Sugar

That day, Qi Wei happened to be free, so he went to the wedding company with Zhao Qingling.

Annabelle's main reason for receiving them was a very handsome man, who seemed to be about their age.White skinned, tall and slender, wearing gray invisibility, every facial feature is that kind of delicate charm.

As soon as the chief planner and Zhao Qingling met, they were both slightly dazed.

That way, it is obvious that they know each other.

Coming out of Annabella, Qi Wei hurriedly asked: "Senior, what happened to the chief planner just now? One of your predecessors? Or a suitor?"

Zhao Qingling: "There is no such thing, your imagination is too rich."

"I have a rich imagination? Didn't you see the way he looked at me when you went to pick flowers later!"

"Yes, I pretended to be quite professional when I was facing you, but when you left, I looked really blatant. I'm afraid you mistook me for brother Cheng."

Full of hostility, provocation, indifference, jealousy and disdain, and even a kind of top-down contempt.Like a sharp knife, he almost rolled his eyes and sneered, "You deserve it too".

How much resentment must this be?

……

Nothing can be hidden from the corner of Qi Wei's eyes.

Zhao Qingling sighed, and could only admit: "Actually..."

"Actually, he is Jiang Baixue."

Qi Wei: "That's him? The senior's 'first boyfriend' in high school, first love? The man who broke up with the senior?"

Zhao Qingling: "It's 'first boyfriend', yes, but not 'first love'."

"Also, I'm not considered bent by him."

He really doesn't think so.

Although in name, Jiang Baixue was indeed his "first boyfriend".But Zhao Qingling was already very upset that such a name was taken by such an inexplicable person.

I don't want to give him any other titles at all.For example, first love, breaking up, I don’t want to give it.

Because, because... "The previous ones don't count".

This sentence Zhao Qingling said before, for him, the mess in the past really doesn't count.Yes, it's true that he has dated many people, but after meeting Cheng Che, he realized that the throbbing was different from the people he was with before.

So, if this is 'love', what the hell are the previous ones?

Therefore, Cheng Che should be regarded as his "first love", and Cheng Che is the "man who broke him", isn't he?

It's a pity that, except for himself, no one else would recognize this logic.

Therefore, he could only sigh: "Forget it, let's not talk about this, why not talk about how stupid I am? I fell into Yan Zhen's trap again."

Qi Wei: "Snap up?"

"Yeah, Jiang Baixue was the main planner for the banquet she booked. Do you think it's a coincidence? It must have been deliberately designed. It's probably a matter of grudges. She wants to use Jiang Baixue to destroy my relationship with Cheche."

"Unfortunately, she made a mistake in her wishful thinking!"

"Jiang Baixue is the worst ex I wish I had never had. You know, how can I have nostalgia for this kind of person." He said, looking at Qi Wei.

……

Regarding the love history of the senior, Qi Wei really knows a lot about it.

I remember back then, he met Zhao Qingling on a rainy day, when he was a freshman and Zhao Qingling was a sophomore.

They were both studying at the University of Washington. That day, they were invited by their friends to play a script reasoning game in a house rented by an international student.

During the tea break, Qi Wei squatted on the balcony by himself to observe a big snail whose shell was covered with raindrops. It happened that Zhao Qingling came to the balcony to smoke.

Although the two were introduced politely when they entered the room, they didn't say a word after that.They are strangers, just standing and smoking, and a mushroom squatting, each silent in the same space.

The rain was sputtering.

After Zhao Qingling finished smoking, he didn't leave immediately, as if he was attracted by the big snail.His side profile was beautiful, but his eyes were empty. At that moment, his whole person looked like a delicate porcelain doll on the window sill of a rainy day.

So much so that after Qi Wei glanced at him, he couldn't help but look at him a few more times.

"Does the senior also think that the reasoning in this script is not fun?"

Zhao Qingling gave a faint "hmm".

Qi Wei: "I also find it boring. There are too many loopholes, and the logic can't be connected at all. I really don't know why they are arguing so heatedly inside."

When Zhao Qingling heard this, he just lowered his eyes.Smiling but not smiling, with a straight nose and long eyelashes.

It could be that the day was so lonely that the ball went crazy, or it could just be a sudden whim.Or maybe, at that time, I felt that two people just met by chance, even if they spoke the truth, it would be fine.

He opened his mouth and smiled faintly: "I don't think it's fun, not because there is a problem with the logic of the script, but because I actually think that in this world... everything is not fun, and everything is not very interesting."

"I am dead inside."

"All the gatherings, parties, fairgrounds, magic tricks and scripts, all the people around me laughing and having a good time, I never enjoy a second of it, it's just dull and boring."

"It's puzzling that everyone seems to think that I'm lively and able to fit into the atmosphere. So they like to invite me out to play."

The scent of tobacco diffused in the rain, mixed with his slightly sarcastic smile still hanging on his handsome face.There is a strong feeling of gloom and tumult.

Deadinside, the literal translation is "dead inside".

It means that although he is still alive, his heart has been emptied, like a walking dead, which is almost the same meaning.

Zhao Qingling was like this, nervously muttering such difficult words to a stranger on a rainy balcony.He met by chance and turned his head to forget about the rivers and lakes. He didn't expect anyone to understand.

But the person he met was Qi Wei.

After that meeting, Qi Wei was full of interest in him.Since then, I love to come and play with him when I have nothing to do.Gradually getting to know each other well, I also met his childhood sweetheart Tang Mi, and heard her tell the story of how this Zhao Qingling senior is a playboy, rich in love history, and a man and woman.

Tang Mi: "Oh, you don't know. Zhao Qingling's first boyfriend was pretty. Although he was a man, he was very 'beautiful'. His name was Jiang Baixue. Our school called him 'Snow White'."

"Just think about what a male Snow White looks like, right? Old Zhao was a straight man before, but he was beaten up by the princess just like that~ hehe."

"However, Lao Zhao didn't let him be mentioned later. Tsk tsk, I guess there must have been some bloody stories!"

Zhao Qingling: "It's not bloody, it's boring. I don't mention that person because I don't have any good memories of him, that's all."

Later, Qi Wei finally pieced together the complete story of "Snow White" through many times of drinking, late-night poker, and truth-or-dare.

In his sophomore year of high school, for the first time in his life, Zhao Qingling was called out of the classroom by a boy to confess to him. The boy was the famous sissy beauty "Snow White" in the school.

Of course he wanted to refuse, but who knows, "Snow White" actually shed tears.

One by one, he was dumbfounded.

"In my life, I have never been confessed to by anyone crying. At that time, I thought, since I like me so much, then it's okay, even a man."

So, I agreed to be with him.

Qi Wei: "Then how did the senior find out that he lied to you?"

Zhao Qingling: "Look at your eyes."

"No matter how nice the words are, the eyes can't deceive people. I found out within a few days."

The reason why "Snow White" cried like that, the tears were real, but not because she liked him.

Bullying was rife on their high school campus that year. "Snow White" was always bullied because she looked too much like a girl. Later, when he heard that someone had escaped with the thigh of Zhao Qingling, who had a high "social status", he also wanted to seek asylum, so he gritted his teeth and made such a bad move.

"I don't know what's going on with this person. I always meet this kind of person in my life." That day, Zhao Qingling was drinking wine, lying on the table with a drunken smile and talking, "I got used to it later, and I won’t take it seriously anymore, but he is the first one after all.”

"And when I was in high school, I was relatively innocent, still struggling, and trying to believe in many things, hehe, but thanks to him, I was able to finish the job."

"That's fine."

"Actually, the time I was with him was very short, not more than a week or so. I obviously, I probably haven't liked him yet, but I don't know why, ever since I found out that he lied to me, here I— "

Zhao Qingling smiled, drunk, and pointed to his heart, "Just fuck it, I don't feel it at all."

"..."

For a long time, Qi Wei, as a lover of psychological research, likes to observe all kinds of people on a daily basis.

When he observes the more exotic human beings, he will secretly label them with various labels, one is "neurotic egocentric" and the other is "rational fetish".

Until I met Zhao Qingling.

He finds it difficult to label this senior, because this person's soul is simply a contradiction that is "indescribable".

During those few years in the United States, Qi Wei watched him say that he was dead inside, but in actual actions he kept changing partners one after another.

Although his kind of behavior is simply "flowery and scum" in other people's mouths, in Qi Wei's eyes, it seems that he is desperately struggling to survive.

It's like a drowning person looking for air.

He is looking for someone who can give him a hand and redeem him.

Although the final result is nothing but failures, frustrations, and despairs again and again, he is still trying to touch, try, find, and hold a trace of fantasy over and over again, hoping to find the one that can give him "happiness" people.

When studying in the large rural areas of the United States, students' daily life is classrooms, libraries and night bars.

Many times, the people next to him toasted: "Old Zhao, you dumped me again! Awesome, congratulations!"

"What do you plan to change next time? Hey, have you heard that those people you dumped seem to have rented an association in private, and they gather together every day to scold you as a scumbag."

Zhao Qingling was also drunk that day. After hearing this, he buried his head on Qi Wei's shoulder and couldn't stop laughing.

"I'm scumbag? It's better... say they are stupid."

"Haha, hahaha, I don't understand anything, of course I deserve nothing!"

After repeating such remarks several times, Qi Wei sometimes felt silently that the senior seemed to be treating himself as a prize, or a treasure in a certain sense?

A treasure that is particularly good and rich, and if anyone is lucky enough to open it, they can live happily ever after.

However, this treasure requires an adventurer to go through all kinds of difficulties and dangers to find it.However, all the people who got the treasure map thought that the treasure was not worth it, or it didn't exist, and they didn't bother to look for it, so they all scattered.

So the proud primary school principal continued to hold his little treasure alone.

Looking forward to alone, one day someone will overcome all obstacles.

But when someone is really eager to try and find out, he will put on a cynical sneer and release ferocious beasts and dragons on the way of treasure hunting, scaring people away.

why?

Qi Wei couldn't figure it out until one morning when he got up and washed his face, he suddenly had a flash of inspiration and enlightenment.

Isn't it... He thinks about the senior too complicatedly.

Perhaps, the truth behind all the behavioral logic and contradictions of the seniors is simply shockingly simple.

Is he, just lack of love.

It's just the extreme lack of love, the kind that lacks to the point of being sick.

But at the same time that he lacks love, he also has a false appearance of excellence, but inside he is a man with conceit, pride, and strong self-esteem.

This kind of man is the worst, because although such a man sometimes looks coquettish and cute, he will never learn to be soft inside.Such a man would rather grit his teeth and drive people away, and would never honestly show his sincerity, cry and tell the truth from the bottom of his heart to the person he likes——

"I'm actually very scared, and my glass heart will shatter at any time. So please love me, be careful with me, and never, never hurt me."

He will never be able to speak, and in this world, there is no one who can understand the extremely twisted inner world of this kind of person.

After all, in the eyes of ordinary people, a man who is outstanding and handsome, has both parents, a wealthy family background, and constant love affairs, is obviously loved by many people?Aren't there many people chasing him?Where is the "lack of love"?

You actually want others to overcome obstacles for you, or is it "Ye Gong loves dragons"?

Please, everyone meets by chance and chooses each other.In the modern society, if you can do it or not, you are so busy, who has time to overcome obstacles for you?Why?

……

When I came home from Annabelle that day, the light at the door was dim and warm.

Cheng Che is making bento in the kitchen.

Sometimes when Qi Wei looks at this person, he can really understand why the senior is so obsessed with him——

There always seems to be a warm place where he is.Like this light.

And he, in his gray house-worn sweater, looked furry and warm.Quietly cutting vegetables, and hanging up a small apron, it was a mess of tenderness and tenderness.

As soon as Zhao Qingling came back and saw him, he couldn't do it right away, even if he was in the way of others cooking, he had to hug him from behind.As if hugging him can recharge the magic power.

Then, while Zhao Qingling went to take a bath, Qi Wei sat on a chair and watched Cheng Che seriously fight with eggplant and carrot for a while.

He narrowed his eyes, couldn't help it, walked over and leaned against the kitchen door.

"Hey, brother Cheng," he seemed to be earnestly asking for information, but at the same time seemed to be teasing him, "I used to know a girl who was in good condition, lively and cute, and very funny, but there was a problem, that is, every time Soon after falling in love, she will do all kinds of finding faults, making troubles, and constantly testing the other party's bottom line, and just like this, she tossed away several boyfriends."

"Then, she would cry and tell her girlfriends, look, no one really loves me."

"Brother Cheng, in your opinion, doesn't this girl really work?"

"If you fell in love with a girl like this one day, would you have enough patience to accompany her?"

Cheng Che was taken aback by this sudden question: "I have Qingling, so I probably won't fall in love with such a girl one day."

Qi Wei: "..."

"However," he said while peeling the eggplant in his hand, "I don't think the girl you mentioned is a saku, but I wonder...whether something bad happened to her."

"Or, is it because no one has ever been nice to her?"

"Because of what she did, she deliberately pushed away those who might have loved him, and made sure that she was not loved again and again. This kind of behavior is as if... From the bottom of my heart, I don't expect happiness at all?"