Two or three things about having a crush on Mr. Dazai

I didn't realize my existence until I met the man named "Osamu Dazai".

In other words, all my thinking, senses, consciousness, and cognition of the world all started from "Osamu Dazai".

I seem to have missed him deeply, so this name wakes me up.

Due to my later habits, please allow me to refer to him as "Mr. Dazai" in the following narration.

When I met Mr. Dazai for the first time, he was a boy of about twelve or thirteen years old.

He is thin and thin, with short brown hair that is fluffy and slightly curly, and has a very delicate and beautiful face, but there are a pair of lifeless eyes, from time to time flashing cold irony.

There are many small wounds on his body, the deepest one is on the wrist, and the arteries are deeply intertwined, which he usually covers up with bandages.

The land where he is located is called Yokohama, a city by the sea.

Yokohama is very chaotic. When night comes, arms, conflicts, and melee can be seen everywhere.

And these can't pose any threat to Mr. Dazai, even, he is like a fish in water here, playing around with those who try to hurt him.

Almost all of his scars come from self-mutilation. I often see him staring at the void one second, thinking about it, and then performing unimaginable self-mutilation behaviors the next second.

I couldn't make a sound, let alone stop it.

Because I'm just a soul with no form and no body, no one knows.

I can only silently stare at everything about him.

Watching him use his superb acting skills to make a living for himself;

Watch him use words to get the information he wants from any population;

Watching him use his "nullified" ability to fight against others;

Watching him alone and silently looking at the sky;

Watching him lying in the dust and mud covered in blood after frantically seeking death.

Over time, no matter how unimaginable his behavior is, it seems to me that he has become accustomed to it.

But I can never guess Mr. Dazai's mind.

Even if I use a body that I can't see, lie beside him, and look at the same sky with him, I don't know whether he is happy or worried at the moment.

Indeed, I am a soul, I can go to heaven and earth, and I can go anywhere, but this is meaningless.

I haven't felt my mood swings for a long time. No matter where I go, the only thing I think about is "everything is boring", except for being with Mr. Dazai.

I am a wandering spirit without a body, and cannot feel the passage of time.The changes I have observed in Mr. Dazai tell me that I have followed him for more than three years.

I know everything that Mr. Dazai has experienced.

For example, he testified for the succession of the current head of the Port Mafia;

For example, he got acquainted with a powerful partner named "Central Plains Chuya";

For example, he became the youngest ever candidate for leadership of the Port Mafia.

Another example is his every attempted suicide from the age of 13 to 16.

Mr. Dazai is very smart - this is not my judgment, but the evaluation of him by the mafia members of the port where he works.

To describe Mr. Dazai as smart seems to be a bit underestimated. A more accurate evaluation is——

"Inhuman wisdom", and "For Dazai's enemies, the greatest misfortune is that the enemy is Dazai".

His plan was exhaustive, and he had noticed the clues before the events that had been separated for half a year.

After Mr. Dazai became a cadre, almost half of the newly gained benefits of the port mafia were attributable to Mr. Dazai-of course, this was later.

At the same time, there were more wounds on his body, if the bandages were not wrapped enough, scarlet blood would easily ooze out.

Sorry, please forgive me for telling these stories, which may have ups and downs, so bluntly and uninterestingly.

However, this is unavoidable.

Before obtaining a body, as a soul, I didn't have any strong emotional impulses or subjective thoughts.

Yes, get a body.

Two years after Mr. Dazai joined the Port Mafia;

After I have existed in the world as a soul for more than 1000 days and nights;

When I thought I would follow Mr. Dazai in silence forever until his death——

I actually met Mr. Dazai.

It was a cloudy day.

Mr. Dazai fell in the open warehouse after throwing off the enemy's pursuit.

Like every time he closes his eyes, I feel a little lost.Because when he can't move, I can't move either.

"Boom--"

This time is different.

Thunder, lightning and the gloomy sky indicated that a heavy rain was coming, and the sound of the wind was already as shrill as bullets fired or swords slashed across.

If Nakahara Chuya, Mr. Dazai's partner, hadn't arrived within 10 minutes, no, maybe within 3 minutes, Mr. Dazai, who was injured and out of strength, would be thoroughly doused by the torrential rain.

I squatted beside Dazai, watching him lying on his back on the ground, closing and opening his eyes, his eyes were distracted, and he made an inexplicable humming sound.

The rainstorm is coming.

Raindrops fell, passed through my consciousness, and hit Dazai.

I floated above Mr. Dazai, trying to cover him, but my efforts proved futile.

"pain……"

Dazai murmured.

An annoyance suddenly climbed into my heart.

He has brought the whole world to me, but I am too useless to hold him back from a single drop of murderous rain.

Mr. Dazai and I looked at each other, but he couldn't see me.

Suddenly, Mr. Dazai's pupils shrank suddenly, whether there was raindrop falling into Mr. Dazai's eyes.

Then, I was sent flying by a red light.

"Hello—who?!"

Zhongyuan Zhong also came.

I was slightly confused.

Not only because of his uncontrollable bouncing away from Mr. Dazai, but also because of the question from Chuya Nakahara.

Apart from Dazai and Nakahara, there was no third person in this open-air warehouse.

I stopped at the corner of the warehouse, surrounded by a huge iron frame covered with rust.

I want to approach Mr. Dazai again—as I have done countless times before.

however--

I lifted my foot.

I lowered my head slowly and saw my feet.

Bare-naked, fair and slender.

The soul has no feet.

I immediately realized that I was standing on the ground, and the touch of my feet on the ground was transmitted to the brain center after a while. This feeling was so strange that I knelt down without remembering how to exert force.

I knelt down and still tried my best to crawl in the direction of Dazai and Nakahara.

"what?"

Zhong Yuan frowned, and another red light hit.

I didn't get shot this time.

"Hey Dazai, who is this?"

He kicked Dazai's waist viciously, and pointed in my direction with his finger.

He... can see me?

Dazai slowly got up from the ground, looked in my direction, and said lightly, "Who? I don't know, I don't know. There is actually someone here?"

"He just pressed on you, don't you know there is someone here? Be a little more serious, bastard!"

Dazai came over unsteadily and knelt down in front of me who was kneeling.

This is a picture I never imagined.

Since I was born.

Zhong Yuan muttered, "Don't get so close!", but was not noticed by anyone except him, and then he also approached me vigilantly.

At this point, my attention was completely on Dazai-san, and I was shocked by my materialization, and I reached out to Dazai-san.

"Snapped!"

Dazai knocked off my hand with his bandaged hand.

I'm not upset; I'm pleasantly surprised.

For the first time... touched him.

Mr. Dazai stretched out a finger, shake it to the left, I can see the left, and shake it to the right, I can see the right.

He seemed to see something interesting and smiled: "Who are you?"

I opened my mouth, but made no sound.

I can't make a sound.

Existing in the state of a spirit for so long, I forgot how to stand, and how to use human vocal cords.

Nakahara Chuya: "What's the background of this kid? Why do you keep looking at you?"

"Ghost knows."

Sure enough, it is Mr. Dazai, and what he says casually can be very close to the truth.

"Want to follow me?"

Dazai asked.

It was an urge to cry, and I nodded as hard as I could.

A disdainful chuckle came from in front of me.

Dazai let out a "heh", and bent his exposed left eye, as if seeing something ridiculous.

Then, he turned his head like this, and said to Nakahara Chuya without hesitation: "Let's go."

"……he?"

"Leave him alone—we'll talk about it later."

Then walk away.

Dazai didn't look back, instead his partner gave me a complicated look that resembled pity.

"Port Mafia."

Zhong Yuan said casually.

"Let's go, Chuya. Of course, I don't care if you want to stay here for a while."

"What, you think I came to this ghostly place in the rain to save someone—damn it! You don't need me to come here at all!..."

So Zhongyuan also left.

I watched their figures disappear from my sight, and the spirit wanted to follow them; but the body was heavy and limbless, and I could only kneel in the detritus of rusted steel in the corner of the warehouse.

Slowly, the torrential rain became heavier and heavier, and the raindrops fell like swords and bullets.

I touched my wet skin and felt the biting cold of the wind blowing on my body.

I crawled to the place where Mr. Dazai had just lay down, and lay there for a while in the same position until Mr. Dazai's blood and smell were washed away in the rain.

The rain hit the eyes and it hurt.

Then it flows down the corners of the eyes, into the temples, and into the ears.

On this bad and good rainy day, I got my new life.