autumn sunshine

How long does life need to live to understand.

Whether you are alive or you are really alive, you always have to do some meaningful things in life and meet some meaningful people.What I said, even if I forget it now, I will always remember it suddenly at a certain moment.

There was a time when I felt like my memories would always be real.But now I understand that memory can also lie. I have forgotten who I used to be. No matter what the reason is, I can’t erase it.

I opened my eyes blankly, and looked at the eaves on the top. Some old eaves lacked bricks and tiles. Fragments of sunlight leaked out from the gaps. I seemed to hear the wind outside the house through them. It's like singing a lullaby softly in my ear, showing my messy memory from new scenes.

I can't tell if it's my own illusion, but I always feel that the burning sensation in my body is gradually converging towards the wick on my right hand.The thoughts that disappeared gradually became clearer.I looked at Qi Ya who had come in with a bowl of clear porridge, pulled the corner of his mouth slightly and laughed, my body was too overdrawn, and my throat was completely destroyed before, even a slight swallowing and vocalization would cause heart-piercing pain Pain, pulling the corners of his mouth is already the best expression these days.

I sometimes think, fortunately, I remembered those memories, otherwise such a tragic situation would really be unacceptable to ordinary people.However, as far as I am concerned, it is not a big deal. Being able to survive alone in that strange ward is a kind of torture in itself. In a sense, I am not actually a normal person. Let me worry about gains and losses, want but dare not fight for it, want to stop but dare not make a decision...

Qi Ya: "What are you thinking? How many times have you been called?"

Hearing Qi Ya's voice ringing in his ears, he realized that he seemed to be distracted just now.

"Recently you seem to like to be in a daze." Qi Ya sat next to me, lifted up the bowl of porridge, skillfully raised his hand to dig a spoonful and handed it to my mouth, "Tsk... I forgot that you can't talk now .”

I took a sip with Qi Ya's hand and found that it wasn't hot, so I slowly yelled in.

Qi Ya: "It's already cooled down."

I looked at Qi Ya's face, shook my head, and then remembered that such an expression seemed to be misunderstood, so I hurriedly continued to nod.

Qi Ya paused when he handed over again, "...I don't know what you want to express, so get well soon."

At that moment, my heart throbbed fiercely. Those always dazzling and confident eyes were full of self-blame and loneliness, and that dazzling white hair seemed to have dimmed a lot.I don't know what else I can read from those eyes... It seems that there are other things, it seems that there is something that I have ignored for a long time.

what is it then?

I suddenly remembered that in that dark room, the only thing I saw was that piece of silver. Through that silver, what I saw seemed to be more than just moonlight. In a corner of my heart, there was already a faint Looking forward to something, or looking forward to someone...

So, do I care about this boy in front of me?

I'm not a child who doesn't understand anything, really ignorant and ignorant, I know that I really care about him in this state, even in that situation, I am actually more willing to believe that he will definitely appear.It's just that what I didn't expect was that this kind of trust has surpassed that of Xiaojie.

It's so abnormal that a person who is mentally old and dead actually has feelings for a little boy, it's almost like a pervert.

What's even more perverted is that I don't feel disgusted both physically and mentally, and there is also a faint inexplicable excitement.I was stunned by myself.

"Starting to daze again, hello!"

When I recovered from my astonishment, I did something that I thought was unbelievable.

I looked at Qi Ya who had started to grow taller due to development, with a slight caution on his fair and clean face, and his eyes looked at me with some doubts.As if I was bewitched, I approached quietly. When the cold touch came, I realized that it was the temperature of Qi Ya's cheeks. The cold temperature actually gave me a cool and sweet feeling.

"Boom~"

The spoon in Qi Ya's hand fell off and hit the bowl. The crisp sound was like switching a key. The two people who were frozen in the frame suddenly moved, and the warm atmosphere was quickly replaced by a layer of embarrassment.

Qi Ya pushed me away abruptly, stood up and took a few steps back.

My always smiling face also had some embarrassing stiffness. At that moment, I felt as if I was bewitched, and I did such a thing unconsciously, as if my mood was out of my control.

Maybe everything is an illusion, maybe the moonlight at that time made my memory so deep that I unconsciously thought of Qi Ya, but it was all too sudden, both for him and for me.

And I seem to have made things worse between me and him.

The smile on my face gradually disappeared, I looked at the half porridge left in my hand, slowly raised my head to look at Qi Ya who was still standing in a daze not far away, silently making mouth shapes.

'Thanks!scared you. '

It wasn't until this moment that Qi Ya came to his senses, picked up the bowl on the ground and put it in my hand, said a word for me to eat by myself, and left.

I looked at the already cold porridge in my hand, then raised my head to look at the empty doorway, and suddenly felt that the warmth that had just risen in my heart was the same as the coldness of the tentacles.

But no matter what, I have reaffirmed it in my heart. No matter how deceitful I am, I have to admit that I care about and like Qi Ya, a stubborn and willful boy.

After this embarrassing incident, I never saw Qi Ya again.Xiaojie and Leorio would take turns to visit me every day. In the first few days, they would take the initiative to tell me where Qiya had gone, but then they gradually said nothing, and I didn't ask much.This is the case with many things. It doesn't mean that if you work hard, you will succeed, not to mention that I haven't worked hard yet, and this kind of thing can't be done with hard work.

Afterwards, my body gradually began to recover. Except for the accident, the other wounds were already healing. Xiaojie has been in a state of retreat for the past few days, and the burden of taking care of me falls on Leo Li Yes, both Kulabika and I need to be taken care of. During this period of time, this young man has indeed lost a lot of weight.

Intermittently, Leorio also told me a lot of follow-up things, such as the leader of the Phantom Brigade was sealed, for example, Xiaojie has found a way to get to the island of greed, and it is said that there is still an assessment, and for example, recently he and Qi Ya is preparing for the assessment and so on.

I can see that Leori said so much, apart from fearing that I would be bored, he was also explaining something to help Chiya.What an honest man, it can be seen that he actually doesn't know why Qi Ya and I are avoiding each other.

I could only laugh and listen, watching Leo Li trying hard to make peace, he probably thought that Qi Ya and I were having conflicts between children.

When Xiaojie ran away excitedly and told me that he had finally mastered his nirvana nirvana, I was already able to make a little noise.

I looked at Xiaojie, who was very excited and was demonstrating his nirvana, and gave him a thumbs up very appreciatively.Such a huge power is actually issued from this small body, which made me more interested in the ability of mind.I fumbled with my right hand, maybe I can start to think about these things, as for those other things, let's put it down for now, as time goes by, I may forget it.

I looked at Xiaojie, and after simply uttering a few words, I decided to write them down on paper with a pen.

'Xiaojie, I'm going to find practice. '

Xiaojie: "Okay, Migar, you can go to the island of greed with us. Didn't you say that this is the path of practice that Jin arranged for me?"

'No, I plan to practice by myself.Your time can't wait for me...' I made a word with my mouth, which is the nirvana of reading ability.

Xiaojie didn't speak, just looked at me with wide eyes.

I looked back with some amusement, Xiaojie probably knew that every time he looked at me like this, it would be difficult for me to refuse him, but this time I would disappoint him.Perhaps it is because of the extraordinarily quiet these few days that I can think a lot quietly. Now I am really weak, and I can only shrink back again and again in the face of danger. I even have very little courage to face the battle. It is dangerous for me to do this, but I, who keep saying that I want to protect Xiaojie, are mostly dragging the role at critical moments, either pushing him away in danger or protecting him, because I know better than anyone that Xiaojie will definitely do it again risky.This kind of me is weak in my heart. I don't have the explosive power and growth ability that are born on the spot like Xiaojie and Qiya. My stubbornness makes me fasten my growth and creativity.

So I want to leave Xiaojie for a while... and leave Qiya too.

I want to stimulate my potential in an unfamiliar environment. It is far-fetched to say this, but I am a dull person and can only use this method to force myself to grow.Because I already clearly felt that I gradually began to rely on Qi Ya.

Must leave, such a decision turned in my heart again.I lowered my head and wrote silently, without looking into Xiaojie's eyes.

'I want to be stronger! '

Xiaojie: "... Have you figured out where to go? You are still like this now."

I smiled, raised my hand and rubbed Xiaojie's slightly tangled hair, opened my mouth and said a name softly: "Yungu."

That's right, I'm planning to go to Yungu. On the one hand, I have some problems with my mind ability. I really need a teacher to guide me. On the other hand, I also hope to seek help from the Hunter Association through Yungu. , it may be useful for the development of my mind ability. As for the body, the Hunter Association should have good medical personnel.

So, I don't know if it's because Yungu is particularly trustworthy in Xiaojie's heart or for some other reason, but he agreed without much objection.I told him that I might plan to leave in the near future. Now that I have made up my mind, I plan to contact Master Yungu as soon as possible and start recovery and training.

Two days later, Yun Gu and I agreed to meet.

On this day, Xiaojie and Qi Ya went to participate in the qualification selection test for Greed Island.

I said goodbye to Leo, turned around and walked into Kulabica's room.Looking at the comatose young man in front of me, my mood was indescribably complicated.All the dangers of this trip to Youke City originated from him. Such thoughts are too heavy for the young man in front of me, and I was wrong. It is not because of him that we are in danger. In the world of hunters, meeting spiders, encountering such dangers is sooner or later.I'm just making excuses for myself, just making excuses for my weak self.

"I'm sorry...Kurabica." I raised my hand to replace the wet wipe on his forehead, the golden hair was much duller, I still remember the first time I saw him, his dazzling golden hair was like the sun vibrant.And those jewel-like eyes were tightly closed now, as if disgusted with the greed of this world, but even closing the eyes could not soothe the melancholy between his brows.

"Get well soon. There is no anxiety or fear...you can lose more than you." So, get well soon, and next time I see you, I will never say such selfish things to you again.

I stood up and took one last look at the young man who was still lying there quietly. He was still sleeping peacefully with his eyes closed, and his brows were still frowning, but the deep imprint seemed to have faded a bit.It happened to be in the evening when I left, and I thought I could wait until Xiaojie and Qiya came back, but it seemed that time was waiting for no one.

The setting sun in the room swayed the last afterglow, I turned around and quietly closed the door of the mountain room, and also closed the residual temperature of that room, and embarked on the road of practice alone.

I hope that when we meet again next time, we will still be young and persistent, and will not be washed away by the cruelty of reality.