[Comprehensive] Confession Mask

……

Yokohama, Abandoned School.

she says……

——You don’t have to fight when you don’t want to fight.

- You can refuse at any time.

Is this really something he can do?

Osamu Dazai stared blankly at the girl with snow-white long hair, because the battle started too suddenly, her posture was quite embarrassed at this moment.But even so, she still told him to "don't go to the past", he thought, it should be because he was seen through by her - about the fact that he couldn't do anything to this kind of child.

After all, even though those children have turned into monsters that don't look like humans, before they turned into monsters, those monsters were just children's impressions, and they were still rooted in Dazai Osamu's mind.

In fact, as early as he invalidated the two ghost stories, Osamu Dazai remembered the agreement he had made with his friend in the past - "If neither of you cares, then go and be a good person, and it will be a little bit better." of.He has always firmly remembered the words of Oda Saku, and those words still exist on him like a shackle to this day.

Therefore, Dazai didn't know whether it was his original wish or a simple curse, he would never be able to take action on the things that Odasaku once guarded seriously, because it would violate the agreement with him.

Besides, there was another reason why he couldn't attack the child.

That is, he found that he didn't know when he started, and he seemed to have become timid and cowardly—although he knew that even his blood and soul were black, but he didn't want himself to be black again, after all, he didn't want himself to be black again. He fell into darkness above this, so he couldn't lay hands on the children, and even, when he saw the children imprisoned, he would rush forward and desperately save them.

After all, there is compassion, it looks like a "normal person", and he longs for normality.

Conversely, if he touches those children again with his hand with a disqualified human ability, he will kill those children. He doesn't want to turn himself into a demon, which is not the behavior of "normal people".

So he subconsciously wanted to escape. At that moment, even though he knew that those children had a 90.00% chance of turning into monsters in front of him and even attacking him, he still pretended to be an ordinary good person and rushed forward Fang, ready to save them, even if sacrificed for it.

That's his longing for "normal people," he's twisted—he'd even smile contentedly if he knew he'd died from "the actions of a normal person."

Even though he actually has no feelings for those kids.

And to a certain extent, Osamu Dazai also knew that he was not like this usually. Even last year, he had the guts to tamper with Ango Sakaguchi's car, but only when he was facing those five children, he suddenly remembered that he was looking forward to My good friend... Odasaku's handsomeness as a normal person, living as "correct".

Perhaps, because he longed for Odasaku's "correctness" and "acceptance", he longed to behave like him and then die?

Obviously he actually has no feelings for those children, but at that moment he was only acting out of his own selfishness and bewilderment.

For a deep desire in my heart to be loved and recognized.

Then, maybe it was because he was too flustered just now, and in turn put himself in greater danger.

But fortunately, this part of his weakness was first noticed by Mishima Yusa, and she bumped him away at a critical moment and saved him.

Osamu Dazai stood in place, at some point he felt tired even standing alone, he took a few steps back and leaned his back against the dusty wall of the gymnasium, lowered his deep eyes, staring at his hands.

...Yes, he always knew that he was really, a very contradictory person.

In Mishima's words, he is "crazy".

Perhaps only a lunatic would live such a crazy and contradictory life.

That is, he is obviously lonely and dark, but he hopes in his heart that he can be saved, and even plays a normal person distortedly for this purpose.

In fact, he has always known what kind of thought circuit he is walking toward—he knows that if he keeps going forward like this, there will only be endless loneliness left in the end, and no one will have it anywhere. It should feel like being in a black hole, an endless, lonely, cold place.

It was not the place he expected, but because no one told him to stop, he could only run forward, like a graveyard that even the moon hates.

He has always felt that he can only walk in front of everyone alone, and there should be no trace of weakness or hesitation in his eyes. Whether he is acting as a "good guy" or a "wicked guy", he must "walk in the front alone" ", keep running, always see farther and more cautiously than everyone else, so that he can barely exist.

The meaning of his existence seems to be like this - because he cannot become a normal person, so among ordinary people, if he cannot play an outstanding monster, an existence that no one can win, then his existence will become more than air The dust in the air is even more humble and annoying.

Not even the moon will give him a ray of light.

And in order not to become like that, he can only keep pretending to exist forever.

He was such a coward, a coward, a madman, a monster who was afraid of being left behind by the crowd.

And for a barren land like him, what he longs for most is someone telling him that he can exist without pretense.

——You don’t have to fight when you don’t want to fight.

- You can refuse at any time.

——He can have weaknesses... more self-willed?

"...Mishima, do you know what you are talking about in a cemetery?"

Osamu Dazai smiled sadly, looking at the pure white figure who was still fighting at the moment, he felt that the weak seeds in his heart began to grow wantonly as if being watered, and the roots of the plants gradually covered his limbs and skeletons, pulling It tightened his heart, although it was painful, it brought him a new kind of pleasure.

Injected weakness into his body that should have been empty, making him more...

The pain of being alive.

It had been a long time since he had experienced the feeling of being alive.

Osamu Dazai suddenly felt that he had lost the strength to struggle, and he could only lean his back against the wall and look forward helplessly.

He watched helplessly as the girl, the girl with pure white hair, did what he should have done instead of him, and then returned to him covered in blood.

Then he raised his head and looked at himself carefully.

At the same time, it also gave him a chance to take a good look at Mishima Yukae—looking at her snow-white hair that was mixed with blood and stuck to her cheeks wet and sticky after fighting the five little monsters. And her slightly haggard and pale face after fighting desperately.

After all, she still looks beautiful.

The moonlight sprinkled gently on her body, making her whole body look like a layer of frost had covered her and shone.

"How come the battle is over, you look more embarrassed than me?"

Returning to Dazai Osamu, Mishima Yoshikazu tilted his head, his clear pupils stared at Dazai Osamu seriously, and there seemed to be a smile in his eyes.

And Osamu Dazai looked at the beautiful girl, it was also at that moment, the moment he was caught by her gaze, and after she said "worried", he realized that he seemed to have not managed his expression well, and hadn't organized He who was supposed to be smart, he was so confused and weak at this moment that he looked like a lost child.

He was so messed up just now, this discovery was so anxious that he was about to cry.

"Mishima..." He hesitated to speak.

Facing such an unhandsome him, Mishima, who was covered in injuries, showed a smug smile instead.She saw through all his darkness and weakness, and smiled as if she accepted everything about him.

Her smile was like a beam of gentle light, once again smashing the high wall he tried to build.

Yes, she was like the moonlight illuminating his graveyard.

Then, in a trance, he heard her speak.

"It's the first time I've seen such a messy look in the eyes of 'Dazai Osamu', but I think...you look so miserable, it's not bad."

Yusae Mishima stood in front of Osamu Dazai, looking at him gently with tired eyes.

"...If it wasn't for the promise not to touch each other, I would probably give you a pat on the head right now, Dazai."

It was obviously ridiculing his words, but every sentence fell on his heart like gentle rain, gradually washing away the darkness on his body, and every moment seemed to be bathed in warmth.

"Mishima... are you a goddess from where?"

Thus, Osamu Dazai, who was beaten to pieces by her, had no choice but to speak frankly.

His smile seemed to be in pain, and looking at the bright girl in front of him, his inner desire became stronger.Also pure like a child.

Yes, she is Moonlight.

For the timid and barren cemetery, a beam of gentle and just white moonlight.

……

The author has something to say: I feel very nervous after posting it, and I feel that no matter how much I delete or modify this one, I can’t be satisfied, so I can only add in words:

In fact, the inspiration for this statement comes from the original book "Disqualification in the World". There is such a passage in the original book: Shin Dazai once said that he obviously didn't want a gift, but in order to make his father happy, he would still be like a normal child. Say what gift you want, just to satisfy your father and to make yourself look like a child.

This reflects Dazai's mentality——

In order for him to look like a normal person, he has been pretending, twisted and tired to do things that go against his own ideas, but in fact he feels "it doesn't matter" in his heart, and he even "has no love" for toys and gifts , but because human beings don’t hate gifts in society’s definition, he had to play another self. His female fans embarked on the road of martyrdom.

And returning to Bungo Stray Dogs Dazai Osamu is actually very similar to Shin Dazai, because whether it’s op, ed character song or plot layout, I can also feel that Bungo Dazai and Shin Dazai are the same.” A person who doesn't care about anything."But among writers, Dazai is between black and white, he chose to abandon the dark and turn to the bright, because "he wants to be better."This situation is similar to Shin Dazai’s behavior of deceiving his father. Bunhao Dazai hopes to be accepted (emphasis added), so in a life that does not understand why he is alive, he makes choices like normal people while looking for Find out how and why you can live.

Therefore, his character is obviously contradictory and distorted. He is so distorted that even his friends know about it and have never stepped into his domain. Dazai is indeed a cemetery that even the moon hates.

But I think that although Dazai is aware of his unbearable situation, while he is pretending to be a normal person, although he is in a state of "no one wants to approach him", he still hopes that someone can accept the real him unconditionally. .

So it’s not that Dazai doesn’t love others, on the contrary, it’s just that no one dares to love him (emphasis added)

He realized that no one around him dared to give him love, so he was lonely.

And if anyone chooses to love himself, he will not hesitate to fly moths to the flame——

This is my understanding of Dazai who would even commit acts of martyrdom.

So, after careful consideration, I arranged this one, to let Mishima see Dazai's true desire, to know that Dazai would also be confused and indecisive, messy and confused like a child, and then let Mishima see Dazai again. Tell Heinizai plainly—he can be confused, weak, willful, and act instead of him who can’t, approve him without reservation, smile at him, don’t reject him, understand him, and say he’s willing to give him Touching his head, he protected him to a certain extent.

All of this is what Dazai needs and desires, that's why Dazai is so flattered and delighted, and even has the long-lost desire to live, and the process is as pure as a child longing for approval.

So at that moment, facing Mishima, it was obvious that Mishima was also in a mess, but because he redeemed him in behavior and language, he could only call Mishima a goddess. It's time to marry Mishima Hara, so I don't need to write any more.

After all, facing the person who happens to be able to say the words that I want to hear the most in my heart, my heart is throbbing besides throbbing.

If so, probably even Hei Nizai's favorability can be filled up (wiping a cold sweat) - after all, in the final analysis, human beings really have the desire to be accepted and saved.

(From Thirteen’s irresponsible but hard-working analysis)

And do you know what I want to express when I write so much?

That's when the update starts tomorrow, because Dazai is in love

So there is a sudden change in the style of painting, silly, white and sweet, and Amitabha appears.

(After reading this paragraph, give me some comments to let me know whether I have written well!

If I can’t write well, I’ll accept Brick, hey, I’ll give red envelopes to children who read it seriously.)