Love shuffle

On the road of receiving treatment, Fang Qining seemed to be walking forward aimlessly. He didn't know how long he had been walking, but when he closed his eyes, all his previous efforts were wasted.

He has always maintained a positive attitude towards the treatment of diseases, strictly obeying the doctor's orders, mainly taking medicine and supplemented by psychotherapy.At the beginning, he also experienced a period of depression and irritability. The circular tooth mark on the inner side of Fang Qirui's right arm formed a scar, which forever and ever recorded his madness.

Every window in the residence in England has a solid iron fence, in order to prevent Fang Qining from doing stupid things when he can't distinguish between dreams and reality.In fact, he did. He staggered to the balcony. That was the thinnest period of time when he was at his thinnest. Dangling on the ground.

Fang Qirui just came back from the outside, when he opened the door, his pupils constricted, and he rushed up to the second floor.

The height is about five meters, maybe a little higher, but it can't exceed six meters.If you are lucky, if you fall from a height of six meters, you will only scratch the skin on your legs.For those who are unlucky, breaking their legs is a small mistake, but hurting their head and face is an irreparable mistake.

In the past two years, Fang Qining had more and more fragments in his dreams. In a sense, it was actually a good thing, and it was better than having the same dream over and over again.

He was almost trapped in the day when he witnessed his mother jumping off the building, replaying the scene in his dream over and over again, and after so many times, he would involuntarily think of that scene even when he was awake.

Fang Qirui's face was gloomy, and he wrapped his arms around his brother's slender waist effortlessly, dragging and hugging him down.

Every time Fang Qining collapsed, it was another stab wound in Fang Qirui's heart which was already riddled with holes.

After Fang Qining's mood gradually became stable and peaceful under the drug treatment, and the biggest sequelae turned into sleep disorders, the way the brothers got along was beyond recognition under the endless distortion.

My brother's personality changed drastically, or he used a completely different state to cover himself up.Fang Qining can guarantee that even if he shows up at the headquarters of Hongjian Group again, none of the old people will recognize him.

For many nights, Fang Qirui greedily lay on Fang Qining's lap, like an ignorant child snuggling up to his mother. The tall man curled his long legs, his arms tightly wrapped around his younger brother's waist.Fang Qining was very apprehensive at first, there is no pair of adult brothers in the world who are so sticky.

Over time, he began to learn to get used to it.

If he can't tolerate Fang Qirui, the last breath hanging on his brother will no longer exist.

Fang Qining hugged Lu An covering his ears and stealing his bell, hiding in the dark night and recalling the past, finally fully awake.

The brother's idea of ​​not wanting him to join the game to take risks together is right, Fang Qining has to admit that he can't be as calm as his brother in some things.

For example, now, in a situation full of flaws, Lu An is so smart, he was awakened by nightmares twice, and he didn't want to live with him. It's not because of any difficulties at all, but because Fang Qining is trying his best to play a normal person.

He can't get too close to Lu An, at least they have to be separated at night.The reenactment of psychologically traumatic situations is almost a daily occurrence for him.

There is still a long, long way to go to recover.

Fang Qining calmed down, and said word by word: "It's okay, don't rush back so late, stay with me for one night. I'm obsessed with ghosts tonight...I drank too much, I'll go to the bathroom, you don't have to Leave me alone."

He was about to get out of bed as he said that, but Lu An didn't stop him, he raised his head and turned on the night light, staring at Fang Qining's steps towards the bathroom.

The ensuite bedroom is connected to a small washroom. Fang Qining pressed his fingers on the pump button, and then turned on the faucet on the sink, soaking his cheeks which were still [-]% drunk.Water drops trickled down the contour of the cheeks and into the collar, but there was no sound of Lu An's footsteps outside the door.

It's not a problem to stay in the bathroom forever, Fang Qining leaned against the wooden door, checked in the mirror that his complexion had eased, and undid the latch as if nothing had happened, "Oh, I'm much more sober after washing my face."

Lu An rarely went down the steps, "Xiao Ning, do you know what you said when you fell asleep just now?"

Fang Qining's heart sank, and he pulled out a nearby chair and sat down, which was a thousand miles away from the land beside the bed.He knew that he couldn't hide this matter anymore, so he made a weak voice, "Drunk and talking in sleep...it's not important."

Lu An suddenly got up, walked around from the direction of the bedside table, came to Fang Qining, and sat down on the edge of the bed opposite him.The two sat facing each other like this, Fang Qining's heart felt numb, and he was the first to bow his head unbearably.

"It's really not important," Lu An said in a deep voice, with imperceptible anger and pity hidden in his eyes, "The important thing is that you said you were with me again, but in fact you still separated you from me." Very open."

Fang Xining's eye circles suddenly turned red, and the leather seat was a little higher than the big bed, which just made up for the height difference between him and Lu An, allowing him to look at Lu An at eye level.

Lu An hated his cruelty, and continued as if turning a blind eye: "You can confess a lot of things to me, about your parents, about everyone in this so-called shuffle game, when you mention the years abroad, there are always one or two things. Just to mention, Xiao Ning, why are you the only one keeping silent about it to yourself?"

"What are you talking about?" Fang Qining became stubborn and no one could stop him, and pushed back against him with red eyes, "What is there to say? Tell you that my life is not good at all, every day is suffering, see After I get to you, I have to be in a dilemma all day long. I feel that I am dragging you down now, but I can't help but want to see you? Is it interesting to say that?"

After he finished speaking, he raised the corner of his mouth in self-deprecating manner, "Didn't you still say that in the end?"

The night light was dim and weak, so he didn't know what Fang Qining said, the answer behind it would only make Lu An even more frightened, and Fang Qining didn't need to answer him.

Lu An and his eyes met, and he lowered his voice as if he was defeated, "You are too tired, and you can still spare your energy to think about others, why can't you think about yourself?"

"You keep trying to make up for the loopholes that are occasionally exposed, and you don't say a word. You are hiding it from me because you are afraid that I will see your state and abandon you if you find it troublesome?"

He stated Fang Qining's thoughts very bluntly, and Fang Qining's cheeks that had only receded from three points of drunkenness turned into seven points.Fang Qining's lips trembled, but he couldn't say anything to refute.

Lu An looked directly at him, his eyes filled with determination, "Xiao Ning, it's not your fault."

The child who grew up sweetly all the way, suffered unexpected disasters overnight and couldn't bear the heavy pressure, how could this be regarded as his problem.What's more, he walked alone for several years without help, and one step forward may be an abyss, and there is no way to retreat.

Fang Qining, whom he likes, will not swallow suffering in silence, and no matter how difficult the future is, he will go on step by step.

Fang Qining thought a lot, and the last piece of fig leaf was torn off like this. He was silent for a long time, walked to the bedside table and squatted down, opened the lower drawer, and pulled out two boxes of medicine from behind a row of cigarette boxes. Holding nothing in his hand.

One plate of prazosin, one plate of paroxetine.

At the bottom were his medical records and medical records. The medical records were a thin booklet, and Fang Qining took them out together.He slumped on the carpet, pushed the quilt aside, and spread the medicine and medical certificate on the bed.

The closest thing to him is prazosin, Fang Xining said slowly, "This is the first thing I took, and the side effects are particularly serious... It makes me feel that my body is completely out of the control of the brain, like a person who only lives on the lower body I couldn't bear this feeling, and I didn't want to keep strangers around. At first, my brother hired a few short-term servants to watch me take medicine. When I was emotionally unstable, I drove them away. Later, my brother came to accompany me in person, and after a period of treatment, I was basically no longer as irritable and irritable as I was in the first few months."

He handed the medical certificate to Lu An, "Just take a look, it's probably like that."

Lu An took the standard-sized piece of paper, and the weight was fixed at a few tenths of a gram, as if it weighed a thousand catties in his hands.

The age column says 21 because he's only a few months away from turning 22.Lu An's English level is not to say that it is excellent, but he claims that it is not too bad.I scanned the medical certificate at a glance, and all I saw were words like post-injury, anxiety, irritability, and stress.As for more professional medical vocabulary, even if he doesn't understand it well, he can piece together the original meaning.

Fang Xining let out a heavy breath, feeling calmer than ever before, "Later, I switched to paroxetine, because I was more cooperative with the treatment, and the dosage has been decreasing along with the course of treatment. The first time the doctor told me that I could stop taking the medicine, I started from that moment. Getting ready to go home."

He had to get himself better quickly before he could face reality with his brother.

Lu An twisted the medical certificate tightly, and said with difficulty, "Did you take any medicine in the first half a year after returning to China?"

"Well, I've eaten, but not many times. I'm really getting better." Fang Qining didn't intend to hide it from him, and raised his face and smiled, "I told you before that I wanted you to wait for me, it was sincere Yes. I want to heal quickly, too, and not be bound by these inescapable things."

Fang Qining stuffed the two tablets of medicine back into the drawer, propped his arms on the edge of the bed, and rested his head on his arms, "About myself, there is only one last secret left."

Lu An tightened his five fingers and squeezed out a few words from between his teeth, "Xiao Ning..."

"I probably don't know what the sleep talk was. But I can tell you that in the first few months of treatment, I had dreams every day."

Fang Qining opened her lips lightly, and the voice she made was like raving, "Every day, when I close my eyes, I will dream of the moment when my mother jumped off in front of me."

"The person who saw my mother for the last time was not Xiao Xu, but me."