why are they still in love

"It's been six months..." Xiao Zhaoshan's throat was like a dry river, and Xiao Zhaoshan coughed before speaking halfway.

Xiao Chining sat cross-legged opposite him, playing with a mobile phone: "Mr. Xiao, why worry, we have plenty of time, let's talk slowly."

Xiao Zhaoshan took a breath, and then asked: "Did I wait for six months, or 17 years, huh?"

Xiao Chining held his head and thought for a while: "Instead of asking me this question, it's better to ask yourself."

He used his mobile phone to poke Xiao Zhaoshan's chest, heavy and heavy, and said in a cold tone: "How long have you and Chi Yan exiled me, how long have you forgotten me, how long have you ignored me, how long have I been waiting for this day .”

Xiao Zhaoshan lowered his head, tried hard to swallow his nausea, and said slowly: "Is this the only thing left in your life?"

"Yes. Your life is so wonderful. You became famous when you were young, you make money every day, you have constant lovers, and you have friends everywhere. I am different. I am very boring." Xiao Chining said, "I have lived for 17 years. , every moment, trying to find an answer.”

"Why?" He raised Xiao Zhaoshan's chin with his mobile phone, making him look at himself, "Why, Teacher Xiao, why can't I grow up like my classmates? Why don't I deserve a little love from you? Why am I destined to be abandoned by you in a different place? Tell me."

Xiao Zhaoshan's eyes were neither wind nor rain: "I don't love you, it's you who don't believe me."

Xiao Chining withdrew his hand, and smiled contemptuously: "Recently, I've been thinking about another thing."

He got up and walked out of the bathroom: "If I hadn't come to Beijing half a year ago."

Then he brought a folding fruit knife that was casually placed on the bed in the morning, and threw it at the foot of Xiao Zhaoshan.

"If I hadn't slept with you then."

"If I hadn't insisted on staying here," he sat down cross-legged again, leaning his elbows on his knees, "do you think it would be possible for us to talk about love or not here like this?"

"But you came, we had sex, and you stayed here," Xiao Zhaoshan looked at him with a good look, "I love you too."

Suddenly no longer loose, Xiao Chining's jaw tightened, his face was livid, and he confronted him unwilling to admit defeat.

Xiao Zhaoshan saw that he was like an embarrassing accomplice at the moment, forbearance wrote the mountains and rivers between his eyebrows, as if he was wondering whether he should participate in the current hijacking.

"Snapped!"

In the throat-cut silence, Xiao Zhaoshan's face was suddenly slapped to the side with a merciless slap.

"Don't fucking look at me like that." Xiao Chining leaned over to his ear, obviously gnashing his teeth, but his voice was very slow and soft, "It's late."

He said, "This is to repay the slap you gave me that day."

For the first time Xiao Zhaoshan knew that a slap in the face could be so shocking.His left cheek was on fire, and the burning flames made him feel more chest tight, short of breath, and dizzy.

"Okay, now we can move on to the next link."

Xiao Chining distanced himself from him, and all the joy on his face returned.He got up again, went to the drawer in the restaurant and dug out the shredded tobacco that Xiao Zhaoshan brought back from the mountains during the National Day.

Standing in front of the mirror, with his back to Xiao Zhaoshan, he skillfully rolled a cigarette: "Standard script, Mr. Xiao, it's your turn to ask me."

Xiao Zhaoshan took a few deep breaths to calm down his anger, and asked in a deep voice, "What did you put in the soup?"

Xiao Chining focused on the work in hand, without raising his head, he said: "Good stuff."

"Two alprazolam pills a day." He walked back to the shower room with a rolled cigarette and handed it to Xiao Zhaoshan's mouth, "Last night's chicken soup also came with an extra tube of hallucinogen, do you like it. "

Xiao Zhaoshan finally understood why his complexion was so bad these days, why he was always sleepy, why he always had a headache after waking up, and why he was unconscious and unaware last night.

He put the back of his head against the wall, raised his chin and smiled self-deprecatingly: "Amazing Xiao Chining, where did you get it?"

"Old rules, you have one question, and I have one." Xiao Chining's hand stopped stubbornly in mid-air, "Look, I will take care of you more today. I smoke my favorite Marlboro, and you smoke your favorite cigarettes. Mr. Xiao , try my craft?"

Xiao Zhaoshan didn't want to smoke.

He lowered his eyes and glanced at the cigarette, then looked back at Xiao Chining indifferently: "Give me a glass of water."

Hearing this, Xiao Chining put down his arms, leaned on his knees and laughed so hard that he couldn't help but stop laughing after a while, and shook his head pitifully: "Hey, my teacher Xiao, do you think you still have something to ask for now? Are you eligible?"

He put the cigarette in his trouser pocket, leaned against the glass door of the shower room, half bent one leg, and lit a Marlboro pop-up by himself: "Don't smoke, just chat with me. People who lack water are even better." It's easy to tell the truth."

Xiao Zhaoshan snorted and said, "Who said that?"

"I said it." Xiao Chining took a puff of smoke, "Don't worry, thirst, dizziness, nausea, inability to concentrate, and weakness of limbs are all normal reactions, and it will be fine in the afternoon."

Xiao Zhaoshan was a little addicted by the smell of cigarettes pervading the small space, and was too lazy to listen to his nonsense: "What do you want to ask me?"

"Do you still love Chi Yan now?" Xiao Chining held a cigarette between his fingers, and nodded his face from the air, "You have to choose between love or not, don't talk about it with me."

Xiao Zhaoshan straightened his legs and answered casually: "Love."

Xiao Chining touched his lips and said with a smile, "Really."

"Yes." Xiao Zhaoshan also laughed, "As you said, I have a lot of lovers, so it's so boring to love only one person."

Xiao Chining acquiesced, exhaled another puff of smoke, and asked him to ask questions.

"Where did you buy the hallucinogen?" Xiao Zhaoshan asked, pointing to his trouser pocket, "I changed my mind, give me a cigarette."

Xiao Chining, however, was unwilling: "Have you ever heard a song, Mr. Xiao? Some people, once they miss it, they never stop. So do some cigarettes."

Xiao Zhaoshan found a more comfortable position.He supported the floor tiles with the hands tied behind his waist, sat up a little against the wall, and said sarcastically, "Then have you heard a song? Zhang Xinzhe's "Overfire"."

Xiao Chining asked back: "What kind of pain did you carry on your back, let me tell you about it?"

Xiao Zhaoshan said, "You haven't answered my question yet."

Xiao Chining shook off a piece of soot, and looked back at him meaningfully: "Do you remember Cheng Lianqiang?"

Xiao Zhaoshan raised his eyebrows: "Who?"

"Ms. Xiao is such a noble person who forgets things too much. You met him at the police station." Xiao Chining walked up to him and squatted down, cupping his face as if reminiscing, "Oh, that was a very sad night for me, too. How can you forget the night when I became No.1 for the first time."

Xiao Zhaoshan remembered.

That day he rushed to the police station late at night to fetch Xiao Chining, who was tortured and interrogated on suspicion of drug use, and he met Cheng Lianqiang and his companions.

He also remembered that when he stepped into the office, he heard Cheng Lianqiang say to the policeman, "Don't just think that boy is kind and innocent just because he is young and good-looking. In fact, he has a really bad heart."

For this reason, he slapped the man openly in front of the police, and he was determined to protect his son, even if he really took drugs.

Now it seems ironic and ridiculous.

Xiao Zhaoshan had never felt that he had failed so much.

He moved his eyes away, looking out of the bathroom door through the green smoke curling up in Xiao Chining's ear, and the watch he wore on his wrist, which he specially took time to pick out in the mall.

There are the beds they slept in for two months, all arranged according to his preferences, the figures of them kissing and cuddling each other, the sunrise they woke up to witness together, and the numbers they said good night before going to bed. months up.

What was Xiao Chining thinking when he was attached to him?

Every second more kiss means you hate him more, right?Every time you say you love him, you hate him even more, right?Those seemingly confused moments recently are not actually worrying, but carefully calculating whether there is an absolute chance of winning and let him be defeated?

Xiao Zhaoshan suddenly felt sad, as if he had returned to the day his mother died, sitting alone on the sofa, smoking all night, the ashtray was getting fuller, but the world around him was getting more and more empty, as if he was in the boundless wilderness[1].

It turned out to be so, it turned out to be so.

He lowered his head, and suddenly let out a laugh as if relieved from a heavy burden, but his eyes gradually turned red.

For the first time, he had the urge to cry for the first time.

He solemnly put on a ring for Chi Yan in front of his relatives and friends, but he didn't cry; he didn't cry when he was sent to prison by the "father" he once trusted so much; He was burned into a pile of ashes indistinguishable from any of the dead in the dark incinerator, and he still didn't cry.

Because he knows they are not the end.

Life rushes forward without giving you a chance to stop. Any mourning and starting over can only be saved until the day when you are also old. Then you can slowly spend a whole sunny afternoon doing nothing season, to recall and review.

But today, it seems to be the end.

It turns out that no one has ever been willing to practice how to give, what tone and description to use to talk about love, what kind of heat and posture to express love with him, a man who has passed his age.

Even if he became famous at a young age, he was still just an ordinary person; he was making money every day, but he was still so lonely and troubled;

"3 yuan, the most expensive chicken soup I've ever had in my life." Xiao Zhaoshan raised his head and said sincerely, "Xiao Chining, you are amazing."

The cigarette had already been extinguished, Xiao Chining met his red eyes, and was a little dazed for a while.In just a few seconds, as if he was at a loss, he changed several expressions on his face, and finally settled on his heartache.

He threw away the cigarette butt, caressed Xiao Zhaoshan's face tenderly, and gently stroked his warm skin with his thumb: "Dad, why are you crying?"

He knelt on the ground, leaned over and kissed away Xiao Zhaoshan's unshed tears hanging from the corner of his eyes: "Dad, I'll give you that cigarette, please don't cry."

He rested on Xiao Zhaoshan's forehead, stretched his hands back to the back of his neck, and rubbed the row of bumpy bones as if to soothe his nerves.

The two breathed intertwined, Xiao Chining couldn't help but kissed the dry corner of his lips emotionally, and said softly: "This is just the beginning, then after hearing what I have done later, what should you do?"

[1] Use a line from the song "Bicycle" written by Huang Weiwen and sung by Eason Chan: "It's hard to leave, it's hard to give up, then hold on tighter/The boundless life is like a wilderness