Pilot

Shi Ye sighed in the car, then thought of what Wen Dong said to him yesterday——

"Shi Ye, based on our contact during this period, I think—" Wen Dong chooses his words carefully, "Can I be more straightforward? How should I put it, I roughly judge...you have relatively mild schizoaffective disorder. "

"Have you noticed it yourself? When talking about more emotional topics, your expressions are lacking, your body and speech are abnormal compared to before, and the phenomenon of mixed mania and depression is more obvious. Think about it, normally you are always calm and reserved, but Why is it so easy to lose control as soon as you encounter a tender part? It's normal for people to have a little temper, but don't you think you're a little too...extreme? It's not serious, don't look so serious."

"No—don't deny me yet, listen to me, please Shi Ye." Wen Dong tapped the record book with his pen, "Let me tell you a story."

"I came across a case when I was studying in the United States. There was a 30-year-old lady in California, Jenny, who couldn't recognize red. If you pointed at red to her, she would tell you that it wasn't gray. After hypnotizing her , after excavating her memory, we discovered an event that happened to her in her childhood."

"—One Christmas, her mother prepared two pairs of Christmas stockings for Jenny and Jenny's sister, one pair of green and one pair of red. Jenny liked the red pair very much, it was the latest style and the best Material, her grades were better than her younger sister that year. She thought that her mother would definitely reward herself with the red pair, but... the pair of red socks was finally given to her younger sister. Jenny got green ones, Old-fashioned green socks."

"The red socks that I couldn't get when I was young made Jenny fear that kind of red, and she couldn't get it, so she chose to avoid it. She won't cry or make trouble, because she knows that she is an older sister, and she wants to give up the good ones to her sister, but Sadness is unavoidable, and she suppresses that sadness, and over time, it becomes trauma."

"Through research, we found that this little thing that happened in Jenny's childhood was the real reason why she couldn't see red in the end. When we told her, she was surprised, because Jenny almost forgot over that."

Wen Dong looked at Shi Ye, "Shi Ye, you haven't told me about your family, I won't force you to avoid this topic. But what I want to tell you is that it is actually very difficult for people to deny their own flaws, even if you Avoidance, forcing yourself to forget, that absence will affect you and your life in other ways, and you won't even notice it, because your psychological mechanism is protecting your self-esteem. All the weirdness is There are traces to follow, but you deny it yourself."

"We don't go after the source of the obstacle... My suggestion to you is that when emotions rush here—" Wen Dong pointed to his forehead, "stop and think about it, ask yourself, what are you doing? What you want. You can’t push away others and your own sincerity in a head-to-head way. That will only hurt both sides. Sometimes stop, speak out your needs honestly, and be honest with yourself, you will It's a lot easier, and it's a way for you to let go of yourself and reconcile with yourself."

Wen Dong finally smiled: "Unless it is a matter of principle, bowing your head to the person you love, I think it is not a compromise, it is gentleness. Finally... May I make a joke that a psychology student should not make? I guess, you are Not a Virgo?"

...well, really.

Shi Ye thought back to Wen Dong's words. After getting off the car, he was distracted and walked into the shopping mall unconsciously, starting to wander around.

In fact, Shiye himself knew that he had a bad personality.But it didn't matter before, that's how I was, but I didn't see anyone coming to kill me?What he hates the most in his life is to live his life in a slump, with conceit covering every cell in his body. Anyway, there are too many additional advantages that are his heart armor.Everything has two sides, and people who are not close to him can't feel the bad temper behind his talent.

Sometimes Shi Ye also feels that he is very good at self-torture.

When talking about emotions with Wen Dong, he said with some self-deprecation: "Sometimes I can't control myself. I mean the level of will... I won't take the initiative to control. Anger, sadness, dissatisfaction, joy, whether it is negative It's still positive, how much ups and downs, I seldom control myself. I realized this problem when I was very young. I need my emotions. My job is to write songs, sing, and play guitar, which is an art Work? I don’t detach myself because I know my work requires strong emotions. Even though there are times when those emotions come back to me, I need them, they feed my inspiration.”

Wen Dong smiled at the time: "To be honest, I think you need someone who truly understands you. Only when a person has a companion can he have a real outlet."

Someone who really understands me?

Do I need it?

I compete with myself on a rampage, I am angry with you, I am angry with myself, and I am also very tired.It's my fault for scolding you away, I don't seem to want to, but I can't control it, I'm annoyed too.I have nothing to do with myself, nothing else to do.

I don't even want to admit it, I miss you so much.

After thinking for a long time, Shi Ye finally stopped in an ice cream shop and bought a bunch of ice cream like crazy. Feeling a bit shabby, he went to the opposite Starbucks to buy a bunch of cakes, and carried them out in big bags. shopping mall.

Shi Ye drove directly to Shengxia's apartment.He was so absent-minded when he parked that he almost brushed a Land Rover next to him.Only after he finished his psychological construction did he go upstairs with his things.

The doorbell rang for a long time, but no one opened the door. After a long time, Shi Ye's patience and courage were exhausted, and someone came to open the door slowly.

Sheng Xia looked sleepy, still wearing plaid pajamas, and was taken aback when he saw Shi Ye: "Shi Ye... Teacher?"

Teacher Shi Ye.

Teacher Shi Ye.

Teacher Shi Ye froze: "...you can't get through the phone, Niu Xiaojun asked me to talk to you about business, he bought something for you."

Reasonable statement.

After finishing speaking, he handed over the things in his hand, but there was no more to say.

Midsummer was confused by the cake box Shanshan and Haagen-Dazsshan handed over, so he could only let Shi Ye in first, slowly find slippers for him, and slowly put the ice cream and cake in one by one refrigerator.

When the things were finished, the two of them didn't look at each other, and the atmosphere was suddenly very awkward.

Shi Ye was silent for a long time before opening his mouth: "The matter of you coming to the pilot has been exposed."

"Oh," Sheng Xia rubbed his eyes, "I know, I read it before going to bed."

Shi Ye raised his eyebrows: "Know?"

You know you can still sleep?

"Well, I know, I checked Weibo before going to bed." Sheng Xia had no extra expression on his face, "I was so sleepy after reading it, I just fell asleep."

Shi Ye was silent for a while.Indeed, he shouldn't look at the current midsummer from the perspective of four years ago.It's been so long, and how much do they know about each other now, Sheng Xia is no longer the kid who was painting at the entrance of the ancient city.

What's more, he has always been different from others, and he can't think of him with normal thinking.

All the manuscripts that Shi Ye had typed up before he came were invalid, he quickly recalled Wen Dong's advice to him, and wanted to change the topic.

He said slowly: "Talk?"

After the last bad break up, Sheng Xia was always angry, and when he heard the words, he still said lightly: "Let's stop chatting, it's so late, Teacher Shi Ye, you should go back to rest early."

Shi Ye's eyelids twitched.

Sheng Xia's expression and movements were very defensive against him, obviously angry.Sheng Xia's facial features are three-dimensional, with a deep outline, and her eyes are always drooping lazily. As long as she doesn't smile, she looks very cold.

...After all, Shi Ye hadn't been turned off by Sheng Xia before, and he was a little uncomfortable after the role swap.

Shi Ye looked at him quietly, and said again: "Let's chat."

Sheng Xia kept holding back and didn't look at Shi Ye. When he heard this, he paused and said in a fit of anger:

"What are you talking about? Anyway, the fans of the pilot hate me, and my fans will hate me too. You hate me the most. You don't leave me anything. You don't return the things to me, and you lose them. What are we talking about?" ?”

After Sheng Xia finished speaking, he took a quick look at Shi Ye, and added: "...Get my things and return them to me first, and we'll talk later."

He also couldn't really reject the person in front of him.

Shi Ye kept looking at Sheng Xia.At this age, Sheng Xia's skeleton is basically finalized. He has grown a little taller than before, and his hair and eyes seem to be darker?It seems that something is changing. After four years, I will lose my temper.He has never seen Sheng Xia lose his temper with him, because this person has always been lukewarm.

Shi Ye glanced at the hickey marks on Sheng Xia's neck that hadn't completely disappeared, and absently answered Sheng Xia's question: "Why are you sleeping so early?"

Sheng Xia could feel that Shi Ye was staring at him all the time. He was embarrassed, but he couldn't bear to look at Shi Ye, and continued to be angry, imitating Shi Ye's tone: "...I can sleep whenever I want."

Kind of funny.Shi Ye endured it for a while, feeling unable to bear it, so he continued this boring topic: "It's only past ten o'clock, do you like sleeping so much?"

Sensing that Shi Ye was teasing him, Sheng Xia's ears turned red, and he tried to pretend to be indifferent and said: "...Mr. Shi Ye, if you have nothing to do, go first, I'm so sleepy."

Shi Ye frowned, and he silently recited what Wen Dong said once in his heart, stop, think about it, what do you want.

"Are you so impatient with me?" Shi Ye thought to himself that I am very upset now, isn't it just to express my needs and my heart?That's easy to deal with, "What do you mean by yin and yang? Why are you looking down, you don't want to look at me?"

What do I want?

I want you to watch me.

Like that, watch me.

Sheng Xia choked, glanced at Shi Ye hesitantly, then turned his head away, "...I won't talk to you until you return the things to me."

Shi Ye responded reflexively: "Then did you say what you just said to me with your ass?"

Seeing Sheng Xia's unnatural expression, Shi Ye also thought of something, he cleared his throat, and asked in a different tone, "Does it still hurt there?"

Sheng Xia's eyelids trembled, he picked at the tablecloth, and ignored Shi Ye.

Shi Ye glanced at Sheng Xia's face, and said lightly: "I checked it for you that day, and it was only a little bit broken, and it was all medicated, but to be on the safe side, you still have to take anti-inflammatory drugs on time."

Midsummer blushed.He closed his eyes, turned his body away, turned his back to Shi Ye, and refused to communicate.

"It's the first time I have no experience, please be considerate." Shi Ye looked at the tips of Sheng Xia's red ears, and then quietly put something on the dining table, "It won't happen in the future. Let's talk about it after the immediate matter is settled. "

Sheng Xia hardened her heart and said in a businesslike manner: "Oh."

Shi Ye touched his nose and could only cough in embarrassment.

In fact, Sheng Xia endured it very hard, he really wanted to turn around and say I forgive you spinelessly, I seem to forgive you for anything you do to me, I don't care.But during the few days in the hospital, he wanted to understand something. In reality, it is not that simple for two people to be together.His teenage dreams were not so perfect, dreams are dreams, reality is reality.What's more, the past period has passed, and they can't just rely on the past to maintain their relationship. It's been four years.

In four years, a university has been completed.What have you become, what have I become?You are still standing so high, I am not as good as you, crawling so slowly, can I catch up with you?

Shi Ye said: "We'll talk about the news tomorrow, we... also talk slowly, you have a good rest. I'm leaving first."

Suspicion flashed in Sheng Xia's heart, this style of speaking was too out of date.

Where would he "speak slowly" with you before? He has always been the biggest Shiye, so how could he leave room for others?He was the one who refused to give up even a single step. Unexpectedly, one day, Shi Ye knew that he would not say anything, and left himself a way out.

After hearing the door close, Sheng Xia's tense body relaxed.

He sighed and turned his head, only to see something on the table that didn't belong to him——

It's not the necklace he wanted... It's a black pick, half-new and not old, and a pair of strings that were folded randomly, looking like new, it looks like... just removed?

Sheng Xia thought dizzily, did he say that the guitar strings were his ribs?

this is new?

He was in a daze for a long time before picking up his phone, hesitated for a long time, and edited a WeChat message slowly.

"Thank you brother. You go to bed early, good night."

No problem, right, very decent, very ordinary.

After posting, Sheng Xia sighed, thinking that I am so useless, I will be happy after coaxing.Why send it to him, maybe you will feel guilty again.

But Shi Ye returned quickly——

"Don't watch the news, and don't worry, it's not a big deal, it will be handled well."

"Good night."

Sheng Xia's eyelids trembled...

After good night, there is actually a [love] expression...

?Too often Ye...

Too... girly, right?

Is this Shi Ye himself?

Sheng Xia said to herself: "...I'm blind."