Do not lie to me

When Qi Liang heard the phone ringing and opened his eyes, he looked at the ceiling above his head. This was not the ceiling of the apartment he was living in now.He didn't go back to sleep for a while, and nestled on the sofa in the bar lounge.The phone was still ringing, Qi Liang turned over and reached for the phone, the screen showed that the caller was Shang Xuechen.

"Hello, Xuechen."

"Well, Qi Liang, I haven't left yet. I want to ask if you are free recently?"

recent?In fact, Qi Liang is always free, he is never in the bar or in the apartment, occasionally he will find Shang Xuechen, he is actually very free, just.Qi Liang sighed, he didn't want to let himself be so free, and didn't want to think about the past when he had extra time.

"Well. I'm free, what do you want me to do?"

"Nothing. I just wanted to take you to the playground."

Playground?When did he go to the playground?Qi Liang can't remember clearly, it seems to be when he was a child, maybe he still took pictures in the playground to commemorate.It's just that he can no longer look at the photo of him in the playground when he was a child, because he has been thrown away by his family ashamed.

"Why did you bring me to the playground?" Qi Liang stood in the queue and looked at the gate of the playground. The wrought iron gate was beautifully built, reminding people of the opening of a fairy tale.Qi Liang looked at the gate and asked Shang Xuechen who was standing in front of him. Shang Xuechen's movements were really fast, he just said he was free, and Shang Xuechen showed up at his bar with a ticket, pulling him, as if to After a while, they arrived at the gate of the playground.Qi Liang didn't feel real, his chaotic feeling was still lying in the dim lounge staring at the ceiling, but now he was in the noisy crowd.

Shang Xuechen was waiting in front of him to check tickets. When both of them passed the entrance, Shang Xuechen turned his head and wanted to hold his hand to prevent too many people from breaking them up. But when he stretched out his hand, Shang Xuechen thought of it again. The stingy Ji Shuping finally just pulled Qi Liang's clothes corner honestly, "I came here with others, and I was very happy when I came. I also want to bring this happiness to you."

It turned out to be like this.This is an ordinary question, and Qi Liang opened the answer analysis before he took up the pen to solve it. After reading it, he only had such an idea in his heart.Having been here with others, Qi Liang couldn't say he was sad. He knew that Shang Xuechen would never love him no matter what, but luckily he could still think of him when he was happy.

Shang Xuechen turned around with a smile and asked him, "Which one do you want to play first?"

Qi Liang stood on the entrance road, three roads were in front of him, each of which would go to different parks and play different sports.The people who poured in from the entrance passage probably had done their research beforehand, their purpose was clear, and they set foot on the place they wanted to go without any hesitation, only he stood blankly on the entrance avenue without any preparation, unable to figure out who he was. Where should I go.Qi Liang looked at the people who kept brushing against his shoulder or passing forward or left, he looked back at Shang Xuechen who was waiting for his answer and said, "I haven't made up my mind yet."

Shang Xuechen stepped forward and patted him on the shoulder, "Don't be too burdened, let's take a stroll first."

Qi Liang followed Shang Xuechen without making any decisions, followed him past the pirate ship, past the merry-go-round, and finally stopped in front of the dizzying roller coaster. They stood in the open space not far away, watching The twisting track in mid-air, listen to the screams of the people above, wait until the roller coaster is upside down and accelerates down, the screams reach the peak, Qi Liang heard Shang Xuechen say, "Qi Liang, I fell in love with a people."

Qi Liang looked up and watched the track above rotate round and round, and the screams that came out pierced the eardrums. When the car on the track finally returned to the starting point, the voice stopped, and Qi Liang opened his mouth, "I know."

"Roller coaster, do you want to play?" Shang Xuechen asked him.

Qi Liang shook his head, "Why did you tell me? If I..." What?Qi Liang didn't go on, he didn't know what else to do, and he was tired after such tossing. Now he looks at his behavior in his teens from the perspective of his 20s, and thinks it's ridiculous. Why? do that?Is it because of puberty?Then why on earth did he start to have regrets now?Is it because you feel tired?

Shang Xuechen tugged on his cuff, Qi Liang followed him and continued walking, "He was kidnapped before, and the person who kidnapped him happened to be my father."

"So you want to make it up to him? Use love?" Qi Liang thought that if this is the case, it is understandable. If this is the case, he can also find an excuse for himself. Thinking of this, Qi Liang froze for a moment, why did he make an excuse? ?

Shang Xuechen continued to walk forward, Qi Liang was half a step behind him, and he couldn't see the expression on his face, "It's not compensation, I just know that I love him, it has nothing to do with grudges." Shang Xuechen saw the man standing by the river. Ferris wheel, turned around and asked Qi Liang, "Do you want to ride the Ferris wheel? Although it's daytime, it doesn't feel as good as at night." After he finished speaking, he felt that this proposal was not very good. If Ji Shuping knew that he and others rode the Ferris wheel, would it be I want to be a cheapskate again.

"What about him?" Qi Liang looked at the involuntary smile on Shang Xuechen's face. He couldn't remember whether he had smiled so relaxedly before, "He also loves you purely, and it has nothing to do with grudges?"

Qi Liang looked at Shang Xuechen's mouth, and saw that a handful of hair standing on end swayed non-stop following his nodding.Qi Liang tightened his hands, and his nails dug into the flesh.They finally came to the Ferris wheel. Qi Liang looked at the Ferris wheel and remembered when he was adolescence. This is probably the beautiful fantasy of boys and girls. There are always many legends about the Ferris wheel. The love in my heart is also about sadness, in short, it is far away from him, and he dare not think about such beautiful legends about being bullied at that time.

Because it is daytime, the decorative lights on the Ferris wheel are not on, and it doesn't look so romantic, even a little ordinary. The Ferris wheel like this doesn't seem to be reminiscent of romance.

Shang Xuechen looked at the Ferris wheel, and remembered that night when he and Ji Shuping sat in it. At that time, he sat on the Ferris wheel and watched the night view of the city with the last mood. Although he felt satisfied, he felt a little sad .If there is a chance, he would like to come again with Ji Shuping.

Shang Xuechen looked at the Ferris wheel for a long time before slowly opening his mouth, and said what was in his heart, "Qi Liang, I didn't know how to love in the past, and maybe I don't understand it so well now, but I understand a little bit. You always talk about bad love. It's also love, and deserves to be hugged. I couldn't refute it before, so I always avoided it deliberately. Now I still can't refute your sentence, probably because I don't feel qualified to refute it. But ah, I fell in love with that person When I was young, I always wished him well, and by the way, I also began to hope that other people would also be better. The feeling of happiness when I was with him is beyond words. I have no playmates since I was a child. It is strange that he can make up for it very well. In spite of the lack I had when I was a child, he seems to me to be more than just a lover. He is more important than a lover in my heart. I can’t say exactly what it is. Now that I know he is my father When the person came back, I always feel uneasy when I face him again. In fact, we know each other until now. Even if he told me that he has nothing to do with it, I still feel uneasy, especially when I feel happy. I can’t help but wonder if I can really be happy with him for a long time? The way I met him is really outrageous. The kidnapper’s son is with the meat ticket. It’s funny to think about it. Because of him, I have some It’s changed. It’s different from the attitude that I didn’t care about life before. Now I value the present very much. I even went to release animals two days ago, because I heard that it can accumulate merit. I think the way I met him is really not very pleasing to the eye. So I wanted to release more animals and accumulate merits, so as to bless us for a long time. As a result, I was arrested and taken to the police station. When I was sitting in the police station, I thought, in fact, what I should do should not be to release some turtles and carp. Let the people around me face up to the past and face up to each other like me and him. I think maybe the people around me are happy, and I won’t feel uneasy when I have my own little happiness. I always hope You can become better, and now I also hope that you can be happy. I have heard many rumors about the Ferris wheel before. I don’t know if it has the magic power to make people happy, but I want to try it, and you should try it. After getting off, you will become Alright Qi Liang, can you live a good life?"

Qi Liang didn't speak, just stood there watching the Ferris wheel go round and round, thinking about how many couples have been on the Ferris wheel, and how many couples have achieved happiness in the end.Shang Xuechen wanted to stretch out his hand to pull him over, but Qi Liang dodged it, and he stood with his eyes downcast, "I won't get better, Xuechen. If you love him, go ahead and leave me alone."

Shang Xuechen grabbed him anxiously, "How will you know if you don't try it?"

Qi Liang raised his head and smiled weakly at Shang Xuechen, "I killed a girl, didn't I?"

There may be redemption in this world, just like there are people who will win the lottery in this world, Qi Liang believes that there will be redemption, but he doesn’t believe that this redemption will come to him with good intentions, just like someone will win the lottery, but it’s nothing I have big luck in the lottery.Shang Xuechen was lucky, he won the prize, and he was neither envious nor jealous, so he let him go to claim the prize happily.

He heard Shang Xuechen say, "Start over, Qi Liang, give yourself a chance. In life, you should give yourself a chance to start all over again."

again?How do you count as a new one?He no longer has a home. On the day of the accident, his parents thought he was ashamed and abandoned him. What an eternal haven, it was ridiculous. They didn't stand up to speak for him when he was bullied, and they disliked him when the accident happened.Qi Liang sometimes thinks that it is only natural for him to become bad, and his kindness in the past was not really kind, but just a fragile membrane.Unable to withstand any beating, it will be broken with a poke, and it will be pierced by its true essence.The same is true of his kind parents and harmonious family, they are all illusions.

Thinking of this, Qi Liang really wanted to laugh, but he couldn’t. Maybe it’s because his heart is broken, so the expression mechanism is also broken. “Xuechen, how can I start again? I can’t forget, I can’t forget that she called me That sound, and I always think of her standing in my ward with her head bowed and asking me if she could forgive her. As for me, how did I say it, I am such a terrible person, even if I scolded her viciously at that time, She might think that I calmed down after scolding me, but I just said indifferently that I am no different from her, just as a rag/good. I sent her to the rooftop and pushed her downstairs with words like this. "

Listening to Qi Liang's words, Shang Xuechen hesitated whether to tell Qi Liang that the girl was Ji Shuping's ex-girlfriend, and that her death was not caused by Qi Liang, and Ji Shuping's resignation of the appointment might also be involved.After thinking for a long time, Shang Xuechen still didn't want to use Ji Shuping as a shield. He didn't want Ji Shuping to be the culprit in other people's deaths, so Shang Xuechen could only persuade Qi Liang, "Her death has nothing to do with you Qi Liang."

"Oh." Qi Liang sneered, listening to Shang Xuechen say this sentence that had nothing to do with him, it didn't hurt, it turned out to be this feeling, it turned out to be comforted by someone who didn't understand, Wen Ting was like that at the time. Didn't you also feel that the way I persuaded her to call the police to resist at that time was an eyesore? "You don't understand, Xuechen. Maybe what I said doesn't matter to her, but to her, it might be the last straw that crushed her."

Shang Xuechen lowered his head, thinking of the last straw that crushed her in the hospital corridor that day?Could it be that Qi Liang did not crush her to death, but himself?

"Qi Liang, I bumped into her at that time. I was a little unstable at the time, and I seemed to have said something bad to her."

Shang Xuechen's memory is not very clear. He remembered something when he was in the cemetery before. Wen Ting was disheartened because Ji Shuping didn't show up for the appointment. He happened to run into him in the corridor of the hospital. Wen Ting seemed to recognize the wrong person. He repeatedly asked him why he didn't come, and he remembered that it was the first time he had an illness and yelled at her to go away.Could it be that this is why Wen Ting feels that there is no meaning in living?

Shang Xuechen's memory of that time was really a little fuzzy, and he would have a headache if he thought about it a little more.He rubbed his temples and asked Qi Liang, "Can't we living people live well?"

There was no answer, and neither of them spoke for a while.

Qi Liang was thinking about Shang Xuechen's question, how to live a good life?He was startled back to his senses by the sudden screams from the crowd, and followed the sound to see that it was a jumping machine.Qi Liang remembered that he was beaten on the corner of the street that day, and before Shang Xuechen reached out to him, he was picking a suitable tall building to jump from.He looked at the jumping machine, and the word "re-" flashed in his heart. If he really chose to jump from a tall building back then, would he have any regrets about his choice before he landed?If he went to simulate the experience of jumping from a building now, would he have a new desire/desire when he was in free fall?To make a third choice for the lifeless person lying on the corner of the street back then, it is not to choose death, nor to choose Shang Xuechen, who is relying on Shang Xuechen who reached out to him, but the third choice, to start anew.

"Xuechen, play the jumping machine with me."

"Yeah." Shang Xuechen agreed, and led Qi Liang to line up. The people who had just got off the elevator passed by them with soft legs.Qi Liang carefully observed the expressions of the passers-by one by one, trying to see if there was any expression of rejoicing on their faces, rejoicing that fortunately this is not really jumping off a building.It seems not, they are all adults looking for excitement and fun, and the frustrated people who didn't come to the rehearsal of jumping off the building, naturally they can't see the luck of the rest of their lives from their faces.

When they were finally in line, Shang Xuechen reached out and patted Qi Liang lightly when they sat on it, and asked him, "Are you afraid?"

Qi Liang turned his head to look at him, "If I yell out in fear, you can buy me ice cream when I get down."

Shang Xuechen smiled and said yes, then turned his head and grabbed the vertical pole on his position.Before the machine went up, Qi Liang glanced at Shang Xuechen's side face, and then looked down at his dangling feet getting farther and farther away from the ground. He looked up at the distant scenery and thought, if I screamed when I fell, it means I am afraid, afraid to abandon this life, and give myself a new chance when I land on the ground.

When the machine reached the top with a sound of "Gada", Qi Liang's heart hung on the height, and he didn't make a sound.Hovering at a high place for a while, descending without warning, Qi Liang still didn't cry out, the wind screamed in his ears, he watched the scenery undulating, assuming that if he hadn't met Shang Xuechen many years ago , what kind of bloody scene would it be if I jumped off the stairs; I assumed that if I hadn't met her, I would still be an ordinary person who concealed my sexuality;

Thinking of this, Shen Ao's face suddenly became clear in front of his eyes, the jumping machine suddenly stopped, Qi Liang yelled "ah", and then he suddenly understood why he wanted to hear Shang Xuechen say that he fell in love with the kidnapped man of his father It was more for compensation, he suddenly understood why he had to follow Shang Xuechen's template to find an excuse for himself, for what?The purpose is to think that if the meat ticket can forgive the kidnapper's son, can he also find an excuse to forgive Shen Ao who once bullied him.Before the sound was finished, the jumping machine started to descend again, Qi Liang still saw Shen Ao's face, thinking of him beating him before, thinking of how he was abusing him now, thinking of Shen Ao constantly entangled with his body, Thinking of Shen Ao's face becoming more and more clear in the end, so clear that even Shen Ao's unshaven stubble is clearly visible, thinking of Qi Liang screaming and tears overflowing from the corners of his eyes.

After landing, Shang Xuechen untied the belt, turned his head and smiled and reached out to help Qi Liang wipe away his tears, and helped him get out of the jumping machine.Qi Liang's eyes were lost, his legs were limp and he slumped on Shang Xuechen's body.When Qi Liang's eyes gradually focused, Shang Xuechen rubbed Qi Liang's head with a smile, and asked him, "What flavor of ice cream do you want?"

Qi Liang looked at Shang Xuechen's smile, and laughed along with him, "It's all good."

"Then you wait here for me."

Qi Liang stood in place and looked at Shang Xuechen's back. He had seen many of his backs, always looking at his shoulders from behind, watching him grow from a teenager to a twenties, Qi Liang Facing his current back, he said, "I won't wait for you."

When Shang Xuechen returned to the original place with the ice cream he had finally bought after waiting in a long line, Qi Liang was nowhere to be seen. He thought that Qi Liang might have gone to the toilet, but at this moment a text message came from his phone, and Shang Xuechen opened it. Looking at the phone, it was a text message from Qi Liang.

Xuechen, I'm leaving first.If you have a chance, bring him to my bar and I'll treat you to a drink.

Shang Xuechen wanted to make a call to Qi Liang, but was preempted by Ji Shuping's call, so he had to answer Ji Shuping's call first, "When are you coming back today?"

Shang Xuechen looked at the ice cream that was about to melt in his hand, and sighed, "Right now."

"Well, I'll wait for you at the gate of the playground."

Qi Liang hadn't returned to the apartment for two or three days. He put the plastic bag in his hand on the kitchen table, turned around and began to tidy up, all kinds of tidying up, tidying up his clothes in the closet, tidying up his shoes on the shoe rack, winter , Xia Tian, ​​busy on his own, ignored Shen Ao who was squatting at the entrance when he entered the door.When he was tired from work, Qi Liang stopped and sat on the sofa.Shen Ao walked over at this moment, sat on the ground, rubbed his head on Qi Liang's thigh, like Qi Liang's pet dog, wanted Qi Liang to touch the top of his head, and praise him for being so good.

Qi Liang bent down to support Shen Ao's arm, let him sit on the sofa, and asked him, "Do you want ice cream?"

Shen Ao nodded because he didn't understand, Qi Liang got up and walked to the kitchen, Shen Ao knew that Qi Liang was going on a date with Monk Xuechen today, he saw Shang Xuechen leading Qi Liang out of the bar and got into a taxi.He was originally worried that Qi Liang would never come back, but seeing Shang Xuechen's appearance, he was relieved, Qi Liang should be in a better mood, maybe he should be able to get permission to enter today because of his good mood.Shen Ao followed Qi Liang into the kitchen, and hugged Qi Liang's waist from behind.Qi Liang was not unwilling, but just looked down at the melted ice cream in the bag.Shen Ao's hand stretched from the hem of Qi Liang's clothes, along the waistline all the way up, touched the ribs and moved forward, and stopped when it covered Qi Liang's chest, because he heard Qi Liang say, "End of this." .”

"What?" Shen Ao expressed doubts for the first time, as long as Qi Liang agreed to start, he didn't stop halfway.

Qi Liang looked up and saw the postcard on the refrigerator opposite, on it was a lighthouse in the middle of a dark night, "Shen Ao, let's stop here."

Shen Ao's stopped hand started to move again, instead of rubbing/rubbing Qi Liang's chest as usual, it continued to go up, extended from Qi Liang's neckline, touched Qi Liang's collarbone, and then went up with his open thumb Separated from his index finger to block Qi Liang's throbbing artery, "Why?" Shen Ao didn't understand, it's fine to hit him or scold him, just don't declare the end of their relationship.

Qi Liang has been looking at the postcard on the refrigerator door, searching for memories of which scene it appeared in, thus ignoring the threatening force on his neck.He finally remembered where the lighthouse in the postcard was. It seemed to have appeared in a movie. There was a line he liked in that movie. Why don't we start over.Qi Liang actually understands that if he wants to start over, there should be no "us", and the one who can start over is alone.

He answered Shen Ao, "Because I want a new start. Please let me go, Shen Ao."