Pilot

Later, no matter what Sheng Xia said, Shi Ye refused the invitation to live in his house.

Midsummer's birthday was the second day after Shi Ye went out to live.

Shi Ye's own memory is quite vague.At that time, he was in a daze all day long, quarreled and fought with people at every turn, and had a bad temper, just like a bad young man.He also seemed to be drunk on his birthday, and that night he and Xie Hong and a few acquaintances went to a restaurant he frequented and had a meal, so he just fooled around.

Life cannot be repeated, of course not.Shi Ye actually felt that it didn't represent growing up. Growing up was too unreal and had nothing to do with age.People are made by the society, some people will grow up overnight, some people will be innocent all their lives, it's fate.

He couldn't see the shadow of maturity in Sheng Xia.

Sheng Xia was a very strange person in his eyes.It can't be said that Sheng Xia is ignorant, after all, sometimes what this child says can make people unable to refute and become speechless.

He seems to be stuck in a world unknown to others, only he himself knows that world, and no one else can enter.

But how can a person who is so careless about life survive in society?It will definitely suffer.One day they were strolling in the street, if Shi Ye hadn't been careful, the phone in Sheng Xia's pocket was almost stolen.Afterwards, Shi Ye told him a meal, but Sheng Xia replied to him: "I think he stole it, so let's steal it. Thieves also have to eat. I lost my mobile phone. It doesn't affect my life, but if he stole the mobile phone, he might be able to eat today." Well, I seem to have done a good thing too."

A genius of logic, Shi Ye was almost pissed off when he heard that, "...do you think you are a Bodhisattva?"

Sheng Xia just laughed: "It's his ability to make him steal it. I don't have that much mood to care about whether it will be stolen. I have no ability, and we each rely on our own ability."

"You call it condoning crime."

Sheng Xia smiled indifferently, "I just don't have the mood to care too much about these... right and wrong, right and wrong. I think my world can only hold a part of things, some things that belong to me. If you ask I am careful to guard against others in my life, and I will be distracted. A person can only hold a part of things, and if there is too much, it will be full."

This is his logic, only pretending to be related to himself.suffer?He doesn't care.

There are all kinds of ghosts and monsters in the circle, and those who play music, especially those who play rock and roll like Shi Ye, have more and more weird tempers.But most of those weirdnesses can be traced, which can make people feel clear that Midsummer is different.Sheng Xia seems to be different from everyone else, sometimes you think he is naive, sometimes you are persuaded by his naivety, and sometimes you can't understand him.

They didn't say where they were going, they just kept walking and chatting in the ancient city, and the topic never stopped.Until it got dark and it was very late, in the whole ancient city, only the bars on Foreigner Street were busy chatting.

They passed a quiet bar, where a young resident singer was singing a folk song, the song was "The Vagabond Singer's Lover" by Lao Lang.There are outdoor tables and chairs outside, the lights are dim, and there are not many guests.

Sheng Xia said: "I heard from Sister Hong that the beer here is delicious, and it's brewed by a machine imported from Germany."

Shi Ye stopped and asked, "Have you ever drank?"

Midsummer shook his head.Shi Ye said, let's order a drink each.No, forget it, your alcohol capacity is too bad, I will order a glass, ask the boss to get an empty glass, and pour it for you to taste, we all have a taste.

The boss is a foreigner and speaks Mandarin very well.He smoked Marlboro and passed the cigarette to Shi Ye, but not Sheng Xia.

When they were buying wine, the boss stared at Shi Ye a few times, casually glanced at Sheng Xia a few times, kept looking at Shi Ye when they were pouring the wine, and asked where Shi Ye was from when they handed the wine over.

Shi Ye didn't answer, just said please give me another cup.

The boss said let me give you a drink, he laughed so that Sheng Xia felt a little strange.

Shi Ye still said, give me another empty cup, and he handed over the cash, saying that there is no need to look for it.

In the end, Shi Ye took the glass full of wine, Sheng Xia took the empty glass and went out of the bar door, and the two drank at the table next to the door.Shi Ye took a sip, then poured another sip into the empty cup for Sheng Xia.

Like feeding a cat.

Shi Ye said, "Tell me about yourself."

Sheng Xia was puzzled: "What about myself?"

"It's you." It was very hot, and Shi Ye sweated a lot, but he didn't wipe it off, "You talked a lot. You kept a cat when you were young, and the girls at your desk always read comics in class. Stealing snacks, falling in love with a boy from a technical school, and being known by the parents. You said that you moved, and the neighbors seem to be Bai people. You used to have a fruit tree in front of your house, which you planted yourself. I should have never seen that kind of fruit. Said it was called a hydrangea. You talked so much, but you didn't tell me about yourself."

See, I remember it all.

"Me? I have nothing to say." Sheng Xia was a little puzzled, "Besides, can a person make it clear in a few words?"

"I mean, I want to get to know you." Shi Ye suddenly wanted to smoke, "You told me a lot of things that seem to be related to you, but don't belong to you."

"How? Those... are actually me, part of me. It doesn't seem to have anything to do with me, but I revolve around these, and my life is so trivial and boring, which is different from Teacher Shi Ye." Sheng Xia seemed to think A bit far, "That's all I've been through. What else does it take to know a person? I don't know."

After a moment of silence, Shi Ye nodded, as if in approval.

"I don't know either." Shi Ye spun the cup, "Probably what you like to eat, what do you dislike, what movies to watch, what songs to listen to, what books to read, what hobbies do you have? Forget it, you're so old-fashioned."

Sheng Xia opened his eyes wide and smiled, "Mr. Shi Ye, I thought you were going to say: where is your family, how many people are there, what is your income, and what education you have. Hey, this one is more old-fashioned."

"Why do I ask you this? I look so vulgar? I'm not interested in those." Shi Ye followed him with a smile, pointing to the glass, "This wine is really delicious. Strange, the wine I drink here seems to be It smells like wheat."

"Fresh beer tastes a lot better. My dad used to work in a brewery. I was still young at that time. Every time he came back from the factory, he smelled very fragrant and smelled like wine." What are you looking at through Shi Ye?He changed the subject, "Teacher Shi Ye, do you want to ask me something?"

What do you want to ask?He doesn't know either.Shi Ye has no reason to have some contact with Sheng Xia, he has no reason not to return to Beijing, no reason to stay.A few days are too short, it seems that there is not enough love, not enough to give, not enough to promise.How is it going to happen?Doesn't the beginning of the story start with understanding?

At least one reason is needed.Either stay or leave.

Shi Ye took it for granted.So he said, "Let's put it another way. If you were to write an autobiography of who you are today, what would you write?"

Midsummer was silent.He was in a daze for a long time, Shi Ye just watched him in a daze.

Shi Ye looked very carefully, at Shengxia's eyes, nose, mouth, at his still reddened skin, at his hair blown up by the wind as if he was thinking.

Sheng Xia was silent for a long time, and finally he said, the wine is gone, I'll go buy another glass, this time I'll treat you.

He just said it was a glass, but he brought back two full glasses.

Shi Ye didn't have a chance to speak, because Sheng Xia started to talk about his autobiography.

"The first sentence of my autobiography is that my life seems to be dispensable. I don't know what I need, and I don't know what I'm looking for, so I'm so envious of Feng." Sheng Xia sipped his wine, "I Can I call myself 'he'? It's more objective like that, and I won't feel embarrassed."

Shi Ye felt that he had fallen into a very strange atmosphere, and he was getting hotter and hotter.

He said, good.

"How to describe him? Starting with his character?" Sheng Xia tilted his head, "He has no temper. Is that what he said? Temper. He seems to be a person who doesn't care about anything. He was late for school, and the teacher made him stand as a punishment It doesn't matter to him. The food in the cafeteria is delicious, it doesn't matter. His classmates say that he has brain problems, that he is weird, he doesn't care. What clothes he wears doesn't matter. It doesn't matter in winter or summer. A tepid, dispensable person."

"What kind of feeling is that? It may be a little negative." Sheng Xia took a sip of wine and licked his lower lip, "I just feel that this world is meaningless, as if there is nothing important, and everything is meaningless. Grades? Future? Upward? Ideas? Money? Rights? Politics? Those messes, scrambling, scrambling, socializing, talking, these don’t make him happy, they just make him feel uncomfortable. He seems to have paused, stopped in the world In the contradictions, I feel that everything I see is a bubble of life. People always complicate each other because of unnecessary things, which is too boring.”

"When he was young, his father died, but he didn't cry. His mother beat him, hugged him again, and said I love you, but he still didn't cry. At that time, he felt that he was really strange, and he couldn't cry, but he got sick later. He had a fever and was very sick. His mother said that during the few days he was sick, he kept crying in his sleep. Is that him? He doesn’t know, he doesn’t seem to know himself.”

Sheng Xia frowned slightly.Shi Ye looked at him, looking deeper, deeper, and closer.

"Many people don't understand themselves." Shi Ye's tone seemed to be sighing, "Maybe they won't understand themselves for the rest of their lives."

There was a sudden commotion at the corner of the alley. The vendor pushing the cart selling Shiping tofu quarreled with the customers, and a city management officer approached with a cart.

They watched the farce for a while, and the cups were more than half empty again.

Sheng Xia continued: "He is very envious of the wind. The wind can pass through the four seasons, go anywhere, kiss everything, and it is all over the world. It seems to be wandering all the time, and it will not die. It has no purpose, right? It exists for nothing. , it just exists and makes people feel it. Does it have emotions? But it won’t grow old, it lives so freely.”

Sheng Xia began to pinch her fingers to feel the calluses on them.

"His life so far has been very boring. He has been a very loose and clumsy person since he was a child, and he lived a well-regulated life. When he was a child, he liked to touch his parents' ears when he was sleeping, and he liked to draw pictures, but the pictures were not good-looking. Like Piano, I like the pleasant sound. He is short-sighted and can't see clearly. His name is Shengxia, but he prefers the winter in his hometown."

Shi Ye smiled: "I also think you look very winter."

"Really." Sheng Xia also laughed, "Well... I'll continue. If you want to sum it up, his character is different, and if you put it badly, it's just running counter to normal. In fact, he is very good at himself. Depressed, people live so boring, obviously not very old, as if it doesn’t matter if you die tomorrow, isn’t it boring? He thought he would go on like this forever, ordinary, pass by, have no spiritual world, and study is not good. Very ordinary, As ordinary as most people."

Shi Ye frowned: "I guess there will be a but next."

"The stories are all like this! The teacher will also say in class: But the key point is behind, and there is an exam." Sheng Xia's eyes seemed to light up, and he was a little embarrassed, "Then... the but in his life came. He suddenly Started to have something to love, he started to like a band, it just happened out of the blue."

"It was too sudden."

"A lot of things are sudden..." Sheng Xia thought, "Maybe it was sudden after the fact? It happened slowly at the time, but the memory changed. That moment is more important. Sudden seems to be able to emphasize the importance, because it is Change."

Shi Ye nodded: "You continue."

"He thinks it's something very pure, it's that band's song. There's something in it—very primitive, something hard to describe in words. It's like fire, something that keeps burning...but it's dark. Yes, it's very dark, but there is a cry for help in that kind of darkness, isn't it contradictory? He feels that the song conveys a very vigorous thing, a very dark prosperity."

Sheng Xia frowned and spoke slowly, Shi Ye was stunned.

"He felt that the people who wrote those songs seemed to be using those songs to send out a message for help, but they were not saying: Come and save me. Instead, they said, come and understand me, come to be my kind, accomplice." Midsummer seemed Thinking his analogy was funny, he laughed, and then became serious again, "He thought he understood the band, but it was just a feeling at that time, and he couldn't describe it."

Shi Ye said, "You try to describe it, and I try to understand it."

"Well." Sheng Xia nodded, "He actually seldom listens to that song now, and that song is called "Universe". Because every time he listens to it, he feels that the person who sang this song is very lonely. Every time he listens, he Everyone will feel sad. How can it be so empty and empty. At first listen to rock and roll, it should make people's blood warm up, but that person's song is not pure heat, but the kind of heat with ice slag in the middle and heavy snow , cold and hot, cold and bright... Oh, what am I talking about, can you understand me?"

Suddenly, really suddenly.Emphasize it.

Shi Ye felt that he was suddenly torn apart.When it was torn apart, it was caught in a net and tightly entangled.

"You..." Shi Ye's throat was a little bitter, and the wine he drank before became bitter in his throat.He didn't know what to say, "Go on."

"Well." Sheng Xia's tone became lighter, "He feels that kind of loneliness is very similar to himself... I can't say it's like, it's just what I just said, the feeling of complicity, like finding an accomplice, listening to that person sing, he will He felt that only he and the singer were left in the world, and there were only them in the world, and the order of the world belonged to them. Even if he couldn't see that person, didn't know him, and didn't talk to him, he still felt very happy. "

"The turning point in his autobiography was the band, and the person who sang, because that person changed his life. Why do you think of me like that? It's true, it's like a belief. People are afraid of being alone, if There's a friend, there's an accomplice, there's a star in the sky, you look at the star..."

Shi Ye couldn't help interrupting him: "Is it too exaggerated?"

Sheng Xia shook his head, and his tone was very firm: "It's no exaggeration. His life is only 17 years. In those years of memory, he was accompanied by that star. He has always needed that star, that accomplice. He is too ordinary, he needs A belief, a distance, to save his ordinary life."

The wine is almost gone.Shi Ye was not drunk, how could he be drunk with this little wine.But there seemed to be an illusion in front of his eyes... He knew that he was swallowed by something, and he was entangled tightly. He also watched the thing twist and scream, saying Shiye Shiye, you are finished, you are moved, you Your heart beats faster, becomes heavier, becomes more full, and becomes not yours anymore, you are vain, complacent, embarrassed, you are seen through, you are about to drown, and you will soon be at the mercy of others.

Shi Ye watched helplessly as his own story and Midsummer's story merged together, God.I came to save you?Then who will save me?It's better to die together, just to die on this night.

Shi Ye squeezed the sweat in his palm, and finally said: "This is not your autobiography, there are too many of that person in your autobiography."

Sheng Xia didn't care.He smiled very nicely and said: "So it seems meaningless for me to talk about understanding. What I'm talking about is obviously myself, that person, and that person is a part, which makes up me and that person. That person is very important, it is the structure Part of the story... well, so I said why we should understand each other, it's hard to understand."

He spoke in a rambling manner.He he he, who the hell is it.is it you?It seems to be me again.

Shi Ye nodded, he suddenly smiled and said, "It's difficult, I don't seem to fully understand."

"It's okay if you don't understand." Sheng Xia finished his drink, "It's hard to understand, and so are people."

Shi Ye echoed: "Yes, it doesn't matter."

He really didn't understand, but he seemed to fall in love with this incomprehension.

Shi Ye knew that he had fallen into resonance, into a soft atmosphere.He has the illusion that everything is going with the flow, as it should be, as undeniable as law and truth.

How to deny it?

Shi Ye suddenly let out a sigh of relief.

He looked at his watch, just a few seconds after twelve o'clock, God is also contributing to the coincidence of this moment?The vagabond singer's lover in the bar had already finished singing, the singer probably got off work, and John Lennon's "Oh My Love" was playing inside.Fuck, the background music is here, everything is forcing him to admit it, isn't it God's will?A coincidence can't be so coincidental, and a coincidence can't happen to thousands of people, but it's you and me, and it's just now.

God.

There is still a little wine in the glass.Shi Ye raised his glass and touched Sheng Xia's.A crisp sound, is it the sound of broken dreams?

The wind is hot, hugging him and kissing his face.It was so hot that he kept sweating.It's not sweat, it's the tears of summer, it's the juice of summer, wrapping him, as if saying:

Hello, have you seen it, it is midsummer, it is the season, and it is me, welcome to our world.

Shi Ye said to Sheng Xia in the very hot wind: "It's time."

Their cups kiss together.

Sheng Xia didn't react, "What time?"

"Xia Zhi." Shi Ye smiled, but his tone was as solemn as if he was swearing, "Happy birthday, my accomplice."