Pilot

Sheng Xia took off his shoes, knelt down in front of Shi Ye, and carefully observed Shi Ye's expression before speaking.

It seems that there is such a type of person, no matter how close you are to him, how close to his life, you will still feel that he is so far away from you at certain moments.He is complicated and contradictory, sometimes he can understand, and sometimes he hides in a cloud of fog so that you can't see clearly.He seems to need you very much sometimes, but he can quickly withdraw from that state, as if he will push you away in the next second, saying please leave me, saying that I don't love you that much.But when you look into his eyes, you feel that it is not true. He seems to be a lonely traveler who is waiting for you to approach first. He will not respond to you until you reach out your hand first.

Like a cranky feline.

"But I'm not Dr. Wen, so I might not do a good job." Sheng Xia said in a light tone, "I can only try my best to take good care of you in my life, other things... I'm afraid that it won't help."

"I don't really want you to give me a consultation, just a normal chat is fine," Shi Ye thought for a while, "Occasionally I will also want to talk to you, don't be afraid, you don't need to tell me about this question It’s okay to talk to you so carefully.”

Seeing that Shi Ye wasn't joking, Sheng Xia said, "Then... how does Dr. Wen usually chat with you? He talks a lot about the past, or is there any... methods? What's the process?"

"There is no fixed process..." Shi Ye thought for a while, "But every time she would say hello to me first, and then ask me how I feel. What method should I have... There should be? She mentioned it, it seems to be It's called...rapid exposure therapy. It's that she will repeatedly simulate with me...scenes and conversations that I don't like very much, in order to make me 'tolerate'."

Sheng Xia's eyes were sore when he heard it, and he wanted to reflexively say not to do it in the future, but he endured it, and said with a smile: "I won't imitate you, let's have a good chat. There are no doctors and patients today, You have a day off."

Shi Ye was silent for a while, the uneasy but charming expression that made Sheng Xia feel reappeared.

After a long time, Shi Ye tilted his head and asked casually, "Do you think I'm sick?"

Sheng Xia covered Shi Ye's hand, feeling that Shi Ye's hand was still trembling slightly, "Everyone will get sick, even if it's sick, it's no big deal."

Shi Ye looked at him quietly for a while, then got up, went to the closet, took out two collar ties, and said, "I still have something to say, but I don't have Dr. Wen today, so I'll tell you. We're still blindfolded." , or look at you, there are some things I can't say."

Sheng Xia said yes.They sat cross-legged on the bed, covering each other's eyes with their ties.After the tie was finished, Sheng Xia originally wanted to hold Shi Ye's hand, but Shi Ye said no, and said: "Let's try the context of strangers, not doctors and patients, not lovers, not friends, just take each other Treat it like... a neighbor you meet during the journey, chat with him, and when you get off the car, you won't remember the relationship with the other party."

stranger.

Sheng Xia's lips trembled.Shi Ye tied his tie tightly and couldn't see anything. He waited a long time in the dark for a long time to build up his mind before he asked, "Stranger, do you think you're having a good time today?"

"It's so-so, not very happy. Someone unfamiliar came to the house, it was a bit noisy, and I was a little upset at the time." Shi Ye's tone was very ordinary, "After dinner, the beef was delicious, and the person I like gave it back. I peeled the oranges, the oranges were very sweet, and I was a little happier. When I was eating the oranges, I was thinking that I would write a song in the future, which was related to the oranges in winter. I must write the cool but sweet feeling .”

"You can also write songs, which is great. I sound good, so eating is very important. Eating delicious food can make people feel better." Sheng Xia also slowly entered the state, playing this game with him , "Then do you think the person you like takes good care of you?"

"Yes, he worked very hard. He was clumsy at the beginning, but he got better when he did more." Shi Ye's voice was very soft, "I think he has a sense of accomplishment when he grows up. At first he could only cook soup, but now I can fry the beef I like to eat, and I can cook very complicated dishes. But I usually don’t praise him, I don’t seem to be very good at complimenting others, I just say that I want to eat it tomorrow.”

"The person you like must like you very much, he must be willing to do this." Sheng Xia's voice sounded like he was laughing, "It sounds pretty good, but why do I think... your voice sounds sad ? Are you unhappy about anything?"

"It's not that I'm unhappy, I'm rather strange, it seems to always be like this, I will start to be pessimistic when others feel very warm and happy." Shi Ye lowered his voice, "Stranger, in fact, I often look at people I like have a bee in one's bonnet."

Sheng Xia paused: "You can tell me, he's not here anyway."

"It's more messy, maybe a little scary." After Shi Ye finished speaking, he suddenly stretched out his hand, pulled off the tie that covered his eyes, and looked at Sheng Xia's face.

"Sometimes he is smiling at me, but I see another crying image on his face. He peels oranges for me, coaxes me, and when he says he loves me, I will become irritable and uncomfortable. Because after he said that sentence, it was invalid, and time was only left to my memory. I have no real feeling. The most terrible thing is that I will never be satisfied. My world is centered on me, let him become my property, crawling towards me. His lips are soft, and so are his hands. I often get goosebumps when he touches me. I want to tear him apart. Because he Very good, very simple, very well-behaved, I have an illusion that he will forgive me for anything I do to him, and I also have an illusion that I can do anything to him. I keep testing his bottom line and let him do it A lot of things he's not good at, throwing tantrums at him, making him kneel for me*, making him do all the nasty poses, he says yes, accepts everything with a smile, seems to be enjoying it. Because of this, I Often troubled with myself."

"I think the way I like people is very perverted. I love him, but I often want to apologize to him because I love him." Shi Ye's tone was flat, and he carefully observed the expression on Sheng Xia's face, "I think this kind of Love seems uncomfortable, a bit heavy, and mixed with a lot of negative and dark things. It seems that it will be unpleasant no matter how you look at it. And what I hope is to drag him into it, become a person like me, let him Die with me, or let him save me."

Shi Ye actually smiled when he saw Sheng Xia.He was a little confused, why Sheng Xia had to laugh when he heard this, he always didn't understand what Sheng Xia was thinking, and this often annoyed Shi Ye.

"Then the other party probably thinks that because it's you, he knows that you won't do bad things to him, so he trusts you." Sheng Xia touched his ear, "Stranger, I suddenly envy the one you like. Man, I think you care about him so much that you always have these thoughts."

"It doesn't matter whether you care or not."

"What's that?" Sheng Xia scratched his hair, he seemed a little embarrassed, "Then can you tell me what you like about him? I'm quite curious."

"What do you like?" Shi Ye looked at Sheng Xia with his chin in his hand. Sheng Xia didn't know that he was looking at him, so Shi Ye could look at him unscrupulously, which felt good. "Actually, I often think about this myself. I When I met him, he was underage. At that time, he was very innocent and stupid. I don’t want to describe him as stupid. If I have to say it, I should be attracted by his stupidity. At that time, I was thinking , Hey, she looks pretty, but it's a pity that she's so stupid."

Seeing Sheng Xia pouted, Shi Ye said, "It can't be because he is stupid, maybe he is just stupid in one aspect, or he is good at other things."

"Indeed, his IQ fluctuates up and down, which is quite amusing." Shi Ye saw Shengxia's concentration on listening, and smiled, "I don't know what else to say. Maybe I'm not easy to be happy usually. , but with him he always makes me laugh, so I like him, I like to see him laugh."

"Really? That's also very good." Sheng Xia laughed after hearing that, a very bright smile, "That's very good, he smiled, he must hope that you are happy too."

Shi Ye looked at Sheng Xia and smiled, and said: "Yes, he is trying his best to make me feel better, but I still seem to be stuck in a vicious circle of self-doubt. Just like recently... the New Year is coming, I really want to Go home with him and celebrate the New Year like ordinary people. But I am worried that I will not do well, because I have been in a state of no home for more than ten years, and I have no family to celebrate the New Year. I don’t want him and his mother Pity me, and feel that it is bad for me not to accept other people's kindness. I am very embarrassed, I am afraid that what he gives me is too much and too good, I will become not like myself, I will cry and be weak...I can't be weak, It bothers me. Stranger, what would you do if it were you?"

The smile on Sheng Xia's face disappeared, Shi Ye saw his brows wrinkled little by little, and asked after a while: "Stranger, why do you think you can't be weak and cry?"

Shi Ye was stunned for a moment before answering, "It's just not possible."

"I think you should tell him when you are sad, want to cry, or are tired, and he won't laugh at you." Sheng Xia said in a serious tone, "You can cry, and there is no rule that you can't cry. I think you should act more coquettishly with the person you like, if the other person likes you so much, they should do everything for you."

Shi Ye watched Shengxia carefully for a long time.

He raised his left hand.In fact, few people know that he is left-handed, because when he was very young, Shi Ye competed with himself and forced himself to get used to using his right hand, so in fact he can write and play the piano with both hands.It's just that sometimes the left hand is subconsciously stretched out, such as now.

Shi Ye stretched out his trembling hand, and with one finger, drew the outline of Sheng Xia's face.He paints the unwitting innocent, paints tears on his cheeks, cum around his open mouth, his own smell on the tip of his nose.

Sometimes I feel that the shaking of the hands is very annoying, and the feeling of being out of control is very bad.But at this moment, this kind of uncontrollable fit fits his mood. He allowed his body to be uncontrollable, and wrote a Bible in his mind, all of which talked about the wanton growth of filth.

"Stranger, I had a dream last night." Shi Ye put down his hand, "I dreamed about a friend of mine last night, and he passed away. I dreamed that he was arguing with me, and I dreamed that he was smoking marijuana , one side of his body was decomposed little by little. He turned into smoke and ash, and the smoke and ash turned into blood, which flowed over my shoes. And his voice, he said, why don't you save me? He has been I'm crying, do you think it's my fault? I actually pulled him, but I didn't pull him steady."

He added: "Actually, I was wrong."

Even though he knew that the other party couldn't see it, Sheng Xia shook his head: "You are not wrong, you have pulled him, you can't interfere too much in other people's lives, you have done everything you should do."

"Will he forgive me?"

"It will definitely." Midsummer's voice passed through Shi Ye's thoughts, as light as a leaf, "You always think about it, so you bother that friend of yours."

"Well, it makes sense to disturb him." Shi Ye nodded, "Then I'll think about it occasionally, and hope he won't always jump out to find me."

After Shi Ye finished speaking, he asked again: "Stranger, am I very noisy and talk a lot about myself, are you annoying?"

"How annoying, I think your story is very exciting, like a book." Sheng Xia's voice became lighter, and he began to laugh again, "Stranger, I still have a small suggestion. This winter is really cold, you Do you want to consider going to the south with the person you like to celebrate the New Year? In fact, the New Year is quite boring, just visiting relatives, cooking with family members, and watching TV. I think the person you like definitely wants to be warmer with you New Year's Eve place."

"Then let me think about it, thank you, stranger." Shi Ye smiled, "Thank you for listening to me."

"No thanks, I also want to thank you for telling me this, I love hearing other people's stories."

Shi Ye saw Sheng Xia's fingers curled up. Every time Sheng Xia hesitated, he would make this small gesture. He saw Sheng Xia bit his lower lip and said, "Mr. Stranger, I feel that after listening to what you just said, I seem to... like you a little. Can I... can I see your face? I want to remember your face."

"Ah?" Shi Ye raised his eyebrows, "But I told you the whole time just now that I have someone I like. I'm sorry, I might have to reject you."

Sheng Xia, a stranger who was rejected, still smiled happily: "Ah, that's it, it's okay, then I wish you happiness."

Shi Ye leaned close to Sheng Xia's face and said politely to him, "Thank you for your blessing."

No one has spoken to stop the game, but it's kind of endless.Sheng Xia smiled and said: "Stranger, I'm getting off the bus, can you give me a farewell kiss?"

As Sheng Xia spoke, she pulled down the tie that was blindfolded, as if she was planning to come over and kiss herself.When things became clearer, seeing Shi Ye staring at him jokingly with his eyes open, Sheng Xia blushed and complained in a low voice, "You made a foul!"

"I didn't say I would follow the rules." Shi Ye looked calm and didn't care, "Did you chase me just now? I rejected you. I hope you will improve tomorrow. Today's way of chasing is a bit old-fashioned. "

"You don't follow the rules, you do it every time!" Sheng Xia covered the mouth that Shi Ye kissed, "You have to be punished and go back to celebrate the New Year with me!"

Shi Ye didn't bother to reason with him, so he stripped him clean a few times, and only replied when he took the tao apart: "It depends on your performance today."