middle of the road

The whole road runs through streets and alleys, and the light is dim. Cheng Yang usually only walks once or twice when he comes back and does not take the subway. Chi Yu has followed him, but every time he deliberately avoids letting him notice. Only this It was intentional once, but Cheng Yang didn't feel his presence until then.

Facing his back, Chi Yu couldn't help wondering several times whether he had already guessed it, so it was his clear and neat attitude during the long journey.

Chi Yu was a little self-deprecating, as if the only thing he shouldn't doubt was Cheng Yang's decisiveness and determination that would never show mercy when facing him.

Just like that day on the playground, a greeting that didn't seem like parting, and turning around without looking back.

He wanted to simply call out to him, but he was afraid that he would not be able to bear his hideous appearance.

He told Jiang Mingyang that he was afraid because he knew Cheng Yang hated him, didn't want to see him, and avoided him.

But he wasn't really intimidated by it.

He has been looking for him for so many years, and he was on the verge of collapse several times in the middle. He would not have easily chosen to retreat because of this negative emotion.

What's more, he wasn't afraid, he was just...a little nervous.

To be able to find Cheng Yang, to be able to stand a few steps behind him like this, even if he doesn't want to look back at him or say anything to him, in Chi Yu's countless fantasies, it is already hope.

Hope has been ignited and shattered many times, so that at this moment, he can't feel much reality.

Fearing that it was a fantasy, worrying that it was a dream, the slender figure in front of him was gradually blurred into a blurred outline in his line of sight.

Cheng Yang whispered in his throat, and he was afraid that if he didn't cry, the figure would disappear.

But he was also afraid to scream, the reality was shattered, and he would find that it was just another dream from beginning to end.

It wasn't until Cheng Yang looked over clearly and couldn't hide his surprise under the dim light that Chi Yu was sure that he really didn't expect it, but for some reason, he was still a little disappointed. Behind the unexpectedness was Because I never thought I'd see him again.

At that moment, Chi Yu had mixed feelings, and the moment his eyes were red, he forced a gentle smile. His expression should be unnatural, even a little awkward and weird, but he couldn't control it, he controlled his dry and sour voice , whispered: "Long time no see."

Cheng Yang's expression gradually calmed down, he didn't move or speak, just looked at him like this, his eyes were direct, but without any warmth.

Chi Yu took two steps forward, pretending that he didn't understand his words, and ignoring his indifference at the moment, he passed a small cake box in his hand forward, and his eyes were right. Looking at him, "Today is April NO.15, if I remember correctly, it's your birthday."

I don't remember it wrong, but I just said it casually, this day has been remembered in his heart since that year.

Chi Yu knew that he would never remember wrongly.

Cheng Yang's eyes gradually moved down, and he glanced at his hand.

"You probably won't agree to my spending time with you." Chi Yu smiled, "But I still want to say, happy birthday Cheng Yang."

Chi Yu spoke modestly, he expected that Cheng Yang would not agree to spend the time with him, he probably didn't even want to hear happy birthday from him.

Sure enough, Cheng Yang's gaze swept past his hands, and he kept his original posture without moving, without even raising his eyelids. It seemed that he never thought of exchanging greetings with such an unexpected visitor who broke in suddenly. , "How did you find me?"

It's been too long since Chi Yu looked at his face so straightforwardly that his eyes couldn't help becoming greedy, "I've been looking for you."

His voice trembled uncontrollably, "I've been looking for you for nine years."

"Nine years?" Cheng Yang repeated these two words inexplicably, bowed his head and smiled softly, as if talking to himself, "It's so touching."

Actually looking for him for nine years.

He didn't say that he had forgotten it, so it had been so long since he left that place.

Cheng Yang smiled, "Why, after so many years, do you still miss my body?"

Chi Yu was a little embarrassed by this blunt statement, and couldn't help but retort, "I didn't do it for this."

"What's that for?"

Chi Yu felt a dull pain in his heart because of his extremely cold smile, but he still said, "Let's find a place and sit down and talk, shall we?"

"What are you talking about?" There was obvious impatience in Cheng Yang's voice, but his expression remained forbearing, "What else do I have to pay you back?"

"No." Chi Yu said, "You have never owed..."

"Then there is nothing to talk about." Cheng Yang lightly refused, then turned around, "Let's go."

"Cheng Yang!" Chi Yu suddenly stepped forward and pulled his arm, but he couldn't control his strength. He was shaken by his pull, and took two straight steps back.

Cheng Yang paused, stabilized his figure, his eyes suddenly sank, he turned around, quickly grabbed Chi Yu's neck with his right hand, and pushed him against the tree behind him. With naked distaste, "Don't play with me here, I should have warned you, don't do unnecessary things."

The cake box fell at the feet of the two, and no one paid attention.

It turned out that the previous peace was just an illusion.

Chi Yu's face changed slightly, and he squeezed out a smile from his hard breathing, "I saw it, why didn't you show up at that time, I..."

"One last time." Cheng Yang's hand suddenly tightened around his deadly throat, stopping him from continuing, "I don't want to see you, don't show up again."

As the strength eased, Chi Yu leaned down and coughed vigorously, "I've been looking for you, Cheng Yang..."

Because of the unstoppable physical reaction, he spoke intermittently. When he straightened up, Cheng Yang had already walked into the darkness without any shadow left. The fading touch, "I really want to see you."

Cheng Yang looked at the living room and the lights in the room, leaned outside the door and knocked out a cigarette, lit him and took a puff, the smoke curled upwards, around an unusual arc, he never thought that he would see Chi Yu again.

This person who should never appear in front of him appeared in such an awkward and painful posture.

No matter what his purpose was or how he found him, Cheng Yang would never believe him again.

It's just that the humiliation and hatred that he thought he had forgotten long ago, and because of his affectionate nine years, are tightly entangled again.

nine years?

Even if he thinks back now, he still finds it ironic. Knowing nine years, do you know how many days and nights there were when human feelings were wiped out?

Why did he think he would still remember him?

Cheng Yang laughed in the dark, closed his eyes, and felt so deeply tired for a moment.

With the marks of shame he'd left on his body, a man he'd never forget?

After standing there for an indeterminate amount of time, his fingertips trembled violently, and he felt a burning pain. Then he wringed out the cigarette butt, stood up and opened the door to enter.

"Brother, you are back." Cheng Le, who was sitting on the sofa, stood up when he heard the voice, and reached out to turn off the TV.

"Yeah." Cheng Yang was changing shoes at the door. The floor of the house must have been mopped. He was not free last week, so there was some dust. "Have you eaten yet?"

"I've eaten earlier." Cheng Le knew that he had late self-study tonight, so he would definitely come back from school after eating, so he didn't wait for him.

"But there's supper, I'm going to get the noodles now," Cheng Le said, and shouted inside, "Yingying, brother is back, come and help."

"Understood, how many times have I told you, don't be too big or small, call me sister." Cheng Ying appeared at the door of the bedroom in her pajamas, with a few sewing needles of different thicknesses pinned to her sleeves. Yang, wrinkled his nose and moved closer to him to smell it, "Brother, are you smoking again?"

"Just one." Cheng Yang pushed her head away and pulled all the needles from her clothes, "Don't put it on your body, in case you get stuck."

"Okay." Cheng Ying glared at him, then curled her lips, "It's your birthday today, and you're the oldest, so I'll let you smoke one, it's not an example."

Cheng Yang smiled, watched her enter the kitchen, and went to work with Cheng Le. There was a small cake and a few dishes on the table.

He hadn't celebrated his birthday very much before, and he didn't think about going to it. It was Cheng Ying and Cheng Le who went to high school, and one day they bought him a cake together, and he remembered that there was such a thing as a birthday, because It's the lunar calendar, and the days change every year, thanks to them always remembering.

Cheng Yang thought of something, got up and went into the kitchen to open the refrigerator, and took out the boxes of meals that he brought back the day before yesterday.

Cheng Le turned his head to see it, and said while scooping out the noodles: "Brother, I just wanted to ask, where did you get such a high-end thing, can you still eat it?"

Cheng Yang shook his head, took out boxes of them, put them in bags, took them downstairs, and threw them into the trash can.

He never wastes food, but he believes that even if these few boxes of meals go bad in his refrigerator, he will not take a bite.

Instead of this, it is better to throw it away earlier.

The three of them each ate a bowl of noodles, and Cheng Yang and Cheng Le cut off a small piece of the cake, and let Cheng Ying eat the rest while watching TV.

The rented house has two bedrooms and one living room. Cheng Ying and Cheng Le are both grown up now. After the age of ten, Cheng Yang didn't let them live together again. Cheng Ying lived alone, and Cheng Le slept with him. They all live on campus, come back only once every two weeks, and most of the time Cheng Yang is alone.

He has some savings on hand now, and it should be enough to pay a down payment locally and then repay the loan to buy a set, but since Cheng Ying and Cheng Le will be in their third year of high school next year, Cheng Yang has been helping them with the college expenses. He is now fully able to afford the money, and it doesn't seem so urgent to buy it.

At night, after taking a bath and lying on the bed, Cheng Yang suddenly turned over and put an arm on Cheng Le's stomach after not long in sleep.

Cheng Le was woken up by his blow in a daze, and immediately hid while laughing, "Don't, don't, bro, take your hands away, I'm ticklish..."

Cheng Yang didn't speak, his arms were tense instead of loose, and Cheng Le almost couldn't catch his breath.

This posture made Cheng Le a little uncomfortable. Cheng Yang had rarely been so intimate with them. He raised his head slightly and glanced at the back. He was in a bad mood all night, and he didn't see him too much when he sang the birthday song. After laughing a few times, he called him uncertainly, "Brother?"

"Don't move, let me hug you." Cheng Yang said, "I didn't hug you much when I was young."

Hearing him mentioning his childhood, Cheng Le knew that he was thinking about that time again, but in fact, it had been so long that he had forgotten it, and besides, he was willing to do it at that time, although he really wanted to be with him and Cheng Ying more, But he could fully understand Cheng Yang's difficulties at that time.

Cheng Yang seldom chatted with him, but Cheng Le knew that he took this matter very seriously, and it almost became a knot in his heart.

Cheng Yang only hugged him for less than 30 seconds before letting go, but after that, Cheng Le felt in a daze that he didn't seem to sleep all night.