lark

Outside the car, Zhang Hong had already walked away tactfully, and stood at the door of the building like an ascetic man in charge.

In the car, Qi Yubai and Lin Nan, who hadn't been together for a long time, sat in the back of the Rolls-Royce rather at a loss. They really wanted to talk, but they didn't know where to start.

"Is the air conditioner cold?" Qi Yubai asked.

"It's not cold." Lin Nan turned his head and glanced at him, then quickly lowered his eyes.

Qi Yubai seemed a little worried, reached out to check the air outlet, paused for two seconds and said, "It's not open."

"Oh." Lin Nan nodded his head a few times like pecking rice, and suddenly realized, "Do you need me to drive it?"

"If you think the temperature is okay, don't turn it on."

"Hmm..." Lin Nan nodded again, "It's okay..."

The car was quiet for a while, Qi Yubai asked: "You asked me and I answered, or did I tell you?"

"I'll ask!" Lin Nan answered immediately, and then gave Qi Yubai a guilty look, "I'll ask a question, okay? You don't have to answer if you don't want to...don't force yourself..."

Qi Yubai was amused by his attitude, looked at him and said, "What's wrong with you? Why do you seem to be afraid of me again?"

Not afraid of him, but afraid of stimulating him...

"No." Lin Nan denied softly, "How could it be, I'm not afraid."

Qi Yubai nodded: "Ask whatever you want."

In order to prevent anyone from secretly taking pictures, Qi Yubai first raised his hand to close the electric curtains, and the car was suddenly dark, and he could hardly see his fingers.He thought for a moment, then turned around and opened the sunroof. In the next second, a fresh scent of spring grass wafted into the car and mixed with the scent of the flower box in the front seat, making one feel refreshed.The bright white moonlight leaking vertically from the skylight is soft and quiet, and the mist in the car is like a tulle, which is both hazy and beautiful, making this moment worth a thousand dollars.

Lin Nan thought about it quietly in such a good atmosphere, and reached out to touch Qi Yubai's left hand.

"What's the matter with your illness, is it serious?"

Qi Yubai raised his left hand up, his fingers clenched into a fist and then quickly released, obviously trembling a little.

"This is not a disease, and the symptoms will disappear once the drug is stopped. As for the disease you mentioned, it is my psychological problem."

It's one thing to hear it from Zhang Hong, but another thing to hear it from Qi Yubai.Lin Nan fixed his eyes on the movements of his hands, and then looked at his face, hoping that he would tell him the truth as soon as possible.

After a moment of silence, Qi Yubai spoke slowly.

"My mother died a little over two years ago after witnessing me kissing a man."

He was concise, but what he said was really shocking.Lin Nan's heartbeat stopped suddenly, and then he began to clamor violently. It took him several seconds to figure out what he meant, and he stared at him with wide eyes in disbelief.

Qi Yubai didn't escape Lin Nan's eyes: "It's in Bohai, in the living room. That was the first time she found out that I like men, and it was also the last day she lived in this world."

The air froze for a moment, and Lin Nan shivered like an electric shock. He couldn't believe what he heard.They have lived hundreds of days and nights in Bohai, where the most important and terrifying accident in Qi Yubai's life is actually hidden.

"Don't be afraid." Qi Yubai propped his right hand on his knee, and held his hand with his left hand, tightening it as if soothing, "She had a heart attack, she didn't bleed, and she died in the ambulance."

He thought Lin Nan was unlucky, afraid of ghosts, and hated houses where people died.

Lin Nan paused for a few seconds, then came to his senses, pulled out his hand and wrapped his palms around Qi Yubai's left hand, leaned close to him, and shook his head frantically.

"No no no you misunderstood, I'm not afraid, I didn't mean that, I just...just..."

He just felt that it was too shocking and unbelievable.

Qi Yubai didn't look at him, but leaned back, closed his eyes, and slowly leaned on the back of the chair, just like in a psychiatrist's consulting room.

"My mother has never experienced hardship in her life. She has lived under the protection of my grandfather and father for decades. Of course, she has never been exposed to homosexuality, let alone thought that her only son is a homosexual. After her death, I completely turned against my family. , I have been decadent for a while. I want to live like this for a lifetime but I am not reconciled, and I want to completely abandon my family but I can’t do it.” He looked at Lin Nan, his eyes were full of helplessness and pain, “You should understand this feeling.”

Lin Nan held his hand and listened quietly, feeling overwhelmed.I thought to myself, why not myself?Reluctant to give up one's own life to live for others, want to live this life to the fullest but can't let go of the only relatives left.

"As for stress disorder, I didn't take it seriously at first, and I tried it several times to prove that I am still a normal person. At first, trying to kiss someone would induce mental vomiting, but it got better after a year, and I thought I was going to Healed, but it turned into psychogenic tremors again, and I was afraid to open my eyes after closing them, thinking that as soon as they were opened, my mother would appear at the door and die in front of me again."

Lin Nan was shocked when he heard it, and at the same time his heart was like a knife.Thinking back to how many times I almost forced him to get close to me, the regret spread in my body like a vine, so I could only hold his hand to stop him: "Okay...okay...don't go any further, I won't ask gone."

Qi Yubai said calmly, "It's okay, I've said the same thing in front of the doctor many times."

Looking at the person in front of him, countless thoughts flashed through Lin Nan's mind, and many questions were finally solved, except for the most important one.

After hesitating for a long time, Lin Nan plucked up the courage to ask, "So, is that why you separated from me?"

He couldn't wait to ask this question, hoping to find a reasonable explanation for his resolute abandonment.Maybe Qi Yubai was pushed too hard by him, or maybe he just worried about his psychological problems, so he chose to separate from him.

"It's one of the reasons." Qi Yubai said, "It's just an appearance that I can't kiss. In the final analysis, I didn't let go of my mother's death. As long as this matter exists for a day, I won't be a suitable person to get along with for a long time, and I don't know myself. When will it get better?"

"I can wait!" Lin Nan said urgently.

"I... I am willing to wait, as long as you want, I am willing to wait for you to get better slowly."

Qi Yubai smiled lightly at him: "Don't be impulsive, you have the right to think clearly."

"I'm not impulsive..." Lin Nan looked up at him, his eyes flickering, "I've been waiting for you for so long, I don't care about waiting a little longer, it's fine for three or five years, and it doesn't matter for a lifetime. Let me change your bed partner every once in a while, I'd rather wait for you, even if you never get better, it doesn't matter."

Qi Yubai didn't make a sound.

The fingers of the two were intertwined, clearly feeling each other's pulse.Lin Nan's heart was boiling, and the longing expression on his face returned to his body in the past. He only felt that his heart was full of nostalgia and attachment, and the joy of regaining what was lost.

After a while of silence, Lin Nan asked: "You said this is one of the reasons, what else?"

"and also……"

Qi Yubai paused, "We are together, it is a hidden danger to your career."

Lin Nan was taken aback: "What do you mean?"

"There are a lot of people staring at you now, trying to pull you off the road to fame. Once the relationship between you and me is seen, all your efforts as an actor will fall apart." He took into account the relationship between father and son, and did not say what Qi Zhonghui said. layers.

But Lin Nan never expected that Qi Yubai would think of this, and he didn't even think much about the relationship between the two being known to the public.In the past, when they were together, they were protected by Qi Yubai, and the insiders who knew the inside story did not treat him well, and the company never talked to him about issues such as scandals.After we separated, naturally we wouldn't have such troubles anymore.Recalling all the signs that appeared around him during the time before we separated, his heart shuddered, he had already guessed a bit, subconsciously turned his head to look at the curtains, and tentatively asked, "Did we be photographed?"

Qi Yubai didn't say anything, which was his tacit consent.After a while, he said again: "Don't worry, it's over."

He knew his father's character, and he promised that the photos would never be known, and he would definitely do it.

Lin Nan was stunned for a while after hearing his words.

Qi Yubai looked at him and said slowly, "Do you still want to wait for me?"

The moonlight above the head was still there, and the fragrance of flowers in the car was still there, but this question made Lin Nan, who had been eager to ask questions, quiet down.

He just wrapped up an important play today, and he had his first group visit with fans last week. There are still a lot of play outlines waiting for him to review in his mailbox.

But before he knew it, someone had quietly photographed him and Qi Yubai, maybe they went to Qi Yubai to exchange a sum of money, maybe they exchanged for something else.

He knew that it was not easy to become famous, but he did not expect that the road to fame was already covered with thorns. The reason why he didn't stab himself was because the people in front of him removed them one by one.

After a moment of silence in the carriage, Qi Yubai withdrew his gaze and said calmly, "It's okay, I respect your decision. If you don't want to continue, we—"

Before he finished speaking, Lin Nan turned around quickly and threw himself on him, hitting Qi Yubai's chest with a thud.

At this moment, Qi Yubai could only be thankful that there was enough space in the car.He groaned when he was hit, his back was tightly pressed against the back of the chair, his legs were bearing the weight of an adult, his chest was pressed tightly by the warm and thin body, he had to tilt his head back and frown slightly, looking at The culprit who almost broke his waist: "What's wrong?"

Lin Nan's eyes were full of water vapor, but his eyes were clear and gentle, not inferior to the starlight outside the skylight.

"Why didn't you tell me then?" The tone was full of dissatisfaction.

Qi Yubai paused for two seconds: "There's nothing to say, and you'll be afraid again."

"Am I not afraid now?"

Qi Yubai smiled: "Things are over, there is nothing to be afraid of."

Lin Nan's heart was sore and unbearable, and his eyelashes became moist. Looking at Qi Yubai, he seemed to have suffered great grievances.

"How do you know I'm not afraid?"

Qi Yubai had no choice but to let him straddle his lap, slowly stroking the palm of his right hand on his back.

"I know you are timid, but you have to learn to be stronger in the future. I can protect you for a while, but I can't protect you for a lifetime. If one day I lose my current power and position, you have to learn to rely on yourself."

He wanted to tell Lin Nan what he said, but he never had the chance.Now that the two are closely related to each other, he said it in Lin Nan's ear, trying not to speak so harshly.

Lin Nan still had an extremely sad expression, his palms stubbornly supported his shoulders, and his eyes were fixed on the person in front of him.

"I am timid, I am afraid, but I am not afraid of this matter."

Qi Yubai nodded like coaxing a child: "What are you afraid of?"

Lin Nan stared at him, and there seemed to be a thousand words in his eyes: "Compared to being known by others, I am more afraid that you will stop here with me for no reason."

These words have been repeated in Lin Nan's mind every day for the past few months, and they reappeared from time to time, and it has long since reached the point where he can no longer hear them.Now that I said it myself, my tone suddenly choked up.

"Do you know what my life is like after that night?" Lin Nan looked at him, "For the first time, I knew that the night was so long, that I was not even interested in filming, and that I had to work hard Only by pretending can I pretend that I'm fine..."

The festering flesh was exposed to the air in an instant, surrounded by fine and dense thorns, and the pain was unbearable when touched lightly, but Lin Nan decided to show it to others tonight in exchange for future recovery.

Qi Yubai looked at the eyes staring at him, and after a moment of silence, he said: "I was the one who spoke too seriously."

He is not used to saying sorry, just like he is not used to saying love.

After hearing this apologetic words, Lin Nan couldn't hold back two tears anymore, leaned forward, leaned his head on Qi Yubai's shoulder and sobbed softly.

"I'm so tired of pretending... I don't want to pretend anymore..."

The suit on the shoulders was wet little by little with tears, which slowly soaked into the shirt, and even the skin felt a faint coolness.Qi Yubai listened to the sobs in his ears, felt Lin Nan's slightly undulating upper body and the arms tightly encircling him. Apart from his mother's affairs, Qi Yubai felt a feeling of regret for the first time.

He regretted that he didn't handle the relationship between the two more properly at that time, regretted that he didn't find out that Lin Nan was struggling to support him earlier, and regretted that he didn't have enough courage to face his mistakes in life.

"From now on, you don't need to pretend anymore." Qi Yubai whispered, "Cry if you want, laugh if you want, no one can say anything about you."

Lin Nan was still weeping on his shoulder, his nose fluttering like a wounded animal, and Qi Yubai's right shoulder was wet from crying, and he closed his eyes tightly as if feeling ashamed, holding Qi Yubai's two hands tightly. Side sleeves.

"Okay." Qi Yubai raised his hand and pinched the back of his neck, "He's already a big star, what does he look like?"

Lin Nan shook his head vigorously, all the wet drops from his eyelashes rubbed onto his clothes, "I'm no longer a star, don't leave me."

"How can this work?" Qi Yubai said with a smile, "Didn't you say you want to act for a lifetime? It changed so quickly?"

"I..." Lin Nan was choked by him, and he paused for two seconds and insisted, "I didn't lie to you, I really don't have to be a star... I, I go to teach in a university, teach acting, or go to a theater troupe to act Drama, as long as you can act, really, I don't care about being a star."

His tone was urgent, but the throat that had just cried was sobbing disobediently, and when he turned his head to speak, his breath and heat swept across Qi Yubai's neck restlessly, making Qi Yubai numb and itchy.

"Okay, okay." Qi Yubai stopped him, "I trust you, don't move around."

The two had been separated for a long time, and they had just finished expressing their heartfelt love. At this moment, there was infinite affection in their hearts and there was nowhere to express it. It was too easy for the body to be close to the body.

It's a pity that Lin Nan was careless, his right cheek was warmly pressed against Qi Yubai's shoulder, he breathed lightly and hard, and it took a long time for him to feel better.

When he slowed down, Qi Yubai said without doubt: "You go down first."

Lin Nan's expression froze, and only then did he realize that he had been sitting on Qi Yubai's lap for too long, probably making his leg numb.A layer of embarrassment appeared on his face, which was blushing from crying, and he hurriedly climbed off Qi Yubai's body, sat on the side seat, wiped his face with his sleeve, and then brushed his hair.

"There's one more thing, I want to confess."

Qi Yubai became interested: "Oh? What's the matter."

"That's it..." Lin Nan took a sneak peek at his expression, making sure that he was in a good mood, so it shouldn't be a stimulus to him, and then he said slowly, "It's just that I said that I was talking to someone... that, that... nonsense ..."

Qi Yubai frowned: "Which one?"

"that."

"Which one?"

Lin Nan closed his eyes and spit out two words: "Go to bed."

After waiting for a while, no one spoke.Lin Nan slowly opened his eyes and found that Qi Yubai was looking at him with his eyes closed. He asked with some fear, "Are you unhappy?"

Qi Yubai stared at him for a while, and then said: "I've said it before, no matter what happened to you or not, you are the same in my heart as before."

Lin Nan was moved, and was about to reach out to give him a hug when he suddenly heard Qi Yubai change the subject, "However, if he didn't go to bed, did he kiss you?"

"No..." Lin Nan shook his head vigorously, "Nothing."

After saying this, Lin Nan fell into embarrassment alone.The consequences of indiscriminate words are like this, which makes people regret that the eardrums are congested, and the hands and feet are straight.

Qi Yubai took out his phone and turned it on, glanced at it and said, "It's getting late, let's go up first."

Lin Nan turned his blushing face, stared blankly at the person in front of him and said, "So soon...are you leaving?"

He seemed to be back to the man who only had Qi Yubai in his heart and eyes.What he thought had been lost forever was still right in front of him, even better than before. He was so happy that he couldn't stand it, and he just wanted to not part for a second.

"We've stayed in the car long enough." Qi Yubai raised the corners of his lips, "If we stay any longer, Zhang Hong will misunderstand."

Only then did Lin Nan remember that there was another person waiting outside the car, and immediately felt embarrassed, he hesitated and said, "Then...then do you want to go upstairs with me? I have no other intentions, I, I just want...you I haven't visited my new home yet... As for Zhang Hong, let him go first..."

Probably because he has been with Qi Yubai for a long time, he has also become bad, and he will let Zhang Hong go first.

Qi Yubai stared at him deeply for a while, as if he had seen through his mind, stared until he lowered his head in embarrassment, pulled his sleeves nervously and said nothing, and then slowly opened his mouth: " I won’t go today, my left hand is not very convenient.”

Lin Nan's face burned with a bang, and he argued forcefully, "I didn't mean that..."

"I know you're not." Qi Yubai whispered, "But that's what I meant."

One sentence made Lin Nan's neck turn red with embarrassment.

Obviously, the two of them have done it so many times, even in the car, but for some reason, Lin Nan was still so nervous when he thought of facing Qi Yubai naked, as if this person was imposing on him. Under the invisible pressure, he dropped his helmet and armor in a second.

"Then...then next time." He stammered.

"En." Qi Yubai reached out to pick him up from the seat, sat on his lap again, stared at his lips and said, "Next time, every part of your body is mine."