do not speak

My name is Zheng Yuan.

My father is an illiterate person, and the name he gave me has no meaning, just a random word from the dictionary.

Yes, my father was a layman, but he was a rich layman.

He would buy me a lot of clothes, let the housekeeper drive me to and from school in a fancy car, I never worked on getting dirty like other kids, and everywhere I went, I heard compliments .

From a young age I was used to being the center of attention.

But my father doesn't like me.

When I was a kid, the only way to be cute was to work hard - but he never smiled at me.

He didn't like my perfect or near-perfect report card, my smile, or even the presents I bought him with my pocket money.

He threw them all away.

At that time, I asked my mother: "Where did I not do well?"

She just hugged me and sighed, saying I was so much like an uncle.

What I saw in the mirror was a face that was very similar to my father, and I really didn't understand what it had to do with the uncle I had never met.

Until I met him for the first time.

The man was standing at the door in a crisp suit, smiling even when he saw me.

I like him a lot, and he seems to like me too.

He stretched out his hand to me, knelt down and asked me kindly: "Your name is Zheng Yuan, isn't it?"

I put my hand on his and nodded frequently.

As far back as I can remember, my father has never had any close contact with me. He would not kiss the child's face like other fathers, and he would never hug or even hold my hand.

So the moment my uncle held my hand, I felt happier than ever. I was so happy that I forgot to pay attention to my father's feelings for the first time, and followed my uncle's footsteps to say hello to all the people passing by.

From that day on, my uncle always took me out to play.

He took me to the playground, to the park, to the aquarium, to all kinds of places I had never even heard of, and then kindly taught me like a teacher, what kind of animal is this, and what kind of facility is that.

I noticed something wrong with my father more than once, but I really liked the feeling of getting along with my uncle, so I pretended I didn't notice anything.

One day when I came back late, he stood at the door of the house with an iron rod and beat me until I was covered in bruises.

I lay down in the house and watched the rain outside the window. I didn't feel much pain, just annoying.

I want to escape from this house.

As if there was a tacit understanding, my uncle found me and asked me if I wanted to go to school in another place.

Of course I would.

As a transfer student, I was transferred to a key class in a key school.

That place wasn't far from home, but it definitely wasn't close either.Uncle asked someone to help me arrange the dormitory, as long as I don't want to go home, I can live in the school all the time.

I still study step by step, and I am still kind to people, but there is always a distance.

But my lower berth is very unpleasant.

He knew that I needed to go to bed early, but he dragged his bedmates to play games all night long, playing loudly and swearing a few dirty words from time to time.I told him many times, both openly and privately, but he acted like he didn't hear me.

I decided to move down and sleep with him.

In order not to be abrupt, I lied to him that I was in a bad mood recently, and chatted with him pretending to be depressed, and he fell asleep while chatting, and I could sleep well too.

He likes to help others solve their troubles. He seems to have endless energy in his body. The sun is so cheerful that he doesn't look like a real person.

But not a bad guy.

I don't know if it was because of the night talk, but when we met again the next day, he started hooking me up.

He put his arms around my shoulders and introduced my name to others very familiarly. I quickly got to know his friends.

It may be that birds of a feather flock together and people are divided into groups, and his friends are noisier than him.

Sillyness can be contagious, and the more I enjoy playing and giggling with them, the more I like him.

In my education, men can only like women.

So I'm abnormal.

I began to alienate him intentionally or unintentionally, until one night he climbed up from the lower bunk and asked me what happened recently with concern.

The lights in the dormitory were turned off very early, and the whole dormitory was pitch black, only his eyes were shining brightly, as if sucking in the stars from the entire sky.

sucked me in too.

Zheng Yuan likes men - I asked someone to spread this sentence.

But as long as people come to ask me, I will pretend to know nothing and tell them that it is a rumor.

Under the guise of rumors, I absorbed his concern bit by bit like a vine.

Until that night, he told me that he seemed to like a girl.

I never thought I would be so possessive.

The girl was beautiful, had good grades, came from a good family, and everyone said they were a good match.

I found someone to rape|rape her.

She didn't come to school for several days.A few days later, her mother came to help her apply for a suspension from school.I pretended to mention this to Wei Huaiming casually, but he didn't remember this girl after thinking about it for a long time.

"You told me before that you liked her."

"Have it?"

When he asked, I wasn't sure.

How did he tell me?

——Which girl in our grade do you think is the prettiest?

——Oh, who is that?

But even this level of praise is beyond me.

I confessed to him.

He rejected me on the spot, looking at me with complicated eyes.I can't tell what kind of eyes it is, but I often see it in my mother's eyes.

Fear, pity, and some emotions that can't be seen at a glance.

I suddenly don't like him anymore.

It was also from that moment that I realized that good feelings and liking are different.

I got the girl's phone number, and then asked my uncle to transfer to another school.

I was admitted to a pretty good university and cut off contact with all my former classmates. They still think that I went abroad to study after graduating from high school.

I was out of town alone, with enough money, and I went to various entertainment venues with my friends in order to appear gregarious.

The lighting in the bar was dim, and I could feel someone sitting next to me, but I couldn't see his face clearly.

"are you alone?"

The voice is very soft.

Oddly enough, I answered "yes".

"My name is Su He, how about you?"

"Zheng Yuan."

He ordered a lot of wine for me, and we talked all over the world, and my head was getting heavier and heavier.

The moment before the light in front of my eyes disappeared, I felt someone encircling my waist and heard a chuckle.

"Honey, you're beautiful."

When I woke up the next day, my head still hurt.I moved my body and found that my body hurt even more.

The man next to me was probably awakened by my movement, and said good morning to me sleepily.

"So I was raped?"

"If you love me, throw yourself into my arms." He pushed me back to the bed, his voice was lazily waking up, and he explained my performance last night clearly, and finally asked me——

"Maybe, do you need a boyfriend?"

"What do you say?"

It is impossible for all the throwing and hugging to happen by chance.

It is not certain who caught who.

We go shopping, eat and watch movies like ordinary couples, the only difference is that I will not have any intimate contact with him in any public places.

I have always been a person who cares about other people's eyes, and I am afraid of the pointing behind everything.

In my subconscious mind, this is wrong and shady.

So when he proposed the idea of ​​me moving out to live with him, I flatly refused.My roommate would ask me why I went out to live, and the tutor would also check on the dormitory from time to time, and he would frequently appear at the gate of my school.

The whole world will know that Jung Yeon is a monster.

He respected my ideas very much, but he still found a remote place and rented a house, and I would go there to find him whenever I had a rest.

On New Year's Day in my junior year, the snow fell heavily and there were very few pedestrians on the street. For the first time, I mustered up the courage to hold his hand on the street.

Then I saw a little girl in front of me staring straight at me.

The little girl was very beautiful, as delicate as a ceramic doll, but her eyes were as empty as a blind person.

I asked her if she was lost, but she didn't speak.

Su He knelt down and patted her shoulder.

"What's your name?"

"I don't have a name."

"Where are your parents?"

"They're all dead."

"Then you come with us."

Su He handed the little girl's hand to mine, and said with a smile, "I'll call you Su Yao."

Su Yao, what a nice name.

He said, we can't have children, and we don't like children who are too young, so God let us pick one up.

When he said this, I actually heard some regret and sadness.

I don't know what he's confessing.

I seem to have never asked about Su He's occupation, he can appear in front of me almost anytime and anywhere after receiving my call, and now he can still take care of Su Yao's diet and daily life every day.

But on the third day after I picked up Su Yao, I received a call from my uncle.

My father died.

I didn't get to see his body, and all the ins and outs were told by my uncle.At that time, he knelt down in front of me with tears all over his face and asked me if I wanted to recognize him as my father.

Then I became the heir of the Zheng family.

He told me a lot of things, and I kept nodding, and finally he said that he would send me abroad to study, and I also nodded numbly.

Suhe sent me to the airport, he said he would wait for me to come back.

I kissed him for the first time in a crowded place.

I video chatted with him every day, clocking in and saying "I love you" until he suddenly switched all contact methods.

The ensuing phone call shattered all my fantasies and flukes.

My uncle said that the lover I longed for day and night killed my father with his own hands.

I don't know how to describe the ending of the story, because I don't remember much either.

I just remember the sunset that poured into a man's chest, and he said he loved me.

I have hurt a lot of people, and I have been hurt by a lot of people, but the ending doesn't seem so bad.

Maybe hell is dark, but I must go to him first.

That's all for now.