disliked, humble love

Zhu Jie woke up habitually to look at the window, only to see a beige wall.Not in the dormitory, but at home.

The place where I grew up.He guessed that it was not dawn, and the scent of the pillow entered the back note. The sandalwood scent was solid and pure, which reassured him very much, much like Xue Yezai.

He focused his attention on the display cabinet again. There used to be 131 sandbags under it, including three-sided, six-sided, flat and round ones.He used to dig them out and pinch them one by one. The first one Xue Ye sent was crushed by himself.

That night I was lying on the floor, throwing a sandbag into the air to catch it, catching it, pinching it, and throwing it again. After several months of pinching, one side of the fabric was unthreaded, and what came out was red beans scattered all over the floor and a small roll of paper.

Red beans are lovesickness, and notes are love letters.

Press Jack against the wall and kiss him.

I took apart the sandbags in my hand one by one, each of which was inside, and then pretended to be calm, put it away as if nothing had happened, and stapled the fabric with a stapler.The WeChat profile picture is the playground of No. [-] Middle School, because Xue Ye waits for him on the side of the runway every morning, and buys breakfast.Wind and sun, rain or shine.

After a while, the sound of the door lock turning was like a fire, which ignited Zhu Jie's nerves all over his body, and he woke up instantly.

"Xiaojie, let's go downstairs for dinner. After dinner, I'll take you to the airport." Zhao Xue opened the door with the key, and at the same time looking inside were Zhu Mo and Qi Liuhai, with their hair down to their waists.

He only dared to look but did not dare to enter, so he opened his eyes wide and looked into the room, looking around.

Zhu Mo was very afraid of himself.Zhu Jie was sleeping naked, and got out of bed without any scruples to wash up.Zhao Xue immediately covered Zhu Mo's eyes and had to leave first.

In the downstairs living room, Zhu Zhenhai was drinking tea. There was breakfast on the table, and two large suitcases stood beside the table.There is a passport on the coffee table.

Zhao Xue went downstairs with Zhu Mo in her arms, and nodded to Zhu Zhenhai.She put Zhu Mo on the chair and began to feed her porridge spoon by spoon.

It took about half an hour for Zhu Jie to come downstairs, wearing all black sportswear and carrying a black sports bag.Zhu Mo also didn't expect him at all, so he hesitated before sitting down.

On the father's side, sons are traditionally valued over daughters, and Zhu Zhenhai only pays attention to himself and ignores his daughter.Zhao Xue was a doctor, and always made Zhu Mo sick. He got sick every three days and got sick every three months, trying to get attention.

They're all fucking insane.Zhu Jie started to peel the eggs, and when he got out of the bedroom, his phone came alive again, vibrating in his pocket.

Zhu Zhenhai looked at the big wall clock and put down his teacup. "The driver will come at 10 o'clock and take you to the airport on time. The person I arranged will wait for you at the airport and will contact you. Someone will receive you when you pass through US customs."

"Did I fucking say I'm going?" Zhu Jie ate the eggs and served a bowl of porridge.The hot porridge rolled into his throat to warm his stomach first, but the flesh and internal organs inside were all warmed by Xue Ye himself.

Homosexuals don't die well, so let's live well.

Zhao Xue's movements and expressions were visibly stiff, and her fingers were haggard after years of exposure to alcohol. "Xiaojie, don't be angry, your parents are doing it for your own good. There will be someone to take care of you over there, and you will continue to practice running after the school arranges. Athletes are more valued than here on American campuses."

"I didn't say anything angry." Zhu Jie wiped the corner of his mouth with a piece of paper, "I'll tear up the passport if you give me it."

Zhao Xue didn't make a sound anymore, she dug a large spoonful and stuffed it into her daughter's mouth.Zhu Zhenhai glanced over, clasping the teacup tightly with five fingers: "You think your wings are hard, right? You dare to tear your passport."

It was the first time that my son challenged the family's historical bottom line.

"It doesn't matter if you don't tear it up. I'll go to the customs and make a fuss. Detain me." Zhu Jie said lightly, "When you get on the plane, you smash the glass. Whoever is on the same flight as me will be unlucky if the takeoff is delayed. I don't care about other people's feelings. The plane can fly up Count me as loser."

"Xiaojie, shut up." Zhao Xue mechanically dug porridge to feed her daughter, "Mom and Dad are doing it for your own good. What do you mean by eating and living with that Xue Ye in a competition, and even sending him to the dormitory of the sports academy. He pestered you when he was sick, and his family didn't take him for treatment, what right does Zhang Rong, an outsider, have to interfere in our family's affairs?"

"I hit all the airlines and blacklisted me." Zhu Jie turned a deaf ear and ate as usual, the more normal the more abnormal.

"What happened to Cary's recent expenses?" Zhu Zhenhai asked.

"Spend it, give the male anchor a gift." Zhu Jie said, "I can't withdraw cash or transfer money. I want to spend it for whoever I want."

Zhu Zhenhai squeezed the teacup to crack. "Male anchor?"

Zhu Jie put down the bowl. "Yes, man. I'm gay and I like men. Do you understand me?"

"Xiaojie!" Zhu Zhenhai was finally furious, and the teacup splashed on the wall and shattered.Zhao Xue dragged her daughter off the chair and pushed her up the stairs.

Zhu Mo walked over without any response, climbed to the second floor, sat down halfway up, hugged his knees on the steps and did not move.

"My fucking name is Zhu Jie!" Zhu Jie picked up the nearest chair and threw it towards the coffee table. After the loud noise, the Sky Eye Buddha statue that he had wanted to smash for a long time shattered as he wished, and the glass coffee table was completely scrapped.

One after another, the celestial eyes rolled all over the ground like eyes, eight arms were broken, six ears were broken, and the torso on both sides was completely incomplete.

Fucked, finally smashed, finally fucked up.

Endless day and night surveillance, no privacy, no light.The hands that interfere with life at will, and the ears that listen at any time, are all smashed.Why torture yourself, why do people torture themselves?Zhu Jie overturned the entire marble dining table to the ground, enjoying the joy brought by the atrocities.

Smash it, ruin it, kill it.

There is another one, where is it?Zhu Jie looked around the living room and looked at the other one, with a weird Buddha face and deformed limbs, and carried a chair towards the entrance.The knee socket and the back of the leg with broken muscle fibers were suddenly kicked and forced to kneel on the ground, and a wooden chair was swung down towards Zhu Jie's head and face.

Three legs of the chair were immediately broken when it fell down. Zhu Jie touched the ground with his hand, and his back teeth were sore from the shock.He twisted his head and looked over, Zhu Zhenhai swung the unbroken back of the chair, found it, and then smashed it down, fiercely and decisively, once, twice, three times, the back of the chair was also broken.

abnormal son.Zhu Zhenhai's eyes were bulging, and he picked up Zhu Jie viciously, punched him in the lungs, and then hit his elbow in the back of his heart.He let go of his hand twice in succession, and the person broke free from his grasp, staggered two steps back to the wall and stood firmly.

abnormal son.Zhu Zhenhai was surprised for a moment, and the explosive power was concentrated on the fist.

It's true that the wings are hard, they can't beat them but they can bear them.

"Zhu Zhenhai!" Zhu Jie had a stabbing pain in his ears and back, and his chest and back hurt so badly that he even lost his mind. I will kill you!"

"You'd better fight back!" Zhu Zhenhai withdrew his fist violently, "If you don't go to America, I'll kill you first."

"Hit! I don't fucking believe it!" Zhu Jie barely stood up straight with the help of the wall, his black coat was covered with sawdust, and the severe pain pressing down on his whole body rushed to Zhu Zhenhai and clenched his fists.

The degree of patriarchy in Zhu's family is appalling. Grandma had several births in a row until Zhu Zhenhai, the son, stopped giving birth. The whole family is fucking crazy and firmly believes that only men can pass on the incense.

But this incense, he died here for the Zhu family.No matter if this kind of family continues, let's go to hell.

"I should beat you to death for being gay!" Zhu Zhenhai was furious, "If your mother hadn't begged for mercy during the summer vacation..."

"Come on! Who asked her to intercede for me, come on!" Zhu Jie touched a sharp wooden leg, and the blood from the palm of his hand fell drop by drop along the wood grain.And all of this was seen by Zhu Mo, she sat on the steps with her face in her hands as if nothing had happened.

Zhu Zhenhai's face was ashen, and there were bloodstains on his feet, and he didn't know whose it was. "I'll give you time to think about it. If you go to the United States, you will have everything. If you stay in China, you will be banned forever! You will never want to play again in your life, and you will never want anything!"

"Stupid." Zhu Jie wiped the blood from his mouth, his wrists moved, and his joints cracked.

"Xiaojie, why are you going!" Zhao Xue blocked him, her son was not only abnormal but also crazy.

"Zhu Jie." Zhu Jie touched the wall and printed a blood mark, she blocked the way with a ghost, "Get out of the way, from now on the family will treat me as dead."

"Have you ever been to your grandpa's house?" Zhao Xue said meaningfully, "Didn't you like to go there before? Go once and you will be normal. Listen to your mother, good son. You can't beat your father. If you go out this door, you will be beaten to death by him."

Zhu Mo watched quietly, seeing that her brother, who never cared about her, was beaten by her father, and a lot of things in the house were broken.I saw my mother talking to my brother again, and my brother put down the bag after a while.A car Didi honked its horn outside the door, and she quietly climbed down the stairs, watching her brother get into the car with her mother, and the car disappeared.

She looked at her father again, but his father ignored her and did not hug her. His eyes were fierce, and she was so frightened that she ran upstairs.

Grandpa's house is far away, and he didn't arrive until after noon.Zhu Jie got out of the car, and the building in front of him looked like a white coffin.

"Let's go son, your grandfather is giving a speech across the country, and he won't be back until next year." Zhao Xue came from behind, took Zhu Jie into the house, went upstairs, and then upstairs.The layout of the third floor is exactly the same as that of the hospital, everywhere is white.Zhu Jie walked into a bedroom familiarly, and in front of him was a TV that played his grandfather's lectures repeatedly.

On the TV is a blessing, I wish you a speedy recovery.

"This homosexuality is actually a lesion in the human body. But this lesion is in the head, which is very scary. This is mental cancer, like a malignant tumor, it is a cancer. Its onset is divided into 6 levels, of which 0, We classify it as pseudosexual homosexuality. It can be diagnosed through psychological tests and observation of living habits."

Zhu Jie memorized this passage fluently. He stared numbly at the professor on the screen, the nationally renowned psychiatrist Taishan, the most famous homosexual correction expert before 2001, and his grandfather.

Treat your own primary physician yourself.

"It must be intervened as soon as possible. Once it reaches level 6, which is what we call true homosexuality, it will be difficult to handle. But is there a way to treat true homosexuality? Yes. We can correct the patient through scientific treatment, Let patients realize the horror of this kind of ideological cancer."

"The scientific method belongs to the brain balance test. We can get the result within 10 minutes of using the instrument. The patient's physiological indicators such as glutamate, dopamine, and norepinephrine are all within the reference range of the case."

For the brain balance test, Zhu Jie slowly adjusted the volume.I did it myself, and the result was that the balance of the excitatory and inhibitory functions in the brain was disturbed, and pseudo-homosexuality occurred in the third day of that year.

"Cranial magnetic pole therapy is not electric shock, it is humanized and comfortable. Magnetic poles stimulate brain neurons and receive correct signals. Combined with hypnosis and other psychotherapy, the two-pronged approach. The whole course of treatment requires hospitalization, isolation, infusion, and correction of abnormal cognition .”

Zhao Xue changed into a nurse uniform, came in wearing a mask, and set up an IV bottle for intravenous injection.

"Today, you have a seizure. Mom doesn't blame you. It's a mental illness that can't be controlled." Zhao Xue pulled his son's right arm, "Mom and Dad know you've worked hard, and it's for your own good. Lock you in the The family is also afraid that you will get sick and go out to look for it. That Xue Ye is a case, he can't control it, so he keeps pestering you, and you don't say it. If you didn't take him to the hospital for injections in the third year of high school, your parents would not have found out. Your grandfather Almost mad."

Zhu Jie didn't bother to refute, so he took alcohol from the nurse's cart and poured it on his hands.

"The brain protein every two weeks can't be stopped. You see, I didn't come for three weeks before and after the game, and it broke out today." Zhao Xue moved skillfully and slowed down the dripping speed. Go to sleep at home, play another 7 hours tomorrow and go home with mom, and admit your mistake to your dad."

Zhu Jie still did not speak.

Zhao Xue brought him a cup of warm water. "Your father is doing it for your own good. It is a last resort to send you to the hospital during the summer vacation. This is a disease that will recur. Isn't it good for you to have a girlfriend in high school. Oh, if I had known that there was a case around you, my parents would have sent you abroad."

"Girlfriend?" Zhu Jie said, "Do you know how it feels when I kiss a girl?"

There was a long silence in the IV room.

"I feel very disgusted." Zhu Jie poured the water in front of his face, and poured it on the floor, "Forcing myself to like women, the more I kiss, the more I want to kiss men. Do you really think I can be locked up? That's because I didn't want to understand, now Think about it, dream about it."

"You should reflect on yourself, Mom won't talk about it." Zhao Xue left the drip room.There is only one large-screen TV in the room, and a lecture is played on a loop.

"Homosexuality, it can be said that it is very harmful to society. First, it is not normal. It is an idea that subverts moral ethics and social morality. Men and men are good, women and women are good, can it be normal? No. There is a yin to the harmony of all things. There is only Yang, and men and women are normal spouses. Secondly, how can children be born if same-sex loves and lives together? Human beings with normal thinking have the instinct to reproduce. Thirdly, extremely dirty sexual behavior patterns, promiscuity, and frequent occurrence of AIDS crowd……"

All the words, Zhu Jie grew up and heard from the sensible.He used to believe it was all true, all true.The phone in his pocket vibrated again, he clicked on it, and it was all Xue Ye.

[Jackie I like you]

[Joe, can I miss you]

[Brother Jie, I miss you a little bit]

[A bit of meaning is special]

I like myself, I especially miss myself.Zhu Jie repeatedly read several lines of text messages, and was buried by crazy thoughts.

When he was a child, he believed in his grandfather's words. Grandpa is a doctor, and doctors treat people. The people who see the doctor can't make mistakes, and the ones who make mistakes are the patients.

I actively cooperated with my grandfather's treatment, including injections, drips, medication, and psychological counseling, but vented my anger by running and violence.The day I talked to Xue Ye, I was actually thinking about how to die.

Homosexuals don't deserve to live, they should all die, one death and one less is a cancer.I sat outside the shooting range, thinking about how to end my life, who was touching my shoulder, and looking back, it was the kid in the dormitory who beat someone.

He likes racerback vests. After the fight, he left a few pinch marks on his neck. His bangs swept across his eye sockets very beautifully. After washing his hair, he showed a beautiful tip.He handed over a bowl of mung bean soup. He didn't know his name, and he didn't speak to him.

"Brother Jie, you sleep on my upper bunk, take me as your servant."

Three years passed in a flash.

Xue Ye had a good night's sleep in grandma's house, and now he rummaged through the boxes and boxes to remove the dusty boxes, and then opened them one by one.Under the protection of camphor, the training clothes wait for the return of their masters to bring them back to glory.

All brand new.Xue Ye dressed up and looked in the mirror. In the mirror, he was much taller than 14 years old.Three years of uninterrupted physical training has polished an adult athlete, but he really doesn't like running, and his feet hurt after running for a long time.

After every endurance run, after tens of thousands of meters, others rub their legs and rub their feet.The phone is ringing on the bed, Brother Jie.

[Um. ]

Um?Xue Ye fell back under the bed with his mobile phone and running shoes, Jiege Jiege, murmured a smile.

Well, that's good night.Well, I just miss myself too.Jackie is so cool, as expected of him.

The author has something to say:

Think I'm exaggerating?

In 2001, China removed homosexuality from the standard of diagnosis and treatment of mental illness, but domestic homosexuality treatment has never disappeared.There are not a few hospitals registered to treat such diseases, including public top three.

Not to mention the homosexual correctional hospital of its own.

Even secretly changed the concept and replaced it with sexual preference disorder.Only in the city where I live, only through my own online consultation, there are 26 hospitals with ambiguous replies, and it can be treated in the hospital.

The treatment group includes those who are married but have strong correctional beliefs (to put it bluntly, those who are cheating on marriage but are more conscientious), and those who are unmarried and brought in by their parents.If I want to know the details of the treatment method, I have to go there in person (shivering)

These are all true, but Zhu Jie will run away tomorrow.