[Complete] I'm really a good person

It is often said that when a person faces death, he will see the revolving door of his life.

But when I was about to die, there was nothing in front of my eyes.

Maybe I'm just such a boring man.

Even in the face of death, you will not feel the sadness and fear that ordinary people would feel.

Perhaps, it is more about the happiness of leaving this rusty world.

Breaking away from the shackles of gravity or following the call of gravity, I looked at the blue sky that was gradually moving away from me, but what I felt in my heart was the joy of flying birds returning to the embrace of the sky.

But it would be incorrect to say that my heart is at peace.

I don't regret everything I've done.

About the Akutagawa brothers and sisters, about Atsu-kun, about that person.

I have no regrets.

But sure enough, I still feel a little reconciled.

At the moment when I felt the hard and cold ground touch my body, I was still unwilling to express my true thoughts.

"what a pity."

Then I was greeted by endless darkness that was reassuring.

But that's not the end of it all.

I woke up again.

The goal of entering is not the sea of ​​fiery red flowers that I have longed for for many years, but a thicker darkness.

In fact, I don't know whether I opened my eyes or not, because it was too dark.

Is hell really that dark?

I lay on the swaying 'sea' and asked this in my heart - because I found that I lost control of my body.

By the way, this should be 'sea', right?After all, I can be regarded as in love with the port city of Yokohama.

Being sent to hell by the 'sea' after death is also a beautiful way to die.

"This is not hell, the guy who peeped into the world."

A young female voice rang in his ears with a sweet laugh.

Where is this place, dear lady?

I asked with a chuckle.

But in fact, it doesn't make any difference to me, I just want to have a quiet place to sleep forever.

Because, living is too hard.

"Glib guy," the 'girl' giggled, and replied with a perceptible good mood, "This is the inside of the Holy Grail."

The Holy Grail...the one from Arthurian Tales?

I once saw it in Mr. Sen's study, but at that time it was more to find out how to use drugs to suicide painlessly.

"Legend of King Arthur" is a rare book about historical legends on Mr. Sen's bookshelf full of medical books, so I casually flipped through this monster in the "medical book world".

"Who knows," the 'girl' smiled viciously, "but this holy grail can really grant wishes."

"For the sake of my liking for you, how about giving you a chance to realize your wish?"

"Money, power, status, beauties..."

'Girl' said so, but I gradually developed disgust towards her.

What use are those things to me?Rather than wasting such precious 'after-death time', I would have fallen into the mire earlier, rotting with the passage of time like a useless dead leaf in that dirty corner.

"Ah yes, I forgot," it should be 'seeing' my disgust, the 'girl' stopped, "All you want is death, right?"

Yes yes yes, so please let me 'die' quietly as soon as possible.

"But weren't you still regretting it just now? Regret not seeing the novel written by that man."

"Give you a chance, so that you can see the novel you have been looking forward to."

"To fulfill that desire buried deep within you."

The whisper of the devil in my ear.

As if she caught my ugly tail that I didn't hide well, she smiled happily, "The price is, put on a comedy for me."

"It's called, a comedy about a tragic man trying to survive in a world he hates."

"It's a simple request, right?"

She gradually became crazy, and her laughter stirred up waves in the 'sea' below me.I activated my supernatural power quietly, but nothing happened.

It doesn't seem like a strange ability.

I lay on my back and looked up into the darkness.

The young female voice was still laughing wildly, and the originally calm 'sea' gradually became turbulent.

Ok.

I heard myself say that.

I agree.

I said from the bottom of my heart.

If I can read the novels he wrote, then it is not impossible to endure it for a few years, ten years, or decades until my flesh/body rots.

Anyway, I have endured without any expectation for more than 20 years, but now I have some expectations, so the degree of pain of endurance may not be too deep, right?

But maybe it was my calm attitude that annoyed her, she stopped laughing crazily, but said to me coldly.

"You really are a boring man."

Yes.

I chuckle.

I am such a boring man.

Looking forward to death, but at the moment of death, there is some expectation.

It's... despicable.

"Boring boring boring! That's not okay! My chosen toy doesn't allow it to be boring!"

"I won't allow it!"

she screamed.

With frantic screams, she said, "Leave you to that woman! Die both of you! Die together!!!"

Ah, will there be a beauty to accompany me on the road to the underworld?You are so sweet, my dear lady!

I happily said to her.

What a kind beauty you are!

"Get out of here!!!"

She roared and manipulated the 'sea' beneath me to swallow me up.

"...Ah, it's finally quiet."

I let the 'sea water' submerge me, and the familiar and unfamiliar suffocation took away all my senses, but under such circumstances, I laughed out loud.

Finally, I can take a good rest.

I sighed from the bottom of my heart, falling into a deeper darkness.

When I woke up again, I was in an empty house.

I got up from the sofa I was lying on and looked around.

Nothing was found.

I don't know who the owner of the house is, and there are no items that can prove the identity of the owner of the house, only the simplest old furniture.

There is only a sofa and a glass coffee table in the living room, and the quartz clock hanging on the wall makes a sound that cannot be called the weight of time.

There is no cooking utensils in the kitchen, but there are some tableware.

There was a small carton of milk in the fridge, and a small package of biscuits that were about to expire in the cupboard.

I put the things back with a blank expression, closed the cabinet door and left the kitchen.

The bathroom has water, but nothing for bathing.

Not even necessities like towels.

I returned to the unobstructed living room and looked towards the only closed bedroom I hadn't seen yet.

He took out the rusty iron wire he found in the bathroom, and skillfully opened the locked door. The girl with long dark golden hair fell asleep peacefully on the simple bed.

I stood at the door and looked around the bedroom. It was also empty, except for the bed where the girl was lying.

I closed the door casually and went back to the sofa.

There is a book in the coat pocket, which I bought from that old bookstore after I got my memory from the parallel world.

The Complete Suicide Manual

In fact, I have read this book several times, but I have not practiced the content here because I am busy laying chess pieces.

Taking it out now is just to pass the waiting time.

Come to think of it...it seems like it's been a long time since I attempted suicide.

I was flipping through the book expressionlessly, thinking wildly.

Staying up late or something is just commonplace for me, but the time when the lady woke up was beyond my expectation.

There are few young people who can wake up at 07:30 in the morning like her.

I glanced at the old quartz clock on the wall indiscriminately, and then at the girl's obviously frightened expression.

Although she is expressionless on the surface, it is still very easy for me to see through her true heart.

I don't know how to get along with her, or I don't know how to get along with ordinary people normally.

Everyone was afraid of me when I was in Hong Kong and Heilongjiang. Even Zhong Zai was respectful to me at work. Even if I did something that made him angry, he would endure it and look loyal.

As for time outside of work... I forget.

To be honest I forgot.

Since I was working all the time, I forgot how Zhongya spent his spare time with me.

But even if you remember, you can't get along with ordinary people the way you get along with Zhong Ye, right?

I subconsciously showed the smile that I often wear in another world, and said my self-introduction to Dun Jun.

"Hello, I'm Dazai, Dazai Osamu."

As expected, the girl on the opposite side didn't notice my unnaturalness, so let's leave it at that.

Use the mask of 'I' to hide the reality of 'I'.

I talk to them with a smile on my face.

No one knows how terrified I am under the mask.

When I received the collection of novels given to me by a girl, I fell into emotions that made me flustered and made me feel strange.

Although that is what I have always expected that person to respond to my emotions, but this cautious temptation has no beginning and no end.

The other party refused.

Very strongly refused.

I don't know what kind of mood I left that... sacred place to me.

But at this moment, I felt this precious emotion from another person.

It is the emotion called 'friendship' that I am secretly looking forward to in the deep pool of my heart.

But the words that the girl once said suddenly resounded in my mind.

"I hate cheating, but I'm not afraid of cheating."

The girl with dark blonde hair said this to me seriously.

I still responded with a smile back then.

But inside I was panicking because I knew it.

Now I'm cheating on her.

When she finds out that I am cheating on her, she will probably leave me.

The humble and dirty self withdrew the tentatively stretched out hand, letting the foul-smelling mud in the deep pool drag him deeper.

The moment you get something is doomed to the day you will lose it.

I remembered what that 'me' said.

Friendship... Is it really something I can't expect to have?

Whether it's Odasaku or Wanzuka Rin.

They will all leave me in the end.

Then let go when you haven't been hurt by happiness.

Thinking this way, I handed over the sleeping girl to the care of two girls in Pengoile, and I left Pengoile's base alone.

If it's hatred, maybe someone will remember me, right?

Thinking like this, I walked up to the two people in black uniforms.

"Good evening, gentlemen."

The author has something to say: This chapter explains the inner emotional changes of the leader Zai so far, but it still feels a bit ooc (covering his face and bursting into tears), I have tried my best.

Writing a leader Jae made me experience the feeling of writing Dazai (Wenyehara World), Mr. Dazai (three-dimensional author), Ye Zang (a male protagonist who is disqualified in the world)_(:зゝ∠)_

In fact, I feel that Dazai and Mr. Dazai are really similar. In order to write about Mr. Dazai, I almost read all the books of Mr. Dazai. I feel that they are both inferior and aloof, unwilling to bow to the world, and very gentle people. .I like him!Whether it is Two-dimensional Dazai or three-dimensional Mr. Dazai, I like it! (Super loud!)

I hope I can write Jae's one-ten-thousandth demeanor (make a wish), I will continue to work hard!Mr. Dazai's [-] copies please wait for me! ! !

And someone should be able to see my original wish in this article, right? (whisper bb)

"The world owes the leader one Odasaku, so I'll give him one."

"May you not be alone in this world."

Although I'm still a newcomer, I'm not as good as Chaowu Dai (although the knife he gave the leader Zai makes me want to call him Zhaowu old thief), but I will work hard!You can make duck bean paste!