Su Shen is immortal and swears not to become a Buddha!

He opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling soberly.Before the alarm clock rang in the morning, he reached for the alarm clock on the bedside table and turned off the morning call that would ring on time in a minute.

He sat up and looked at the bed beside him.

Without saying a word, he got out of bed and went into the bathroom to wash up.

He brushes his teeth, washes his face, shaves, and keeps everything spiffy because he knows his wife likes it.

The wife hates the stubble on his face because it hurts her when they make out, and her skin is too tender to take such abuse.

Walking out of the bathroom, he took out the shirt and trousers from the closet and put them on one by one.

He opened the small drawer, which was full of folded ties. He took out one and tied it skillfully for himself.

His wife likes to buy him ties, but she doesn't wear them very often.

Because my wife is not very good at this kind of thing, she once said that she didn't learn to tie her shoes until the fifth grade, and she still hasn't learned how to tie a bow.For some reason, in her eyes, this kind of thing that needs to go around the slender strip is always unexpectedly complicated.

She is obviously a talented music student who can play a huge and complex piano concerto in half a month, but it seems that her talent is not also reflected in things like wearing a tie.

However, this does not prevent him from occasionally kissing his wife out of sleep on purpose—this is not too difficult, because he gags her mouth while pinching her nose—and pulls her drowsy hand, forcing her to tie a tie for him.

His wife complained more than once, but he never tired of it.

Seeing his bleary-eyed wife biting her lower lip and trying to tie his tie, he couldn't help showing a happy smile.But because I am not good at this kind of thing and my mind is still confused, I can't do it well, so my wife will quickly push him away angrily, fall back on the bed, and never pay attention to his excessive demands.

Whether it was the way she worked hard to tie him, or the way she glared at him angrily, he thought she was cute.

He tied his tie, put on his ironed coat, and quietly walked out of the bedroom.

"Dad, are you awake? Come and have breakfast."

The daughter walked out of the kitchen with two plates of bacon and eggs, and put breakfast on his and her seats.

He sat silently in his seat and ate breakfast quietly.

The daughter is only 17 years old, but her cooking skills are quite good. This is the result of being trained by her wife.

The housework at home is also undertaken by the daughter alone, but she has no complaints.

This is also because the wife taught well.

But why, the daughter just doesn't look like his wife.

"Dad, this is your cheese. I fried it specially. It should taste delicious."

"Ah."

"...Dad, I have a parent-teacher meeting tomorrow, will you...will attend?"

"meeting."

"Dad, that... Aunt Yan wants to invite you to her..."

"What was your score in the last IELTS test?"

"Dad... I said I don't want to go abroad."

"You'd better listen to me."

"I don't!" The daughter put down the knife and fork suddenly, and the metal collided with the porcelain plate, making a harsh sound: "I don't want to go abroad! As I said, I don't want to!"

"You have to go out."

"Father, why are you always in such a hurry to drive me out of this house?!" The daughter's eyes were red with anxiety, and she couldn't choose what to say: "Mom is gone, I must stay here with you!"

"To shut up!"

The man's roar overwhelmed all other sounds.

The room fell silent instantly.

"...I'm sorry, Dad." After a long time, the daughter apologized dumbly.

His face was sullen, and the hand holding the knife and fork was shaking constantly.

The daughter was flustered and wanted to say something, but he had already dropped the tableware, got up and left.

"Dad, I didn't say that on purpose...Dad!"

After his daughter chased him out, he had already gotten into the car and was about to drive away.

The daughter threw herself on the car door and slapped the window: "Dad, I'm sorry, Dad, I'm really sorry...!"

He didn't look at his daughter, but her daughter's voice of apology still penetrated through the closed car window, into the car, and into his ears.

He hated hearing this apology.

It was as if he had really lost something that he would never get back.

He refuses to face this fact.

When I came home from get off work in the evening, my daughter had already prepared meals, waiting for him to come back to eat.

He had to admit that his daughter had not only inherited his wife's good genes, but also his swiftness.She obviously has to go to school every day, but she can calmly make breakfast for him every day and eat with him before going to school, and she can also quickly buy good vegetables after class every day and come back to cook for him.

Daughter is not as capable as a 17-year-old.

However, today was different from usual, in addition to his daughter and a table of meals, waiting for him was another boy he had never seen before, who was about the same age as his daughter and also wearing the same uniform.

It should be my daughter's classmate.

He walked to the table with a blank expression and sat down, and his daughter also pulled the boy to sit opposite him.

"Dad, he's my boyfriend."

The daughter never knows how to beat around the bush.

This is very similar to a wife.

He looked up at his daughter, and after a moment, his eyes moved to the boy next to her, and quickly returned to his daughter's face.

"Dad, the reason why I don't want to go abroad is not only because I want to be with you, but more importantly... I don't want to leave him."

The daughter held the boy's hand, and clasped her fingers tightly on the table, as if deliberately signaling something.

He didn't respond, he just picked up food silently, ate slowly, and the ancient well was calm.

The daughter looked at him nervously, and after waiting for a long time without seeing him speak, she exchanged glances with the boy beside her.

"Dad, talk to me!"

He silently took the last bite of rice, put down the bowl, and stood up.

"You don't like him at all."

After speaking, he passed the two of them and walked towards the study.

The daughter's cry sounded behind her——

"Dad, why do you say that! I like him! I have liked him since junior high school! You don't know anything!"

He stopped, remained silent for two seconds, and turned around.

He saw that his daughter's face was full of resentment, and her eyes were full of panic.

"I like the look in someone's eyes, not like yours. I've seen it many times, and you can't hide it from me."

"!!!"

After that, he didn't look at his daughter any more, turned and walked into the study.

He couldn't be more familiar with the way he likes a person's eyes.

How many years had he looked at that look, how could he not know?

Even though his wife never said love to him, love was always written in her eyes.

He once thought he was the happiest person in the world.

But the happiness passed away so quickly.

It seemed as if it was too late to catch, and it disappeared into the air.

The body is cold, the air is cold, and even the light is cold.

The only person who can warm everything is gone.

He refused to acknowledge the fact, but he felt it more clearly than anyone else.

I can no longer hear my wife viciously calling herself "Lao Tzu", I can no longer see my wife's beautiful smile, and I can no longer hold the warm and soft body in my arms.

The figure that he could always find in the vast crowd at a glance no longer exists anywhere.

He is really cold.

He knew he was not a good father.

To his surprise, his daughter didn't hate him because of his indifference, but instead filially respected and loved him as always.

He was relieved.

Because her daughter is very independent, even without him, she can still live alone.

This is enough.

She is 17 years old, right?

Another year.

One year left.

Soon.

Today is my daughter's coming-of-age ceremony.

She is 18 years old.

No one is happier than him.

His daughter went out with her classmates to celebrate her coming-of-age ceremony. He watched her leave with a smile, turned around and walked back to the bedroom.

Sleeping pills were not something that could be easily obtained, and he would not risk his daughter's detection by defrauding such useless things.

It is very simple for people to die.

Any razor blade will do.

When the cold and sharp blade slashed across his wrist, and blood gushed out wildly, he felt extremely peaceful in his heart.

The world without her is really cold.

Fortunately, he can leave here soon.

"dad!!!!!!"

His daughter's horrified scream pierced his ears. He looked at the door and saw his daughter holding the door frame with one hand and covering her mouth with the other, as if she couldn't believe the scene in front of her.

He smiled slightly.

"Why are you back? Isn't it a coming-of-age ceremony?"

"dad!!!!!!!"

The daughter threw herself in front of him like crazy, and knelt down at his feet because she threw herself so hard.But the daughter ignored her sore knee, cried and got up, tearing off the bed sheet in a panic to bandage his wound.

He quietly watched his daughter tighten his wound with a torn bed sheet, and said softly: "Good boy, Dad is already very tired."

"no no!!!!"

My daughter's tears flowed down like a faucet with a broken switch.

He had never seen his daughter cry so hard.

Not only does his daughter look like him, but his personality is also like him, the same vigorous and resolute, the same strong and independent——

In the same way, when you lose the most important person in your life, you will cry so hard that you can't help yourself.

In the same way, after crying, the wounds in the heart will not heal.

He was sorry that he wanted to draw a wound on his daughter's heart that would never heal.

But he was really cold and tired and in pain.

Already... I can't take it any longer.

He lost a lot of blood, and lay down on the bed with a pale face. The scene in front of him seemed to be soaked in mist, gradually blurring.

"Daddy! Daddy cheer up! I've called an ambulance and you'll be fine! You'll be fine!!! Daddy!!! Daddy!!! Please don't leave me...don't...please don't ...Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Sorry, boy.

Please don't blame why Dad chose to leave you.

You are Dad's most beloved child, please don't doubt that.

Dad is willing to give up his life to protect you from any harm.

But...but I'm really sorry.

Dad really... misses your mother so much.

In Dad's heart, she is always...she is more important.

She is like the indispensable sunshine in Dad's life...air...moisture...

One cannot live without it.

She is so important to Dad.

Over the years, Dad has also doubted whether he is really alive?

Is it impossible to live without such important nutrients?

If it wasn't for you, Dad wouldn't be here long ago.

Dad could die for you, boy.

But Dad can only live for her.

Without her, Dad really can't survive...

I really can't hold on, my child...

So really sorry...sorry...

Blood dripped continuously, forming a pool of blood on the floor.

The last memory is my daughter's tears of grief.

So far.

"Huanzhi...Huanzhi...Huanzhi!!!"

He woke up suddenly, panting heavily.

With great difficulty, the eyes were in focus, and the outline of his wife's face was clearly seen through the moonlight outside the window.

"Huanzhi, what's wrong with you? Did you have a nightmare?"

His wife turned on the lamp on the bedside table, and wiped the cold sweat from his forehead with her soft little hands.

"What nightmare did you have? Tell me, okay? People say that if you tell the nightmare, the things in the dream will not come true."

The wife said softly, her palm covering his forehead, it was warm.

Warm and alive.

He stretched out his hand suddenly and hugged his wife tightly in his arms.

"Huanzhi? Huanzhi, are you okay?"

He didn't speak, and hugged her tightly for a while, then suddenly pushed his wife away and reached out to touch her chest.

"Huan Zhi?"

The wife didn't understand what he meant, but she didn't resist and let him touch it obediently.

He touched his wife's left chest, which was soft and plump. His wife's hot body temperature passed through the thin pajamas into his palm, and at the same time, there was a rhythmic heartbeat.

Worried, he tore off his wife's pajamas, exposing her snow-white body.

"Huanzhi, what are you doing!" His wife was ashamed and anxious.

He carefully looked at his wife's left breast, there was not a big hole there.

Cover it with your hand again, and feel the clear heartbeat again.

"Huanzhi..."

The wife seemed to understand, and stretched out her hands to hold his cheeks.

"I'm fine... really fine..."

He looked at his wife fixedly, with some sparkling water in his eyes.

His wife hugged his neck and stroked the back of his head tenderly.

"I'm right here, right here, don't be afraid...I won't go anywhere..."

His wife's soft soothing voice gradually relaxed his tense nerves, and finally he was no longer so nervous, allowing his wife to press him back on the pillow.

His wife was lying in his arms, holding his waist tightly.

He also hugged his wife tightly.

His wife raised her face and kissed him gently on the cheek.

"I'm sorry, Huanzhi, I shouldn't have said that tonight..."

It's all because she watched a horror movie before going to bed tonight. When the woman's heart was cut, she just said "It hurts..." in her head.

It made him have nightmares immediately at night.

She didn't know that he still couldn't forget that incident.

"Huanzhi...forget about that...I'm fine, I'm really fine...No one will be able to hurt me anymore, really...you relax..."

He didn't say a word, only the heavy breathing and the occasional swallowing of saliva let her know that he still couldn't let go.

Suddenly, he pulled her arm away, and moved his body down, changing from holding her to being held by her.

He put his face on his wife's chest, listened to her heartbeat, and let out a slow breath.

She frowned unbearably, but didn't say anything, she just obeyed his wishes and hugged this man who was as insecure as a child at the moment.

He listened to his wife's heartbeat, beating, beating, steady, regular and full of vitality.

She stroked his hair gently, and whispered: "Huanzhi, what did you dream about? Tell me, please?"

"……nothing."

"Did you dream that I died..."

"No!" He suddenly tightened his grip on her waist, making her a little out of breath: "Dreams are not allowed, not allowed!"

"Yes, yes, it's just a dream. I've had even more outrageous dreams before. I dreamed that someone entered my house and robbed him. That person was a clown with colorful paint on his face. In the end, I was pointed at by him with a gun... Okay Okay, I won't say it! I won't say it! You, don't hug so hard, I'm almost out of breath...!"

His wife was almost suffocated by him, and she no longer dared to speak nonsense to provoke him.

Just hugging each other like this, lying quietly for a long time, until his wife started to feel sleepy again, he said in a low voice: "...I dreamed...we have a daughter..."

"Oh? Really?" The wife smiled softly: "What kind of daughter? Is she beautiful?"

"Looks like me."

"Is that a great beauty?"

"..."

"Is that child pestering?"

"Very sensible..."

"That's great~ Have you ever dreamed that she will be your father's bride when she grows up?" There was an uncontrollable smile in the wife's voice.

"When I dreamed about her, she was 17 years old."

"...You are so good at skipping... At least you have to look at her when she was a child..."

"... cat cat."

"Ok?"

"We don't want any more kids, okay?"

"Ah ah?"

The wife exclaimed in surprise: "Don't want children? Your mother and my mother will join hands to kill us!"

"I don't need kids."

"But the two old people need it very much..."

"They want it, let them regenerate themselves!" The arms around the slender waist were tightened again.

The wife quickly raised her hands in surrender: "Okay, okay! No birth, no birth! Whatever you say is what you say, please don't strangle my waist anymore, it is already thin, if you stretch it again, it will become noodles..."

"..."

"Well, we've just got married anyway, let's talk about children and so on in two years..."

"Not in two years! I said I don't want children, no matter it's two years, three years or ten years, I don't want children!"

"……why?"

"Having you is enough."

"...This reason is not enough to convince our mommy..."

"It's enough for me to have you!" He hugged his wife tightly again: "I don't need anyone else! It's enough for me to have you!"

"You can tighten it a little more anyway, I can't breathe anymore..."

"Ah, sorry!"

He finally realized that he was too tense, and quickly relaxed his strength.

The wife immediately took a deep breath.

"Maomao, are you alright?!"

"I'm fine, I'm fine... But can I ask you not to be so neurotic? Just speak well and don't act like a fool. "

"Feel sorry……"

The wife looked at him quietly, closed her eyes for a moment, and then opened them again: "Huan Zhi, what did you dream about? It must have been a dream that I was not here, right?"

"..."

"I'm gone, then what?"

"..."

"Huanzhi, what then?"

"...Dreams are not allowed."

"I know, but...!"

"Let's sleep, I have to go to work tomorrow."

"..."

In the end, he still didn't say what was behind, and his wife didn't ask any further.

Maybe it was because seeing him like this, I couldn't bear to ask again.

Many years later, he still remembers the conversation he had with his wife.

His wife asked him: I am gone, then what?

Huanzhi, then what?

and then?

In fact, he really wanted to tell her - no then.

If one day, she is really gone...

Then, that day must be the end of everything.

So there is no "then".

will not have.

-End-