Do not lie to me

Shang Xuechen had a soft dream, without the coldness of reality, and the home in the dream was barely considered warm.Although he didn't have much impression of his mother, in the dream his mother still sent him to school gently. He happily held the hand of the woman who led him, and when he looked up, he saw a blurred face. It looked like an old photo that was yellowed and stained with dirt, but the familiarity still brought him joy.

When school was over, my uncle came to pick me up. Finally, my uncle's forearm was no longer blue, and his slightly tanned face under the scorching sun made people feel alive.Shang Xuechen complained to him that the cicadas on the tree outside the yard were too noisy, and the annoying sound of the cicadas made him unable to settle down to do his homework.The uncle assured him that his father would hold the sticky stick to clean it up, then stroked his head, and told him to study hard, get into a good university, be an ordinary office worker, and have ordinary people's troubles.

On the way, my uncle bought a water popsicle, and Shang Xuechen happily licked the popsicle, his mouth turned red from the cold air from the popsicle.When he got home, his father blamed him for eating popsicles before meals and not having a good meal after a while.Shang Xuechen bared his teeth at his father, saying that it was because his father's cooking was so unpalatable, and then hid in his room on the second floor.The cicadas outside the house are really annoying. The summer in the dream is still the same as in previous years. When Shang Xuechen opened the curtains, he saw his father holding a sticky stick and being directed by his uncle to stick the cicadas off the tree. Shang Xuechen opened the window, They looked up in response, smiling to themselves.

Dad waved his arms and yelled loudly, "We will leave after finishing this last order." Dad glanced at the uncle next to him and smiled softly, "Then start again."

"What?!" Shang Xuechen didn't feel at ease because of the second half of his father's sentence, but only cared that the first half of his sentence foreshadowed the same mistakes in his dream. Turning around in shock, he saw the sacks piled up in the corner of his room.

Goldfish live only ten years.

Familiar words and a cold tone are the perpetual spinning top that distinguishes dreams from reality. Shang Xuechen sighed and woke up, and it turned out that the dream was reversed.Turning over and getting out of bed, and walking into the bathroom, Ji Shuping shaves with foam on half of his face.

"Do you need help?"

Ji Shuping ignored Shang Xuechen's kindness, Shang Xuechen walked away wisely, untied the drawstring on his trousers with one hand, and lifted the toilet lid with the other, ready to release the stagnant water that had been suffocated all night.When I lifted the lid, I saw two dead fish with their belly exposed to the sky, "Why are the goldfish here? Didn't they look fine yesterday?"

Ji Shuping shaved casually, as if he was answering Shang Xuechen's question just now, "You can leave today."

Shang Xuechen stood there in a daze, didn't he say to wait until he gets hurt?Looking down, the right arm has moved freely.Shang Xuechen wondered at his recovery ability.Ji Shuping wiped his chin with a towel, and casually threw the towel into the laundry basket next to him, "You're tired of playing, you can go."

Shang Xuechen didn't expect Ji Shuping to get tired of playing so quickly, he thought he would stay by himself for a while, laughing at the overestimation of his charm.He obviously didn't open his mouth, but Ji Shuping seemed to have heard his thoughts, turned around and said to him, "The goldfish are all dead, and of course they will get tired of staying together for ten years. I will pay you for the ten years' bed expenses later." Get over it and leave!"

Shang Xuechen was awakened by Ji Shuping's cold and hard words. He lay on the bed and stared at the top of the bed in a daze. He took two deep breaths to calm his mind. He stood up and found that his right arm was still wrapped in bandages. He breathed a sigh of relief. It turned out to be a dream within a dream. .

Shang Xuechen, who had been frightened in the dream with a hand on his back, trembled at this moment, and when he looked back, he found that it was Ji Shuping.Ji Shuping was frightened by his sudden staring expression, and looked at him helplessly.After a night of sleep, Shang Xuechen looked at the blue color on his chin, recalled his indifferent expression in the dream when he was shaved, lowered his eyes, and patted his hand away, "Don't sleep here."

In the early morning, Ji Shuping hadn't done anything yet, Shang Xuechen got up and was about to drive people away.Mingming watched him sit up, the sweat-soaked cotton pajamas sticking to his back, trying to help him to ventilate, but as soon as he touched it, he felt like a cat whose tail was stepped on blew up.Ji Shuping wondered if it was because he treated him roughly before, but now no matter how careful he is, it cannot be undone.Thinking about it this way, the faint expectations for him in his heart began to cool down, and he didn't want the temperature to drop below zero.

Ji Shuping is still conflicted here, but Shang Xuechen is heard saying, "Because I'm having a nightmare."

Ji Shuping thinks about it, give him silk pajamas next time, so that he won't be sticky and uncomfortable.

"En." A simple word told Shang Xuechen that he knew it.Lifted the curtain and got out of bed, opened the door and walked out without even stepping on the slippers.When he turned around with the door open, he caught a glimpse of Shang Xuechen kneeling on the bed in a daze from the corner of his eye.The frightened expression of Shang Xuechen turning his head suddenly appeared in his mind, he knew that he was probably in that nightmare.

Shang Xuechen knelt on the bed for a long time and couldn't calm down. After saying it, he began to think about whether it was appropriate to call this dream a nightmare.He has never had a long-term relationship, so the surprise in the dream is because of the sadness of being abandoned suddenly.He was indeed awakened by the dream, worthy of the standard of a nightmare, but when he tried to savor the dream again, he couldn't help feeling that ten years had passed in the dream.Which nightmare makes people feel regretful.

Human neurons transmit the perception of touching objects, and the human heart receives all inexplicable emotions. All materialistic and idealistic things can be analyzed based on physiology, but why can’t they understand and control these unknown emotions? I can randomly put contradictory nouns on this emotion, discard it between ambiguous numerical ranges, and watch it become an endless irrational number.It seems to be clear, but it is actually chaotic.

Shang Xuechen went downstairs dully, walked to the living room and found that the fish was still waving its tail vigorously and paddling the water, and suddenly felt lucky.So I sat down and stared obsessively at the lively goldfish in the fish tank. I couldn't help thinking that the red butterfly tail was the most beautiful goldfish.

Ji Shuping came over and called him to have breakfast, but Shang Xuechen turned a deaf ear.Ji Shuping sat down beside him somewhat awkwardly, because he really didn't know what distance to keep from him, but he concealed it well, at least on the surface he looked calm.Before he could speak, Shang Xuechen gave the reason for refusing breakfast, "I don't want to eat bitter melon."

Shang Xuechen was already prepared to face a few meals of bitter gourd in his heart. Normally, he would try all kinds of cunning to fight for three meals of normal taste for himself.But now that he has lost the strength on his mouth, and he doesn't want to eat bitter gourd, he is going to give up the three meals that provide energy for his body.Although the self-injury of [-] yuan did not destroy the enemy at all, it was still a draw from the bottom of the pot. It would be great if the heart could also draw out the body like this.

"Don't eat bitter melon anymore." Ji Shuping made three shredded celery with celery, mushrooms and asparagus, and blanched a plate of Chinese kale, which seemed to calm down Shang Xuechen who had a nightmare.Shang Xuechen didn't understand the deep meaning of it, he just drank porridge with vegetarian vegetables, even if the stomach acid stimulated the gastric mucosa in the morning and made him feel like morning sickness, he still wanted to eat hamburgers and fried chicken with a big bottle of Coke.No matter how healthy the dishes are, there is no one-ten-thousandth happiness brought by junk food, which can immediately expel anxiety and calm the palpitations.

For some reason, he suddenly thought of the gap between him and Ji Shuping from food, "Do you like fried food?"

"My mother won't let me eat these things."

Shang Xuechen shut his mouth, and the word "Sure enough" popped up in his heart. After scolding Ji Shuping in his heart, he began to assume that if he was serving dishes at a barbecue restaurant instead of a western restaurant, perhaps they would not have met him. of.

Ji Shuping saw that Shang Xuechen had eaten the meal listlessly, and remembered that the last scene of the movie last night was a snack street in Taiwan. He wondered if Shang Xuechen was hungry, and hesitated whether to change it for him. Taste but can't figure out his physical condition.Holding the bottom of the bowl, pondering over the vocabulary, Shang Xuechen finally asked Shang Xuechen when he raised his head to finish the porridge in the bowl, "Is your back still swollen?"

This question brought up the vivid picture that popped up in Shang Xuechen's mind before going to bed last night, his heart and blood vessels were tangled up into irrational numbers, and the expression on his face showed Ji Shuping's reluctance to mention it.

After a moment of silence, Ji Shuping got up and collected the dishes and put them in the dishwasher, turned on the faucet on the sink, let the sound of the water wash away all kinds of contradictory conjectures in his heart, his head gradually became empty, and he suddenly heard a sentence from behind him, " I don't know." The voice was so soft that he thought it was an illusion caused by the water falling into the sink, and turned his head to confirm that Shang Xuechen was no longer in the kitchen.

Shang Xuechen began to sit on the sofa in the living room and stared at the goldfish in a daze again. Ji Shuping worked on the kitchen bar. In the quiet and empty house, he could hear the tapping sound on the keyboard. Where is weird.At noon, when he didn't see bitter gourd on the dinner plate, he didn't feel a little lucky, because Ji Shuping said to him, you eat first, then walked to the living room with the computer in his arms, and continued typing on his keyboard.

Shang Xuechen didn't care about the taste of the dishes anymore, he put the rice in his mouth, listened to the keyboard typing, guessed whether Ji Shuping's fingers were more flexible on the piano keys or the computer keyboard, finally biting After using his tongue, he realized that there was a bit of awkwardness between him and Ji Shuping.

After eating alone, he still wanted to sit on the sofa in the living room and watch the goldfish. The swimming of the goldfish reassured him.Thinking of throwing them into the swimming pool willfully, it made him a little scared.He went back to the room in desperation, and now even this room made his pores feel uncomfortable.

Last night's movie, he watched intermittently while sleepy. In order to distract his attention, he squatted beside the machine and grabbed the unclear data cable with one hand to study which hole it was inserted into.I said before that he is not very proficient in computers. Although he can't poke two fingers on the keyboard, he can't tell the difference between the mouse cable interface and the USB interface (even if they are essentially the same).By analogy, he naturally doesn't understand the interface on the projector.After tossing and thinking for a long time, I remembered Ji Shuping's seemingly effortless play of the movie last night, and suddenly realized how powerful he is, typing cracklingly, really powerful.Realizing that he was unknowingly praising Ji Shuping, Shang Xuechen immediately pouted his lips, spat out "Bah, Bah, Bah!", and cursed three times after spitting, he was really crazy.

Fortunately, Shang Xuechen was lucky. Since he was a child, his cloze in English was based on having one more luck than others, so that his score was one point higher than others.His class teacher in the third year of high school always emphasized that one extra point in the college entrance examination would kill tens of thousands of people, and he was admitted to a good school by relying on the extra point of luck.Relying on his luck at the moment, he slapped the projector twice again, allowing the projector to project a picture on the wall.

When I was doing nothing, the time passed quickly, halfway through the movie and it was time for dinner.Shang Xuechen received Ji Shuping's text message, and sent a very brief word, eat.Paused the video and went downstairs to eat.It was he who settled the dinner by himself, left the bowl behind and went upstairs without asking Ji Shuping if he ate or not, and didn't even clean up the bowl, like a child in the rebellious stage who resisted without saying a word.

After eating and returning to the room, I lost interest in watching movies, but I couldn't find anything else to pass the time.Only let the movie tell the story on its own, the human voice in the movie acts as the background sound, Shang Xuechen is sitting on the sofa in the lonely room, amidst the false excitement, disgusted with his hypocrisy.

In the movie, someone was rubbing against another person, and Shang Xuechen lay on the sofa and looked at the bed, and images began to appear in front of his eyes again.This time it was clearer, he was like an audience at the scene, the picture was zoomed in, and the angle was close-up, so that he could not only distinguish the up and down in the posture in detail, but also distinguish who was panting loudly and who was moaning softly.In the past, he didn't feel embarrassed when he squandered his indecency in various bars at night, but now even if he was alone, he felt that the overflowing embarrassment made him feel ashamed and his ears turned red.

Damn it!He still cursed, not only vented his anger, but also slammed the clenched fist of his left hand heavily on the sofa.He realized that he could no longer be disturbed by the images that popped up from time to time, and he was about to turn off the movie and lie down on the sofa to fall asleep.When I was annoyed and about to unplug the projector, a lighthouse appeared on the screen in the movie.People always have special feelings for this kind of objects that symbolize guidance. Shang Xuechen paused the picture and thought it was really good. The figure on the lighthouse raised his hands and shouted, his hair was disheveled by the strong wind, and he was also caught by the movie. The wind blowing in the wind blows away the temper.

"When you get there, you can say goodbye to the world, and when you come back, it seems that you can start a new life again."

Who implanted this sentence into his memory with this scene in the movie?

"After finishing this last order, we will leave.", "And then start again."

What Dad said, like the lighthouse in the movie, gave a symbol to say goodbye to the unbearable life in the past.

However, the lighthouse in the movie is destined to be a place he cannot reach, and the promise made by his father ended the restart he was looking forward to.

Shang Xuechen swallowed hard the stone stuck in his throat several times. He knew that he would suffer from insomnia again tonight, and it seemed that he could only rely on alcohol.Leaving the movie behind and letting it just pause in this scene, he went downstairs to find a drink by himself.

Ji Shuping was no longer in the living room or the kitchen, and Shang Xuechen was walking down the stairs in the dark, without any intention of turning on the light.He went to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator, and picked out a can of dark beer from Ji Shuping's refrigerator.Holding the beer in one hand, he took a step back and was about to close the refrigerator door, but he encountered a thick barrier on the way back, which scared him and turned around immediately.

In fact, with a clear head, he should know that the person standing behind him is Ji Shuping, but the feeling of stealing wine in the dark makes Shang Xuechen feel that he is a mouse stealing oil, and he can't stand the slightest shock.

"Are you the spirit behind the scenes?" Even though he was caught stealing alcohol, Shang Xuechen still wanted to seek justice for his frightened soul.

Ji Shuping didn't say a word to Shang Xuechen's unreasonable tone, he knew that Shang Xuechen was in a state of blunt awkwardness, which meant that the indifference he showed since he woke up with a fever was just pretending, he heard the movement and followed Came down just because I was a little worried.Ji Shuping reached out and took the wine from Shang Xuechen's hand, stretched his arm, and put it back in the refrigerator over Shang Xuechen's shoulder.Shang Xuechen was caught between his arms and the refrigerator door when he poured the wine.

Shang Xuechen watched Ji Shuping lean slightly closer, and suddenly there was an image of him bowing his head and kissing himself in his mind.He was fixed in place like a forehead sticker, without blinking, the cool air from the open refrigerator was blowing on his back, the surrounding was dark, and the light from the refrigerator hit Ji Shuping's face that was about to approach , he had the urge to kiss.

Ji Shuping put the beer away, and withdrew his hand from the refrigerator, "If you're not feeling well, let's drink less." As soon as he finished speaking, Shang Xuechen grabbed his collar. The first time I experienced this action was when he grabbed the tie in a western restaurant, which made my tongue hurt.

Shang Xuechen didn't know why he grabbed Ji Shuping by the collar, he just knew he didn't want him to go.They seemed to have kissed more than once, and each time they provoked each other, using the mouth as the venue for a boxing fight that neither of them would admit defeat first.What about this time?This time it was Shang Xuechen who grabbed Ji Shuping's collar first, he rang the opening bell first, and he was the one who retreated first, wanting to raise the white towel, but he clung to the neckline of the person in front of him. .He looked at Ji Shuping's face, and the image of him bowing his head and kissing himself flashed in his mind again. Shang Xuechen was sure that this was his imagination, because they had never kissed so softly before, his mouth was out of the control of his brain, and he asked, "Yesterday late, you..."

Ji Shuping lowered his head, Shang Xuechen thought he was going to attack, but when he missed his sight and reached out to pick up the dried rice grains on Shang Xuechen's collar, Shang Xuechen realized that he was really thinking too much.The tension in my heart was relieved, and Ji Shuping's neckline was loosened.He knew that he would not be able to kiss Ji Shuping again after this, because he was delusional about Ji Shuping's life, the scene was real, he tilted his head and leaned on his shoulder, and he bowed his head to give himself a kiss that meant a dream.

When Ji Shuping was tightly grabbed by the collar by Shang Xuechen, he was really not sure what he was going to do next, the fist clenched on his chest thought that Shang Xuechen wanted to start a fight, and there was resentment and forbearance in the fist.When he heard him mention last night again, Ji Shuping thought he had been found out for stealing a kiss from him, and his action was to hold himself accountable.He couldn't admit his behavior of stealing incense when Shang Xuechen was awkward for a day, so he tried his best to find a diversion point. Fortunately, he found rice grains on Shang Xuechen's collar.When helping him to twirl away the rice grains, Shang Xuechen let go of his hand, which gave him the lightness of escape.

When Ji Shuping closed the refrigerator, Shang Xuechen remembered his real purpose of going downstairs, "I can't sleep without wine."

After Ji Shuping heard his words, he struggled with whether to compromise, but Shang Xuechen himself suggested that he should not compromise, "If I'm not allowed to drink, then you can play the piano for me again."

When passing through that room and going up to the attic, Ji Shuping saw the paused movie screen, which started from this screen yesterday, he and Shang Xuechen were chatting one after another until Shang Xuechen fell asleep with his head down.

When we went to the attic, we still sat on half of the stools like last time.Ji Shuping still played the same piece as last time. There is no particularly difficult fingertip technique to play this piece, and the level of examination is probably at level 5.It's just that China's proficiency certification exam only confirms your familiarity and fluency in fingering, and doesn't care whether there is any emotion that can resonate with the song.

Shang Xuechen had been listening quietly, and when Ji Shuping was about to play to the end, Shang Xuechen called him, "Ji Shuping."

Ji Shuping didn't stop, it would be embarrassing to stop abruptly, Ji Shuping played two wrong notes in a row after his sound, and then finished playing the coda calmly again.No one spoke when it was quiet.

Shang Xuechen stretched out the index finger of his left hand and pressed it on the white key in front of him.Even the piano is so clear in black and white.Shang Xuechen pressed the whole palm of his left hand randomly on the black and white keys of the piano. Under his hands, the piano no longer had a distinct part, but only made dull and chaotic sounds, "Ji Shuping."

After the dullness of the piano, he heard Shang Xuechen say, "I'm a little confused."