are, they can come to the door-service. I am the automatic note doll service, Violet Evergarden."

The lady doll is well-mannered, and the whole set of actions is very pleasing to the eye.

"Hello, Miss Eve Garden."

Violet: "May I ask where we work?"

"It's in this tavern." I was about to lead her in, when I turned around again, "Would you like to help carry this bag?"

It looks really heavy after all.

Violet politely declined: "Thank you sir, I can do it myself."

I took Violet down the winding stairs and entered the interior of the tavern. When I got to my seat in the deepest corner, it seemed as if I had entered night from day.

I asked: "The light here is very dim, will it affect your work?"

Violet said: "No, please rest assured."

Sounds pretty reliable, worthy of a professional and well-known puppet.

When Violet took the typewriter out of the trolley case and put it on the table, I couldn't help being secretly surprised.

In this day and age, there are still people using this kind of old-fashioned typewriter. "Automatic Memo Doll Service" is really a nostalgic business in every way.

However, it also makes sense.It is really inconvenient to use paper and pen to write a letter, but if you carry a laptop and printer with you, it is too modern, and you don't feel like writing a letter.

I ordered a glass of milk for Violet, who was sitting across from me, and she started working.

"Then, to ask you some information I need."

"First and foremost the recipient's name."

"Osamu Dazai." I said, "You should write 'Mr. Dazai' when addressing you."

"Yes. Can I write Aki Takeshita as the signature?"

"can."

"What is your relationship with Mr. Dazai?"

"He is someone I...have admired for a long time."

"Understood, then we will start writing the text. Please take care of me."

She leaned slightly towards me, and then took off the brown gloves, revealing her fingers—metal mechanical prosthetics.

A letter writer with disabled arms?

Violet seems to have a story.

But that's beside the point.The point is, what should I write to Mr. Dazai?

"Mr. Dazai..."

After I said this name that I had silently recited countless times in my heart every day, my throat suddenly choked and I couldn't speak.

"Can I double check that you can deliver the letter just by giving the recipient's name?"

"Yes, as long as the name is correct and is the current name, and the location clue of the recipient is provided, we can deliver it for you."

"Can I ask how you did it?"

"Sorry, this involves the secrets of our business. Don't worry, my lord, we have our own reliable way to find people."

"it is good."

I guess it might be some kind of supernatural power.

I lowered my eyes, set my sights on the girl's mechanical fingers, and whispered a little coyly: "Mr. Dazai, I miss you very much..."

I imagined the bandaged hands of the handsome young man with brown hair and the white fingertips holding the letter when he received the letter, and my thoughts suddenly surged and became out of control.

"I really want, I miss..."

Violet tapped flexibly on the keys of the typewriter, and I knew she would organize better and more suitable words for me.

"Are you still alive?"

As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I knew that this sentence was too abrupt.I said to Violet, "Sorry, I don't want this sentence."

Violet put another sheet of paper on the typewriter.

"Everything is fine in Mafia. Mr. Nakahara hasn't encountered a strong enemy who needs to use 'dirty'. Akutagawa is still so brainless and violent, but he can't beat me. After you left, I shared some of your work, and the leader gave me a raise Also, I have been following Little Silver's training..."

Suddenly thought of something, I knocked on the table in pain: "I'm sorry, please delete this entire paragraph."

Mr. Dazai is defecting!Not resign!

He has given up his status as a cadre and left. Would he still want to hear the news about Hong Kong blacks?

And, to be honest, I didn't want to mention anyone else in my letter to him.

Whether it's Akutagawa, Little Silver, or Nakahara Chuya.

Violet silently took out another blank sheet of paper.

My eyes went over to the bar.

"You haven't been to Lupine for a drink in a long time."

A scene of Dazai in a black suit and black jacket talking and laughing with Oda Sakunosuke seemed to appear in front of his eyes, and then Dazai lay on the table with his hands on his cheeks under the complaints of Ango Sakaguchi.

The "ding" sound of the wine glasses colliding is so clear and melodious.

……

"puff"

The memory bubbles are mercilessly disillusioned.The scene of the three people clinking glasses disappeared suddenly, replaced by:

"Osamu Dazai suddenly lost contact during a simple field mission. He has been missing for five days and is confirmed to have defected to the port of Mafia."

Yes, he defected.

Of course, it is impossible to go back to this place and let me check in every day to watch him in a daze like before.

I dejectedly said to the blond girl in front of me, "I'm sorry, I don't need this sentence."

This is bullshit.

"How much have you written now?"

Violet raised her mechanical hands slightly from the typewriter, and said, "Mr. Dazai, I miss you very much."

The cold voice spoke a cold sentence.

"...Forget it, it's too difficult to write. If you don't come here today, I won't get back your deposit." I took a sip of milk sadly, emptied the milk carton in one breath, and said sourly, "Anyway You can't find him either."

"My lord, wait a moment."

The wrist was wrapped in a cold touch, and it was Violet who grabbed me with the mechanical hand.

"If you don't try it, how do you know you can't find it?"

Violet's ocean-like blue eyes looked at me fixedly, and said calmly: "I have strong longing in my heart, and this emotion can convey a thousand words."

"Okay." I took a deep breath, "Wait a minute, I'm going to order a beer."

The old bartender served the wine and reminded: "Mr. Xiao, you will be drunk at most three sips of this wine."

The bartender knew me well.

I said helplessly, "I know."

Under Violet's gaze, I drank three sips of beer in a toast, the taste of the beer spread in my mouth, and the bitterness made me frown.

"Let's start over." I said to Violet.

While writing the letter, for some reason I started talking to Violet.

I asked, "You used to be a soldier, right?"

Violet: "Yes. How did you find out?"

Me: "I have fought against soldiers. You have a similar temperament to them."

Violet: "Your observation skills are very meticulous."

Me: "But they are different from you. They are a group of desperadoes. They lost their identity on the battlefield. They kept looking for people to fight in order to die. They were so strong that they dragged my only family member into the water."

Violet: "I'm sorry."

Me: "There is a person whose observation ability is much more detailed than mine. He can see through everything in this world."

Violet: "Is that Mr. Dazai?"

Me: "How do you know?"

Violet: "You only speak in such admiring tone when you talk about him."

"That's it." My drunkenness and tears surged together, Violet's facial features became hazy, only the gemstone brooch on her chest was shining with emerald light.

"Have you ever waited for someone, Violet?"

"Yes, there have been."

"I don't know where I'm going, I don't know whether I'm going to die or not?"

"Yes."

"Do you love him?"

"……Love."

Violet looked down at her blue-green brooch.

Surprisingly, this girl of the same age as me also had the same experience, and also loved a distant person.

"I love Mr. Dazai deeply, and I have loved him for many years."

The secret hidden deep in my heart couldn't help pouring out when facing such a young girl who didn't know the cause and effect and had no expression on her face.

"But he was always rejecting me."

Violet: "Always rejecting?"

She repeated the statement.

I explained: "Yes, always rejecting - Mr. Dazai either thinks that my feelings for him cannot last long, or thinks that I love him irrationally. So he will not be happy because of my love, and he is not willing to accept my love .”

Violet repeated in a low voice: "You won't feel happy because of your love...?"

Me: "Yes, he always doesn't want to see me, and even satirizes me many times."

It seems that from the very beginning, Mr. Dazai has never given me a good face, even though everyone knows that I am wholehearted and unswerving to him.

If he was happy about it, how could he hate me so much?

Violet looked confused.

She said: "For a long time in my life, I didn't know the existence of 'love', I didn't know what 'love' was, and I searched hard for it."

I'm all ears.

"The emotion of 'love' is indeed very complicated, and people will have all kinds of pain because of 'love'."

When I heard this, I nodded in agreement.

"But," Violet continued, "'love' will definitely make people feel happy. Even if it's just for a moment, even if it's only a little bit, it's still happiness. Otherwise, this kind of emotion wouldn't be called 'love' .”

She looked at me and said, "Your beloved Mr. Dazai, no matter what kind of person he is, no matter what he thinks of you, he must have been happy and satisfied because of your love."

Even if Mr. Dazai questioned my love for him as "the love of a dog for its master", even if he said that my love is "like a mad dog, like a wild beast" and "without bottom line and personality"?

"Even so."

Violet said in a calm voice.

——Even so, Dazai Osamu will feel a moment, a little bit of happiness and satisfaction because of the fact that Takeshita Akira loves him.

Violet promised so.

I cried and laughed: "Violet, thank you."

Violet's blue eyes seemed to soften, she reflected my crying figure in the dark underground tavern, and said, "Your feelings are very sincere. Don't underestimate yourself."

We spent a whole afternoon in Lupine.During the period, I refilled Violet's milk twice and ordered three glasses of beer for myself.

Violet's letter was really well written.Although she always has a calm expression, she is a very delicate girl.

My mood was completely seen through by her, and it was all condensed on that piece of paper.

When the sun was setting, I said goodbye to Violet: "Thank you for helping me write the letter."

Violet: "Thank you for your hospitality. I will personally deliver the letter to Mr. Dazai."

I told her to go to the government to find Ango Sakaguchi, he may have clues to Mr. Dazai.The government is the only place where the port mafia's intelligence bureau is hard to get into.

I reminded: "When you go to Sakaguchi Ango for questioning, you must mention my name, otherwise you will be blocked."

"Violet, if...if you really meet Mr. Dazai, please tell him that you are just a messenger and did not disclose his address to me."

I added: "This city is dangerous at night, please be careful."

Violet: "Yes, I made a note."

There was a slight smile on her lips: "Although you haven't heard any news from Mr. Dazai after he left, you never seem to suspect that he is still alive in this world."

I smiled wryly: "How could it be? I doubt it every second. He is a suicide fanatic."

Violet said: "After the major disappeared on the battlefield, everyone thought he was dead. But the word missing has a glimmer of hope, isn't it?"

I nodded.

Major is to Violet, to some extent, Mr. Dazai is to me.

Her misfortune is that she didn't understand the major's feelings for her until he disappeared, and my misfortune is that there is no possibility of her feelings being reciprocated.

However, there is a silver lining in everything.

Violet said: "Then, as Mr. Dazai said, take good care of yourself and live while you wait."

I agreed, "You're right."

Violet lifted her skirt and leaned over to me: "Master Takeshita, thank you very much for using the automaton note service. See you next time."

The blond girl carrying a trolley suitcase left, stepping into the sunset of Yokohama.The snow-white skirt and the crimson ribbon behind her head swayed with the steps.

I bid farewell to Violet, the excellent "Automatic Memo Doll" of the C.H Postal Company, a new friend with whom I exchanged thoughts on an ordinary afternoon.

In the evening, I hadn't sobered up yet, so I drank two more glasses while I was in the mood.

When the old bartender handed me the wine, he sighed in embarrassment.

"Mr. bartender, please trust my wine quality." I said.

The old bartender chuckled: "I trust your wine quality, but I don't trust your drinking capacity. According to this drinking method, you may not be able to wake up tomorrow."

I:"……"

I drank too much, and I really couldn't sleep in the middle of the night, driving around Yokohama in the void.

Floating to a tall building, I somehow feel that the scenery is a bit familiar.

After thinking about it, I picked out one of the scenes from my memory - this is the building that Mr. Dazai once jumped!

Looking down from the top of the 50-story building, the streets are dotted with lights and shadows.

When Mr. Dazai jumped, what kind of scenery did he see?

I was suddenly excited, lifted the "nothingness" and walked to the edge of the building, stepping on the guardrail.

Opening my arms, with my back to the ground, I closed my eyes and fell straight down.

The wind howled in my ears.

In the piercing wind, I seemed to hear a few discordant screams from the ground.

The next second, the speed of my descent suddenly slowed down, and my body was wrapped into a fiery embrace, which blocked the biting cold evening wind.

I opened my eyes in a daze, and saw a black hat, orange-red hair tails, and a handsome face blackened into the bottom of a pot.

Zhong Yuanzhong also roared in mid-air: "Takeshita Qiu! You fucking! Teach me like that suicidal maniac! Jumping off a building in the middle of the night looking for death! Tired of life, aren't you!!!"

I:"……"

No, Mr. Nakahara, I can explain this.

But Zhongyuan looked like he was going to explode with anger.

I followed my drunken intuition, reached out and hugged him, put my head into his shoulder and rubbed it.

Chuya Nakahara's body froze, and he hugged me and fell steadily to the ground from the mid-air of the 50-storey building.

The author has something to say: (a small theater that has nothing to do with the text)

Qiu: Change paper and rewrite

Violet: Sir, add more money (inner heart: this order is too paper-consuming)

Autumn:……

ps: the letter can be delivered

Yes, this is the private setting w