middle of the road

On the day when he received the admission notice from X University, Chi Yu didn't feel the excitement and excitement that he should have been admitted to his ideal school. This is where Zhao Jin studied before. After deciding to be closer to Cheng Yang, he chose S Before entering the city, X University had always been his goal.

And the place he is about to set off to now will become a heavy and unbreakable shackle on him in the foreseeable four years in the future, reminding him of his betrayal of Cheng Yang at any time, reminding him In the face of feelings, you will always only know the cowardice of evasion.

He regarded this place as a scourge, and tried every means to escape, but later in the negotiation with Chi Haidong, he used a few flats to replace the place where he lives now. He was also worried that Cheng Yang would come back to him one day, including the set in Cheng Yunsheng's hands. He had considered buying it several times, but when he learned that it was about to be demolished, he gave up the idea.

Keeping the past intact can certainly prove his determination and attitude, but leaving such an empty house, apart from seeing things and thinking about others to make his life more difficult, Chi Yu can't think of other uses, because he knows clearly , Cheng Yang will not come back.

Even if he came back, he would not ask him for anything again. Cheng Yang asked him to remember what he owed him. The meaning of owe was like the border between Chu River and Han, drawing a huge gap between the two of them. It was he who firmly pressed him down, trampling on the equality and respect that he once dismissed under his feet.

So from the very beginning, the word owe became a cancerous tumor in Cheng Yang's heart that could not be removed no matter what.

Cheng Yang didn't owe him a long time ago, but now he owes him a sincere apology.

A secretive sentence...hidden behind the selfishness and blindness is the sincerity that is unwilling to reveal lightly.

Chi Yu had no doubts about his feelings for Cheng Yang, otherwise he wouldn't care so much about leaving alone.

Ever since the ball hit his face mercilessly, Cheng Yang's back that he didn't even want to say goodbye has become a torment he couldn't face day after day. He woke up countless times from nightmares. Seeing the painful loss, the irony is that he is experiencing loss.

He should have expected it.

He just never dared to admit it, as if he had never looked at it, and there was such a despicable self hidden on the other side of the mirror.

So since then, he hasn't stopped looking for him for a day.

Huang Ming refused to let go, so he went to stare at Cheng Yunsheng.

Cheng Yunsheng loves money. Since Cheng Yang still owes him money, he can't really let him disappear. It seems a bit abnormal to be so calm after learning that he disappeared.

In view of Chi Yu's previous generosity, Cheng Yunsheng did not look coldly at this time. When Chi Yu asked about the money, he honestly replied that Cheng Yang gave him enough money for three months before he left, and he would pay for it when he had it later. Yue hit his card.

Aren't you afraid that he won't fight?

How is it possible, Cheng Yunsheng said with a smile, he can leave, don't forget that Tao Zhiquan is still there, this kid still has a little conscience in this place.

That night, Chi Yu sat downstairs at Cheng Yang's house until the wee hours of the morning, smoking a whole pack of cigarettes. He looked at Cheng Yang's account book and knew how stretched his life had become. All savings remained.

He also took Cheng Ying and Cheng Le with him, and Chi Yu couldn't imagine how he would live the next day, and how difficult it would be.

Do you have to push yourself like this?

Perhaps Cheng Yang has told him countless times how important money is to him, but as a person born with a golden spoon in his mouth, he has never really understood it, but when he becomes the last straw on his way to despair At that time, he suddenly understood his difficulty, and also understood the persistence that he could not understand before.

But these belated tolerance and understanding could not offset his worry and self-blame when he foresees the situation that Cheng Yang may face.

What really made Chi Yu extremely distressed was that Cheng Yang once regarded him as hope.

But he put on airs and told him that he was nothing but a scumbag.

The person he once thought of relying on and accompanying him was a bastard who didn't even dare to face up to his own heart.

So far, even he wanted to ask for him, to what extent does fate need him to kneel before he can completely forgive him.

Chi Yu refrained from hitting Cheng Yunsheng.

Because there is still his last hope left, three months later, Cheng Yang will transfer money to his card, he probably doesn't know that he has paid it all for him, he didn't let Cheng Yunsheng tell him, so that he can Through the remittance bank, he can know his approximate location, whether it is local or out of town. Even if he can't get a complete address accurately, at least he can lock down a possible area.

He needs to know he's alive, and he doesn't even mind going door to door looking for it.

Before school started in September, Chi Yu flew to City X, where he had already rented a house in advance.

Fu Jin didn't come to see him off, nor did he notify Chi Haidong, the airport where Zhao Shuangqing sent him, the two of them had a meal together, and then simply said goodbye, because Chi Yu had agreed that he would meet again on November return.

He completely severed the relationship with Chi Haidong. After that day, no matter how softly Chi Haidong spoke in front of him, he never saw him again. He left the company affairs to Zhao Shuangqing. He was never worried about this. However, Zhao Shuangqing would only be more ruthless than him. Even if Chi Haidong was lucky enough to turn over, he would not be able to avoid a fierce fight.

And how long the lingering business situation can support them has long been out of Chi Yu's consideration.

I heard that Zhao Shuangqing asked someone to smash that mistress's house, and everyone knew about Chi Haidong's derailment and forced her to have a wife. Knowing his extremely dishonorable past.

The bad guys have been punished, but the good guys still won't come back from the dead. On the one hand, Chi Yu feels that dealing with such immoral people seems to be done with all immoral means, but it's hard for him to admit that he really lost everything after the revenge In this battle, whether he was a winner or not, Chi Haidong lost what he desperately wanted to keep, but he didn't keep what he had hoped for.

Fu Jin didn't even send Chi Yu off, but unexpectedly ran to the airport to meet Jiang Mingyang. This guy was going to the Northeast as he wished. The night before he left, he didn't know what happened to him, so he sent him a message for the first time , Ask him if he can go see him off tomorrow.

Fu Jin's first reaction was to say no, I'm busy, do you want to leave or not.

But thinking that this might be the last time for the two of them to sit together at the same table, although the relationship has not been very good, but it has not broken down to the point of not giving face, and I don't know if it is affected by graduation emotions , Thinking about the separation, Fu Jin looks a little sad to everyone now, and by the way, Jiang Mingyang is not as twisted as before, after all... this time we are really going to separate.

He thought that at this important moment, Jiang Mingyang would say something, calling him from such a long distance, there must be some parting words or something, but after waiting for a long time, except for the sentence I'm leaving, take care, half a day No extra farts.

What's more, he looked at him twice more, and he was the only classmate who came to see him off, and no one could look at him if he didn't.

Hugged him in front of his beautiful and dazzling mother, um... very social etiquette.

Calling him over together is like remembering the past.

Fu Jin watched him enter the security check with a smile on his face, put on his sunglasses, and gracefully pushed him with his middle finger.

Jiang Mingyang waved at him, her mother followed, Fu Jin quickly put down his hand and coughed.

He doesn't know if Jiang Mingyang is really thinking about the past, anyway, he bid farewell to the past completely, and after two days of school opening, he will be greeted with a completely new life, freedom, love, male god, countless pretty face...

And he is a majestic senior high school grass, with abundant capital, if he doesn't waste it in this flock of sheep, he is simply reckless.

As Fu Jin walked out, he saw Jiang Mingyang turning his head back from the corner of his eye. He looked over, the two of them looked at each other, and then looked away each other in the next second. Fu Jin turned around and couldn't help speeding up his pace.

On the third day at home during the National Day holiday, the doorbell suddenly rang outside. Except for property management and water and electricity, almost no one would come to this place. Chi Yu thought it was a wrong key. It happened before that someone went to the wrong floor or delivered the wrong courier. Case.

He waited for a while, but before the second sound came, he opened the door and looked, but there was no one in the corridor.

However, when he lowered his head, there was a rolled up paper bag on the ground. Chi Yu picked it up and opened it to find several stacks of bundled money inside.

Realizing who was the most likely person who would give him money in this way, Chi Yu shook his hand and poured out all the money.

Sure enough, a small note floated out of the bag.

- Don't do unnecessary things.

It's Cheng Yang's word!

It's Cheng Yang!

Chi Yu threw the things away and ran out without closing the door.

He couldn't hide his excitement. This was the first time he had heard from him in such a long time.

Maybe people are still nearby, not far away!Maybe... he will see him again soon!

Thinking of this, he couldn't wait for the elevator on the first floor, pushed open the door of the fire escape and rushed down.

...don't go, please, don't go, wait for him...he has something to say.

But when he ran downstairs, there was no sign of Cheng Yang. There were a lot of people walking downstairs in the evening, gathering together in twos and threes. Chi Yu glanced over and his eyes were sore. The uneasy person never appeared in his sight.

He ran to the gate of the community and asked the guard if he had just seen a boy of seventeen or eighteen passing by.

The doorman replied that he didn't care. There were so many cars and cars at this time that he couldn't see it.

Chi Yu took two steps back, and stood on the side of the road in a daze, not knowing which direction to go, and the hope that suddenly rose in his heart was bit by bit dashed.

He hated this feeling to death, and he had experienced and endured such disappointment almost every minute of the past three months.

He told himself over and over again as if brainwashed that he didn't have it and would never give up, but he really couldn't find him.

Right now is the closest he is to Cheng Yang, but he still can only stand here like an idiot, unable to do anything.

The repeated distress in his heart was piercing his skin little by little, and he felt that he would be completely torn apart in the next second.

Chi Yu took one last look, raised his head and took a deep breath, then turned around and ran towards Yizhong.

The evening self-study has not yet started, and there are still students walking outside. He didn't go through the main entrance, and climbed up from the wall where the trash can was before. As soon as he sat down, he saw the boy below who was walking towards this side with a dustpan, obviously stunned For a moment, then stopped a little apprehensively.

The clean face was still a little childish, and he suspected that he might have just entered school this year, so Chi Yu waved to him and signaled him to come over.

He jumped down, walked up to him and squatted down, dug out a plastic bag from his dustpan, and started picking up bottles in it.

The ones that take up space are squashed, and the ones with water are poured out. Although the overall output is not as high as the previous one, it is still full of a small bag.

After picking it up, he signaled the boy to take it away, and the man gave him a strange look, probably because of Chi Yu's clothes, it was hard to associate him with someone who recycles rags.

Chi Yu didn't know if the old man would come again, and whether anyone in the school was still doing this, but this was the tradition of No. [-] Middle School that Cheng Yang taught him, and it had to be passed on. He put the tied bag at the base of the wall, When I sat up again, the bell for evening self-study rang.

Chi Yu suddenly missed the days here. Although it was a bit monotonous and kept repeating, but at that time, he had Cheng Yang. He could see him every day and listen to him occasionally, even if he was sleeping with his head depressed. Also feel satisfied.

It's a pity that he never cared about and cherished these things when he could easily have them.

So everything that is the most ordinary has become a luxury in his eyes.

After Chi Yu found out that Cheng Yang had left, his biggest change was that he became useless. He obviously just wanted to sit here and enjoy the wind for a while, but when he came back to his senses, he found that his face was already full of tears.

It's useless, since when did he become a person who can only vent his emotions with tears.

If Cheng Yang knew, it was time to laugh at him.

...can make jokes, and probably feel relieved.

A person who used to treat him like that, now just because he can't see him is worthless now.

"Come down." Huang Ming didn't know when he came over, stood below and waved to him, with a somewhat indescribable expression, "Don't sit here alone, I will accompany you for a walk."

Chi Yu hurriedly turned her head, lifted the hem of her T-shirt and wiped her face indiscriminately, this time it was really... a shame.

"Ms. Huang." He jumped down, walked over and called him, his face was wiped clean, but his voice was still a little nasal.

Huang Ming glanced at him and couldn't help sighing.

Chi Yu walked around the school side by side with him. He was familiar with the scenery, but he had never seen it like this before. Sometimes he turned to places he didn't often go to, and felt a little strange.

It's only been three months since he left. If there is a real change, it's only his mood that has changed.

Huang Ming asked about his situation in college, whether there are many classes, how well his classmates get along, and the future direction of development, etc. Chi Yu answered them one by one, and the topic turned to Huang Ming himself. He did not take any new students this year. He didn't continue to send the graduating class, but returned to the second year of high school. Chi Yu asked with a smile if there were any intractable diseases that he wanted to solve.

Class [-] did very well in the exam this time, and definitely took off the hat of counting down ten thousand years. Thinking back to the two years when Huang Ming took over their class, they neither preached endlessly nor did they use any drastic reforms, but the effect was remarkable. To everyone's surprise.

It was like helping A Dou, who couldn't help him, onto the wall.

He said it was because they had a good foundation and knew what they wanted, so they would naturally work hard at critical moments.

Huang Ming talked a lot. Although Chi Yu has been trying his best to let himself listen, but in such an environment, it is inevitable that he is a little distracted. Huang Ming probably noticed it later, and did not continue the chat, but accompanied him in the river. Sit quietly for a while.

When leaving, Huang Ming sent him to the school gate.

"Teacher Huang," Chi Yu looked at him, "do you really not know where he went?"

"I know you have been suspicious of me." Huang Ming sighed, "But I really don't know, do you think he will tell me with his temper?"

Chi Yu lowered the corners of his eyes, and smiled self-deprecatingly, yes, no one knew, would he leave a hole in Huang Ming alone, the corners of his mouth were about to fall, and he felt uncomfortable in his heart, he blinked desperately , fearing that he would lose his composure again.

Huang Ming couldn't bear to see him like this. Chi Yu lost a lot of weight. He used to be so confident and calm, but now there is no light in his gloomy eyes. He didn't know how to comfort him, so he could only pat him on the shoulder, "Yes If you have a chance... come back and see more."

"En." Chi Yu said goodbye to him, lowered his head alone, and walked back along the way he came. Would he dare to come back?

Every minute he stood here, he was surrounded by Cheng Yang's shadow. If Huang Ming wasn't by his side, he might have gone crazy.

Looking back on himself at the beginning, he now only feels naive and ridiculous. How could he still feel that he could bear the fact of leaving Cheng Yang after he had thought of staying with Cheng Yang.

When I went back that night, Chi Yu fell ill. He was still running a fever until the last day when he left. He didn't eat anything except water for several days, and he looked thin and out of shape.

Cheng Yang stood in the corridor that day, put down the money and looked up at the monitor, and was copied into his mobile phone by him, which became the only consolation for him when he lay in bed and was tortured in pain for a few days. How many times have you watched it over and over again.

Cheng Yang must have known that he had given money to Cheng Yunsheng, so he warned him not to do unnecessary things. Specifically, this unnecessary thing refers to helping him pay back the money, or asking him to go around to find out his whereabouts. Chi Yu thinks it is possible.

When Cheng Yang came back this time, he left money for Cheng Yunsheng, so it was not until this winter that Chi Yu got the news from Cheng Yunsheng that he had sent money back again. In the industrial area of ​​the city, he may live nearby, or he may just pass by, but Chi Yu still flew there that day.

As long as he has time later, he will run there. He has walked through the bustling city center and narrow alleys, or when he is off work, he just waits at the gate of a certain factory area.

Unfortunately, time and time again, no matter how many times he went back and forth there, he still found nothing.

He went to all the nearby elementary schools, looking for Cheng Ying and Cheng Le, but found nothing.

Chi Yu sometimes wondered if that address was his hallucination, he thought it up out of thin air because he missed it too much.

He remembered a song he had heard somewhere before.

-How many more things must be lost before being forgiven, and how much more pain must be experienced before we can meet you again.

Searching is nothing more than knowing that you can't be there, but when you pass any intersection that may be related to you, you will still look at it countless times with anticipation.

I don't know when the movement of looking for it started, and it became imprinted deep in his body. Every time he stood at a certain place, it was almost an instinctive reaction. He kept looking for it, and he couldn't stop.

Maybe this habit, he thought, he might never get rid of in his life.