【GGAD ABO】Nirvana

Gellert was walking in the snow, and a gust of snow rolled over the ground. He stretched out his hand, and found a broken, lighter-like thing lying on the palm of his hand.

The sky was very bright and the Northern Lights were changing colors.The cold wind was biting, but he couldn't feel the cold.The stars shone overhead, and he moved forward through the snow in the direction of the North Star.

"Who are you?" a voice asked.

"My name is Gellert," he said, feeling his heart stop beating.The exhaled mist blocked his vision, and he was vaguely aware that some memories, like the heat of his body, slipped away quietly in the wind.

"Who are you?" The voice rang again.

He looked down at his hands, the skin was smooth and there were no scars.He vaguely felt that there should be a horizontal scar on the left palm, but there was only the broken lighter lying there.There was a round hole in the metal shell, "Who am I?" he said to himself, "I know, I am myself. But I can't remember..."

Going forward, a majestic palace appeared under the northern lights, made of snow.He entered the palace, and the wind carried ice crystals and blew in through the high windows.Except for the sound of wind and footsteps, there was no other movement.He walked along the corridor until he saw a large, round lake, clear as a mirror.There was a small chair in the lake, he went up to it, sat in the chair, and found it was just right.

"I should have stayed here," he said, looking at the round hole in the lighter. "I knew I should have stayed here."

The whistling of the wind stopped, and the sun shone on the lake, reflecting colorful light.

"Aren't you going to leave?" the voice asked, "It's cold in here."

"I feel very comfortable." He gripped the lighter tightly, "I want to stay here..."

"Do you feel happy? There is no joy here."

"I don't need to be happy." He said, touching his chest subconsciously.The heart stopped beating completely, and there was silence, like frozen ground. "I don't need it," he hesitated, "I don't need happiness..."

Just like that, he sat in the chair, his mind gradually clearing up.The chair got smaller and smaller, and so was he, and eventually, he lost all warmth.

"I forgot something," he said, and closed his eyes.

People tell Albus that Lord Grindelwald is the most fearless warrior they have ever seen.But he didn't know what to do about it, he just held on to Gellert's left hand.The hand was getting colder and colder, and his heart sank.

"Grassing the heart... is dangerous, very dangerous," said the Muggle doctor.

"Maybe you need to try other methods..." the therapists reminded tactfully in this way.

"Thank you." Albus held the hand and smiled.He could only smile, and since he received the news, half of his soul was floating in the air, and every step he took seemed to fall into a trap of the void.Gellert's chest was covered with a small piece of white cotton gauze, it was such a small piece, but it almost killed him.At this moment, everyone in Berlin is wondering how long it will be before he draws his last breath.

"He saved me." The big man came to visit and left a promise, "Even if he can't wake up—"

"He'll wake up," Albus answered in German, his voice shaking violently as he spoke, "He'll…"

"He mentioned you a lot." The other party looked him over, and then talked about that conversation.Then he left, and Albus sat in the last light of the setting sun, his palms sweaty.

"He thinks you don't trust him, and marrying him is probably to keep him under control and prevent him from doing bad things."

"Gellert." Albus kissed the cold fingertips in his hands.He couldn't completely deny that he had spent nearly 100 years in pain, and even his death couldn't dispel the pain that penetrated his bones.Harry told him that Grindelwald was killed by Voldemort in order to protect his tomb. At first he couldn't believe it, and then waited at King's Cross Station with faint hope.The train passed again and again, but he didn't see Gellert.That person didn't want to see me, and he stepped on the red steam locomotive in frustration. This was his last regret in that time and space.

"Have you ever thought about the possibility that I was 'summoned' by you?" Gellert said once.Lying by the brook flowing in Godric's Hollow, he boredly shot Heartworm with his wand, "I, in this world, should have died in the explosion."

"Nonsense," Albus had replied at the time, "if I could be so capable, then I—"

He has no ability to change the world.If he could, he could have avoided the untimely death of his parents. "You didn't intend to see me," Gellert said, turning a heartworm into a fairy, and she flapped her wings in delight, and flew away. "You have to admit—don't look away."

"He thinks there is no way to rely on you."

It was a lie, but maybe Gellert was the real idea. "Didn't I tell you?" Albus murmured, looking at the quiet face, the blond hair hanging weakly by the pillow, "I'm sorry, it's my fault."

Of course he liked Gellert and depended on him.Although because of his insistence, they can only be "friends" for ten years.He likes to walk with Gellert in the summer forest, where fireflies dance in the grass.He loved lying with Gellert on an embroidered cushion in front of a roaring fireplace in the wet winter; they read poetry, chatted, or took a nap.From the depths of Gellert's body exuded a cold aura, like a snowy mountain.This person and this smell made him extremely at ease.

"You can love me more." Gellert mentioned it, with a half-truth and half-fake tone, "For example, to be jealous, ask me to drive away all the omegas in the department."

"Then how?" said Albus, straightening his tie.Then he saw those strange-colored eyes, which seemed to express disappointment, "Don't be stupid—" he said, "We're getting old."

"He complained that you never wanted to look into his head. I remember very clearly that when he said this, he looked very lonely."

Gellert invited Albus to read his mind more than once, "Come and see, and you will understand everything." He invited, from a young age to now, "Why don't you want to use Legilimency? In front of you, I have never let go of my defenses."

Albus hadn't tried to read Gellert's thoughts.He is afraid, in fear.He hopes to see what he wants, but is afraid of seeing the scene he doesn't want to face.He didn't tell Gellert - shame on him - that if he read Gellert's true thoughts...he didn't love himself at all...

That was the most unbearable past in Albus' life, his nightmare, his shame.

"I trust you," he said perfunctorily to Gellert. "You know, there's no Legilimency between us. It's my last conscience," he even used his sense of humor, winking, " Why not maintain some mystery?"

"Conscience and timidity are actually the same thing. Conscience is just a business name for timidity." Gellert shrugged, "I'll wait for you."

"Well, I have to read your heart." The fingertips in his palm were as cold as ice, and his tears couldn't warm him. "It's time, Gellert, it should be time."

Albus closed his eyes, and found himself knee-deep in the snow, with the stars above him and the unpredictable northern lights.