HP's Lost and the Lighthouse

"—after his father fell out of favor, he didn't like me that much," he said quickly. "Draco blamed me for taking Lucius' place."

"Never mind, try it. I'm more concerned about the accidental victim of any of the boy's plans than I am about myself. Of course, ultimately there's only one way to save him from Voldemort's wrath."

There was another silence.Snape leaned back on the back of the seat with his chest folded, and asked sarcastically, "You intend to let him kill you?"

"Of course not. You must kill me."

There was a long silence, and there was only a strange rattling sound in the room.After a while, Snape looked away from Dumbledore and looked in the direction of the sound, which was Phoenix Fawkes gnawing on a small cuttlefish bone.

"Do you want me to do it now?" He forced a twitch of his mouth, trying to sound like Dumbledore had told a joke, "Or do you need a moment to conceive a tombstone?"

"Oh, not yet," Dumbledore said with a smile, his eyes clearly showing his seriousness when he looked over, "I think that moment will always come when it should come. Judging from what happened tonight, He pointed to his withered hand. "We can be sure it will happen within a year."

Snape closed his eyes for a moment.

He couldn't believe what Dumbledore was planning - why him?After the old man had pulled him from the death eater, from the quagmire of the wrong way?After he taught him little by little what was the right thing to do?Since Dumbledore didn't think Draco had the ability to kill him, why did he think that he, Severus Snape, would have such power?

"Since you don't care about death, why didn't you let Draco do it?" he asked, almost bitterly.

"That boy's soul hasn't been completely ruined," said Dumbledore, avoiding his dark eyes. "I don't want to tear it apart for my sake."

Snape was stung by the words, and he took a few short breaths: "What about my soul, Dumbledore? Mine?"

"Only you know if helping an old man from pain and disgrace will hurt your soul," said Dumbledore, twitching his fingers on the armrest.

"Severus, I beg you to do this big thing for me, because death is as certain to me as the Chudley Cannons will finish last in the league this year. To be honest, I'd rather not To end his life painfully and quickly, rather than to procrastinate and die embarrassingly," the old man's voice was as calm as if they were not talking about his life, "involving Greyback, for example—I heard Voldemort put him Take it in too? Or go to dear Bellatrix, who likes to eat her food when she's done playing with it."

His tone was relaxed, but those blue eyes looked sharply at Snape, not allowing him to back away weakly.The sharp eyes of the old man seemed to be able to see the soul they were talking about.

Snape's face looked bloodless, he pursed his lips, and after a while, he nodded slightly.

Dumbledore seemed satisfied.

"Thank you, Severus..." He half-closed his eyes and said wearily.

Snape was silent for a long time, and asked in a low voice, almost talking to himself, "Why must it be me?"

Dumbledore's fingers moved, he opened his eyes, and did not answer Snape's question directly.

"Severus, what do you think people think of me?"

He paused, as if he didn't want to wait for Snape's answer: "I've heard too many people think that I am omnipotent—they regard me as a saint, and think that I can always see into Voldemort's plots and secrets, Think I deserve to beat him..."

"But they were wrong," he said, looking wearily and sadly into the Potions Master's face, "I'm not omnipotent, especially these days - things don't always go exactly as I'd like them to, All I can do is make a choice under the existing conditions - Severus, I am old."

"When my energy starts to run low for the troubles I'm facing, you realize I never actually had the omnipotent power that people thought I'd always had."

Snape leaned forward and tried to refute the other party's words, but Dumbledore raised his hand to signal him not to express his opinion for the time being, "Severus, I was once like you now-I also thought, why me ? This is really an unsolvable problem-and when the decisions I make lead to bad consequences, I always feel a thousand times more self-blame and regret than the painful people."

"But when I want to hand over the responsibility of making choices to other people, I often worry about whether they are smart enough to see the whole picture? Even if they are smart enough, when things are worse than before making choices When it gets worse, can he bear the burden of his own condemnation and move on?" Dumbledore looked at his charred palm, "Look, Severus, this is what I did A wrong choice—fortunately, it does not seem to have resulted in more unacceptable consequences for me—”

The old man turned his head and even smiled lightly: "But more often than not, I feel guilty for my choices—whether it's for Sirius, Cedric, the Longbottoms—or for James and Lily."

Snape's hand gripped the arm of the chair convulsively, whether it was for Dumbledore's sudden self-analysis or for the name he had mentioned.Dumbledore saw his movement, and the corners of his slightly upturned mouth were flattened.

"I always blame myself—I blame myself, why didn't I make another choice in the first place? Maybe the ending will be very different——I should bear at least half of the responsibility for their tragedy..." Dumbledore closed his mouth as if With tear-filled eyes, "But I can only let myself forget, to meet the next question, to make the next choice... because—Severus, this is also the answer I gave you—other than me, there is someone else Can it be done better?"

Snape didn't make a sound, he turned his head sideways, watching Fawkes pecking at the cuttlefish bone in fascination.

It took a long time for the man to respond to the elder in a low voice: "Those are not your responsibility—no one can predict—"

Dumbledore waved his hand, his blue eyes gleaming with never-before-seen pain: "Don't you understand, Severus? It's not that other people are blaming me - it's me who can't forgive myself -" His words stopped suddenly.

After a long while, Dumbledore raised the corners of his mouth and smiled: "Anyway, I'm afraid I'm about to—I probably have to hand over the responsibility of making this choice to someone else—this is a difficult responsibility. It's an unprecedented torment, anyway..." He sighed lowly.

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