【Double Flower】Honeysuckle

·Can cooperate with BGM "Private Knight"

When the wind in early summer passes through the rotten petals of tea leaves all over the ground and hits the faces of passers-by, it will inevitably be mixed with a warm and smoky laziness.So even if there is no wine, the stars on the top of the dome are sprinkled in the wind, and they can only bring a little bit of drunkenness.The sky is ethereal and landed, like a garden full of waves, pillowed on the salty sea tide lapping on the bank of the Milky Way, flowing all the way to Sun Zheping's feet, and merged into the silent darkness of the room.

The final game of the ninth season finals broadcast on TV has come to an end.The camera flew over the arena, and it was dark and crowded.Under the golden ribbon flying all over the field, the light board with the word "Reincarnation" printed on it, like the starlight surging along with the waves on the sea, covered the gradually dimming red fluorescent stick, flashing and piercing into his body. in the eyes.Gold and silver fluorescent spots flickered in almost every corner of the auditorium, and it seemed that there was no vacant space in this huge venue——

But Sun Zheping knew that among the crowd, at least one seat was vacant.

Because there is a golden final ticket, at this moment, lying crumpled in his trousers pocket.

He still remembers that in the evening, the last slanting red in the sky was seeping into the asphalt road, but he was dressed in a stream of clouds and wandered in front of the SD Stadium for nearly two hours, almost sweating from the tickets in his hands.

At that time, he was standing in a corner out of the reach of the crowds, the blood all over his body was boiling, every inch of muscle and every bone was cheering.However, the beating heart in his chest was visibly trembling, being oppressed and suffocated by the endless, unexplained surge of "fear" or "tension".

Just look at it from afar.

He kept repeating this to himself when buying tickets.

But when he really stood at the gate of the venue, he found that it was difficult for him to move his footsteps forward.

Sun Zheping, what are you afraid of?

On the way home, Sun Zheping couldn't help asking himself this question.

The wheels rolled back and forth and crushed the lengthening and shortening shadows of the street lights on both sides of the street. The last remaining stream of clouds on the ground was twisted into the wheels together with those shadows, and when it was spit out again, it was only spelled into a crooked smile.

It seemed that everything around him was silently mocking him, telling him that no matter how arrogant and open-minded he appeared in front of others, when facing Zhang Jiale, he would always be just a cowardly and weak ordinary person.

Sun Zheping sighed.He stood in the darkness with his arms folded, and the light from the TV screen was only enough to illuminate his face.

He didn't know whether he was afraid of seeing his dazzling appearance after winning the championship and felt ashamed of himself, knowing that he would eventually go further and further away from him and could no longer reach him, or was he afraid of seeing him miss the championship again, afraid that he would not be able to restrain himself? In his mind, he was afraid that after experiencing his wound and despair, the pain would be accompanied by overwhelming guilt and sourness, forcing him to be unable to breathe.

He found that he was actually afraid of any possibility that would appear to Zhang Jiale.

There was a lot of noise in his chest, so even though he was only accompanied by the silent darkness in the room at this moment, facing the TV screen, he still couldn't calmly express the inexplicable feelings that made his heart so painful, with "emotional timidity" Or other weak vocabulary names that he doesn't want to admit.

The volume of the TV was turned off, and there were no cheers from the crowd or excited congratulations from the commentator to break the silence in the room.Therefore, his low wry smile fell on the ground, which was particularly harsh.

This is, the fourth time.

Sun Zheping stared at the TV screen, time flowed silently at his feet along with the moonlight.

He didn't know how fast the time was, but he just watched the highlights of the wonderful killing actions that were broadcast over and over again by the director, but he still couldn't sigh the anguish oppressing his heart.It wasn't until the screen cut to Tyranny's post-match media conference that he came back to his senses and grabbed the remote control panel to unmute——

"...Shouldn't I be used to this kind of thing?"

Breaking the silence of the night, what fell into Sun Zheping's ears was Zhang Jiale's half-smiling words.

With a "click", the remote control panel in Sun Zheping's hand fell to the ground.But he didn't pick it up, and just listened quietly to the sound of shutters that formed a wave in the silent background of the TV.

Numerous flashing lights flickered like a sea of ​​stars in the press box.

Zhang Jiale on the stage smiled, and in the dazzling white glare that was constantly thrown at him in all directions, almost peeling off all the flesh and bones to reveal the white bones, there was no trace of falsehood in the smile.

But no one can laugh like him.

Except for Sun Zheping.

"You guy, you haven't changed at all." He shook his head, his chest trembling with his low smile.Bending down to pick up the remote control lying on the cold floor, he sat cross-legged on the cold floor, propped his knees, looked at Zhang Jiale's face on TV for a long time, and smiled helplessly: "You look like this , it seems that I made my own claim last time."

He should have known.

Zhang Jiale will not let go of anything he is willing to bear just because of his words.

The self-righteous exhortation he made in the online game that day with a surge of enthusiasm, in his own eyes at this time, it actually seemed more like a self-excuse for his evasion in the past few years.

He knew that Zhang Jiale was still sad.

But Zhang Jiale was also smiling, promising a "continuing future".

That being the case, what qualifications does he have to open the wound in his heart that has never healed over and over again, and let the guilt in his heart devour him to the bone when the blood is gushing out wave after wave.

However, what lingers in his heart, what cannot even be brought out by the corners of his deliberately upturned mouth, is still that inexplicable sadness.

He has never regretted for a moment that he didn't give this stubborn guy another hug and a kiss that night four years ago.

Even knowing that it would not change anyone or anything, he still couldn't help thinking, what if?

What if?

If I hadn't left, even if I gave up my remaining self-esteem, I still chose to stay by his side, watching him fly higher and further away from me towards his dream little by little...

But does Zhang Jiale need such an if?

Perhaps, such an "if" can only be exchanged for his sour eyes.

There was a sudden pain in the chest.

Sun Zheping smiled wryly.

The armor and fortress he was proud of always fell apart and fell to pieces when he met Zhang Jiale.

Up to now, all the compromises, all the guilt, all the regrets, all the hesitation and all the weaknesses in his life have been given to the same person.

The moonlight spread along the white floor tiles all the way to his left hand, which was wrapped in layers of bandages, biting his fingertips with a slight coolness.

When I walked out of the SD gymnasium, it was already the climax of the moon.

Maybe it was because of being taken care of too much by the reporters at the press conference, Zhang Jiale lowered his head and walked silently on the club's bus.

He fell headfirst on the last row of seats, with his head resting on the glass beside him, letting the dim yellow street lights on the side of the street twist their red and green neon wheels to reflect the tired outline of his side face.

Along the way, everyone looked at him cautiously, and there was still a trace of sympathy in them.However, to his own surprise, there was not much loss and despair in his heart. Apart from being tired, he only felt a numbness in his chest.

He should probably be more upset.

Zhang Jiale closed his eyes, the light was scarlet through the eyelids.

But at this moment, he was already unable to stimulate his nerves that were almost broken, and give birth to any more emotions.

But even though he was so tired, the scenes of these years had repeatedly reappeared in his empty skull.

The high-spirited ammunition expert on the billboard on the way to school when he was young, the golden first edition account card given to him by his old classmate, the beating heart when he went to the Internet cafe to register with an adult ID card, and the arrogant mad swordsman outside the spider cave. The first encounter with him, the dark forest, the western desert... and the humble building in the shade of the flowers and trees, the ulterior kiss that almost exhausted all his courage, the part where he didn't know what the word "tired" meant. It is written about the time of struggle, the soft and warm eyes that that person looked at him, the last tight hug in the player aisle, and the kiss he pressed on his lips across the long corridor with his fingers ...

The days that followed seemed to be the same.He kept struggling, and was knocked down again and again, standing up, falling, standing up, falling over and over again... The only difference was the voices of countless people watching him struggling, from praise to accusation.

But those voices that made him dare not go out or listen to the outside world for a long time, recalled at this moment, they were just a dull buzzing outside his ears.During those dark days when he could hardly see any hope, the long struggle and pain that made him rush towards the only light point like moths, now it seems that there is only one eyelash left.

The corners of Zhang Jiale's mouth curled up involuntarily.

At that time, he had just joined Tyranny, and he would still be depressed by the constant vicious messages that stabbed his spine, and would bury himself under the quilt in the night when no one was around, asking himself over and over again, "I'm just Want a champion, why do so many people hate me".But that day, in the training room, when he couldn't control himself and still wanted to read those hurtful words, Han Wenqing spoke with a dark face.

"If you still want to be the champion, let go of your ridiculous vanity and concentrate on training! You only spend your limited energy on boring things all day long. What do you think you came to Tyranny for?"

What did he think at the time, whether he was unwilling or wronged, at this moment he couldn't remember at all.But the only thing he remembered was that what he wanted was the same from beginning to end, and he could no longer let himself be as discouraged and evasive as before.

Zhang Jiale let out a long breath.

The road was long and difficult, but he still walked down.

Excellent Era had already lost to Happy in the Challenger League.And Sun Zheping, who participated in it, may also stand on the same field as himself in the near future.

His journey is not over yet, and he has not seen the sun rise over the mountain.

So he won't give up on himself again.