[Comprehensive] Let me go and let me die

Osamu Dazai

Osamu Dazai once thought that nothing in this life would make him happy, and people would feel at ease only when they were about to die.

It turns out that he was not only wrong, but very wrong.

Why is there such a person as Qu You?

From getting acquainted, to committing suicide together, they gradually drew closer and were tolerated by her.

All of this terrified him.

How could there be such a person?She treats you tenderly, as if she doesn't blame you no matter what you do.

With timid fear and humble joy, Osamu Dazai couldn't help testing the other party's bottom line, bit by bit, cautiously.

In the process of meeting to commit suicide, in the "prank" of deception, in the excuse that sounds like a lie, and finally... in the fundamental bait.

However he failed.

As if there was a bottomless abyss inside, no matter how many excessive things he did, the other party never wavered and looked at him with a smile.

Even, let him experience - happiness.

terrible!

Get away!

escape!Must escape!

The alarm sounded frantically, urging him to leave this place where people could drown.

— who could drown him.

However, it was always involuntary, as if he couldn't control it. In his mind, he watched him very calmly to make appointments with her again and again.

Time and time again, she used various excuses to make her use her ability on herself.

It was as if the whole person was divided into two halves, one half couldn't wait to see each other, and planned all kinds of despicable things.And the other half mocked themselves high in their minds.

Despicable like a ghost, greedy for more.

In the satisfaction again and again, the desires are gradually expanded, and then they tirelessly expand their territory crazily.

It can't go on like this.

Osamu Dazai said to himself.

He was terrified of himself.

However, before Osamu Dazai decided to close it completely, he decided to do one last indulgence, let those desires go, and did something that could be said to make him fall into the abyss.

I eagerly look forward to experiencing an unbridled pleasure, even if the great sorrow will follow, I will not hesitate.

Osamu Dazai who thought this way allowed himself to be on the opponent's bottom line, which can be said to have raised the ground.

However, the result was completely different from what he expected.

Feeling the emotion of crazily encroaching on the last territory in his heart, at this moment, Osamu Dazai understood a fact.

——This monster named desire, he couldn't hold it anymore.

Being beaten by Chuya Nakahara was actually within Osamu Dazai's expectation.

It's better to say...he was deliberately beaten by Chuya Zhongyuan.

After all, if he wants to avoid him, there are even a thousand ways to make that little dwarf Mao unable to find him.

But he can't.

Dazai Osamu's face was expressionless, and in his iris-colored eyes, the deep desire seemed to be surging tirelessly.

If he saw Ayou again, he wasn't sure if he would do anything...

If it wasn't for the pain in his body reminding him, he might not be able to resist doing something long ago.

Until, he saw each other again by accident.

He knew that he couldn't run away, the rhetoric in the past seemed to be stuck in his throat, and those eloquent mouths seemed to be rusted, just staying away, he spent all his strength.Flickering in my heart are all kinds of crazy ideas.

until……

The light rose, and the pain on his body gradually subsided, but those crazy thoughts that were suppressed by pains did not boil, but

As the pain subsided together, he felt what he hadn't felt for a long time—relief.

It's ridiculous to say that all the peace of mind of Dazai Osamu can be felt from the other party.

It was vile, it was ugly, it was sad.

While spurning himself like this, Osamu Dazai began to meet with Ayu again as 'usual'.

He started to become more 'sticky', becoming desperate for skin-to-skin contact, as if suffering from skin hunger.

——But the target is only that one person.

While enjoying it, he began to follow the panic in his heart and use it.

At the end of the day, what caught my eye was the familiar edge of the cliff, the other party smiling at me.

As if a dull hammer had hit him, Osamu Dazai stopped in a daze, with a blank expression on his face.

Oda Tsukuru who was beside him had already run over, but he felt as if his limbs were frozen, and it became extremely difficult to even move a step.

Why... do you feel so cold all of a sudden?Obviously it's still summer?

Is it because the other party doesn't bring his dissatisfaction with him?

Or did you feel envious and jealous because the other party died first?

Or the resentment of being left behind?

But as a lover of suicide, he should be overjoyed that the other party got his wish, right?

Why does my heart feel so uncomfortable?

Some things turned into unstoppable sharp weapons. On the one hand, they directly inserted into it roughly, causing sharp pain, and on the other hand, they surrounded densely, cutting finely and densely, causing pain that seemed to never stop.

Dazai Osamu was thinking carefully, but his always bright head was creaking like an aging machine.

What the hell is going on?

The serene smile, the falling note, everything... the truth.

Finally, check the results.

——Life so far.

Osamu Dazai understood in an instant.

It's him.

is his reason.

It was his calculation that he thought he was the winner.

Is there really a winner in this calculation?

How could he take it for granted that all abilities have no side effects?

All the clues of the toxin detected from Ayou's body point to one person.

Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoyevsky

Although she didn't die because of this, how could she turn a blind eye to this kind of thing.

Osamu Dazai became obsessed with fighting the evil Dostoevsky, determined to sabotage his various plans overtly and secretly with the goal of killing him.

However, despite having this 'goal', Osamu Dazai spent a period of time in a daze, as if he didn't know hunger, and he couldn't feel time.

Obviously everyone's wish is death, why should he lose another "redemption" after being "redeemed"?

But is it really 'salvation'?

Didn't I always think that she was an addictive drug?

--Do not.

Osamu Dazai heard himself mocking in his mind.

You are just passing the buck.

why don't you die

Until Osamu Dazai was awakened by Oda Sakunosuke.

——You still have an agreement with her.

Yes... and... promise...

There seemed to be something in Dazai Osamu's eyes.

So, he began to experience a two-year whitewashing time.

You cured my depression and gave me grief.In the end, he bound me with a specious agreement.

He began to like to find someone to die in love, but at the moment when the implementation was approaching, he fell again and again.

Flee.

Thus, Osamu Dazai discovered that he could no longer really commit suicide with anyone. It seemed that as long as the word "sacrifice for love" was added, a suicide would become extremely unusual.

At the same time, an extremely strong withdrawal reaction began to appear on his body.

There is no joy, no peace of mind, and even peace is about to be lost.When this withdrawal reaction occurs, his heart will be replaced by deep panic,

Timidity, fear, panic, dread, pain, remorse.

Osamu Dazai collapsed on the ground in the temporary rental house, curled up and bit his arm fiercely.

I don't know how long it took, until the arm was already bloody and bloody, the pain seemed to overwhelm the tingling pain coming from my mind, and the violent turbulence in my heart finally subsided.Panting, he let go of his arms.

The bandage wrapped around the arm is very conspicuous, but the original white bandage is now full of bright red.

Osamu Dazai stared at his arm, and raised the corners of his mouth mockingly.

"look."

He seemed to be talking to someone, but also seemed to be talking to himself.

"The blood from someone like me is actually red."

Osamu Dazai sat up and put a new bandage on himself.

The red bandage was removed, revealing an arm covered with dense tooth marks.

This was originally the smooth arm that Ayou had healed.

Now it's full of scars.

Old, new, half-healed, and just branded on.

As if feeling no pain, Osamu Dazai raised his hand expressionlessly, and the snow-white bandage covered his scarred arm.

Whenever this time, Osamu Dazai would ask himself.

Is it really her ability that I need to quit?

For me, is the disappearing happiness her ability or her person?

He began to become 'gentle', just like that girl.

In two years, Osamu Dazai successfully washed his resume, and he successfully reduced most of the severe withdrawal reactions, so he came to the Armed Detective Agency.

Oda Sakunosuke has been waiting there for a long time.

Regardless of Edogawa's Ranpo eyes, or Nakahara Chuya's irascibility, he still couldn't help coming here.

Osamu Dazai clearly remembered every word she said to him before.

'Then you have to work hard, you can also come to the Armed Detective Agency at that time, look at how easy the Armed Detective Agency is. '

He came today as promised.

The Armed Detective Agency has a newcomer, a young man with blond hair and glasses, the kind of person who can be seen as a serious person at a glance.

The entrance test was just a ceremony for Osamu Dazai, and he passed the test easily.

Standing in the office of the Armed Detective Agency, Osamu Dazai took a deep breath, and then gently raised the corners of his lips.

But inexplicably sad.

I made an agreement with you.

Many years later, when he was rescued from the river by the boy named Atsushi Nakajima whom he met for the first time and asked about suicide, he recalled that girl in his mind.

Thus, Osamu Dazai bent his eyes, and said to the bewildered Atsushi Nakajima, the same words that he used in his memory today.

"After all, suicide is my own business. I never cause trouble for others."

-------

Mori Ogai

Shocking news came from the Armed Detective Agency.

——The girl named Qu You was confirmed dead.

How can this be?

When he first heard the news, Ogai Mori thought it was an April Fool's day.

However, it turns out that

This is no joke.

Subconsciously, before something broke out of his heart, his brain began to spin crazily.

Mori Ogai is completely composed of reason and calculation. Even at this time, his brain is subconsciously calculating gains and losses.

The conclusion was that he lost all his money.

Not only that, but also lost something incredible.

Mori Ogai is a lolicon, this is a fact that everyone knows.

In fact, in the early years, the type he liked was the kind of loli with a bear.

When did his preference change to the well-behaved kind?

It was too quiet, too well-behaved, too gentle, as if she would disappear silently if anyone didn't pay attention.

He hoped that Ayou could be more lively, so Alice was very cheerful.

He hoped that Ayou could learn to refuse, so Alice was unscrupulous.

He hoped that Ayou could learn to be self-willed, so Alice became eccentric.

What he expected seems to be reflected in his supernatural creation Alice.

Perhaps it is precisely because what he expects and desires are all reflected in Alice, so the existence named Alice has done what he can't do.

Hugs, cuddling/sleeping, even kissing.

This can't be done...

Obviously it's all 'mine', isn't it?

Thinking of this, Mori Ogai started further action.

He wanted to make that child his own.

So, step by step guidance, careful temptation, unconscious calculation, relying on the tenderness of the other party, bit by bit

——Advancing every inch.

You don't yearn for the bright one, and you don't care about the dark one, no matter how excessive it is, you will be tolerated.

She is a pure angel, but also a tempting devil.

But it's not all my fault, is it?

You who have touched my desires are the incarnation of the devil, so no matter what I do, I should do it, right?

——It was you who seduced me first.

But whose heart is being eaten away step by step?

Even so, the existence named Mori Ogai still couldn't stop the darkness in his heart.

As a result, exploitation occurs frequently at the same time.

While cherishing, while coaxing.

You see, you know it too, you know how despicable I am, but you who didn't reject me must let me have more, right?

Well-behaved, sensible, cute, gentle pomelo sauce.

No matter what you do, you will be forgiven, right?

With this thought in mind, Mori Ogai was unscrupulous again and again.

And yet it was true, until the very end, the final moment, that he was contained.

Mori Ogai was rarely at a loss.

Obviously he hasn't turned her into his own child yet?

How could it disappear so casually?

Mori Ogai clearly analyzed the impact and consequences of this incident in his mind, completely ignoring the strange pain in his heart.

At this moment, reason and emotion are so clearly separated.

He even thought, if he had plundered that child earlier, then closed her world and invaded her heart, would everything have been different?

After all, as long as the goal can be achieved, the process is actually not important at all, isn't it?

Excessive!unacceptable!It's really too much!

But who is the real excess?

Attract me bit by bit with gentleness, confuse me bit by bit with the bottom line, and tempt me step by step with "don't care".

In the end, he stabbed my heart with the knife called death.

Mori Ogai looked down at the information on the table that the Armed Detective Agency did not hide from him.

In this document, there is another document.

is a person.

Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoyevsky

The complex emotions surging in Mori Ogai's dark purple eyes were hard to discern.

Do you regret it?

No, in that case, even if he did it again, he would still make such a decision.

Do you really not regret it?

He just thought, why didn't he take that child back earlier?

In this case, can his madness, his desire, his insatiable greed, and his insatiable desire be calmed down now that is surging in his heart?

Turning off the lights made it difficult to see Mori Ogai's expression clearly.

Finally, in the dark and empty room, Mori Ogai chuckled.

"So it's always been you who went too far, right? Grapefruit sauce."

-------

Mori Ogai felt a little confused.

Raising his hand and pushing open the door in front of him, a familiar girl came into view.

He froze for a moment, then walked forward and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Rintaro?"

The girl on the bed opened her eyes blankly and woke up, Mori Ogai couldn't help squinting her eyes because of her ignorance.

It's really as cute as ever, pomelo sauce.

The soft long hair is very cute, the slightly opened eyes are very cute, even the confused look is cute.

The dim candle flickered on and off, and the color of Mori Ogai's eyes was dark and terrifying.

His tone was unusually serious.

"Pomelo sauce, you're awake."

"Rintaro, I... fell asleep?"

Mori Ogai watched the girl rubbed his eyes, sat up and looked around, looking at himself suspiciously.

"There's one thing I've been thinking about for a long time."

Following his own heart, Mori Ogai stood up, bent down and approached the girl.

"Pomelo sauce never seems to be angry."

"Ugh?"

The girl blinked, and looked at Mori Ogai with some doubts.

"Angry? Why should I be angry?"

"So……"

Mori Ogai narrowed his eyes slightly and raised the corners of his lips.He raised one hand and pressed it on the girl's head, then slowly lowered it, stroking the back of her neck.

"Even if I do this, Yujiang won't be angry."

Leaning forward, in the face of the opponent's bewildered look.Mori Ogai's lips gently covered the girl's.

He stared at the girl's eyes, and there was something ups and downs in the dark purple eyes. In just a few seconds, he stuck out his tongue and gently described it. He raised his other hand and rubbed his index finger on the girl's chin a few times. Next, and then imprisoned without rejection.

"Lin... um..."

The girl suddenly reacted, her eyes widened instantly, and she raised her hand to push him away, but to Mori Ogai, the girl's strength was just as weak as a cat coquettishly.

Instead, he seized the opportunity, and something wet and soft rushed into his mouth flexibly, sweeping it gently, but he could not refuse it.

A man who does such excessive things is always extremely calm.His eyes were fixed on the girl's eyes all the time, not wanting to let go of the slightest emotion inside.

"Well……"

The corners of the eyes gradually became moist until tears overflowed, the girl's vision gradually became blurred, and even breathing became difficult.After an unknown amount of time, the blocking existence finally left, and the girl Tan was in the man's arms, panting heavily.

Mori Ogai smiled and said words that were confusing right and wrong.

"

That's why, it's all your fault, pomelo sauce. "

Mori Ogai looked at the girl whose vision was hazy and hadn't recovered from the lack of oxygen.

You are a pure angel, and you are the incarnation of a devil. Since you have seduced me, then everything I do is right, isn't it?

"Even if you have done such a thing to you, you don't have the slightest anger, so..."

He caressed the girl's hair, and in the depths of his eyes was the abyss of choosing someone to devour.

"Does it mean that I can do more excessive things to you?"

The girl's eyes widened suddenly, she stared closely at Mori Ogai's eyes, obviously still in that ignorant look, but it seemed that something turned into a knife and pierced into Mori Ogai's heart.

His heart suddenly ached sharply.

"..."

She said something.

Mori Ogai suddenly opened his eyes wide.

——Then, Mori Ogai woke up from his dream.

There was still pain in his heart, he kept his eyes open for a long time, the dark purple pupils were flickering in the dark room, finally, he closed his eyes dejectedly,

That child...has been gone for a long time...