[Bulletproof BTS] RE:suming

"elder brother!"

"what happened?"

Brother Yunqi took back the one looking at the distant forest, I smiled, took my brother's hand, it was a little cold, squeezed it, and took him to a swing chair, which had been replaced with a new one by the farm staff. cushions and pillows.

"I'm so happy! Because I'm not alone this year for Christmas..."

The air smells of snow, wood, and earth.

"what……"

I watched the exhaled white mist gradually dissipate, and the sky was clear with loose clouds.

"I am very happy to have someone to accompany me. I used to come here for vacation with my uncle and the others every year, but I couldn't do it on the night of 25. My brother would suggest me to 'find a friend to accompany me', but I can't think of anyone I want to bring..."

"So it's me now?"

Brother Yunqi pointed at himself, lowered his head and smiled.

"Isn't it Jimin?"

"Ani!"

I shook my head and looked at brother Yunqi with slightly surprised eyes.

"It's true that Jimin hyung is the hyung he likes, but I feel like hyung is the most like me. I also experienced some times. When I opened my eyes in the morning, I was depressed. I felt like I was submerged in water. I didn't want to wake up, I didn't want to get up, I don't want to do anything, and at that time, I felt painful when I heard the knock on the door..."

mercy?

Brother Yunqi's eyes made me a little sore, so I covered them.

"Brother, don't look at me like that."

At those times, as an atheist, but going through these things, I thought it was a dream, I wanted to wake up every day, I wanted to die, I wanted to go back, even that home was nothing to remember.

"At school, I wanted to say hello, but I didn't seem to be so popular. They ignored me, and my body was weird. Everyone was eating, but I was not hungry at all. I couldn't sleep at night. I always felt that someone was watching me, and then I was depressed in the morning. Yes, day after day..."

Strange people, strange people calling me, strange appearance, which one is me, I have to forget what I was like, what my name was, what kind of person I was, and then crazily record myself, my appearance, My family.

"In the evening, this kind of sadness will multiply for no reason. It's like being pushed off a cliff unsuspectingly. My ears are buzzing—"I feel like I'm going to break down, and people keep saying something about me. ...'"

going to explode...

At that time, the room was covered with papers, 'Think things simple' and 'Keep smiling', which didn't help but made me feel more depressed and more difficult to breathe.

"At that time, the way to stabilize me from this emotion..."

The hand has been pulled down by Brother Yunqi, I looked at him with a smile.

"Self-mutilation, that hearty pain, saved me. It's like fresh air, and it's addictive like drugs. I, too, have suffered from depression..."

Is it hereditary?

Ah……

Maybe……

After receiving treatment and gradually accepting the new identity, I sometimes wonder why I was like this at that time. Now it seems that it may be genetic...

"So, you brought me here?"

Brother Yunqi smiled.

"Hey! I want my brother to see that even strangers are friendly. Although we will encourage, hug, support, and say 'I love you!' Of course, we will quarrel and fight... Hehe..."

The topic is a bit off.

"The people around you will also care about you, and want to make you happy and smile."

I suddenly thought of those times when Philo, who did all kinds of stupid things to make me happy, said a lot of things that made my scalp tingle, and there were always people who cared about you silently...

"Brother, today's brother is better than yesterday!"

Not surprisingly, the innocent and unfunny Yun Qi smiled.

"Didn't you say you took me to ride a horse?"

"How could I forget!"

I took Brother Yunqi to the racetrack and picked a docile pony for Brother Yunqi, but in the end I took Brother Yunqi to ride my Xueying together.

"What's the name of this horse?"

"snowshape, snow shadow."

I pulled the rein, fortunately I have grown a little taller in the past six months, otherwise I would not be able to see the front clearly. Seeing Brother Yunqi touching Xueying's mane, and Xueying didn't resist, I was surprised.

"Brother is really powerful, Xueying has a big temper, and usually people are not allowed to touch it when they meet for the first time. I spent a lot of money to tame it back then. I didn't expect that brother would let you come up just by touching it casually." !"

"really?"

Animals are spiritual, and Yun Qi, who made Xueying accept it for the first time, is actually a very gentle and gentle person. To be hypocritical, if gentleness is a sin, then Yun Qi is unforgivable. up...

"Of course, I don't have to lie to brother!"

Putting strength on her legs and tightening the reins, Xueying began to pace slowly. Considering that Brother Yunqi was riding a horse for the first time, he did not dare to gallop like on TV. If something went wrong, the brothers would probably kill him. I.

Concerned about Brother Yunqi's body and the outdoor temperature, we got off the horse in half an hour. After all, the weather is too cold and the end of the year is approaching. For the stage of various awards ceremonies, health is more important than anything else.

"Brother, if you still want to, we can't wait until it's cold!"

I patted the horse's back and handed the reins to the stable boy. Looking at Brother Yun Qi who was stroking his mane and saying this to himself, I squatted down and unwrapped the knee pads and ankle guards for Brother Yun Qi.

"Or, brother, choose one of your own here?"

I looked up at Brother Yunqi who was standing on the snow.

"No! It's fine if you can experience it for a while. I can't do horse riding. My bones will fall apart!"

Brother Yunqi laughed and shook his head, and patted the horse's back.

"Ah~ okay then!"

Riding horses, skiing, participating in gatherings held by nearby farmers, drinking happily, chatting, being asked by Brother Yunqi to serve juice, I saw Brother Yunqi smiling from time to time, and Brother Yunqi with shining eyes.

"elder brother!"

On a snowy night, the sparse snowflakes were not big, so we refused to be picked up by the carriage. Brother Yunqi and I walked slowly on the way back. In the quiet night, there was only the sound of stepping on the snow.

"Ok?"

Brother Yunqi's voice was extraordinarily gentle.

"The time is very short. I hope that these insignificant three days can make my brother remember from time to time when he encounters difficult and painful times in the future..."

Brother Yun Qi chuckled, lowered his head and kicked the snow at his feet.

"I will!"

After the 3-day vacation, when I returned to Korea, Yoon-ki had to receive some treatment. I practiced with the members on the end-of-year stage day and night. Seeing us on the stage in front of more people, understanding the company's good intentions, and practicing harder.

"Brother, here it is!"

Brother Jimin, who was in charge of somersaults, was sweating profusely. He unscrewed the purified water and passed it over. The acrobatic dance moves are very difficult, and if you don’t pay attention, you will be injured. So far, Jimin has fallen 5 or 6 times.

"Thank you!"

I'm a little worried that because of his health, Brother Yunqi has to miss our year-end stage this time, and it may include part of the schedule later.

At the end of the year, MAMA had nominations for dance awards. I was disappointed. Although the later generations of MAMA were ridiculed and divided into pork, but the first awards ceremony I participated in in my life, I returned empty-handed and felt a sense of loss.

First heart, first time, first love... It is related to "first", and it will always endow more emotions, no matter how small and ordinary, with "first" as a prefix, everything will become different.

"It's okay, Jimin!"

"It's not a big deal, just do it better next time!"

Jimin brother fell down and started crying as soon as he got off the stage, he kept saying sorry, several brothers took turns to comfort him, Taehyung brother hugged Jimin brother.

"Jimin, come and have a look!"

Brother Hao Fan pushed the door in and asked Jimin to take a look. After all, even though the sound on the stage was very loud, I could feel that when I fell, the stage under my feet was trembling, and there was a thick muffled sound. It fell really hard.

"Hey..."

Brother Jimin wiped his head down and followed Brother Hao Fan out. Time is passing, but regrets are only left in his heart, and he doesn't have much time to be in this kind of emotion.