Remembering Me

"How is your mother?"

"When I first got home she almost looked like she wouldn't survive the night, but she stabilized quickly. She was fine before I left, except she looked decades older."

"Has she ever told you the cause of her illness?"

"Didn't say exactly, just 'cost'." Jessica was a little downcast, brushing a strand of blond hair behind her ear thoughtfully. "I doubt she's sick at all. I've looked up a lot about Jeep Comparing the magic system and divination information, the prophecy has an amazing self-fulfilling ability, and changing the established destiny requires a price. She may have... interfered with certain things and paid the price."

I wondered if I should tell Jessica what happened that night. It didn't sound like Serafina mentioned it. I wondered if she wanted me to talk to Jessica or tell her at the right time.That guess has not been confirmed anyway, but it makes me want to meet Serafina desperately.

It seemed odd to ask Jessica to see her mother at this hour.And I'm sure Serafina can find me wherever she thinks she needs to.

"How is she now? Has she left again?"

"No. I think her physical condition does not allow her to continue wandering, but there are other things." Jessica looked complicated, "If she wants to leave, nothing can stop her. I think she really intends to leave." Settle down. It's not that I have any complaints about it, it's just that it's hard to imagine her living under one roof with my father and me."

"Or is it difficult for you to get used to the mysterious and powerful idol in your mind becoming an ordinary mother?"

Jessica obviously wanted to deny it subconsciously. After thinking for a while, she nodded, "Maybe. That might help improve my relationship with them. I know they love me very much, and I love them too, but it took me 26 years and can't adapt to my family life."

"So you yearn to be your mother?"

"Part of it." Jessica suddenly smiled, "You know what? Regarding what my mother foresaw, my previous guess was that I might die."

"What? Do you think she would foresee something happening to her daughter and do nothing?"

"The look in her eyes was like farewell. This speculation is one of the possible scenarios. In fact, it can also be the opposite. Now that I think about it, it may also be that she must do something about it. But it will cost her dearly. , or she knew what the price was, so she was saying goodbye to her old life. I also speculated whether something would happen to my father, but as far as the current situation is concerned, it is more likely that things should have happened to me High. Maybe I would have died in that melee earlier..."

"Wait, wait." I managed to get some point out of Jessica's long "maybe" paragraph, "Are you telling me you thought you might be dying and didn't say anything to anyone else? "

"Uh," Jessica blinked, "It's just a guess. And no matter when you don't know how long you will live, is there any difference between the situation at that time and other times?"

I stare at her, and Jessica curls her lip.

"It's not like I didn't say anything at all."

"Besides that vague 'something bad is going to happen' warning?" I recalled. "Yeah, you said you were going to change careers, and you never thought about it."

"It's just...well, I have encountered critical situations a few times, but at that moment, my only thought was how to get out of this situation, and I didn't feel any fear or despair at all. Of course I would be afraid when I think about it afterwards , but it's in the past. I always feel that if I die in the line of duty, the last thought is definitely not to recall my life or what I love most. I will think of a solution and it will be over before I know it. .”

Tonks had been talking to me a lot for a while, and most of the words had been lost in my absent-mindedness like streams in a bottomless pit, when one of them suddenly emerged from somewhere.

"Jesse is the 'a lot to do if you only have one more second to live' type of person."

When I told this to Jessica, she raised her eyebrows in surprise, as if surprised by the precision of Tonks' conclusion.

"She's an Auror, and I bet most people underestimate her," I added.

"I've known her longer than everyone here, and I certainly don't underestimate her," Jessica retorted, "I'm just guessing how long she's been seeing you before she sold me out."

"About... two months?" I pretended to be thinking, "By the way, the name Chrissy (short for Christine) is really nice."

"Fuck you." Jessica made a slap across the face from a foot away, "Suddenly I don't want to talk about the important part."

I immediately expressed all my all ears.

"That time a few months ago, after I was injured, I was cornered by several people. The situation was basically helpless. Originally, I was planning how to try to hold out until Hollett arrived." Jessica's eyes were soft and gentle Ming Che, "For some reason, I thought of you. Suddenly I realized that I might die in the next second."

I opened my mouth, feeling a little at a loss for words.I thought of the nightmares that haunted my mind with the past, how I remembered her when whispers seeped through the veil behind me.

I can't bring this up to her.

"That's why the first thing you did when you got over it was dump me?" I snorted, and hopelessly hoped she didn't see anything.

"I was a little scared, to be honest. I still am." Jessica said, quietly looking down at the noisy Burrow.

me too.

"What changed your mind?" I asked.

"'If today is the last day of your life, what is your biggest regret' is a cliche idea." The distant lights reflected in her pupils, "someone told me to be kind to myself."

"Tonks?" I guessed. "Or Bob?"

"The last piece of advice that Hollett gave me. I told him I was only ever going to do what I wanted to do, and he said that's not all. He wanted me to open up and share my feelings with others."

"He was right."

Jessica didn't speak. She relaxed with one leg flat and put her hand on her knee.

"You miss him a lot, don't you?" I asked tentatively.

"Yes." Jessica readily admitted.It seems that tonight is indeed an exception. In my impression, I don't know whether it is because of her work or her personality. When she speaks, she almost never hesitates, but she seldom reveals her sincerity.

"I'm probably not qualified to think so. I never considered him a friend when he was alive. We worked together for nearly four years before joining the Order of the Phoenix, but he always thought my name was Ellen Kinney."

"Didn't he ask?"

"I asked once. Around the second year, he asked me euphemistically if Ellen was my real name. After I told him it was my real name now, I didn't ask again."

"He trusts you."

"Although other sensible people don't think so. I always put selling news before assisting the Aurors. I never disclose the method of obtaining those photos. I only provide limited information. So many good reasons. In front of him, he still trusts me." Jessica sighed, "It is said that memories beautify people. But I should have known that meeting him was the luckiest thing in my career."

"You know...he told you what he thought of you?"

"No, but I do. A brave, kind, intelligent, charismatic undercover reporter, or something. He thinks I'm the best kind of guy, and that's why I don't get paid."

"You don't think so?"

Jessica smiled wryly.

"Do you know why Shaker doesn't trust me? When Hollett was caught more than a year ago, his two fingers, I did it."

I looked at Jessica in shock.

"They offered to get some souvenirs for the Aurors, which I did. It touched them a little bit and convinced them how much I hated law enforcement, and then I was able to spend some time alone with Hollett, where he He fiddled with the shackles and binding spells. He escaped before dawn the next day."

"You saved him."

"There are many ways to achieve this goal. And he could have left that hell much earlier. It's just that I delayed the spell's effect because I didn't want to be suspected."

"You have no choice, you have your job."

"Of course I have a choice!" She took a deep breath to ease her emotions, "I have my job, and that's where the problem is. I put it first and take the least risky way to solve the problem. I didn't even think about it before I did it, because I was going to stay in it and I was going to save him, so I just did it. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"Almost." I gazed into her eyes, "but you regard saving him as a must, and I think that's what matters."

"He thinks so too," Jessica said wearily. "There must be other ways, but I didn't think about it. I didn't even feel it when I did it, and Hollett didn't say anything, so it's a big deal." It was almost on the back of my mind. It wasn't until I saw the way Kingsley looked at me that I realized something was wrong. I was used to watching and participating in those crimes, I was already the one I thought I was resisting One of the people."

I was about to speak when Jessica cut me off.

"You know what's the scariest thing? It's the realization that it doesn't shake me so much, like it's the way it should be. Shaker and Moody both know what it's like to hang out with those people for a long time. They never fully trust their informants, they are always second-hand. But Hollett, sometimes I really don’t know how he’s been an Auror for so many years.”

Her grim voice reminded me of that night.

"wrong."

She looks at me.

"You told me you've spent so long with them that you can't let it go to waste. You have to go back for this." My outstretched hand paused in mid-air, and finally landed on her shoulder—while vaguely Thinking about how Jaime would absolutely kill me at this move, "You're terrified. You're terrified of being one of them, and that's a very powerful force. No matter what you think of yourself, Jace, you're the most powerful person I've ever seen." Good girl."

Jessica was silent for a moment. "How many girls have you said that to?"

"Uh,……"

The brilliant answer was left unsaid, but that didn't matter.

I'm not a machismo, so it didn't take long for me to have the woman initiate the first two kisses, and Jessica kept me from thinking about anything else.The length of the kiss puts my under-exercised middle-aged lungs under serious challenge, though I don't think I'd mind exercising them a bit in the future.

"I'm serious about resigning." Jessica breathed calmly.

I hugged her lightly and let her lean on my shoulder.

"What do you want to do?"

"I don't know, I just think it's time to change my way of life." Jessica said in a low voice, straightening up, "I'll find it. Wait until this war is over."

Wait until this war is over.

"It's too lonely to walk alone at night, wouldn't it be better for two to walk together?" I said.

She smiled. "Even if the dawn has come, it's not a bad thing to have a traveling companion."

The sky was covered with blue-gray clouds this night, and all the starlight was in Jessica's eyes.

(End of the article)

The author has something to say:

The original stalk of this article comes from the novel "My Leader, My Regiment", and the style is also written after imitating that novel. I would like to pay tribute to the original author Lan Xiaolong three times. Like HP, "Leader" is one of the novels that I have re-read many times in the past few years. When I read "Leader" shortly after I started to contact HP's colleagues a few months ago, I read that the protagonist is on the battlefield There is a monologue about a girl who can't forget the one-sided relationship, which goes like this: "I was thinking of a woman. I stole her money, but I don't think she is because of this, but just wants to be in the empty heart that is about to die. Serve something," and somehow Sirius came to mind.I thought that his despair and madness in the face of destruction should be somewhat similar when he failed to track Peter after the death of James and Lily and was arrested by Aurors, so I arranged a "first encounter" for him in this scene .This brain hole has been produced for a long time, but I dare not write it, because Sirius and his psychology are difficult to describe.Facts have proved that the expression is really not satisfactory due to the limitation of pen power.

The trick to meeting parents at night and saving Xiaotian came out of nowhere. Originally, the gypsy mother was just part of the heroine's "unusual background setting". I checked the gypsy information and found out "Mostly make a living by divination", so I wrote it because of a sudden inspiration.At the end of the article, the two parties finally overcome their psychological barriers and decide to try to start a real relationship. Neither of them has reached the point where they need each other. Serafina's "selfless devotion" can be used as a reminder of their long-term future.

The last two strange literary confessions seem to be from some novels I have read but I can’t remember 囧......

Thank you to all the readers who have read this article and this lengthy reading, and for strongly recommending "My Leader, My Regiment". This is a good book worth reading no matter in terms of plot or description of human nature.