Let's not fall in love

Perhaps only by constantly telling ourselves that life is a journey of practice can we let ourselves live again and again when we are desperate. —— ME

About how he became a ghost, Han Xi asked Ya and Dongqing quietly, but both of them faltered and said they didn't know. If Zhao Li would tell her, he would have told her already, so he knew about it. That's all.

Regarding the system that she traveled through time, she also called later, but she was never able to contact her again.

Han Xi sighed. She always felt that there was a cloud of fog around her, and she didn't know anything about her own life. She couldn't help but feel a little depressed.

Because of Ya and Dongqing's strong request, the four of them went climbing together on the weekend while Xia Dongqing was on vacation.

"Am I not a ghost? Why do ghosts get tired too?" Han Xi panted heavily half way up the climb, and held Zhao Li's hand to support herself. She was afraid that she would roll down as soon as she let go. Climbed in vain.

Xia Dongqing slapped her cheeks, trying to cool herself down: "I'm also a ghost, but I'm also tired, so let's forget about Ya, obviously Zhao Li is also a ghost, why is he not tired at all?"

Ya turned around and put her hands on her face, putting on a cute smile.

Zhao Li rolled his eyes: "Ghosts are also transformed from human beings. Your physical strength is so weak that you can't save you if you become ghosts. Look at your small bodies." Zhao Li raised his other arm and bulged his strong brachial biceps.

Han Xi also rolled his eyes, and was about to speak when he suddenly lost consciousness.

"Xi, we really love you, but you will also know the situation at home, and you will forgive Mom and Dad? Right?" A man's voice rang in my ears, and another woman's cry It came faintly.

Who are you?who is it?

She couldn't see the person in front of her.

"No! Don't send my child away, please!" The woman who had been by the side suddenly rushed over when the man picked her up, and tightly grabbed the man's arm.

"Do we have so much money to fine?" The man didn't resist, he just said something lightly, and then the woman suddenly stopped talking, her hand gradually lost strength, and finally slipped from the man's hand.

You... who are you?who I am?

Then what?Did they live happily after sending her away?No, she gradually saw clearly.

In the beginning, the husband and wife took the older woman to make money in other places, and their life was pretty good. Then, because the daughter had to go to school, the woman and the daughter returned to their hometown together, and then the man went out to play with his friends, and then, and then From the beginning of sending money home every month, it became every few months, and then it became the money back at the end of each year.

When he came home at the end of the year, he was always a good husband and a good father in everyone's eyes. He was well-dressed, he was generous, and everyone said he was good. No one saw his crying wife and depressed daughter at home.

In the following years, he came back less and less, and got less and less money. Sometimes he even asked his wife for money when he returned home.Every time his wife calls him to ask her for living expenses, there will always be a quarrel. He said that his wife only knows how to use money indiscriminately.

But what?But they still have a child who is sent away, because the child's adoptive parents are not far from their home, and they are people they know. Every time they call, he always let him go immediately for the sake of his own image. The wife sent money to others, saying that the youngest daughter needed the money, but he still didn't send more money. The woman came from the countryside and had no education. She could only find a job as a cleaner to subsidize the family. The one who sent it out Daughter, became another tool to squeeze her...

The eldest daughter silently watched her father's "concern" for the younger sister who could not see her face, and watched her mother work as a cleaner every day for the younger sister who could not see her face, and went out to catch frogs at night.She's not angry, she's just upset.She couldn't go to school if her father didn't send money back, so she had to drop out of school early to work, and went to Zhuhai alone. She saved the money and sent it to her mother.

At that time, in the countryside, it would be very grand to have a building at home. Although the man didn't come back very often, he still wanted to build a building for the sake of face. What if he didn't have enough money?I can only use the money sent back by my eldest daughter, and ask others to borrow money, and the building is completed, but what about those debts?The woman is in a hurry, her daughter and husband are not around, she borrowed the money, how can she not be in a hurry, but how can she make money?

She thought of it, she can still sell blood, she heard from the neighbors around that she can get dozens of blood for one sale!At that time, tens of dollars was very valuable, so she sold blood every week.

This kind of life lasted for more than ten years. The eldest daughter and the woman were very tired. The man lived alone outside. No one knew how he was doing. Maybe someone knew, but no one told the woman.The youngest daughter gradually became sensible. She didn't understand why the conditions of the biological parents were much better than those of the adoptive parents, but they wanted to send her away?

Maybe some people say that the man has been asking the woman to send money to her adoptive parents?It is really unfilial to want to go back.

No, she didn't want to go back at all, but why keep in touch with her since she was sent away?Since she was sensible, everyone told her that you are not born in his family, but your biological parents are those two uncles and aunts who have been visiting you, and then those neighbors teased her: "What should you call your uncle and aunt? "

"Call uncle and aunt." The child didn't understand why they asked this.

"No, it should be Mom and Dad!"

"Father? Mom?" The neighbors suddenly stopped talking after the child finished talking. Before the child could react, a sudden force behind him lifted her up and threw her out. She didn't understand what happened, but a slap It was thrown down, it was a solid slap from an adult, and the child's face was swollen at that time.

The adoptive mother didn't say anything to those neighbors, but just carried the child back. The child didn't understand what he did wrong, so he just cried and begged for mercy, but the adoptive mother still closed the door and drew the curtains, and the stick was hit again and again. spank the child's ass.

The neighbors didn't dare to tease the children in an open and aboveboard manner. They only occasionally asked twice secretly, but they would still be heard by the adoptive mother, so they closed the doors and windows again and again, begged for mercy, and beat them with sticks.Since then, she has been afraid of the dark. Once there is no light, it is like a demon chasing her behind her.

During the New Year, those two uncles and aunts came again and gave her 100 yuan. She looked at her adoptive mother's face and accepted it, but she dared not call them again. , she doesn't like calling people.

But after all, it is a child. She was very happy when she first got the money. She thought, she would use the money to buy this and that. The two uncles and aunts had just left, and the adoptive mother came over with a smile: "Xixi , Mom is going to play cards, but Mom has no money, can Xixi lend the money to Mom? Mom will return it to you."

The child looked at the money in his hand, then looked at the adoptive mother, and finally gave the money to the adoptive mother, and will return it to me, so it doesn't matter...

At that time, supermarkets were not very popular, and the child was very happy every time she went to the supermarket, especially when she remembered that her mother still owed herself 100 yuan, so she could buy things she liked.

"Mom, I want this." She never had a toy of her own, and her toys were given to her by relatives' children, so she really wanted a toy of her own, so she pointed to the little one, The poor-quality plastic guitar said to the adoptive mother, who took a look and said, "What do you want it for, and it can't be eaten."

"Mom, I still have 100 yuan, all I want is this."

The adoptive mother glanced at her: "Where did you get the money?" At that moment, the child who was only a few years old suddenly understood that the adoptive mother would not return the money to her. From then on, she knew what it means to look at people. Even if you want her again, you can't get her. Is it because she is not their child?

She seemed to have grown up suddenly, she didn't make any more requests, she never took the initiative to ask for anything, and she didn't want what others gave her. It's not polite, but for the child, some things are the only thing she has left.

She never had friends because she had nothing to share with them, kids were never innocent, they were never realistic.After entering junior high school, she suddenly fell in love with reading, but she knew that she could not ask her parents for money, and she would not get it, so she could only save money for meals at noon every day. Her daily living expenses were 2 yuan. The week is 10 yuan, and 10 yuan can just buy a pirated book.

Her room was unlocked, so she never had privacy, and her adoptive parents knew she always bought books but never asked her where she got the money from, maybe they knew and just didn't want to ask.

In the second year of junior high, the adoptive mother suddenly became seriously ill. It was less than a month from the time of diagnosis to the death, and she hadn't reacted yet.On the day her adoptive mother died, she happened to have a fever of 40 degrees, but according to the rules in the countryside, children have to cry for funerals, so she continued to cry after getting the injection in the morning. She was too tired from crying, so she leaned on the coffin and closed the door She closed her eyes and heard the voices of two women.

"Why isn't that child crying?"

"Oh, it's not my own."

"No way, I'm still young, I don't know how miserable it will be without my mother."

……

The two women didn't see the tears shed from the corners of her closed eyes, so why was it that the one who cried was sad?

"Xixi, cry quickly! Cry quickly!" The relatives behind kept urging her, so she just continued to cry at the top of her voice. Why were you crying?Maybe it was crying for the departure of the adoptive mother, maybe it was crying for myself...

3 days is very short for others, but extremely long for her. Finally, her adoptive mother was sent to be cremated. She hated herself a little because she couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief.

What is left of the adoptive mother's death?For her, it was another root cause of her illness. Three consecutive days of high fever of 3 to 38 degrees and mourning made her suffer from bronchitis. It took a whole week before she finally changed from coughing even when she was sleeping to a mild cough.

It's just that she didn't know it at that time, she became an item again, an item that could be traded.

"You have to understand Dad, he doesn't want to, but he is still young, he can't just live by himself." Only half a year after the death of the adoptive mother, the adoptive father met a woman through someone else's introduction, and the woman had a daughter herself. There is also a granddaughter and a visiting son-in-law, but she said that she can't introduce her adoptive father to have a oil bottle. It doesn't matter to her that the adoptive father's biological daughter has married out of town anyway, but the adopted daughter must be returned.

What can she say?Why do you still come to tell me about things that have already been decided by you?

Later, she returned to her biological parents, to be precise, to her biological mother. The man was still out of town. Later, she found out that when her adoptive mother passed away, the people from her adoptive father had actually approached her biological parents and told them , Knowing that they can take me away after cremating my adoptive mother with 2 yuan, but then they regretted it, and now they returned her for free in order to find a wife.

Later, she heard that the person she knew was about the same age, and might be her only friend, and asked her, "Why don't you want your father anymore? Is it just because your biological parents are rich?"

She didn't react for a while: "What?"

The friend looked at her, suddenly understood something, and sighed: "Your father said that you don't want your biological parents because they are rich."

She opened her mouth, but finally did not refute.

Did resentment explode all at once?Of course not, from hope, sadness, disappointment, indifference to resentment.

She thought that her biological parents were willing to spend money for her, so that meant they loved her, right?Can she have a little bit of hope?

How are strong people made?It is the process of using a sharp weapon on the heart again and again, the wound heals, scabs form, and this process is repeated until the scabs become calluses and firmly bind the heart, so that the so-called strength can be refined.

For that man, home is a door, he has to face the people outside the door glamorously, and he can expose his ugliness to the people inside the door without any cover, so when she enters that door, what she wants Things no longer exist.

The father who was still smiling at each other never sees each other, and the mother always looks sad. Every time I ask for tuition and living expenses, I will inevitably be scolded. There are any reasons. Anyway, asking for money = being scolded.So she understood, it turned out to be the same, she still had nothing, she was still under the fence, so for her, this place is not her home.She was only a teenager, but she hoped so much to have a home of her own, a home that could firmly protect her.

In high school, she finally couldn't bear it anymore. That weekend, her mother quarreled with her father on the phone again. She took the phone silently and said to her father, "If you don't send money, I won't be able to study."

"If you can't read it, don't read it!" The man's voice also became cold through the phone.

She hung up the phone on her own initiative: "I don't study anymore."

The mother didn't get angry this time, and the elder sister who rarely met didn't say anything.

"If you don't read it, don't read it." She could hear a trace of relief in her mother's voice.

Then, she never went to school again, and that Friday, she had just had a fight with the only friend in school, and she hadn't had time to get back together.

She started working in a supermarket, and it was less than 5 a month. That was 5 years ago. 1 years ago, her salary was less than 1 a month. When she returned to her hometown, basic clothes and dresses were indispensable for her work outside, so her sister lived alone in the urban area, and she and her mother lived on more than 1 yuan a month. At that time, she bought from the supermarket It will be very happy to buy pigskin that others don't want to go home.

She is very tired, but she can't say it. In the crowded place of the supermarket, colleagues bully you and customers bully you, but she has to bear it, because she tried to say it, and her sister said mockingly: "You can only cry. "Mother didn't speak.

My sister is ten years older than her, maybe it seems childish to you, but can you... can you...

Later, when she was returning home from an evening shift, a car suddenly jumped out. She didn't realize that the electric car hit it directly, and the whole electric car was pressed on her legs. She was very painful and scared, because she heard that , The maintenance fee of the car is very expensive, she can't afford it, the owner of the car didn't come down, and the people watching around asked her if she was okay, she gritted her teeth and said it was okay.Later, a colleague from the supermarket rushed over and said to her, "Are you okay? If you have nothing to do, go back first. I know the owner of the car. Since everyone is fine, let's go."

So she left in a daze, and when she returned home, she found that the electric car had broken down. She was a little scared, but her legs hurt even more, and it was almost eleven o'clock. She bit her lip and went upstairs to her room. I don't know how long it took, the door of the room was suddenly pushed open, and my mother rushed in: "Why is the car broken?"

She told the story, and her mother said bitterly: "The car was damaged, why don't you let them pay for it?"

Mom, my leg hurts.

She couldn't say these words, and her mother closed the door and left. She lifted the quilt silently, and her right calf was already light blue. She covered the quilt and continued to sleep, as if nothing had happened.

When I went to work the next day, my mother still told her that she had crashed the car. She was like a mouse, pushing the crashed car with her head down and continuing to go to work. Last night, the colleague saw her and rushed to work. Come over: "Are you okay?"

She shook her head, and the colleague left without saying anything.

She was so tired. Finally, one day, an elder she knew came to this supermarket and told her that a relative was looking for someone to ask her if she wanted to work. It was in the city where her father worked. She asked about the salary. How much?The elder said two thousand, and she nodded immediately.

Then, she went to that city not long after. She was okay when she first came, but she was not smart and always did wrong things, so she was always afraid of being scolded. Every time the boss scolded her, she always felt that she was scolding her, so she Every night, she secretly hid in the quilt and cried, but she comforted herself, it's okay, it's much easier here than in the supermarket, so time and time again, she survived.

Since she arrived in that big city, her father suddenly thought of her daughter again, and then she knew that her mother and father had divorced, and then she knew that her father had always had another woman in this city, and then she knew, It's not that the father is out of money, because when she went to his father's place, the woman politely took out thousands of dollars from under the pillow and asked her father to take her shopping.

She went out with her father, but she didn't ask her father to buy anything, and she didn't ask her father to give her money.She couldn't lose what was left of her.

**********

"Xiaoxi! Xiaoxi!"

who?Who is calling me?

"Zhao Li? What happened to her?"

Zhao Li...who is it?who are you?

The sudden pain on his face made Han Xi wake up suddenly.

Zhao Li blew on his palms: "Sure enough, this is more useful."

She touched her face in a daze, but luckily it wasn't swollen: "What's wrong with me?"

Zhao Li looked at her: "It's okay, this mountain has been around for a long time, and some things are unavoidable."

"What is it?" Dongqing asked Zhao Li while helping Han Xi up.

Ya looked around: "Is it Manjusawa? Isn't this a flower only found in Huangquan?"

Zhao Li curled his lips: "This place has been around for a long time, full of aura, suitable for cultivation, people from above and below like to come here, and it's normal to get the seeds of this thing when they come and go."

"Manzhushahua? It is said that smelling the fragrance of this flower can remind people of their previous life, so what I just saw was my previous life?" Han Xi frowned.

"It should be." Zhao Li replied ambiguously: "Okay, I've had enough rest, let's go quickly, or I won't be able to reach the top of the mountain before night."