[Comprehensive] The heroine is difficult

How many people a person will meet in his life, how many people he has passed by, how many people he has met, and how many people can become his unforgettable memories.On the day the wedding was cancelled, Irie Naoki returned to Japan.The girl ran over in a panic, slurring her hands and feet and explaining to him, her eyes were bright, full of bewilderment but concealed the girl's joy, but his heart seemed to be submerged in dark water, cold and chaotic, always emotional Steady, he almost fell.

Someone once said that you don't realize how much you love someone until you lose them.

Winter in Japan is always very cold. Naoki Irie wrapped his scarf and was about to go out. When he opened the door, he heard his mother’s voice behind him: "Naoki." In the past, his mother seldom called him Naoki, but always called him "his brother." Something like that, but Mother hasn't called him that since he came back from Guinea.He turned his head and met a pair of clear and worried eyes: "...be careful on the road." After hesitating for a long time, my mother finally smiled and said such a cautious sentence.

Irie Naoki raised his hand and pulled the scarf just to cover his lips, and said "um" softly.When he slammed the door behind his back, he heard his mother's extremely long sigh.

In his heart, he was a little thankful, glad that his mother didn't mention that name, and also glad that his mother didn't ask anything.

She had left his life, but life went on.

Even though it was such a cold weather, he pushed out the bicycle from behind the house. The bicycle was already a bit old, and even a bit petite compared to Irie Naoki's overly tall body, but the bell on the head of the bicycle was brand new. He stretched out The slender fingers touched the bell and stepped on the bicycle.

——This winter is still very cold, you are the most afraid of the cold, you used to always pretend to forget your scarf, so you can wear the same one with you.In fact, you like Guinea very much because the weather is very warm, and I also like Guinea very much because you like it.

Some things are self-taught after the other party leaves, such as love words.When she was there, he said very little that he liked her. On the one hand, he felt that he was connected with her, and you would know me without telling me. On the other hand, he felt a little embarrassed. He doesn't like to say too many hypocritical words. He has always believed that he can better express his heart by doing it than talking about it.

I once pretended to serve her breakfast on the university campus, and sat behind her to attend lectures when there were no classes, pretending that I also had this class, and used clumsy reasons like "Guinea has few houses" to court, All because of his self-esteem.He missed the opportunity to say these words when she was there, but now, he can only speak love words to the empty house, to the medicine, to all inanimate things.

"I like you very much, so please come back."

"I think I can recognize what you look like, Lin."

"Are you thinking of me too?"

"Doctor Irie, a new patient has arrived."

"Okay, I'll be right there." He withdrew his finger from the saline bottle, his eyes were calm and indifferent, and he regained that steady image of a doctor.

He is tall and steady, gentle and considerate to patients, although he speaks little, he is better at listening to others quietly. Patients speak highly of him. He is also a skilled and popular doctor in the hospital, and he rarely makes mistakes.However, few people know that Dr. Irie is also sick. ...is still an incurable disease.

From the initial insomnia and anxiety disorder to severe depression, and now he is talking to himself, Naoki Irie has gone through a very difficult period. He was once unable to pick up a scalpel, unable to face blood and patients, but he finally Still cheered up, he no longer suffers from insomnia at night, and rarely suffers from anxiety and depression, but the disease of only talking to himself has never been eradicated.He can concentrate 100% of his energy on facing patients when he is working, but once he is free, he will be in a trance, and he often wakes up after being called for a long time.Now... now, Irie is used to the surprised eyes of everyone looking at him.There is no way to cure this disease after all.

One day, Naoki Irie pushed his bicycle home, but standing at the door, he heard his parents quarreling.

"The kid went out on that bicycle again today. In such a cold weather, I don't know if he was frozen."

"...Is it still the child's car?" The father's voice sounded in pain.

"I really don't know why... He obviously likes that child Qinzi, why did he want to separate. But Qinzi also seems to be two people, I thought they were twins..."

"Stop talking!" The father's majestic voice interrupted the mother's rambling: "Now that child Qinzi has left, don't mention this matter in front of Zhishu again."

"But, I'm worried about the child's father, Naoki seems to be in pain, he seems to be in pain all the time..."

"He has a good reputation in the hospital, and many patients come to him for treatment. What's wrong! Don't talk about it again!"

"But he is not happy." The mother's voice was full of anxiety: "He always talks to himself alone, standing in the living room and watching the cup not moving, and the expression on his face is even less, as if... as if lethargy……"

"Shut up!" The father interrupted the more panicked words of the mother.

Irie Naoki stood quietly outside the door, his hand on the doorknob slightly curled up, but he still couldn't open the door in the end.

... Now doesn't seem like the right time to go back.It seems that I have to find time to move out of the house.He looked up at the sky and exhaled lightly.Is he... so obviously sick now?

How many people pass you by, and how many people make you unforgettable.He never thought how much he would love someone.When he successfully proposed to her, he was so happy that he kept giggling, looking at her busy back, he couldn't help but feel sorry for him. The stupid, deep-rooted traces of first love were engraved in his body like a brand, and he was in pain because of the loss. , slowly numb.

His life is still going on, his hand can hold the scalpel again, he is as calm and indifferent as before, taciturn, as precise as before, as precise as an instrument, and his attitude is rigorous and serious, but the closest relatives around him have exposed his mask.

"Recently there are many projects in the hospital, and I want to move out. I have already found a house near the hospital, not very far away." While drinking soup, he casually brought up this topic, and his mother's spoon suddenly fell into the bowl with a "boom" , actually looked up at him blankly.

Irie Naoki moved his lips to say something, but he still couldn't get it out.

The mother reacted too much, and even the father couldn't help but persuade him: "The child lived out when he was in college, don't worry..."

Before he finished speaking, his mother suddenly burst into tears.Tears fell one by one, and her voice trembled: "I...I don't worry, otherwise I will..." She was halfway through her convincing words, but when she raised her eyes and saw Irie Naoki's eyes, she changed her words: " ...Forget it, you go."

She cried as if she might lose her child, and even raised her hands to cover her face. Her father didn't say a word, he just hugged his mother's shoulders to comfort her.

Why are you crying?Irie Naoki didn't quite understand his mother's reaction.

When he was packing up and leaving at night, he heard his mother and father talking.

"How can I rest assured that the child is in such a state that he lives outside alone... Such a good child, why has he become like this now, why does he show such an expression, as if... Will die at any time... Woo!" The mother snapped Covering her mouth, her voice became muffled: "Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo."

"Then why did you agree before that?" Father sighed.

"I can't refuse that child's look." The mother sobbed: "I don't want to lose Naoki, he seems to disappear at any time, if I don't agree...if I don't agree, what if the child really disappears..." Mother's voice was full of panic.

"Naoki will handle it well, trust him." The voice of father patting mother's shoulder sounded.

I'm sorry father, even he doesn't know if he can handle it well.I just hope that the mask will be more secure when I come back next time, so that my mother won't find it so easily.

Since returning to Japan, Aihara Kotoko has also returned.He often went to see Aihara Kotoko secretly, but he couldn't talk to her more.He could still see her face, but he knew she was gone the moment he saw it, which would only make it more painful.It may be because his pain is too explicit, Aihara Kotoko should also know this, so she left Tokyo for Kyoto in order to avoid him.

Aihara Kotoko came to him before leaving.

"My memory is still at the time when I first lived in your house. I don't know what happened during that time, but I think it must be what happened to you in my body. Otherwise, you wouldn't Looking at me with this kind of eyes, no, looking at that 'her'-like eyes that are deeply in love and unreachable."

"I also like Irie-kun, but I can't like Irie-kun like Irie-kun likes 'her', so I admit defeat. I can't be confident that I can snatch you from that 'her', even if we have a face."

"So, goodbye Irie-kun.... Anyway, please don't suffer like this anymore, otherwise, I... no, that 'she' will be sad too. I loved you, and take care, Irie-kun."

Irie Naoki was noncommittal, watching her back go away.

It was his fault.He couldn't hold back the desire to see her.He obviously doesn't like Aihara Kotoko, but he wants to see her like crazy, but this kind of meeting can't make him get closer to her, that's her appearance, but it's not her appearance either.As long as I think of this, my heart hurts like a needle.He wanted to see her as if he was masochistic, knowing that he would not be the person he wanted to see after meeting, but he wanted to see her face as if he couldn't resist.

But after seeing him, he desperately understood again and again that he was not the person he wanted to see.The person he wanted to see could no longer be found in this world, and he could no longer find her no matter where, he... was truly alone.She was like a flower blooming on his heart, absorbing the pain in his heart, but growing stronger and stronger, as if she would never wither.

The winter in Japan is still very cold, and Naoki Irie still rides that strange-looking bicycle. Someone once asked him why he didn’t change his bicycle when it was so small and old.

This is what he said: "There is no way, I have used it for a long time and I have feelings."

Some people were surprised that the indifferent Naoki Irie would say such a thing, but after that, Naoki Irie just smiled and didn't explain.Maybe it has nothing to do with the bike, it's just... as if her body temperature is still on the bike.He stroked the handlebar, and couldn't help but think of her bright smiling face.

At least the bicycle that accompanied her in college was also with him.

Until one day when I got off work, the bicycle had finally ended its destiny. Like a machine that had been carrying it for a long time, it finally stopped working.Seeing the falling pedals and the bicycle chain that suddenly cracked, it suddenly began to collapse as if disintegrated. He squatted down and stroked the wreckage of the bicycle blankly. His slender fingers rested on the bell that seemed to still emit golden light. Feeling a damp coolness on the ground.

He never cried, not even on the day when it was so difficult to cancel the wedding, not even when he was suffering from severe depression afterwards, he never cried.

Until the bicycle suddenly collapsed, his heart seemed to collapse along with the bicycle. He shed tears uncontrollably. He knelt on the ground and began to cry like a child who had lost his way.

Only the bell reflecting the setting sun was left, as if to comfort him, it made a soft "ding" sound, but it was finally buried in his crying, as if it had never sounded.