What is the experience of wearing in Gouxue Wen?

From here on, the handwriting of the whole day became chaotic. From the original one page a day, all the information was piled up densely. Lines of text were written down and crossed out, which made people feel repressed.

"I saw the woman in the hospital. She had the pen I gave him pinned in her breast pocket. I designed it for him. I recognized it. I asked the doctor about the date of her birth. There is also an approximate pregnancy time, which is very close to that night. Shen Mao actually had a child with another woman!"

"I asked Shen Mao what happened to them that night, and he still said that nothing happened. I asked him about the pen again, and he said I was sick and I was thinking wildly. Shen Mao took me to the hospital for an examination. Saying that I have depression, I have read a lot of information, and the illness in the information is indeed somewhat similar to my current condition, maybe I am really sick?"

"Shen Mao was so busy with my illness, I woke up from a nap and heard him calling some friends, asking them to help find a doctor. I have never seen him so anxious, I think he still loves me and our child Yes, I should actively face treatment."

She recorded some information about depression and wrote many words of encouragement for herself. Shen Chenan couldn't help but panic. If he remembered correctly, what happened at the same time as finding the doctor was that the mother no longer believed in the father?

He flipped through the notes uncontrollably, and soon a line of red letters came into his sight - "Shen Mao, a liar!"

Only this part of the whole note was written in red ink, and it was heavily circled. It was shocking, as if people could hear the woman's angry and desperate cry and see her broken soul through these six words.

Shen Chenan's hands trembling as he turned the pages, the thin paper seemed to weigh a thousand catties, pressing down on him like a mountain.He looked at Lu Qi as if asking for help and said, "I... I dare not look at it."

Compared to Shen Chen'an who knew nothing, Lu Qi had almost put the whole thing together in his mind, and had an estimate of what might happen later.Based on the idea that long-term pain is worse than short-term pain, he ruthlessly held Shen Chen'an's hand and opened the follow-up content.

"That woman came to the door with the child in her arms. Shen Mao is a liar. He even has an illegitimate child, and he still said he loves me?! I kicked that bitch out, the nanny is not at home, no one knows about that woman I want to see what he thinks about the door-to-door thing!"

"Shen Mao came back. He said that he contacted a very powerful doctor and wanted to take me for treatment. He has a good idea, he is a big liar! I am not sick at all, he just wants to harm me! Go to the doctor? I will never leave this house!"

The next few pages are full of meaningless swear words and large swathes of smeared ink, and it has been a while since the reappearance of acceptable handwriting.

"Have I been fighting with him for a month or two? I can't remember. As long as he wants to take me away, I will cry and make a fuss. He is really scared. Shen Mao hasn't mentioned taking me away these days." It’s a good thing to see a doctor.”

"Shen Mao went home less and less often. Did he really have sex with that woman? Yuan Hang and Chen An are too young, what should I do to protect them from Shen Mao? Divorce But everyone will believe him when he says I'm mentally ill, no one will believe me. I'll be kicked out and never see my kids again. What the hell am I going to do?"

"Day by day, Shen Mao went home less and less often. I quietly asked his driver, and it seemed that there were no other women around him, nor did he live in someone else's house. My mind was so confused, What exactly is going on?"

"I seem to have forgotten to eat today? Relying on my notes to recall what happened during this period at night, I found that I really seem to have forgotten a lot of things."

"Today the nanny said that I scared her by standing on the balcony with a knife, but I don't have this memory. What happened to me?"

"I left a lot of blood, I was a little scared..."

"I have a feeling that maybe I can't be with my kids anymore, maybe I have to leave something for them?"

After this passage, there were a few more blank pages, and then a whole page of neat handwriting suddenly appeared in the messy notes, which looked somewhat similar to the time when nothing happened.

"A passage to my darling Good Morning:

I'm surprisingly sane today, maybe it's because the meds I'm taking are finally working, but that's more likely not a good sign.I carefully recalled what happened during this period of time, and found that I can no longer judge who did wrong, me or your father.It's just that it's meaningless to distinguish right from wrong now. I'm sick and I can't get better. Maybe one day I will lose control and leave this world (of course, for me, it may still be considered Is it a relief?), I just feel a little sorry for you and Yuanhang, especially for you.

You are my second child and the one with the shortest time by my side. I know that my time is limited and I may not be able to stay with you any longer. I'm with you, sorry.

I have thought about what to leave you for a long time, but in the end I found that I can only leave you this notebook (maybe there is also the pain of my mother's early death?), and I will try my best to tell you all the things during this period. As for the truth What is it, whether your father cheated on us, whether he wanted to harm us, I am powerless to find out, I can only find out through you.

I have thought about whether I should tell you about this past. It is also a good idea to bury all the bad past and let it disappear with me.But I dare not gamble on this one, whether your father will treat you well after I pass away, or whether you in the future need to know these clues of the past.

In the end, I decided to set a very long deadline. By the time you read this diary, you have grown up, maybe you have graduated from college, you have someone you like, you have a job you like, and you have the ability to accept it all. The ability to judge right from wrong.

I'm sorry that mom can't walk with you, I'm sorry, I love you. "

-

Shen Chenan almost instinctively turned the pages backwards, but this was the end, she never wrote anything down, just deposited this notebook in the bank, and then ended her own life on an ordinary but unusual day .

"I don't quite understand," Shen Chen'an murmured, "What is she?"

The relationship between his parents is a hurdle he will never get over. He has escaped and mustered up the courage to face it. He has felt joy for his father's rare warmth and wept for the alienation of his family.Later, he thought he could find the root of all this, and find a reality, whether cruel or helpless, to end it all.

But now his mother said that she didn't know what happened back then, or how the couple got to this point. She couldn't bear it anymore and chose to leave, leaving everything to 20 years child after.

He knew that things like depression were uncontrollable, and that his mother would not want to go to this point if given the chance, and he even knew that his mother loved him, but he still couldn't help feeling sad and unacceptable.

He wanted to cry a little, but he couldn't cry, he could only stare at the notebook on the table, as if it would disappear, and everything would disappear.

Lu Qi was startled by his reaction, subconsciously hugged him from behind, and pressed against his trembling back tightly, as if this could relieve his sadness and fear.

Sensing the temperature coming from behind, Shen Chen'an mechanically turned her head, looked at Lu Qi with blank eyes and said, "She doesn't want me anymore."

"I'm here, I want you..."

Shen Chen'an buried her head in Lu Qi's arms, firmly grabbed his collar, and grabbed the only piece of driftwood he could touch.

-

Maybe it's because Shen Chen'an has been honed to resist after being hit too much during this period, or maybe he doesn't want to let Lu Qi worry about his own affairs anymore, this time he calmed down faster than before. a lot of.

"Lu Qi, can you check someone for me?"

Lu Qi agreed without hesitation: "Well, what do you think?"

"I got up today and read the notes left by my mother again, and found that she used 'that surname Ji' to describe the hostess. I think this may be a clue." Shen Chen'an explained incoherently: "I want to know What happened back then? Did my father have an illegitimate child, or was that woman blindly clinging to her? Although I didn't feel that my father was outside, there are some things I still want to ask for peace of mind..."

Lu Qi interrupted him and asked, "That happened in November, right?"

"Well", Shen Chenan felt something was wrong after answering, and asked, "Do you know something that you didn't tell me?"

Lu Qi was silent for a while, then took out a folder from the drawer and said, "If I didn't guess wrong, I should know who that woman and that child are."

"what?!"

"When I was looking for someone to investigate Ji Ran, I found out some things about his mother. I dare not say 100% that he has something to do with your mother, but it is almost the same, only one tomorrow. It worked out."

"What's the result tomorrow?"

"He's gone for a paternity test. I'll know tomorrow if the sample he sent is yours. If it is, then I already know everything." Lu Qi pushed the folder in front of Shen Chen'an and opened it for him. "Now you can walk into the truth," the plastic cover said.

The author has something to say:

I sorted out the timeline, and found that Chen An was probably within three or four months, duangduangduang knew a lot of big secrets, and it was a little bit miserable...