Rain

After dinner today, I slipped to sit on the deck again, staring at the sea dyed red by the setting sun in a daze.The sea terrifies me, but it has a fatal attraction for me.Probably because I woke up at sea and thought the clues about my own origins were contained in that vast ocean.

Being a waiter for free is so busy that I have my own selfishness in it.If I'm busy, I don't think about what I have and what I don't.But as soon as I'm free, I start thinking wildly.

For example, who is "I"? Where does "I" come from? Why is "I" drifting at sea?

I stretched out my hand and grabbed at the void, but of course I didn't grab anything except the cool sea breeze.Slowly spread out his hand, looking at the empty palm, which was also dyed red by the setting sun, in a daze.Where should I go in pursuit of my origin?

When I came back to my senses, I found that Sanji had already sat down beside me.

I forget when it started, Sanji would come to me and accompany me in a daze, light a cigarette, and nicknamed it: "A qualified gentleman should not leave a lady alone."

Whenever this happens, I will smile at him and make a space next to me, but privately I think this sounds like a complete collection of girls... and Sanji can always see what I'm thinking, knocking on my phone Head, warn me not to think wildly.

I would cover my head and look at him resentfully, and then continue to meditate.

Sanji is a nice guy and would never lay hands on a lady.According to him, this is his way of chivalry, even if he dies, he will not attack Lady.Then I would think silently, if he rubs my hair from time to time, taps my head, and flicks my forehead, does it count as doing something to Lady?In the end, I couldn't figure it out, so I just let it go.

Usually sitting here, we will keep silent, and no one will disturb anyone.His Chu River, my Han world.We are both smart, private people who know how to give each other plenty of leeway.But this time, I looked at the horizon, put my arms around my knees, and listened to the sound of the waves, and rarely took the initiative to say: "Sanji..."

"What?" He was a little surprised, and turned his head to look at me.The drooping golden bangs covered half of the face, only revealing one side of black and white eyes, in which there was confusion.

"Sanji..." I repeated his name stubbornly, looked straight into his eyes, and asked him, with doubts in my tone, I asked a very broad and meaningless question, "What is the purpose of human existence...?"

Memory shapes our personality, our outlook on life, the goal we go for, doesn't it?So to get back...

"Probably..." Sanji flicked the cigarette in his hand, looked up at the half-dark sky, "It's for a dream..."

"Dream?" I got this same broad answer, and I was stunned.

He looked at the blue sea with a dazed expression, and when he turned to me again, his eyes were stained with a different color, and even the corners of his lips were slightly raised, "Hey, have you heard of AllBlue?"

I thought about it in confusion, and honestly shook my head.

"My dream is to find AllBlue." He was filled with a different atmosphere, light and clear.Like a carefree nursery rhyme, it is thoroughly dyed with rose.Like a fish jumping back into the sea, it is full of vitality, writhing with joy.Talking about his dream, he seemed to be a different person, even his voice was not as deep and elegant as before, with a touch of naughtiness, like a treasure, "The East China Sea, West Sea, South China Sea, North Sea, and the great waterway are all known so far. The sea area, and there is a sea area called AllBlue according to legend. There, fish in the four seas coexist..."

His happiness also infected me, Sanji's face strangely lost the usual sternness, but was more like a child, extremely pure.I slightly evoked a smile and listened attentively to his vivid description.There is a touch of admiration in my heart, it's good, he has his own dream, the reason for his existence.

That day, we talked a lot about his dream for the first time.

That day, we were in high spirits and talked happily, and both of us got drunk.

I patted his back, vaguely remembering the bones on the boy's back making my palms ache.I smiled and raised the bottle to respect him, with sincere eyes: "You will definitely find AllBlue."

The young man was also drunk, and held up a wine bottle to bump into mine, smiled, and his words were slurred because of his slightly drunk: "Well, let's talk. I can't let go of that bastard old man." I clapped my hands and laughed, no big deal Xiaodi tapped him on the shoulder, jokingly said: "I didn't expect Sanji to be so old, heh, you can't live without him."

"Of course." Sanji patted my head, with a hint of pride in his expression, "That bastard is my family." Family... I looked at Sanji's expression at the moment, and something seemed to flash through my mind , but it's gone in a flash, unable to catch.And at that moment, I felt a touch of warmth, and there was also an unexplained sourness in my chest.I carefully chewed two words in my mouth: "Family...People..."

Then an indescribable sadness slowly appeared on Sanji's face, as if regretting something, he muttered to himself: "If it wasn't for me, he wouldn't..." The 15-year-old boy still couldn't hide his thoughts , Everything will be written on the face, it's okay on weekdays, but when I'm drunk... I smiled, and squeezed Sanji's face and pulled it to both sides with the strength of alcohol, seeing him grinning, I felt very comfortable and relaxed tone.That look of remorse didn't suit him, not at all.

He gasped, pushed my hand away, and rubbed his cheek: "Rain, it hurts..." I stuck out my tongue, just looked at him with a grin, and raised my glass.He couldn't really do anything to me, so he had to sigh helplessly and admit it.

"Well, the stinky old man is so kind to me." Sanji stared blankly at the starry sky, as if recalling something.He lowered his eyes, but I saw a trace of sadness flashing in his eyes and the gentle warmth hidden in his daily life.He curled his lips and said in a low voice, "Anyway, I want to repay him by being a fucking human being and run this restaurant well. After all, this is that bastard's dream."

Dream, dream again... I continued to drink, sighed, and my eyes lit up.Can that be the raison d'être of a human being?Can it be the reason for me to move forward?

"Rain." Sanji called out my name, and I forced myself to turn my head to look at him lazily, showing that I was listening: "Huh?"

Sanji's eyes were a little confused, but he asked seriously: "What is your dream?"

"Dream..." I suddenly giggled, it was the kind of smile from the bottom of my heart, "In the past, it was to retrieve the memory and the self. But now I think it's not bad to go on like this. We are all ordinary. An An, just be happy."

Even without the past, we can face the future with a smile.

Sanji's next question was extremely sharp, not his style at all: "Then why are you unwilling to accept us?"

The cold sea breeze blew by, and most of my wine woke up with this question. After a while of silence, I finally avoided his question and practiced Tai Chi with a smile: "You are drunk."

"I'm not drunk." Sanji looked at me stubbornly, "Why, Rain?"

"People who are drunk will say that they are not drunk." I looked away at the sea, and found an excuse to escape, "It's dark, I should go to bed." After I finished speaking, I wanted to stand up, but Sanji grabbed his sleeve.He obviously didn't use any force, but I couldn't walk away.Sanji looked up at me, babbled indistinctly, and talked a lot.

"You obviously smile more happily than anyone else, but you smile and walk away every time we approach you."

"Sometimes you are clearly standing there, talking to us, but feel that you will disappear at any time."

"Girls, don't be so stubborn. You can be weak once in a while. Let us help you."

"You are not alone, we will help you solve problems, you just need to stand behind us."

His head gradually lowered, as if the spirit of alcohol was coming up, his voice became smaller and smaller, and gradually became inaudible.I listened dumbly, and after he stopped, I lowered my head and easily pulled my sleeve back from his hand, but I accidentally heard his last whisper.

"Actually, the old man and I, all of us, have regarded you as family from a long time ago."

The sourness in my heart disappeared without a trace, I just felt that my chest was filled with something, and there was a hot current pouring in.

I turned around and went back to the room, took a quilt and walked down, and saw that the boy was still nestled in the same place, breathing evenly, and had fallen asleep.I gently covered him with the quilt, and said in an inaudible voice, "Idiot, I didn't think so..."

I don’t know why, although I am very happy to get along with them and know that they are all good people, but whether it is him who is a lifesaver to me, the store manager who treats me well, or other friendly people, I always keep in touch with them while smiling. distance.

Because there is an inexplicable voice in my heart telling me, don't get close, can't get close, absolutely not.It seems to be an instinct that cannot be violated.Once I wanted to befriend Sanji sincerely, but in an instant, fear welled up from the bottom of my heart.

I don't know why, but I can realize that it is a warning that "I" can't go near your warning.I, who has no past, can't get close to you before the situation is clear... My long and thin eyelashes fluttered slightly, and I pursed my lips.I am afraid that "I" will harm you.I am afraid, afraid of being hurt after I have a fetter.

If Sanji heard these remarks, he would curl his lips and say mercilessly: "Nonsense." Then he tousled my long hair and watched me open his hand angrily.Keep tossing my hair like this, the hair will cry, be careful that it really cries for you to see.

That was the last day I worked there, and in the early morning of the second day, I left with my packed luggage.

I didn't say goodbye to anyone except the store manager who knew about my departure in advance, which was too sad.We just met by chance, destined to part.There is no never-ending banquet in the world, and if one person is missing, the world will still turn.Even if one person is missing, the earth will not be destroyed.No one is so important as to be exaggerated, and I am just an ordinary person among all sentient beings.Of course, I admit the decision was selfish, but who in the world isn't?

I didn't say goodbye to Sanji, mostly because of my selfishness, and of course a small part because I didn't know how to face and treat him.I hope my impression of Sanji stays at that night, a person with his own dreams and pure eyes.Until a long time later, before we reunited, Sanji's impression on me really stayed on that night, which was very vivid.

Since then, I believe that the meaning of human existence lies in dreams.At the same time, I also realized that I am not homeless.

The author has something to say:

Merry Christmas~

I also think Sanji Moe...but I still love my brother~

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