quail

"What do you think is the saddest thing or thing?"

Li Bai put his hands in the pockets of his padded jacket, and looked up at the pair of benevolent eyebrows above the blue mask.

He thought about it for a while.

Getting scolded by the boss in the storage room?A wallet full of receipts but not a single bill?Rusty scissors that I used to use, mobile phones that can’t be charged, getting up early in the cold winter, familiar with the last dead fish left in the stall, and the soft persimmon that fell from the treetops to the concrete floor and was stepped on by myself .

Tractors, heavy rain, dreamy railroad tracks and distant villages.

"The Mole's Tale, that cartoon," he said eventually, "sees the little mole crying in it, and it makes me so sad."

"Is it 'most'?"

"Well," Li Bai nodded, "it came out and sat in the hole with its lower body. When it cried, it would rub its eyes with both hands, and the tears rushed out of the hole. When the mole makes a 'woo-woo' sound, it's like a person. You leave your own affairs to others, and others will not be sad, but the little mole can make everyone feel the same sadness when he cries."

The doctor also nodded, more skillfully than Li Bai, expressing affirmation rhythmically with his punctuation.After hearing this, he laughed, the crow's feet at the corners of his eyes folded several times, and put his hands crossed on the table, he asked Li Bai again: "Then what makes you happiest?"

The word "you" was bitten hard, and there was a deliberate pause, which made it even more difficult to answer, and it was not at the same level as the question just now.Because Li Bai feels that there are many things that make him happy, and he doesn't have to meet other people's standards, it is unreasonable to force him to choose the "best".

For example, now, he would be very happy when he thinks of the steamed steamed buns that the gravy drenched the dough, and he is even happier when he thinks that Yang Jian is waiting for him outside the door.

At that time, Yang Jian seemed to be really scared, afraid that he would die, so he came back on the first day of the new year, and no matter how expensive the air ticket was, not to mention the flight and the exit, he would not be picked up.It was after eleven o'clock in the evening when I got home. I pushed the key into the lock, one key, two key, and the door opened.Li Bai squatted on the sofa and waited.

Yang Jian's face was gloomy and dusty, and he stood there for a while, with his hand on the luggage handle, the other hand hanging by his side, and a lucky cat couple key lock hanging on his little finger.The one Li Bai gave him was just a cat, wearing red clothes, the only bright spot in his black body, made of cotton velvet, dangling, round and light.Then the Lucky Cat also stopped still, and the two just looked at each other like this, until Li Bai jumped off the mat and came to hug him with bare feet, and Yang Jian sat down on the edge of the sofa.

The cold was still blowing, and Yang Jian didn't intend to take off his coat.

"Have you eaten yet?" Li Bai folded his knees and sat beside him, still hooking his neck.

"I'm not hungry." Yang Jian frowned, brushing away the broken hair on Li Bai's forehead that blocked his eyes, as if he could confirm whether this person is still alive or not only after seeing the face completely.Li Bai exhaled towards his wrist, it was warm and even, and he couldn't help but see the small eye above the brow on the right, with a brand-new nail stuck in it, surrounded by a circle of redness that hadn't completely subsided.

"Don't eat leftovers during the New Year." Li Bai rubbed that piece of skin against him, the small bumps gently rubbed against the thin calluses of his fingertips, "I'll make new ones for you tomorrow."

"Do you like it?" Li Bai continued to ask, with only a pure black knit sweater hanging on his body, the collar slid down to his shoulders.Both of them had a lot of similar clothes, the more Yang Jian looked at it, the more he felt that this one belonged to him, and then he was overwhelmed, the two bare legs moved to his body, entangled him like soft vines , his lucky cat fell to the ground, took up ashes, and was buried in the thick clothes that were blown stiff by the winter wind.They hugged each other for a whole night without using a condom, and they didn't even open the drawer to get oil. Li Bai had already prepared himself, and his skin still had the moist fragrance of shower gel. He didn't want to turn off the lights and didn't allow Yang Jian to move away. Eyes, Yang Jian stopped for a while, even if he drank his saliva to reply to the message, he would tremble.

It's like serving yourself with a plate of dishes. Ordinary dishes are not delicacies from mountains and seas. I am afraid that I will be left with half a mouthful. What I need most is to be wolfed down.

Yang scissors pressed him tightly, breaking into the tightness that lacked lubrication bit by bit, ribs against ribs, and the hand on the back pressed those hard and thin spines joint by joint, knowing it well, like a rainstorm stroking a tree that refuses to grow. Tree.He was still clenching his back molars, speaking very slowly in dirty and embarrassing words, every word was drawn into his ears clearly and loudly, with the sound of water swaying.When Li Bai's eyes became dizzy and his face was burning hot, he asked coldly, "You can't live without me, can you?" After the water drenched, he opened his eyes when he met him, "No, no..." He denied it vehemently, and the sofa cushion was crushed to death in the next second, "Then are you crying in pain?" Yang She asked again and again, there was a smile between the pointed teeth, Li Bai still insisted on denying it, and bent his horizontal eyes blankly, "Brother, brother, I'm laughing even to the hair..." He rubbed Yang with the tip of his tongue. Cut lip corners.

However, Li Bai still hurt himself because of his eagerness and hunger.Swelling was secondary, he was bleeding, and when it was dawn, he shyly hung on Yang Jian's shoulders, Yang Jian took him into his arms, put his own shirt on him, and buttoned him while nibbling on him. The buttons rubbed his nose red, and he closed his eyes.He finally told him quietly: "My butt hurts."

For the next few days, Li Bai was restless. Fortunately, he didn’t have to walk or go to work. Every day after meals, he lay down on his stomach and swallowed anti-inflammatory drugs with cold boiled water. Yang Jian sat on his lap with a cigarette in his mouth. Hold down his vertebrae to keep him still, break open that fragile and embarrassing place, apply cool ointment, and push it in with a cotton swab.

Once Li Bai obviously felt that the injury was about to heal. He lay his pillow on his arm, sniffed the semen smell all over the sofa and said, "The side next to the heater collapsed, as if the wooden frame inside was broken by us."

"Yeah." Yang Jian didn't seem surprised at all.

"Let's buy another one, brother," Li Bai turned his head and said anxiously, "I went to the second-hand furniture market a few years ago, and many people moved within two years after buying it, and the sofa was pulled over and sold as if it were new. Buy something nicer."

Yang Jian said without raising his head, "Okay."

Li Bai scratched his wrist again: "It should still be on vacation now, we will go there after the opening of the year."

But Yang Jian picked up his lower abdomen so that he could raise his butt a bit higher, put the cigarette behind his ear, and the thing in his mouth turned into a cotton swab, with ten fingers free, he stretched the small hole, lowered his head and looked closer deeper.His gaze is about a little weight, or temperature?Li Bai had already retracted both hands and grabbed a pillow to bury his head under it, revealing the sweaty redness of the back of his neck, Yang Jian looked at him, smiled, and still said "OK".

So for me right now, the thing that makes me the happiest is our new sofa, I want to buy a red one, L shape, made up of three small sofas, my brother will definitely support it.Li Bai wanted to answer the doctor's question in this way.But when he thought about it again, it seemed wrong. There was no such sofa at home, and the old one was still stained and creaking.

The days have passed to March, the furniture market must have opened, and the dragon has not yet arrived. Li Bai's life is still relatively leisurely, but Yang Jian's free time is only less than before.The festival is over, and it’s time to regroup and go back on the road. Unfortunately, there are only two people left in the studio, and one of them is still in Cao Ying’s heart. Of course, Yang Jian is having a hard time. He started working all night after only a few days after returning to work. Not return.

Even at home, he would occasionally avoid Li Bai to answer the phone.The caller was Liu Haichuan's mother. Whether it was eavesdropping or just following on the balcony to listen, Li Bai figured it out anyway. Liu Haichuan had been taken back to his hometown by his family to rest and was going to study for the postgraduate entrance examination at home. He would never return to Beijing.

The woman on the phone always has a loud voice and a strong northern accent. Liu Haichuan always checks again, or the amputation is too cold in the cold, or the head is knocked when being moved from the wheelchair to the bed... as long as it is It was related to that wound, she had to call Yang Jian every time what happened, and Yang Jian answered every time; the content of the call was nothing more than blame and crying, and when she was emotional, it turned into hysterical insults, as if It was Yang Jian who was the instigator of all this, and Yang Jian always listened patiently, answered a few words in a friendly manner, and then said before hanging up the phone, "If you have anything to do, please come to me at any time and say hello to Haichuan for me", polite Extremely.

Then put down the phone and looked out the window without saying a word.

There are insurance and the driver who caused the accident for compensation, and doctors and nurses to take care of the rehabilitation. The woman is so persistent in looking for Yang Jian. Why?Li Bai pondered for a while, and suddenly realized that she had hatred to vent.She hated Yang Jian for inviting her son to Shenzhen, but she didn't hate her son readily agreeing. She hated that it wasn't Yang Jian who broke his leg, but she didn't hate that it was her own son who didn't look at the red light... Maybe she also hated the law The sentence was too light, and the driver was not executed?

The generation of hatred is not difficult for human beings, it is a biological instinct.

It's so reasonable, Li Bai thinks that's the truth, and also understands that Yang Jian's heart is always in a mess when his face is expressionless, and he needs to be quiet.There was only one time when he couldn't bear it anymore. When the other party was crying and cursing, he snatched the mobile phone from Yang Jian's hand. Seeing that Yang Jian was about to take it back, he climbed onto the window sill.

Xiao Huiben was dozing off, but this time she was so startled that her wings flew up, and she was about to throw the cage up. Li Bai pressed his waist against the screen window and looked down at him, staring at Yang Jian, and said loudly: "Elder sister, you have been working all day long!" Is it interesting to come here to spit black mud and take out the trash? It’s just a phone call a day or two. If you don’t know it, you’ll think you’re in love with him! People just take care of your classmates, and you don’t have to talk to him every day even if you don’t want to live anymore. Let me tell you, the wolf has come and yelled three times and no one will answer!"

Without waiting for the other side to come up with a well-formed sentence, Li Bai continued to shout: "And have you ever thought that if you continue to harass like this, one day your 'trash can' will be forced out of order? He works overtime all day long until midnight three times a week. A high school student talks about five hours of paying the rent in Zhongguancun, supplying water and electricity, taking care of his sister, and listening to you nagging here, whether you say he is tired or not, normal people can’t bear it.” Suddenly remembered something, Li Bai smiled again and said, "Oh, he also has a younger brother who is not worried. This younger brother is really crazy, but he is much more annoying than you. He never looks at the road when he rides in the morning rush hour. He likes to smoke at gas stations. Every day Find a tall building, climb to the top floor and sit on the railing overlooking the city of Beijing, and your job is to make gesticulations with a knife, and if you cry, make trouble and hang yourself at his place, it’s just playing with the rest of the pediatrics.”

Hearing the silence on the other side, as if he had been bluffed for a moment, Li Bai said slowly again: "I am his younger brother, and I will answer your calls from now on. Good things come in pairs, and I will do what I say.”

Then Li Bai pressed the hang up button and jumped off the window sill. He will never forget the look Yang Jian looked at him at that time. It was the first time that there was such a big hesitation on Yang Jian's face that he couldn't see through it. But the hesitation soon dissipated, and Yang Jian returned to the dining table as usual, picked up the half-eaten dish as usual, and put it in the microwave to heat it up.

Since then, Liu Haichuan's mother did not call again.

But on the first day after the Lantern Festival, Yang Jian woke up Li Bai early, had a hot breakfast with him, and took him to a taxi. When the furniture market took out a kraft paper envelope containing a thick stack of RMB, the car stopped at the gate of a third-level hospital in Chaoyang District.

"This doctor is good, you can talk to him calmly."

That's the only explanation.

So Li Bai obediently sat in this small room called "Psychological Consultation Room" which is actually a ward for at least half an hour, answering at least ten questions that made him uncomfortable, just as he has always been obediently doing any Yang Cut what he was asked to do, and then suddenly realized that he had been cheated.

"My happiest," he said, staring into the doctor's eyes, "I don't want to tell you."

Hearing this, the doctor still kept an understanding smile and showed his full face under the mask, which probably meant to show kindness, but Li Bai frowned and asked him abruptly: "Doctor, what do you charge?"

"Why ask this question?"

Li Bai didn't play Tai Chi with him: "I just want to know how much my brother spent. If you don't tell me, I won't be able to cooperate with you calmly."

"The current fee is [-] yuan per hour for psychological counseling..."

Li Bai didn't listen to what he said later, he drank the scented tea on the coffee table in one gulp, and stuffed four butter cookies into his mouth. This was the first time he took out his hands from his pockets after entering the room , the reason is very simple, the money has already been spent, and he thought it would be worth a little more, then he pushed the door open, bumped into Yang Jian who was waiting on the bench outside the door, backed up, wiped the biscuit crumbs from the corner of his mouth, Li Bai turned sideways , bypassing a nurse pushing a cart, and started running wildly.

Yang Jian worked as a tutor for five hours at a time, managed ten to fifteen students, and earned 800 yuan. At this moment, he let him talk for two hours in vain. thing.Anyone should be in a hurry, really, Yang Jian was chasing after him, the speed was almost flying, like a gangster movie, Li Bai was so scared that he even shrunk his neck, passed the crowded and slippery corridor of the hospital, and went down the stairs , he got into the densely packed parking lot, but the twists and turns between the vehicles could not hide him from Yang Jian's sight, so he walked through the garden, took off his coat and squeezed through the cracks in the wrought iron fence, Yang Jian took the next step He arrived, picked up his padded jacket, climbed up the wall and turned to the other side.

Seeing that he was about to be overtaken, Li Bai saw a forest head-on, no, it is called a green belt in the city, with pine trees and budding willows inside, surrounded by a ring of the most worthless dwarf holly trees.Li Bai gasped, he knew he was in a hurry to go to the doctor, but when he saw that Dongqing, he wanted to hide in and squat down, and crawled into half of his body, his nose smelled of dust all winter, and his legs and feet were still confiscated. Well, suddenly the back of his waist was cold, Yang Jianti slipped his sweater and dragged him out. Before he could stand still, Yang Jian carried him into the green belt and threw him on the grass.

Boom, my shoulder hurt a little from the fall, and the next second it was the coat he had just taken off randomly on Li Bai's body.The wind had already blown it to ice. Li Bai covered it and lay motionless. There were stones in the grass hitting his head, and Yang Jian's shadow could be seen in his eyes. They were all out of breath, and Yang Jian's face was frozen by the cold air. It was red here and there, and he sniffed and folded his arms, as if he was stabilizing his emotions, but Li Bai suddenly got up, and he was about to run away without getting his weight right.

"You fucking——" Yang Jian immediately held him down, held the back of his neck with his left hand, and pressed his knee against his waist, "Why are you running? The doctor scolded you, beat you, harassed you, and provoked you." Are you happy? Can you tell me what you are running for?"

Seeing that Li Bai didn't answer, just uttered a word, his body trembled until his bones were about to fall apart, he stopped suppressing him again, grabbed the man's shoulder and turned him over, squeezed his chin tightly to force him to look at him, "asked What do you mean, why did you run?"

Li Bai could clearly feel that patience was rapidly draining from the man in front of him. It was like cutting the rope tied to his hand with a knife. When the rope was broken, there was an abyss below, "I'm not sick, brother, He finally swallowed all the sweet and greasy milk taste in his mouth, tried hard to speak well, but couldn't stop his lips from trembling, "You don't need to see a doctor if you are not sick."

But Yang Jian suddenly let him go, stood up straight and looked at the traffic separated by the sidewalk and the holly. The midday sun had already warmed up a bit in spring, and the wind started to blow again. The wind smelled of pine oil and wicker. blowing.

"Brother." Li Bai propped himself up and crawled to Yang Jian's feet.

"Brother, look at me." He gently tugged on Yang Jian's trouser legs.

"I'm not running anymore, I'll put on my clothes properly," he said as he did, and brushed off the dry grass debris from his cotton clothes and hair to make himself look decent, "Don't be angry at me, I was wrong, Don't look at me..."

But Yang Jian was still unmoved, "I'm not angry with you," he said flatly, "I just think my life is a mess."

"It's a mess?... Don't be afraid, it's already much better, isn't it? I'll give you back the 300 yuan, but I won't see a doctor in the future, it's just a waste of money... He will suggest you go to a mental hospital if you have nothing wrong! Li Bai hugged him desperately, put his chin in front of his leg, shouted until his eyes were red, but he couldn't shed half a tear, "I can work, earn money, and do all kinds of housework. I am usually very good, and I can't do it." Strange thing, now some customers praise me for being easy-going, and we will both get better and better, just like you said, it won’t get worse! I’ll give you back the 300 yuan, bro...don’t throw me into a mental illness Just go to the courtyard!"

After Yang Jian finished listening to the words quietly, he exhaled and inhaled long, his eyelashes were drooping, and from Li Bai's perspective, his eyes were casting more and more heavy shadows.Then he took away Li Bai's arm that was around his thigh, as if loosening any object, and let them hang down weakly.Just when Li Bai was about to despair and thought that he would walk away by raising his leg, he suddenly squatted down.

"Do you think it's about 300 yuan?" He took a look at Li Bai, propped his elbows on his knees, buried his face in his palms, and covered all his expressions like a boy who just lost a fight, "You I feel that I spent 300 yuan to throw you away and put you in a mental hospital to be locked up."

As if he had amused himself, Yang Jian began to laugh when he coughed, covering his arms, it sounded muffled, he laughed enough, and the cough stopped, his arms were folded on his knees, and the nose was still covered, only A pair of red eyes were revealed, looking straight and focused on Li Bai's face.

"Li Bai, you are so cruel." He said softly.