paranoia

"I am a sunny flower in the mold field, looking for light alone."

On a midsummer afternoon in August, the cicadas singing in the courtyard sang the last life, and the sound of the cars on the road complemented each other. Eryang had been lying on the bed for two days in a row. The injury was too serious, and there was no good flesh in his body. , has been having a fever, and just woke up from the coma this morning.

Eryang hadn't heard anyone call his original name for a long time, he was too young to remember too many things, he only remembered his surname Yan, whether it was Yan Mingyuan or Yan Mingyun, he couldn't remember clearly, but it didn't matter.

He is called Eryang now, and he is the second child in the orphanage. According to the convention, he should be called the second child. He is unwilling because he has a baby name, 'Yangyang', which was given by his father because he likes sunflowers.How could the mother of the orphanage listen to the thoughts of a child, shouting and shouting, his name was changed to 'Er Yang'.

Finally he was leaving here, 'Binhe Children's Welfare Institute', a hell where he had been here for two full years.Tomorrow he will be sent away by the dean and sent to a family that clearly stated that he wants a daughter.He is only seven years old this year, and he is not yet the age for adoption. He knows that this is what the dean means.He knew what the dean was thinking, but he thought he was hindering him here, so he was so anxious to contact the family for him. Even if he didn't meet the other party's request, he thought he could be sent out.

Eryang lay on the musty-smelling bunk, constantly imagining whether the next family to take him in would be even more stinky, and would he still be beaten?Can he eat?Can he live to the day of liberation?

Eryang didn't dare to continue thinking, touched Gulu's belly, and spun three times to the left and three times to the right.This method was given to him by his elder brother who was sent away at the beginning of the year. He said that as long as the stomach is hot, hunger will not come to him.Eryang tried it many times, it was very useful at the beginning, his stomach was warm and his heart was warm, he didn’t feel hungry at all, but recently it didn’t seem to be working, he thought it might be because he grew up a bit The reason is that you need to eat more, so you need to turn more times to satisfy your little belly.

But he tried it, and he was still hungry. Eryang curled up and kept making circles on his belly. Today is the third day since he was banned from eating by the dean. A few days ago, he fell asleep and could not feel hunger. Now he is awake and hungry. And pain wrapped around him like vines, sucking his last strength and consciousness.

The little Eryang was like a wounded cub, pressing her thighs hard on her chest, and the hands around her calves kept tightening, trying to shrink herself a little more.Just a little more, and he can turn into a little ant like in the cartoon, and he can leave here quickly.

But the shriveled body didn't take up much space at all, and the two yangs still didn't feel enough, until the bones were pinched against the bones, and there was a piercing pain, and the unstoppable grievances gushed out from the chest cavity.

He was sobbing, but he didn't want and couldn't be heard by others. The dean and his mother didn't want to hear the child cry. If other children heard it, they would tell the mothers of the orphanage. It would inevitably be another severe beating, so he clenched his teeth tightly. Tears were streaming down her lower lip, but she didn't dare to make a sound.

Eryang couldn't help thinking of his mother, father, grandma, and the warm home in the past.He was a little wronged, how his parents and grandma abandoned him and left, why didn't they take him with them, so that their family would always be together, and he would not be kicked into the orphanage by his relatives, let alone here Meet the devil-like dean.

What would he do if the place he was going to tomorrow was worse than the orphanage?Can you find his parents?

He is afraid of pain, and he hasn't seen the sunflower field that his father told him about.Dad said that sunflowers always face the sun, so I hope Eryang can be like sunflowers and always have hope for the future.

Eryang hid his head in his arms, his thin shoulders shrugging back and forth with his sobbing movements. He kept reassuring his father in his heart that he had hope, and he really had hope for the future.

But he wants to ask his father, where is his future and why he can't see it.

When Yan Fei and Wang Jingyi had a car accident, Eryang was not yet five years old.

"During this time, Yang Yang will trouble you to take care of him. He is quite sensible, and you can just let him stay at home."

"What's the trouble? The neighbors are all a family. If there is such a big incident at home, we will help if we can. You should go to the hospital to take care of it. I'll take care of you when Yang Yang is at home."

"It's really troublesome for you."

"It's unfair to say something like this. We used to be taken care of by you in many places."

Wen Shu stood in the entrance and kept thanking her. She didn't straighten her crooked back until the door to the opposite door was closed, and went to the bedroom to get things.

Seeing grandma come in, Eryang quickly jumped off the sofa, trotted to grandma, tiptoed to reach Wen Shu's hand, and asked childishly, "Grandma, where are you going?"

Eryang is not tall enough to hold Wen Shu's hand. She resisted the panic in her heart and explained to the child as calmly as possible: "Grandma is going to the hospital for a few days, so Yangyang will stay at home obediently, okay? If you are hungry, just knock on the door." Grandma's door, you must be obedient and polite, you know?"

"Grandma, can't I go with you?" Eryang held Wen Shu's palm tightly with both hands, his mouth was puckered, and he seemed displeased at first glance, "Grandma Li's elder brother always bullies me."

"Good boy, Yangyang, will you listen to grandma this time? Grandma will be back in a few days." Wen Shu stretched out her hand, stroking Eryang's immature face back and forth with her old palm, feeling extremely bitter in her heart, why did she move the corner of her mouth He couldn't even pull out a decent smile, "Yangyang must be good this time, promise grandma."

"Then why didn't mom and dad come?" Eryang hadn't seen Yan Fei and Wang Jingyi for a while, and no one answered the phone call. He thought that mom and dad were too busy, so he called once and never called again. up.

Wen Shu was hesitant about how to speak, so he hugged Eryang into his arms, and the old and strong palm behind his back comforted a heart that missed his parents.

Eryang stood in the porch with his feet on his feet and watched Wen Shu slowly close the door without crying. His grandma just took away the clothes of his parents. Eryang thought that his grandma should be calling his parents to come home, so he didn’t cry. He obediently waited for them at home.

The third day Wen Shu left was the weekend, Er Yang stayed at home alone and practiced the new piece he learned at school on Friday, and played it to his mother when she came back.

The steel kawaii in the corner of the living room belongs to Yan Fei. He is a pianist, and his wife, Wang Jingyi, is the violinist in their orchestra.

Eryang was influenced by his parents since he was a child, and he showed a strong talent and enthusiasm for music. As long as the husband and wife are at home, he will inevitably pester him to teach him various instruments.

Among the many musical instruments, Er Yang's favorite is the piano.The one in the living room was not suitable for him who was still young, so Yan Fei customized a children's piano for him from abroad and placed it next to himself.Sometimes the father and son will ask the violinist mother to play a piece together. Even if Eryang doesn't understand the complicated piece, it doesn't matter, the parents will continue to play along with the notes he played.

The new song I learned this time is "Wedding March". Next month will be Yan Fei and Wang Jingyi's wedding anniversary, and it will also be Wang Jingyi's birthday, so Eryang specially asks the music teacher to teach him something after school.

The little fingers walked familiarly on the black and white keys, pressing the complete notes with appropriate strength, and gradually he could play a complete piece of music smoothly.

Eryang was not very satisfied when the song was over. He didn't memorize a section just now. He usually has to go to kindergarten, so he can only practice on weekends and evenings.He hasn't seen his parents for so long, and he wants to send his blessings to his parents in the best state.

After playing for a whole morning, Eryang was a little hungry, but he was too embarrassed to knock on the door of Grandma Li's house, so he waited for Grandma Li to call him these two days before he went to eat.

"Yangyang, Yangyang."

Hearing Grandma Li's voice from outside the door, Er Yang trotted to open the door and looked at Li Lan outside the door with a smile.

"Why doesn't Yangyang wear shoes?" Li Lan picked up Yangyang who stretched out his hands, and touched the soles of the child's feet with his hands. It was really cold, "Are you hungry?"

Er Yang was a little shy, rubbed her tender cheek against Li Lan's neck, and hummed an 'um' from her nasal cavity in a low voice.

Li Lan went to the entrance to help Er Yang put on the slippers, took out the key and locked the door behind her, and carried him back to her home.

"Hey, Yang Yang, let's watch cartoons with my little brother. Grandma Li will cook your favorite three fresh meatballs today, okay?" Li Lan put on her apron and went to work in the kitchen, leaving the two little guys to play in the living room.

As soon as Eryang saw Li Lan enter the kitchen, he immediately sat away from Han Junjing. He hadn't forgiven him for teasing him last time.

Han Junjing looked at Eryang who was jumping away like a rabbit, and felt a little wronged. Last time, it was just because he made fun of Eryang's crying face, and he was held hostage until now, and he didn't sweetly call him little brother when they met.

He is two years older than Eryang, and he is already seven years old this year. He is a young adult in the first grade of elementary school.

"Yangyang, Yangyang..." Han Junjing slowly slid to Eryang's side, and as if by magic, a model of a small train appeared from behind, and he placed it in front of Eryang like a treasure, and asked cautiously, "Do you like it? "

Eryang grudgingly hummed, and Han Junjing immediately put the toy in his hands, fearing that he would regret not wanting this peace gift in the next second, he grinned and said, "The elder brother gave it to Yangyang, but Yangyang doesn't want it." Are you angry with your brother?"

"I don't want your toy." Eryang stuffed the toy back into Han Junjing's hand again, the corner of his mouth twitched, "Don't forgive Brother Xiaohan."

"Why? I've already apologized." Han Junjing straddled the toy pony and squatted in front of Eryang, wanting to give him the reconciliation gift again.

Eryang turned his face away, snorted arrogantly, and said with a pout: "Then you have to praise me for crying well, then I will forgive you, hum."

"Good-looking, good-looking, Yang Yang is good-looking no matter what, smiling is good-looking, crying is even better." Han Junjing thinks that his younger brother Yang Yang is prettier than anyone else, even the little girls in the class are not as fair as him, with a chubby face , very cute.

"Then I forgive you, give me toys to play with." Thomas the little train Eryang has been collecting, the treasures are incredible, and as soon as he got them, he immediately grabbed them, "Brother Xiaohan, my grandma also said that I will give you toys when I come back." I’m buying a new one, when the time comes I’ll bring it over and let’s play together!”

Han Junjing wished that Yangyang would take the initiative to come and play with him, so he immediately agreed and agreed to play the newly bought puzzle together next time.

"Yangyang, Junjing." Li Lan brought out the food from the kitchen, took off her apron and wiped her hands to serve the food for the two children, deliberately filling the picky eater's Eryang bowl with some more.

"Here we come." As soon as Han Junjing heard that there was something to eat, Han Junjing immediately picked up Eryang, who was having fun, and ran to the dining table.

Eryang was not tall enough to climb the taller chair in Li Lan's house, so Han Junjing hugged him every time.

He looked at the protruding rice bowl in front of him and was a little bit embarrassed. While Li Lan was not paying attention, he quietly leaned into Han Junjing's ear and said in a low voice, "Brother Xiao Han, can you help me eat a little?"

"Yangyang is obedient, your little brother Han has something to eat, look at you, you don't even have a piece of meat on your body, you are picky eaters." Li Lan brought Eryang's favorite three delicacies meatball soup, and pulled Han Junjing to her side , lest the two little ghosts secretly change bowls.

Eryang ate slowly, the food was wrapped in his mouth and he didn't swallow it for a long time, his cheeks were bulging like a little squirrel, when Han Junjing served the second bowl of rice, he hadn't finished half of it.

"Ding-dong-ding-dong-ding-dong"

Li Lan warned Han Junjing not to help Eryang eat with his eyes, and stood up to open the door.

"Wenshu? Why are you back?"

"Well, I'm back. Where's Yangyang?" Wen Shu stood outside the door with her pockets in her hands, her expression was gloomy, her eyeballs were bloodshot, she seemed to have aged a little overnight in her 60s, and even the corners of her eyes had more wrinkles A few.

"Grandma~grandma~" Eryang jumped off the chair immediately when he heard his grandma's voice, and ran to the porch.

"Yangyang, shoes!" Han Junjing followed Eryang's little slippers and chased after him.

"Yangyang, let's go home." Seeing Eryang's lively and carefree face, Wen Shu's eyes turned redder, and after thanking Li Lan, he took Eryang's little slippers and carried him home.

"Grandma, what's wrong with Grandma Yangyang?" Han Junjing sat back at the dining table, planing rice and asked his grandma.

Li Lan sighed and said nothing.

"Grandma, I miss you so much!" Eryang nestled in Wen Shu's arms, rubbing his warm little face against grandma's wet face coquettishly.

Wen Shu didn't speak, opened the door, put slippers on Eryang and put him on the ground, said in a deep voice, "Grandma will change your clothes for you, we will go to a place later."

"Then will mom and dad go?" Eryang took out the pocket in his hand for Wenshu, opened it and saw that it was a new dress, and excitedly took it out to gesture on his body, "Why is grandma black? Yangyang doesn't like to wear black and black." clothes."

"Grandma will wear it for you." Wen Shu removed the outer packaging of the small suit, cut off the label, and put it on Eryang's head.

The clothes I bought were a little too small, and the collar of the white shirt inside tightly strangled Eryang's neck, making him unable to move, and his little neck ached with pain.

"Grandma, can you not wear this?" Eryang pulled his shirt hard, wanting to cry as usual, so that his grandma would pat his little head lightly, scold him a little villain, and then he would listen to everything his.

But this time it seems to be different, Eryang was about to cry, but grandma cried out before him, squatting on the ground, tears of despair rolled out from the sunken eye sockets, and a hoarse choked sound came out from the old throat .

Er Yang was frightened, and stayed there in a daze, using his small hands to wipe away the tear stains beside her nostrils, and said anxiously, "Don't cry, grandma, don't cry, grandma, Yang Yang put on clothes obediently, don't cry, grandma."

In my impression, I have never seen Wen Shu cry. His grandma should be the most gentle person and the strongest person in the world. She has never been angry. She always smiles and talks to anyone. She won’t cry when her hand is cut by a knife. He didn't cry during the surgery last year, but Er Yang couldn't figure out why he suddenly cried because he didn't obey his clothes, so he could only worry about his grandma.Her hands were already covered with her tears, Er Yang trotted to get a tissue, and hurriedly blocked the source of the tears.

Eryang is still young, so he doesn't understand why grandma is crying so sadly, even more sad than the day he lost his most beloved bear doll.But he lost the little bear doll, and his mother bought him a bigger bear doll, so he quickly got into his grandma's arms and asked grandma nervously if he lost something. .

Eryang in his arms was so thin that even his bones could be felt in his arms. When he stood up, he was not as tall as his thighs. Wen Shu became more and more sad, what should her good grandson do in the future.

"Grandma...Mom will buy it...Grandma doesn't cry..." Eryang couldn't coax the book, bit his trembling lower lip, and let out a long sound of "um-um" in his nasal cavity.

He was very puzzled, why grandma cried even more when she heard the word mother, no matter how hard she tried to coax her, Eryang couldn't figure out what was wrong with grandma, so she blushed anxiously, and finally just leaned against her in her arms. She cries together.

After grandma had finished crying, the little black suit was still tightly strangling his neck, leaving red marks around his neck and making him almost unable to breathe.

Wen Shu also changed into a set of black clothes, held Er Yang's little hand, and said sadly: "Yangyang, let's go."