autumn sunshine

I can't remember when I died.

Maybe it's because the body can no longer bear this heavy burden in the end, and aging is daunting.

In my later years, I often stayed in the ward of the hospital. The bone aging and muscle atrophy made me often hear the sound of "creaking" from this quiet ward, like a mockery. I have lived in this room for more than five years. In the ward, apart from these rat-like noises, there was no sound.

Oh, no, there is also the sound of "tick-tick-tick" medicine in the infusion tube in my arm.

The irony is that apart from these, I have never heard human voices again.My son and daughter-in-law probably disliked me for being old and immortal. After throwing me here, I never appeared again. Even my grandson who was always attached to me never came to see me.It seems that they no longer remember the existence of my relatives.

I started to miss when I was young, miss my whole life, miss my husband, miss my son.My husband is a businessman, and most of the external evaluations of him are black-hearted and wicked nouveau riche, but for me, he is the pillar that allows our family to live a prosperous life.Without him, the family would have no money. Without him, my son and I would not be able to live such a luxurious life. Businessmen always pursue profits. My husband is particularly active in this point, so the money is getting more and more. He didn't appear at home very often. Most of the time we met, he was always in a hurry. I didn't know until later that he had other women outside.I have never seen that woman, but I heard that she has borne him a child, and the child is old enough to go to school.

My son quarreled with him because of this matter, and he didn't go home after that. It seemed that only my son and I were left at home. We depended on each other. At that time, my son was 40 years old.When I was young, I didn’t work and stayed idle at home. At this moment, apart from knowing how to make up, how to match clothes, and how to laugh with all kinds of people at various receptions, I really don’t seem to know What's the matter, I must have been very confused at that time, especially after signing the divorce agreement.

But life still had to go on, and fortunately my son had grown up by then and could take care of himself.So I regrouped, and my son and I started the hard road of starting a business together. I have connections, and my son has ideas. Many things are chances. If I hadn’t divorced, I don’t think I would have known that I could do so many things. .I have struggled with my son for several years, and the company looks decent, and I have also re-applied the knowledge I have learned before. It is true that I used to study business administration.When I was young, I thought that love was everything. After my son was born, I would quietly take care of my husband and raise my son at home.

That year, my son married his beloved girl, and the wedding ceremony was very warm.That girl, like my son, was very filial to me. Not long after, my lovely grandson was born, and he brought endless joy to our family.

But why now, I can't remember when was their last time?Their figures in my already vague memory are getting farther and farther away, and they seem to be fading out of my memory.

I suffered from geriatric disease, stroke, and hemiplegia.In the end, he was directly paralyzed and could only lie on the bed. After a long time, only drugs can survive.

I seemed to think of something, as if I remembered that I didn't live in this room before, the original room was bigger and more luxurious, yes, more luxurious, my son is very filial, he will always give me the best.So why did I switch here again?

I also thought of those little nurses who came to change my dressings and always looked at me with pity. Until now, I thought they thought I was rejected by my son, but the rejection came too suddenly , It seems that they all stopped coming to see me overnight.

The days passed like this in this silent room.

Until that day, I remembered.

My son died, he died because of that woman, the woman my husband raised outside.All of this is what my husband told me.He cried and knelt in front of my window, and told me that the child born to the woman he raised was so incompetent, so unfilial, that a company as big as his could not be in his hands, and he wanted my son to inherit him The company, as long as the property of the branch store is given to the woman and her son, who knows that the woman rushed into my son's house with a knife and killed them all, and then she accidentally injured herself during the dispute and died. up.

So, my husband stood in front of me and told me that the woman he raised outside killed my son, my daughter-in-law, and my grandson!

"Why are you not dead?"

At that moment, all my anger, all my sadness, all my anger exploded to the top, but somehow, I just said this sentence.And all the emotions were suppressed in this sentence, making the voice sound extremely cold, not at all like the words of an old man who had a stroke lying on the bed, and even the previous slurred speech disappeared.

I don't know when he left, I just know that I don't want him and that woman's child to live.Maybe it was really good and evil, and he, and the woman's son died the next day, in a gas explosion.

Then I lived stubbornly as if I had forgotten something, and sometimes I would yell and curse my son’s name out of my slurred mouth. Dislike me, I scolded my grandson, called him a white-eyed wolf, forgot that I was taking care of him when I was a child, I scolded my daughter-in-law, called her a vixen, and specially provoked the relationship between me and my son.The harder I scolded, the farther the little nurses hid.

Until now, when I was about to die, those memories that were deeply buried by me rushed out like a flood, why should I think about it.I'd rather they were all unfilial children than remember the fact that they're all dead.But how is it possible?How could my son be such a child, I kept scolding him, he must be very sad and wronged!And my lovely grandson, he must not want to play with grandma anymore...

I think if I ever see them again, I'll have to take a good look at them.

My soul flutters and wanders among souls of various colors. My hands are transparent, and my whole body is transparent. I follow the direction of those souls, and I also float there. Suddenly, a golden light blocks me. The way to go, I floated up again, and then floated in that direction, but was blocked again.The commotion here has attracted the attention of the front. Something is flying towards me. It is not a person, so I don't know how to describe them.

"It's this soul."

"That's right, it's her."

I think I guessed it right, they are really bull-headed and horse-faced, but they look human, and the clothes on their bodies have "cow" and "horse" written on them.It turns out that it doesn't mean that it must look like a monster just because it is called a bull head and a horse face.

They took out the notebook again to confirm, and finally walked around and said to me.

"Yang Li?"

I nodded without answering aloud.

"Well. Your son, daughter-in-law and grandson were rare good people in the past ten lives. It's a great fate to gather such good people in ten lives."

I listened quietly, but he saw that I hadn't spoken and continued.

"There is such a catastrophe in their fate, it is the catastrophe of crossing the immortals, it is inevitable. Now that they have become immortals, Lord Yama made a promise to them before, if they see you, they will let you go on their own, avoiding the karma of hell, Be a human again."

I don't care about whether I can be a new person at all, I only care about how my good children are doing now.It was only now that I was so excited that I wanted to run up and grab the speaker's hand and ask him to let me see my child.

But I don't have feet, and what's under his gown is not hands.

I anxiously said to him: "I just want to meet them, nothing else is important."

After he heard my words, he nodded clearly, as if he knew that I would say this, so he waved his sleeves, and a small golden lotus flower appeared in front of my eyes. There were many light spots, and I saw my son, daughter-in-law and grandson from these light spots.

"Mom, we're fine."

My son is holding his little grandson, and I can see the little grandson keep opening his mouth to call "Grandma", but I can't hear it, it seems that I can only hear my son's voice.

"We, Ma Shan, are about to ascend to heaven and become immortals. We cannot repay you for your kindness in nurturing. Xiaolan, I, and your grandson all want you to stop living so hard. Lord Yama and I have made a request, you just Don't worry..."

"Okay... okay... I don't worry, I don't worry..." I responded to them with a trembling voice, even though I knew that they couldn't hear them at all, and these were just their phantoms.

"Maybe it's different from the life we ​​used to live. You can treat it as a sightseeing in the vast world!" My son smiled and said to me, it's really nothing, seeing that you are all well, I don't care about those things at all.

"It seems that time is running out, because I don't know where you are going, and I have no advice to give. Anyway, I love you, Mom!"

I love you too, my son, my dear son.

The light and shadow dissipated, and the figures of my son's family of three also disappeared, and my heart seemed to be lost.

"Well, you can go on your way. Come, draw a lot."

Going on the road, whatever road I am on, without them, it will be the same wherever I go now. I follow the bamboo tube they pushed over, and take one at random, and hand it to them without looking at it.

"Why is this?"

"It's not a bad place. In which world is it easy to live in? There are rules for each world." After they finished speaking, they said to me, "Come with me in a while, and I'll send you on your way."

I responded dispensably.

"Just to remind you, in the vast world, the rules of survival are different in all walks of life. You..." He glanced at me, "You can do it for yourself. Don't be too rigid in this life."

"...Stick to this life?" I asked strangely, reincarnation, a new life, how can I remember this life, let alone stick to it.

"Yan Wang Yinuo, change your life without changing your heart." He stopped and pointed to the entrance not far ahead. The entrance was surrounded by irregular stones, saying that the entrance was more like a cave entrance, "You remember it in your heart, I will never forget it. Well, you can go, go in."

Following the direction he pointed, I slowly stepped into the somewhat white-lit entrance, and his last voice also dissipated.One can vaguely hear the sentence: "Take care."