why are they still in love

Take the bus from Xicheng District for nearly two hours, then walk one kilometer south after arriving at the station, and you will see a family-sacrificing garden built like a scenic spot.

Xiao Chining was empty-handed, carrying only his inseparable skateboard and a pack of newly bought cigarettes, walked into the grand gate, and unhurriedly found the "Xiangyun Garden" in the cemetery.

Walking among the dotted and uniform tombstones, he inexplicably thought of the monthly examination room in the school.

Coded sequentially, quiet and solemn, not caring about each other, each has its own joys and sorrows, exactly the same as here.

Two months ago, he had privately "visited" the parents of Hu Yingxue, who was recovering, in the name of a class representative.The couple were gloomy at first, but when they saw their daughter's classmate coming, they pretended to be calm, kept looking for new topics and chatting about new things, never mentioning their daughter's death or injuries.

Xiao Chining's patience was exhausted and he was so annoyed that he could no longer play the role of a gentle, courteous and thrifty student representative. When he found out where Hu Yingxue was buried, he turned and left the ward, and threw the apple they stuffed into the trash can in the elevator.

"Your parents are doing well, and they can even ask me about my review progress and how I am preparing for the exam." He lit a cigarette, took a puff, made sure it lit up, and put it in front of the tombstone.

When he was in junior high school, he followed Qiu Yin to watch TV, and it happened to end in the episode. The protagonist went to the cemetery to visit the grave, and led his fiancée to show his deceased mother so that she could feel at ease under the nine springs.

He was rather disdainful of this, thinking to himself, dead people don't care if you get married or not, who the bride is, whether she is pretty or not, what twists and turns you have gone through together, whether it is the so-called true love.These are all the self-comfort of the living, so what has the dead to do.

But now, when he really has something to worry about and someone he wants to confide in, he can't help doing the same thing in the cold wind, talking to himself to a cold black marble tombstone.

"It turns out that you just turned sixteen. The ID card was deliberately changed to be one year older, right?" Xiao Chining looked at the date of birth and death on the tombstone, lit another cigarette, and smoked it himself, "There are also people like this in the south. It is said that children who study early are smart and their grades are easier to improve."

"That's why the old man regrets that he didn't spend more money and sent me to elementary school in advance." He looked up at the gloomy sky and sighed, "In fact, she is quite pitiful."

"My husband died early, and she took care of two daughters who were still in kindergarten by herself. As a result, the younger one was run over by a car before she was five years old. The older one was able to survive, but she had nothing to do except pay money on time. I didn’t bother to care, and threw my mop bottle to her.”

Xiao Chining lowered his head and reached out to help Hu Yingxue sweep off the snow on his shoulders: "Look, none of us have a hard time."

He rubbed his frozen red fingertips and said, "I always think about why humans reproduce and why they can reproduce. It is best for such garbage species to be extinct. The earth will be more beautiful without us."

"Technology is getting more advanced every year, and people's hearts are getting worse every year. Now, giving up a seat to a pregnant woman can be praised all over the place. What does this mean?" Xiao Chining picked up the gun that was almost blown out by the wind in front of Hu Yingxue. Taking a puff of the cigarette, he said slowly, "It means that people's lives are getting better and better, good deeds are getting rarer and rarer, and we are getting more and more selfish and indifferent."

He put the cigarette back in front of Hu Yingxue: "Xiao Zhaoshan told me that it's good for people to manage themselves well, and no one can help anyone. I can save you once, but I can't save you countless times."

Xiao Chining lowered his head and smiled: "He's right."

The biting wind whizzed past, making a terrifying sound like a bellows, and the leaves, large and small, remained on the branches in the cemetery, and the snow fell to the ground.

After he finished smoking the cigarette in his hand, he said again: "I'm a little cold. Beijing is too cold."

He refilled a cigarette for Hu Yingxue, but he himself lost the interest in smoking. He only stretched his legs and bent his legs, sliding the skateboard under his buttocks slightly as if playing.

"Xiao Zhaoshan doesn't want a child, I can completely understand." He said briskly, "Sometimes when I see his and Chi Yan's faces, I am very glad that I am gay, and I can't have a child like me. After all, people , the mind is too unstable, no one can escape the sanction of blood."

"You said what a child who has been subjected to domestic violence will look like when he grows up, what a child who is used to being oppressed will look like when he grows up, what a child who is used to being pampered will look like when he grows up." He stopped moving , looked at Hu Yingxue's tombstone, and asked, "If you grow up, what will you be like, and what will I be like when I grow up, can you imagine?"

"I can't imagine."

He caressed the cold tombstone that was consistent with the temperature, and suddenly delivered a speech that should have been impassioned: "'The band, keep playing until the steel pipe is hot, and the firecrackers continue until the angels feel hot. Go ahead, drink until you pass out, helpers, tightrope walkers, butchers, photographers, all come over, and the blame is on me, ladies and gentlemen, Brakaman's bad reputation is wiped out from now on, and then everyone Let's party.'[1]”

He withdrew his hand and remained silent for a while, his voice became softer, as if he was afraid that the dead next door would hear what was in his heart.

"Hu Yingxue, I can't go on a carnival. Although I expected that after taking revenge on Xiao Zhaoshan and Chi Yan, my life would turn into a desert, but I did it anyway."

Xiao Chining leaned on his knees, scratching the snow on the ground with his toes: "Why, Hu Yingxue, I know that I am not a good person, and I cannot be a justice envoy in Gotham City[2], why do I still insist on doing this? ?”

No one could answer him, but he seemed to be guided, nodded and said: "Yeah, I seem to be kidnapped by meaning. I once thought that happiness is the duty of life [3], and it is the other side that everyone should exist. If If anyone is unhappy, there must be something wrong, a sin that should be punished."

He piled the snow into a hill.

"On New Year's Day, Xiao Zhaoshan hugged me and sat on the bay window watching the snow. This may be the closest moment to happiness in my life."

Immediately afterwards, step on the top of the mountain with one foot.

"But that's only 'closer,' too."

"His bad reputation can't be wiped away, and I don't have superpowers. I can bring him back from the dead, back to the dead, and suffer forever in the coffin[4]."

Xiao Chining raised his head from his knees and looked at Hu Yingxue in front of him. At some point, his face was covered with tears.

"I lay next to him many times, and when I saw him sleeping soundly without defense, I would think, if not, at least he loves me very much now, why should I destroy everything I desire with my own hands."

He choked up and said, "But I clearly lied to him, hated him, and thought about killing him a thousand times and ten thousand times. Since when did I become so... reluctant?"

He opened his eyes wide, and let two lines of hot tears fall down: "Tell me, did I inherit from Chi Yan, as hypocritical and arrogant as her?"

He pursed his mouth, like a very wronged child, and murmured: "I don't want to become her, I don't want to..."

The cold wind is blowing desperately to this bank, swallowing the call of the ferryman on the river that divides happiness and misery.

There is no longer a place to return to, and I have searched all over the world and can't find a place to go.The beginning of a new life is always so embarrassing and difficult.

Xiao Chining cried wantonly for a while, and when he wiped away his tears, he became like a righteous boy again, telling jokes and talking about ordinary things with his friends.

"I sent your diary to Hangzhou. I bought a plane ticket for tonight, and I just went back to wait for the delivery. I just don't know if Xiao Zhaoshan called the police." He got up and picked up the cigarette butts on the ground.

"I don't know how long it will be next time." He hugged the skateboard and said, "I hope you will have a good baby by then, and you will be a little panda in the zoo, eating and sleeping all day long. Rub your own big tail and do whatever you want."

"Hu Yingxue, I'm leaving." He patted Hu Yingxue's tombstone and said softly, "Goodbye."

Tomorrow is New Year's Eve, and few people would choose to visit the grave today. Except for the administrators, there are no other people in the cemetery, and the road to the bus station is also incredibly quiet.

Xiao Chining wrapped his scarf tighter, buried his head against the noisy wind, and planned to use the small coffers accumulated over the years to rent a one-bedroom apartment in Hangzhou, and then apply for a job in charge of food, working from nine to five every day , It's good to sleep on the pillow when you're tired.

The premise is still that Xiao Zhaoshan did not call the police.

However, the ideal is beautiful, but the reality is cruel.After walking a few steps, he realized something was wrong.

In the middle of the road, a Mitsubishi van without a license plate was moving at an astonishingly slow speed. It was always behind him, sneaking around, for fear that others would not know that it had ulterior motives.

Xiao Chining saw the electronic eye at the next intersection, so he simply put down the skateboard, changed to a small road and accelerated to the station one kilometer away.

Sure enough, the van also accelerated.

He spent the night with a temporary card at the Internet cafe last night, and no one came to investigate. Could the police be so kind as to wait for him to finish talking with his friends before arresting him?

The more Xiao Chining thought about it, the more frightened he became. He kicked his feet on the ground and slid faster. During this period, he couldn't help but glance behind him.

The van didn't follow.

He quietly breathed a sigh of relief, but he still didn't dare to slacken his feet, and planned to go back to the street to take a car in one go.As a result, as soon as he exited the intersection, a huge gray figure approached rapidly from the right.

Without giving him any time to react or dodge, and even without time to be surprised, Xiao Chining felt that he was knocked into the air by an irresistible force.Suddenly, the severe pain spread from his hip bones to his whole body.He rolled a few meters along the road ridge, and the back of his head without any protection hit the gravel-covered ground, causing his consciousness to become slightly blurred.

There was a screeching sound of brakes, and two men who were fully armed from head to toe got off the van that disappeared halfway.One held down his hands and feet, and the other searched his body.

Xiao Chining knew that they couldn't be the police.

The pain continued to attack his nerves, and he struggled hard, trying to escape but to no avail.The hands that suppressed him turned and passed through his armpits, intending to drag him toward the van.

Xiao Chining was dizzy and his tinnitus was so severe that he couldn't hear their conversation clearly.Before falling into a coma, he just helplessly exhaled one after another of white mist, and moved his fingers, trying to reach the skateboard with its wheels upturned in a whimsical way.

This is the skateboard that Xiao Zhaoshan gave him, and it is the only present left. He did not lie, he really likes it.But it wasn't until now that he discovered that the back of the skateboard was actually engraved with words.

It is "birth".

The birth of life, the endless birth.

Xiao Zhaoshan lay in the hospital in a daze through New Year's Eve, the first day of the new year, and was discharged from the hospital until he had a second operation on the fifth day and entered the recovery stage.

With no accompanying bed, no assistant, and no family members, with a plaster cast on his right hand, he pushed the infusion stand upstairs and downstairs to make orders. After the last bottle of fluid was infused, Dong Xin finally came.

"Are you feeling better today? What did the doctor say?" On the way back, she asked Xiao Zhaoshan.

Xiao Zhaoshan looked out the window, and replied in a flat voice: "The numbness in the fingers is not so bad, and I will see the situation the day after tomorrow for a follow-up visit."

"Yeah." Dong Xin responded, and after a long time of consideration, he asked him cautiously, "Today, on the sixth day of the lunar new year, the private testing agency has two days to go to work. Old Xiao, are you... in a hurry?"

Xiao Zhaoshan rubbed the Qingming acupoint, and asked back: "If the test is positive, will it be troublesome if I am accused by Qu Cheng later?"

"Theoretically, that's the case." Dong Xin didn't dare to speak too harshly, "But what if, I think Chi..."

"Don't worry." Xiao Zhaoshan didn't let her finish saying the name, raised his eyes and looked ahead, and said indifferently, "I'm not in a hurry, let's talk about it after they get to work."

Dong Xin cleverly changed the subject: "Last week when you had your first operation, Chi Yan visited you and left a call from a rehabilitation specialist. You were not in good condition a few days ago, so I only talked to the attending doctor. The doctor talked about this matter, and he said that it depends on the effect of the second operation. Now that the second operation is successful, do you want to consider taking half a year off to do neurological rehabilitation training? "

Xiao Zhaoshan took out a cigarette and a lighter from the jacket with his left hand: "Thank her for me, but I'm very busy recently and I don't have time."

"What are you busy with? Yue Zezhang is at the end of the road. What else can he do except to make us some dirty little troubles?" Dong Xin was terrified when he thought of the picture of Xiao Zhaoshan lying in a pool of blood, "Old Xiao, is the ulnar nerve broken? Just kidding, even if you recover well, there will be some sequelae, let alone no effort. Do you not want this hand anymore?"

Xiao Zhaoshan didn't listen at all, and said with a cigarette in his mouth and a lighter, "I'll open the window to smoke a cigarette."

Dong Xin was so angry that he slapped his left hand while he was lighting a cigarette: "You are still taking anti-inflammatory drugs, smoking a fart! Didn't you hear the doctor tell you to stop smoking and drinking?!"

Slap, the lighter fell into the gap between the passenger seat and the center console.Xiao Zhaoshan froze in place, still maintaining the posture of lighting a cigarette, looking down at the looming lighter for a long time.

When he encountered a red light at the next intersection, Dong Xin stopped to comfort him: "Old Xiao, I know you are upset now, but you should listen to the doctor..."

Xiao Zhaoshan looked away, looked away from the window again, and interrupted her in a deep voice: "Stop at the side."

Dong Xin was alert: "What are you doing?"

Xiao Zhaoshan was stubborn: "Buy a lighter."

Dong Xin was also annoyed: "How many times do I have to say, don't smoke, don't smoke, don't smoke, will you die if you endure it for a few days?"

Xiao Zhaoshan turned his head abruptly, threw the unlit cigarette between his lips to his feet, and said hysterically, "I'm fucking poisoned, what's wrong with smoking a cigarette! Ah?! I'm dead now. Is there a difference?!"

Dong Xin froze for a moment, then patted the steering wheel, blushed and shouted thickly: "You fucking trust your son that much? He said you took|drugs and you really took|drugs|drugs, then I say you whoring |Whore are you really whoring? Dog|Damn, obviously the hair test hasn’t been done yet, and the postoperative inspection report is also normal, but you scared yourself to death first, thanks to you reading so many books! Fuck|You Mom, what did I, Dong Xin, do in my previous life to meet you pair of stinky fools!"

After the fierce quarrel, the two did not speak for a long time, and only the sound of angry breathing remained in the carriage.When the green light came on, Dong Xin stepped on the gas pedal and slammed on the parking lot opposite the intersection.

"I'll give you 1 minute, go down and buy a lighter."

After Xiao Zhaoshan vented, he became less addicted to smoking: "You're going to fuck|my mother, stop smoking."

Dong Xin glared at him: "Do it and you'll do it! Things are forcing you!"

Xiao Zhaoshan threw the half-full cigarette pack directly onto her lap: "I will quit smoking from now on."

Dong Xin smiled disdainfully: "One week? Three days? Or one hour?"

Xiao Zhaoshan touched the fingers of his unconscious right hand, leaned on the neck pillow and said lazily: "I really don't smoke anymore, Xiao Chining was scared."

Although Dong Xin didn't know what happened between him and Xiao Chining to get to this point, but just because Xiao Chining sent her a text message on the day of the accident, asking her to go and see Xiao Zhaoshan immediately, she was unwilling to believe Xiao Chining Chi Ning can do such a heartless thing.

She sighed, and said earnestly: "Old Xiao, I can't say which of you father and son is right or wrong, but Chi Ning is really not that kind of person."

"What kind of person?" Xiao Zhaoshan laughed at himself, "Forget it Dong Xin, even I don't know what kind of person he is."

Dong Xin asked: "Do you know where he is now?"

Xiao Zhaoshan intends to end this topic: "I don't know, and I don't want to know."

Dong Xin sneered: "You can pull it off, just after you were anesthetized, you still talked in your sleep and told him not to leave."

Xiao Zhaoshan turned around with a look of disbelief: "Really?"

Dong Xin nodded: "It's absolutely true."

Xiao Zhaoshan was speechless.

He leaned on the neck pillow of the seat, lowered his eyes and stared out of the car window, and after a while, he said softly: "But, what's the use?"

Dong Xin could hear his sadness, and took advantage of the red light to glance at the right rearview mirror several times, as if he wanted to see what Xiao Zhaoshan would look like when he was sad.However, she could only read a cold silence from Xiao Zhaoshan's haggard face.

"It's okay, you are father and son, no matter what..."

Halfway through the comforting words, the mobile phone vibrated suddenly in the car.

Dong Xin looked at the phone he was charging, the screen was still black: "Old Xiao, it's yours."

Xiao Zhaoshan could only use his left hand, and he wasn't used to it for a while, so he fumbled in his coat pocket for a long time before he found his phone.

It's a string of numbers I've never seen before.

Seeing him staring at the screen for a long time, Dong Xin urged, "Why don't you answer, it sounds really uncomfortable."

A kind of bad feeling spontaneously made Xiao Zhaoshan flustered.He pressed the answer button, slowly put the receiver to his ear, and waited for the person on the other end to speak first.

"Damn it, talk to me!" A man who was far away from the microphone was scolding someone.

There was no movement.

Xiao Zhaoshan tried to strike first: "If you don't speak again, I'll die."

"Come on, call your father twice."

The man probably used some tricks, Xiao Zhaoshan caught a bit of painful groaning in the radio waves.

His heart suddenly tightened, as if he had been stabbed again.

"Xiao Chining?" He asked in a trembling voice.

Dong Xin turned his head in surprise and waited quietly for the next sentence.

The man answered the phone and said with a smile: "Painter Xiao, after seven days, you are finally willing to answer the phone. You really don't want to take the life of your beautiful son."

Xiao Zhaoshan pressed the recording button, tried his best to restrain his anxiety and uneasiness, and clarified to Xiao Chining: "I have been hospitalized for the last week, and my phone was only turned on today."

Xiao Chining did not respond.

"I want to listen to Xiao Chining." Xiao Zhaoshan demanded sharply.

"Is this what the great painter is pursuing?" The kidnapper laughed disgustingly, "We are easy to talk to, and it will not be a problem for you to meet your son. Tomorrow at 27:11613, 3975, [-], is the great painter free? ?”

The familiar coordinate expression is obviously written by Yue Zezhang.

Xiao Zhaoshan's veins suddenly popped up, and he roared, "I want to listen to Xiao Chining! Now, right now, right now!"

"Why are you still getting angry?" The kidnapper brought the mobile phone to Xiao Chining's mouth, "Little friend, your dear father finally thinks of you, talk to him."

Xiao Zhaoshan turned the volume of the call to the highest level, gripped the phone tightly and waited for Xiao Chining to speak.

After a while, he finally caught a human voice that was so weak that only breath sounds remained in a series of irregular and broken breaths.

Xiao Chining seemed to be trying his best, and kept repeating: "Get out...don't come, get out..."

[1] From García Márquez's short story "The Good Man Who Sells Miracles, Bracaman".The novel roughly tells the story of the "good guy" Brakaman suffering all kinds of abuse from the "bad guy" Brakaman, and finally using superpowers to retaliate, making him reborn repeatedly in the coffin in despair.

[2] Gotham City is a fictional city that is prosperous but also full of sin in the DC worldview.

[3] Adapted from the original sentence in "The Good Man Who Sells Miracles", Brakaman: "Ladies and gentlemen, you want to buy anything voluntarily, because it is not an order, it is just a suggestion. In the final analysis, happiness It’s not a life obligation.”

[4] See [1].The original sentence is: "If he dies again, I will bring him back to life. The most interesting part of this punishment is: as long as I live, he will have to live in the grave, that is, forever."