paranoia

London, England

Song Raoshuang put the quick-frozen food he bought in the refrigerator, picked up the clothes and snack bags that were randomly thrown on the sofa, and barely made room for Tan Jing to sit down: "Mom, you sit here."

Tan Jing looked around. There were not many decent furniture in the two-bedroom house. On the dining table, an old-fashioned newspaper was randomly torn as a tablecloth. There are piles of changed clothes and socks, and there are still a few unfinished bottles of beer on the coffee table. The shoe rack at the entrance can't hold Song Raoshuang's shoes, and the extra ones are randomly placed in the corner.

She stood up and opened the closed bedroom door. The cosmetics were placed on the dressing table. A small bed less than 1.5 meters in the center of the room was full of underwear and clothes. There are also assorted hats hanging from the shade of the floor lamp.

"Mom?" Song Raoshuang followed behind Tan Jing, appreciating her expression nervously.

Tan Jing didn't say anything, she asked Song Raoshuang for a rubber band, tied her long hair behind her back, and tidied it up for her bit by bit.

The room didn't look big, and there were many dead corners. Song Raoshuang didn't even buy any cleaning tools, so Tan Jing had to squat down and wipe the dust in the corners with a towel.

By the time the sanitation was cleaned up, it was early in the morning, and the sky over London was covered with dark clouds, and the wind was strong, blowing the maple leaves outside the window rustling.

Tan Jing and Song Raoshuang sat face to face on the sofa, and the shouts of drunks in the street could be heard through the non-soundproof glass.

Song Raoshuang lowered his head, silently waiting for Tan Jing to ask questions.

The hair that was dyed black not long ago hung down the side of the face, blocking the anxious eyes, fingers crossed on the thigh, index finger and index finger rubbed back and forth, red painted toenails stretched and contracted uncontrollably.

Tan Jing looked at Song Raoshuang's little movements that hadn't changed since she was a child, sighed, and said hoarsely: "Shuang'er, go home with mom."

"Mom!" Song Raoshuang finally heard the most unwilling sentence, "My class is not over yet..."

The dim light shone on Tan Jing's white head. She took off her reading glasses, her cloudy eyes silently expressed the pain in her heart: "Shuang'er, your brother has already told me."

"I already know that you have been persuaded to leave, Shuang'er, how long are you going to lie to your mother? Do you have to push the situation to the point of no return to be considered a head?"

Song Raoshuang lowered his head, the tears in his eyes fell to the ground with his eyelashes fluttering, and all the excuses he made up in his stomach escaped and turned into a dumb "Mom".

Tan Jing was always reluctant to say half a word, and sat next to Song Raoshuang, her old hands picked up her hair and pinned it behind her ears, revealing her much thinner face, she was so distressed that she couldn't breathe.

"Shuang'er, Mom didn't come to persuade you to kill the child. But look at you now, you are still a child, and you can't even take care of yourself. How can you take care of your own child? Don't you want Let him follow you to eat takeaway every day, just eat fast food products?"

"Mom knows that you have your own ideas since you were a child. When other children of the same age in the yard were still mischievous, you began to pester your mother to buy you beautiful little skirts and cosmetics, trying to dress yourself up. Beautiful."

"Your father left early, and your mother pulls you brothers and sisters alone. It is inevitable that you will ignore your feelings in life. You are much younger than your brother, and your elder brother is like a father, so your brother will let you go everywhere and follow you. Take care of everything, even if you make mistakes, you will favor you without principle, but Shuang'er, do you remember how you broke your brother's heart the night you left? Your brother hates you the most, but you let him Don't care about you, let him go. Your brother is only your sister, he doesn't care about you, who will care about you. "

"The old people say that boys should be raised poorly, and girls should be raised rich. When you were young, the family conditions were not good, but what did your mother treat you badly?"

"In your third year of high school, you skipped school and came home and said that you didn't want to study anymore, and you couldn't get in. You wanted to learn painting and art. It was the first time your brother got angry at you, and even locked you in a room for you to reflect. Cry, cry and call mother. How can a mother see her child cry? In the end, in order to respect your ideas, mother asked people everywhere to find out whether the educational institution you mentioned is a shell company. Since you want to learn, Your mother will support you. It’s not easy for you to go to school on the second-year course, spending more than 20 yuan a year. As long as you like it, mother will fully support you.”

"In the end, you felt that painting had no future, and you said you wanted to become a star after graduating from university. Did your mother secretly send you to Korea as a trainee without telling your brother?"

"What kind of request did you ask, mother hasn't met it? You have been a trainee for only a few months and you are crying and tired again. You stubbornly want to study abroad with your friend you have only known for two or three months."

"Mom has never received any higher education in her life. I heard you say that you want to continue studying, and even bought the old house at home. You must know that your brother just started working at that time. How can there be extra money in the family for you? tuition fees?"

"Although my mother has never lived abroad, she also knows that the prices outside are good, and the life of international students is hard, and she has to work and go to class. Mom is not willing to let you suffer outside! Every penny you spend outside is your mother's money." Pick it out from the cracks! I never dared to ask if you have enough, for fear that you would not have enough, so I will send you a little money immediately if I save a little."

"But Shuang'er, how did you treat mother?"

"Mom made a video call to you. You said you were busy, and immediately posted photos of you going out on Moments. Mom said she missed you and wanted you to come back from the holidays. You thought mom was long-winded. Only then did you think about calling me, but before you even said a word, you wanted to hang up again."

"You have been studying outside for so long, and you haven't even mentioned letting your mother come to see you, let alone letting your mother know friends who know you."

"You always say that there is a generation gap with your mother. You blame your mother for not understanding you and not being able to keep up with you. But Shuang'er, have you given your mother a chance to understand your life? Mom is old, and you young people can't walk as fast. , have you ever stopped and waited for your mother?"

"Do you know what scares your mother the most?"

"Don't love yourself! Don't love yourself!"

"Mom raised you rich so that when you grow up, you won't be easily fooled by other boys, and you can have your own independent values. But look at you, what have you become?"

At the end of Tan Jing's speech, she was choked up and unable to speak, her wrinkled face was covered with a layer of grief, and hot tears flowed down the gully on her face.

"Mom," Song Raoshuang threw herself into Tan Jing's hunched arms, crying loudly, "I was wrong, I was wrong, please scold me, beat me."

Tan Jing's generous palm gently patted Song Raoshuang's thin back, "You are my mother's heart, how can I be willing to beat and scold you... Shuang'er, my mother is getting old, and I don't know how long I can protect you. How long will you protect you this year?" I'm already 26, when will I grow up? Mom doesn't ask you to be rich, but only hopes that you can find a support and live a peaceful life. Is this request wrong?"

"I was wrong, I was wrong...Mom, I was wrong..."

The gust of wind outside the window stopped, the clouds were blown away to reveal a ray of moonlight, the deserted light shone on the puddles on the ground, and there were dots of starlight, illuminating the path under the feet of the lost people.

In the end, Tan Jing still chose to stay in the UK and return to China after Song Raoshuang gave birth. Song Kuanyu did not make any statement on their decision, but would fly to England to visit his sister on a weekend every month.

The expected date of delivery is mid-September, but Song Raoshuang started to suffer from abdominal pain at the end of August. After receiving a call from Tan Jing, Song Kuanyu and Guan Zhiwen hurriedly packed their things and rushed to the UK overnight with the two little ones.

Song Raoshuang's puerperal syndrome was quite serious. During the days when she was hospitalized waiting for the delivery, she shed tears all day long. Until the eve of her amniotic fluid broke and she was pushed into the delivery room, she was still crying and holding Tan Jing's hand, tremblingly asking if anyone came secretly seen her.

After a normal delivery, the fetal position was found to be abnormal, so it was quickly changed to a caesarean section. The three people waiting outside the delivery room couldn't help worrying. Tan Jing, who had been taking care of her, broke down and cried. She grabbed the doctor's clothes and begged to protect her daughter. Fortunately, In the end, the mother and daughter were safe and gave birth to a beautiful little girl who weighed only a little more than six catties.

According to the rules of the Song family, Song Kuanyu, who is the most in charge of the family, still takes the name.

Before the child was born, Song Kuanyu looked through the dictionaries everywhere, and finally took the word "暮" from "Muyunjianjing, the full moon rises, the wind and mad clouds cover the sky and the earth", and took the surname of Song Rao Shuang.

Song Mu is too light, too thin, and needs to be taken care of in the nursery for a few days, so Song Wanzhou holds Song Jing and lies outside the sterile room every day, standing on tiptoe to see what their little sister looks like look.

Song Jing was very curious about Song Mu. When Song Wanzhou told him that he was about to become an older brother, he would circle around the pregnant Song Raoshuang every day, wanting to see where his sister was.

Song Mu is a girl who loves to laugh, no matter who comes close to her, she will wave her little hand still wrapped in a protective cover, grinning brightly at him.

As long as she smiled at Song Jing, he stomped on the ground excitedly, and then grabbed his brother Song Wanzhou's hand for him to watch.

Song Wanzhou is used to taking care of Song Jing, and can respond to all kinds of signs of Song Mu in time.

Seeing her frowning, I knew she was pooping again, so I found baby wipes and diapers, and changed them skillfully for her.

Seeing her open her mouth, she knew she was hungry, so she hurriedly woke up Song Raoshuang who was dozing off, then closed the ward lovingly, and waited obediently outside.

After getting along for a long time, Song Wanzhou hasn't approached yet. As long as Song Jing smells a familiar smell, he immediately waved his little hand happily and smiled at her big brother.

Guan Zhiwen often rubbed Song Wanzhou's little head, jokingly said: "Yangyang has another sister to take care of, it's really hard for our big brother."

Although Song Jing liked his little sister very much, he still couldn't help eating it. When his brother was resting, he immediately threw himself into his arms, pouting for a hug.

"Our Xiaojing is really a baby who can't grow up."