do not speak

I'm Su Yao.

Actually, I didn't have this name before. In other words, I didn't have a name before.

I grew up in an orphanage.Most of the children here come in because their parents have an accident, but I am different, I was thrown out.

I often have headaches recently, it seems that once I get a pain, I will forget some past events, but every time I forget something, I will remember something else.

For example, I always dreamed of that stormy night, I ran behind a bicycle with bare heels for a long, long time, crying until my voice became hoarse, but I could only watch it go further and further away.

The one who didn't look back was the one who gave birth to me, she wanted me to die.

How old was I then?I don't remember this one.

I squatted on the side of the road and cried for a while, and then was picked up.It was a fat woman with crooked eyes when she smiled, and she looked like a good person.

In Su He's words, what I call this is—the scourge left behind for a thousand years.

The woman was the director of a nearby orphanage.She arranged a dormitory for me and prepared a lot of daily necessities, but I don't really appreciate her favor.

The kids who live with me are too noisy, they always pull me to play silly games; the toothbrush prepared for me is too rough, it will scratch my gums and lips.

I don't know if it was because I was bullied by the older children in the orphanage, and my temper became more and more irritable.I trimmed my nails to be pointy, and scratched anyone's face whenever they approached. Sometimes they would call a group of people to take revenge, and I took out the broken glass that I had hidden under the pillow in advance, and ran after them.

I really want to kill them.

Everyone said I was mentally ill, but the dean still didn't believe it.I will always be well-behaved and obedient in front of her, not to mention that I am already very likable because I am good-looking.

In fact, I have no concept of the word "good-looking", but all the children who failed to sue and were kicked out of the office by the principal would say to me with disdain: "Aren't you just good-looking?"

So I added another weapon called "Looking Good".

Occasionally, someone comes to adopt a child, and every time I do this, I will dress myself up and pretend to be casually close to them.But my clothes were donated by others, and my hair was randomly tied by myself. No matter how I look at it, I am no different from other children. The first thing they notice is that I am much thinner than others.

"Is there something wrong with this child?"

"Her eyes looked a little scary."

Adults are really sensitive and complicated creatures. They are more hypocritical than the aunts in the orphanage when they pick up their children, for fear that they will suffer the slightest loss.I also didn't like the look in their eyes, so afterwards whenever someone came to the orphanage, I found a place to hide myself.

One day I was lying on the roof basking in the sun, the sunlight in front of me suddenly disappeared.

A man looked down at me for a while, then stretched out his hand: "Isn't it cold on the ground?"

He doesn't look old.And he smiled really nicely, I held his hand in a strange way, and shook my head.

On a July day, the ground was scorching hot.

The two of us talked a lot, and finally he asked me, "Would you like to come with me?"

"Are you going to be my dad?"

He nodded and said he liked me very much.

No one has ever said that he likes me, so I left with him.

At that time, my personality was already very twisted.

I am constantly irritable and like to catch stray cats and dogs to break their legs and break their teeth.The wailing and blood calms me down and sparks a little bit of pleasure.But the living things in the orphanage are really limited. I couldn't find anything to abuse, so I had to self-mutilate.

I've often wondered if my biological parents had figured out that I was crazy before throwing me out.

The man didn't ask me if I was sick, didn't mention my background, and didn't ask why I was wearing long sleeves and trousers in such a hot weather, he just took me to the dean's office and processed the adoption formalities.

I was seven years old that year.

Once again, I walked on the road I walked when I was a child. The difference is that this time instead of chasing the car, I sat in the car and laughed.

The door is opened by the hostess.She was very happy when she saw me, kept praising me for being good-looking, pulled me to freshen up, said something quickly that I didn't remember, and brought me into her room.

I was wearing brand-new clothes, my hair and body were fragrant, but the way the hostess looked at me changed.

When I was taking a shower just now, she saw large and small wounds on my body, half of which were on my wrists.

"I was beaten a lot in the orphanage."

She obviously didn't believe the story.

My adoptive father still likes me very much, he will say good morning and good night to me every day, and he will ask me for a kiss before going to work.

Then they let me go to school.The kids in the school were no cuter than the ones in the orphanage. I fought with them a lot, and no one could beat me.

My father came to school more and more, but he never taught me a lesson.He gave the principal a lot of money, so much money that I could run amok in school.

But even so, I don't want to go to school.

The most frightening thing is that I can't see him making out with his mother more and more.

I cling to my father to sleep with him, hogging his hugs and kisses and enjoying it.

In fact, I don't like this man very much, and I don't have the habit of falling asleep without hugging him. I just like to see that woman angry.

I seem to have a natural aversion to women.

How much do you hate her?Probably because I locked the door when I saw a fire in the house outside the door.

But I never expected that my father, who had already gone to work, turned back to get his things, and then rushed into the monstrous sea of ​​flames without hesitation.

My favorite color devours my favorite people.

I have nothing again.

If you don't want to enter the orphanage, you have to run away.

I wandered the streets for three days, and when I was so hungry that I couldn’t stand, two men came up to me and asked me where my parents were.

"All dead."

My adoptive father once gave me a name, but that too was eaten by the fire, so I told them I don't have a name.

They call me "Su Yao".

At that time, I hadn't been in junior high school yet, so I didn't know any allusions to "My Fair Lady", only that the name was awkward and difficult to write.

Later, one of them went abroad, and "father" and I continued to live together.

He said his name was Su He.

I think our names match well.

Then I found out, not just the names, but we were exactly the same people.

He's a murderer, and I love blood and howling.

Life in high school was really boring. To have some fun, I joined the student union and later became the president.

You all know what happened next.

I live a life full of stars, everyone wants to curry favor with me, and when I am in a good mood, I will hang out with them.

I have been to a coffee shop called "Meet".

Here I met a girl.

She was like my real mother.

My name is Deng Lili.

I was born in a very small place, my family was poor, and life was hard.

In fact, my childhood was no different from that of most poor children. I studied hard while helping the family, and occasionally lay in the fields and dreamed of becoming a leader.

Coincidentally, I was admitted to a key high school by accident, and I actually went to report.

It was also from this time that I realized that I had an unknown story.

There were a lot of freshmen who came to register, and my mother waited in line with me to fill out the form.After waiting for half an hour, there was no sign of the front team moving. Halfway through, my mother went to the toilet, and when she came back, she was a little bit out of her wits.

"Mom, what's wrong?"

"fine."

He said he was fine, but sweat was already dripping from his forehead.

She is not in good health, and although she never told me about the root cause of her illness from working all the year round, I know it well.

So I quickly filled out the form and went home with her.

She later told me that she saw a girl at school who looked a lot like my sister.

I never knew I had a sister.

"At that time, the family was poor, your sister was weak, and she was ill every day, and it was impossible to cure..."

I listened to the meaning of her words and felt chills all over my body.

If I also loved to be sick when I was young, wouldn’t I be able to afford it too?

"At that time, I was still a very young child, and I shouldn't be able to survive being thrown into the wilderness... Even if I survived, after so many years, it would have changed a lot..."

She spent the whole night thinking about it to numb herself, and woke up the next day as if she had forgotten everything.

I didn't even dare to ask my sister's name, or what she looked like—I didn't dare to meet her.

Mother owed her, and it took one night for that debt to climb on my shoulders.

The aristocratic schools lived up to their reputation, and the tuition fees were frighteningly expensive.In order to reduce the burden on my mother, I found a part-time job in a coffee shop, and the people in the shop were very kind to me.

Until one day, a group of girls walked in, and I habitually shouted "Welcome", and when I turned around, I saw an extremely beautiful face.

The corners of our mouths froze.

She doesn't look like me at all, but I'm just sure I know her.

Later, she never came to this coffee shop again, but strange people and things began to appear around me.

I quit my job and took a job at a bar.

You all know what happened afterwards.

When I escaped from the bar by chance and knocked on the door of a house, I was so tired that I passed out immediately.

But it didn't take long before someone poured cold water on him.

The beautiful woman who had to go to the coffee shop every day until I got off work stood in front of me, smiling like a ghost.

Then she picked up another basin of water and splashed it on her face.

Makeup is very thorough.

I knelt on the ground, and she knelt opposite me.

She said, "Why?"

The two of us knelt face to face, with different shapes and looks, but we looked at each other as if we were looking in a mirror.

The person in the mirror lowered his head and shed two tears.

Maybe I was wrong, it was the water on her face.

I'm Su Yao.

I am Deng Lili.

"I would love to be her."