[Gintama] Craftsman's Word

During my days in a wheelchair, I have often wondered: Is it correct to fight, or describe my life to this day?

When I was young, I sneered at Master's way of life, and now I also take a child in a wheelchair. Apart from the insignificant variable that Xiu is my own, my situation is not much better than Master's.After careful calculation, how many Yetus who lived and died for wars have truly achieved the fulfillment of life and spiritual comfort because of battles?Yewang Fengxian and Xinghaifangzhu who once stood at the top of Yetu, one died in the arms of the sweetheart, and the other died in the arms of the sweetheart. Can the emptiness in life before and after be filled with fighting?Master gave up fighting, Qianxia even put "Night Rabbit's Blood" behind her, and concentrated on making umbrellas and doing business. Didn't they get inner peace and happiness?So what about the night rabbit, after all, it is a creature dominated by emotion and thinking, not a fighting machine whose behavior can be drawn just by calculation formulas.

But can I affirm without hesitation that I have never found satisfaction in fighting?Before I was seven years old, I tried my best to break free from the control of my master. I could enjoy watching some kids in my neighbor’s house playing while lying on the window sill. After I was seven years old...

Tsk, it’s just Shenwei, there’s nothing I dare not mention, the childhood time when I played with him was indeed the happiest time I’ve ever spent, I don’t have to think about whether my words and deeds will pose a fatal threat to the future, Only during that time can you be carefree and self-willed.I can't deny the passion of fighting at that time, just like I can't deny the fact that I like that bastard Kamui and hate it, it's also a fact.

Choose to fight, choose Shenwei, is that correct?Is it a mistake?

At the age of seven, I set sail on the boat of Shenwei, hating myself for being weak and eager to become stronger. Every minute, every second, my heart was jumping for joy. I would never think that my decision had even the slightest flaw. If I hadn’t been crippled by Shenwei , so far, he and Kamui are as close as one person, right?But we have the same goal, and we are racing towards the only victory on the same road. Even if you are chasing each other halfway, when the inevitable result comes, one will fall down.If I lose, it is the current situation. If I win, Shenwei will either die or be disabled.Seeing the guy I "loved" for many years fall in my hands, will I really be happy with my victory, without questioning the cruelty of defending this victory?

The only thing is that I am different from Kamui, so I failed to stab the dagger into Kamui's heart, so I have Xiu, so Kamui is a bastard.Of course, the argument that Kamui is an asshole is broad and not limited to this.

The choice of life, when faced with the choice, who dares to be sure that he is right?But in the circumstances at that time, I chose what I wanted, and then worked hard to prove that my choice was right-if it was really me who thought about these things, if my power to God was limited to comrades-in-arms and enemies, maybe I could believe this Judgment, believe that even if there is a mistake, it is still useful to work hard to correct and change.

However, is it me who is thinking? What is the definition of the title "I"?

Forgetting her parents and being brought home by her master, keeping the blank in her memory and growing up with Kamui until she officially turned against Kamui, born of instinct, she could no longer hide. During that time, she existed in the container of "Su" Personality, if I can choose, I hope that is "me".However, the personality derived from instinct does exist, without that part, it is impossible for "Su" to survive.She is not a complete personality, and she hardly understands anything other than combat, but she can block "I" from prying on her, and at the same time share everything in the outside world. She is an individual capable of thinking.

Shenwei's words and deeds to "Su" were all due to her. It is not known how sincere he was to the "I" who controlled his consciousness at that time, but at least his good intentions for her were truly beyond doubt.I like Kamui, so what about her?When "I" was still in the dark, she observed everything in secret, does she also like Kamui?Liked as part of me, or independently?

The superficial "I" and the deep her, now only the me who is thinking about it is left, and I can no longer seek answers from her. The anger of being deceived by "I" is all kept in my emotions, and it still hurts to touch, so what about her share?Should also continue to exist in a certain part of "prime", continue to maintain the existence of "prime" silently?If she also likes Kamui, she has always been in control of her memory, there is no deceit, she can feel Kamui's heart more deeply, and she must forgive Kamui more easily than me.Putting myself in Shenwei's position to understand Shenwei, excuse Shenwei, and want to forgive Shenwei, if it is the pass she left behind for Shenwei, I cannot let it go.

who I am?Where am I going?Heh, it's really the ultimate and vicious problem.

When Shenwei arrived, the auction venue was already in chaos.Skipping the scuffle where the enemy was indistinguishable from friend and foe, Shenwei locked on the beautiful Linglong Orb illuminated by the gathered light beams.

"No matter how you say it, I won't take out the one I gave you. Is it a fluke for me to have such an idea, Su?"

Kamui laughed at himself in the air, but his expression was relaxed and happy, and he casually beat the two alien races who rushed towards him with weapons involuntarily and lay down on the ground.

"You don't even know me? I'm Kamui, look clearly, it's really Kamui."

Creatures of all shapes and colors near the entrance where Kamui appeared were the first to notice the movement. They temporarily stopped their chaotic fighting with each other, exchanged glances confirming that "it is Kamui himself", and then all rushed towards Kamui.

"I knew you must have woken up when the ward was closed. Even so, Qianxia sent me to the auction venue. Naturally, there was a conspiracy. But at this level, it doesn't make sense to come to [-]. What is your purpose, Su? I Just to satisfy you."

The first batch of attackers fell to the ground, and the news of "Shenwei is here" was like water droplets falling into a frying pan, blowing up the auction venue.The brave men fought one after another, but it was meaningless to Kamui, it was just a physical exhaustion.

"I hope I can feel the preciousness of you after going through many ordeals, but what a pity that this group of people is too low-level?" Shenwei squeezed his hair and thought, and jumped on top of a giant beast rushing up, and the brilliance of Linglong Pearl was reflected again. In the eyes, "Well, why did these guys fight, why did Qianxia inform me of the time I was late, why did they all come to beat me... So, is it a ticket? Use the Linglong bead I gave you to represent the only seat that can see you, Are you actually expressing your trust in me, Su?"

Shenwei smiled cheerfully with his face in his hands, and opened a straight line to take the Linglong Pearl.

"Su, I'm coming."

The detection device scanned the Linglong Bead and opened the door.Kamui followed the arrow indicating the direction, and found that he walked from the dock converted into an auction venue to another empty dock.

In the empty dock, a small wheelchair was parked in the middle, eyes closed and nestled inside, with a face like Su who was sleeping soundly, looking a bit thin and fragile, making Shenwei want to hug her and coax her.However, it was all an illusion, even if his pallor after recovering from a serious illness had not subsided, if he really dared to step forward, he would be embedded in the wall immediately.

"You came."

Su's voice is light and shallow, with a familiarity that doesn't require any emotion, and it also vaguely carries the calm and breezy atmosphere of entertaining enemies and friends for many years.Shenwei clearly realizes that Suchang has changed, and it is the change of letting go of the burden and treating himself kindly. Shenwei is so moved that he wants to cry.

Su opened his eyes, yawned and stretched, and leaned lazily on the wheelchair with his head on one hand.

"I've read all the stack of letters you left behind, and asked Mo Yue to burn them."

This means, don't mention the past again?Kamui wasn't sure, but just nodded to Su obediently.Su glanced at Shenwei, who was so obedient that he almost knelt down to be taught, and sat up straight.

"Let's play a game, Kamui."

"Do not hit."

Kamui replied without thinking.He felt that the atmosphere was cold, even if it was Su's request, he was determined not to break up!To make an end to this kind of flag, he shied away.

"Oh, then go away."

"...I will fight."

Compared with the flag, there is no chance to set the flag, so what to do.

Su tilted back again.

"Don't be embarrassed, you can't win."

Su couldn't win this one, and Shenwei understood it with a tacit understanding.

"You can't win, so what's the point of us doing it?"

Su didn't answer immediately, he sorted out his words and paused before speaking.

"First of all, I would like to apologize to you, Kamui. I didn't recognize myself, I shouldn't force you to distinguish, I shouldn't ask you 'who am I'. Who am I, I can only ask myself."

"white……"

Shenwei's heart is heavy, although he is relieved that Su has figured it out, but the shadow of breaking up is more intensely shrouded.

"I still can't say what my state of consciousness is. Apart from that, I wonder what the meaning of fighting has been so far. I want to confirm whether I should hate fighting and how I should face the future. I have a hunch, and You must fight to give me the answer."

"After getting the answer you want, what about me?"

The reason Su frankly said made Shenwei unexpected and reasonable, so he boldly carried out a small step of exploration.

Su's face showed doubts, and he didn't understand which aspect of Shenwei's question.

Shenwei suddenly remembered that Afutu sighed many times that he was so coquettish and cute, why couldn't he hug the eldest lady's thigh, he was very impulsive to practice now.

"You have the answer, do you want to say 'you can go' again and leave me alone."

Su choked on his breath, seeing Shenwei's pitiful appearance, he was amused.

How long has it been since you saw Su happy smile?The last time Kamui can trace back in his memory was when he and Su were separated by the day and night of the falling moon, and Su stood on the steps of the pool laughing heartily.Then he kissed Su, and gradually became what he is now.Thinking about it, I feel that I deserve to be abandoned like a bag.

Kamui's melancholy obviously pleased Su further, she narrowed her eyes, and her smile made her voice flutter to and fro.

"I can't say for sure. I can't make a judgment until I get the answer. Depending on who the person likes you is, it may be treated the same as Mutsu and Tatsuma, or... well, guess for yourself?"

Kamui first remembered that Mutsu was going to sell Sakamoto Tatsuma as a slave, and after recalling Su Su's words, he suddenly realized that he had missed the point.What Su Xin doubts is not whether she loves him or not, but whether the personality who loves him is her.Su's doubts about who she is is not a problem for him at all, just as angry Su and happy Su are Su, instinctive Su and everyday Su are Su.The reality in front of me also proves very clearly that Su is still Su, to use an inappropriate description, when he recovers from his illness, he looks even more Su's demeanor than when he was ill.Shenwei began to think that it was a good idea to play a game, and his hands were already itchy at what level Su had reached now.

"You said I can't win, if I win, can I ask for treatment myself?"

"Okay." Su agreed, "If there are conditions to stimulate you to perform better, then I win, and you disappear."

Seeing that the bright expression on Shenwei's face returned to sorrow, Shenwei asked, "How can you disappear?"

"If you can't stop fighting, you will disappear."

Su happily clasped his palms together, pulled out a black cane from the back of the wheelchair, and slowly stood up while supporting the cane.

"I haven't fully recovered yet, so I'll let you consume some of your physical strength and get down to the same starting line as me. Now that the bet is made, I think it's still one step away."

Su leaned on his cane and walked towards Shenwei, Shenwei obediently approached quickly, walked up to Su and waited for her to speak.

Su stretched out his hand and raised his little finger.

"Make an agreement, we will fight with the aim of killing each other."

Shenwei frowned, seeing Su's expression determined not to change, he stretched out his hand to hook her little finger.He knew in his heart that once there was a fight, there was really only one way to go, and if he didn't have the heart to kill the other party, it would be over if he let go of himself.

"We'll just die at each other's hands."

Su continued.

Kamui nodded, said the last sentence for Su, and pressed his thumb to seal it.

"Don't die."

The author has something to say:

During these days of the update, I was thinking, I can’t live my own life well, and I want to write about other people’s lives, which is really ironic

Zhong Mochizuki’s poison, so I want to write something with tension, but I can’t do it freely. People take medicine when they are sick, but I am not sick. Alas