middle of the road

When the car drove downstairs, Chi Yu closed the door and went to the other side, and carried Cheng Yang out of the car. He had never held him before, and his hand was heavy and almost slipped. Cheng Yang was not that kind of weak willow. Fufeng's type, but a man with the same height as him and a strong build.

At the beginning, my feet swayed a little, but after two or three seconds, after I had almost mastered the strength, I walked steadily all the way. I didn't even look at the hundreds of thousands of cars, and just kicked the door behind me. .

The floor of the old residential area was not high. When he arrived, Chiyu let him down, took out the key from his bag, and opened the door. During this time, Cheng Yang was half drunk and half awake. His body was a little weak under the influence of alcohol, and he couldn't help but fall to the ground. Chi Yu had no choice but to half hug his waist, imprisoning him in front of him.

After entering, he put Cheng Yang on the bed in the bedroom. The room was not ventilated before and it seemed a bit stuffy. Chi Yu turned on the air conditioner and wanted to change his shirt for him, but he hesitated when he touched his collar. In the end, he still didn’t dare. When Yang was obviously unfriendly to him, Chi Yu didn't want to make him angry again and again because of this little thing that didn't cross the line.

He went to the kitchen to boil some water and put it on his bedside, and twisted two hot towels to wipe his face and hands. After finishing all this, Chi Yu sat cross-legged on the floor in front of him, and put Cheng Yang on the floor. The hand at the side grabbed it and carefully put it into his palm.

The fingers are evenly slender, the joints are flexible and unobtrusive, and there are several thin calluses on the pen grip. Cheng Yang's hand has always been beautiful. When Chi Yu used to hold him from behind, he couldn't help but bow his head and kiss the back of his hand delicately. The bone lines on the top are sharp because of too much force.

Chi Yu looked at him, as if he couldn't get enough of it. There was extreme forbearance in his eyes, and the tenderness and tenderness revealed was more pious than ever before. Although he could clearly distinguish dreams from reality, his subconscious mind was also blurred. I corrected my assumptions, knowing that I had indeed found him, but from time to time, I still felt like I was on the edge of a cliff rolling with sand and stones, worrying about stepping on the ground at any time.

He couldn't count how many times this face appeared in his complicated dreams, indifferent, angry, calm, happy... If he hadn't experienced it clearly when the powerful and stubborn memory haunted him, he would never have seen it. Knowing that he remembers it so deeply.

He told Cheng Yang that he never forgot about him, which sounded like an exaggeration to win his sympathy, but maybe only Chi Yu knew how much he missed him every day since he left.

He even heard him call his name in a waking state, right next to his ear, the short words were calm but loud, but when he turned his head happily, there was nothing behind him, at that moment even he himself was speechless. I can't believe that he had such hallucinations.

But he was indulging in that illusion again, because it was more vivid and vivid than the person he imagined he could shape, and he knew it was fake, just like in the dream state, he had already been able to realize that it was a dream by conditioned reflex.

The fictitious beauty and broken reality once cut him in half bloody.

The reason why he didn't end up in complete defeat is probably because there is always a slight gap between fantasy and reality, which makes him try to keep the only ray of clarity for him while feeling the tricks of fate.

The room did not turn on the light, leaving only a dim light on the desk that was deliberately lowered. Chi Yu lightly stroked the back of Cheng Yang's hand, and felt a few small unevennesses in the middle joint under the fingertips. Come and have a look, the color is very light, almost invisible to the naked eye.

When did you leave it?scratch?Looking at the marks, it doesn't seem to be the same, but it seems to be worn out by some rough things.

Chi Yu suddenly thought of something, grabbed his other hand and touched it, and felt the same bump under his hand. At that time, he misunderstood the time he went to find Boss Zhang and waited for him downstairs at his house, because He was so ugly that he punched him angrily, and smashed his hands down on the concrete floor. Cheng Yang was so painful because of this, he was suppressed crying with his head on his chest, and he still still Remember.

At that time, he clearly felt sorry for him more, but what he did in the end was so unconscious and vile.

Chi Yu gently covered his eyes with his warm palms, and took a deep breath, what did he do to him in those years, playing with his body wantonly in the name of caring and sympathy, Or cruelly trample on his sincerity?

He did everything, [-] out of [-] frankly showed him the smallest and most despicable side of himself, leaving no room for success.

Cheng Yang must have hated him at that time. He hated him so much that he left without wanting to hear anything from him, and made up his mind that he would never see him again in his life.

Chi Yu didn't believe that Cheng Yang said he had forgotten him until this moment, maybe he really didn't want to remember him anymore, remembering is always something to think about, and there is nothing worthy of thinking about him for a person like him.

What's more, they all knew clearly that nine years had passed, not nine days. In such a long and distant time, people became extremely small, and their feelings were even more insignificant. Why did he ask him to keep such pain in his memory? Maybe Cheng Yang didn't even want to hate anymore. Putting aside all emotional factors, Chi Yu is in his heart, at best, he is just an insignificant passer-by on the road of life.

Thinking of this, he couldn't help being a little sad. Fu Jin said that he loves to cry, but he didn't wrong him. Chi Yu held Cheng Yang's hand and tightly covered his eyes. Tears flowed silently from between his fingers.

The sharp pain pierced through the most fragile nerves in his flesh, and he shrank and tightened his body in pain. The wound never healed day after day. It seemed that he should have been used to such torture long ago, but No matter how deep the torment is, it can't resist the crazy self-blame that no matter how much self-loathing you have in your heart, you can't get rid of it.

In the past few years, how much he missed Cheng Yang, and how many days he spent in self-blame. He fell in love with him so easily, but until the end, he still felt that he was free to come and go in this relationship, and even almost gave up on him. Everything is paid with such an easy attitude.

What he wanted the most was pushed away first, and he seemed to never be able to see himself clearly...

The slight sound of cloth rubbing against each other was heard, the person in front of him moved, his hands were taken away from his eyes, Chi Yu was startled suddenly, took a deep breath and looked at the bed, Cheng Yang opened his eyes at some point, Looking at him with his head tilted slightly, his eyes were loose without anxiety, Chi Yu wasn't sure if he was awake.

He felt that he was looking at himself, but the eyes were deeply sad, as if looking elsewhere through him.

He tried to call him, and the eyes drawn by the voice returned to his face, Cheng Yang stared at him for a while, Chi Yu was nervous and didn't know what to say, when he suddenly turned over With his back facing him, with both hands on his head, the man arched his back and curled up.

Chi Yu subconsciously went to pull him, but Cheng Yang opened it with some resistance, and moved to the side further away with his head in his arms.

That's the defensive state of mind.

To say that the only person who is not unfamiliar with his posture is the one who was keen on sleeping with him back then, and especially liked to appreciate the extremely depressed and forbearing expression on his expression when he was violated.

Cheng Yang may not have recognized him, and the heavy vigilance was not out of fear of him, but that made Chi Yu more sad than fear. Central instinctively rejects such a shame and injury.

He probably never wanted to do it with him.

Chi Yu's heart was shocked, how could he believe that all the orgasms he had obtained on him were endless disasters for Cheng Yang.

To what extent did his misconduct back then cause him pain...

"Cheng Yang." Chi Yu called him softly, the foreign body feeling choked in his heart made him a little speechless, he had to wipe his face heavily, and pressed the corners of his eyes hard to suppress the pain in his voice That bit of bitterness, "Remember that year, when we first met?"

"On the first day I transferred to No. [-] Middle School, I introduced myself on the podium. Ah Huang made you all stand up if you want to sleep. Everyone stood up, only you knew it later."

"Actually, I almost sat next to you at that time. It was a mistake, but the front was not bad, and it was very close to you. I remember I peeked at your name, and when you found out, you stood up with that unhappy look..." Chi Yu Speaking of this, he smiled slightly, "Actually, I remembered you at that time."

"I misunderstood you in Boss Zhang's shop and said some bad things, but then you helped me drive out that worm, and I thought you were a nice person, and I wanted to take the opportunity to show you how to be nice, but you always ignored me. Me." Thinking of the entanglement at that time, Chi Yu felt a little naive, and it was easy to notice the strangeness of Cheng Yang's unusual care, wasn't it, and only people like him would be obsessed.

"After Fu Jin told me that he likes you and wants to chase you, I couldn't help but keep looking at you. In fact, I already liked you a little at that time, but I didn't know it. I always thought that I was treating you... …It’s just physical impulses and desires, and it’s impossible to have other emotions.” Chi Yu said: “So when I knew you were short of money and was willing to trade myself for it, I felt that you compromised too easily, and at the same time And secretly delighted at the thought of his upcoming success, quite shameless, isn't it?"

"Actually, I hesitated later." He coughed softly, his nasal voice was so heavy that he couldn't hear what he was saying clearly, "But at that time we were always arguing about some things, and your persistence in principles and decisiveness in doing things made me Worrying about gains and losses, I can't really feel at ease with you from the bottom of my heart, and I can't ignore the coveted eyes of the outside world. Do you understand that feeling, like holding a treasure in your hand for fear of being snatched away by others, so you can only hide it in your stomach. Or to be more direct, only by truly possessing can I have the satisfaction of completely belonging to myself.”

"...So I made mistakes again and again."

"I should pursue you well." Chi Yu took his hand off and took it back into his own, "It's because we were bad tempered back then, and I didn't know how to be considerate, and I was always irritated by your few words , in fact, I just want you to look at me more and pay more attention to me."

"My love for you is sincere, it has always been, and it is even more so now."

"I have never liked anyone as much as I like you. From the beginning to the end, you are the only one in my heart."

"But how can you trust me? I haven't told you these words before, so now you don't want to hear them anymore, do you?"

Cheng Yang didn't respond to him pulling his hand again, and the sound of breathing gradually became more even from the first, and it seemed that he was asleep. Chi Yu relaxed his arms and legs and lay down on the bed, lying on his side a little distance behind him. Turning around, slowly put your forehead on his back, "Cheng Yang, have you ever been happy with me?"

The body temperature transmitted through the shirt is comfortable and soft, making people feel at ease, "Sleep with me, have you ever felt happy even once?"

Of course a person who is asleep will not answer him, Chi Yu closed his eyes for a while, slowly propped himself up, looked at Cheng Yang's side face, lowered his head to the corner of his lips, and dropped a slightly cool kiss.