Love England

I never gave up on getting in touch with Margaret, and having been inspired to write to Edith, I decided to write Margaret and tell her everything that happened to me here, from how I lied about her Stayed with my family to describe to her Mr. Thornton's seriousness and Mrs. Thornton's condescending visits, and who I knew, how Mr. and Mrs. Hale were doing lately, etc. - I Write everything I can think of in the letter.After I finished writing the letter, I tried my best to slip it through the crack of the "time-space gate" in the attic, hoping that Margaret would find the letter as soon as possible and let her know where it is. How much I need her, and I cannot replace her.

During the two days since Mrs. Thornton's visit, Mrs. Hale, Dixon, and I had made the matter a pastime to talk about when we had nothing to do, and sometimes Mr. Hale came and sat with us, listening to the I will not make any comments in the middle of our conversation, but finally remind everyone that Mr. Thornton will come here to study twice every Tuesday and Thursday from 6:8 to [-]:[-] pm. I hope the ladies will not forget the etiquette.After all, Mr. Thornton was his favorite student. Seeing Mr. Hale's seriousness, we followed the advice of the former priest of Helstone and stopped talking about Mrs. Thornton's visit.

As Mr. Hale said, Mr. Thornton came to Hale's house to study on time every week. It can be seen that Mr. Hale respected and liked his student Sang.After studying for two hours twice a week, Mr. Hale often asked Mr. Thornton to sit with him in the living room and chat with everyone. Mr. Thornton also respected Mr. Hale very much and stayed obediently every time. , Often stay until after 9 o'clock in the evening before leaving.Although Mr. Thornton stayed in the living room with the Hale family, he was still so serious, like a dull wax figure. He only listened to Mr. Hale's high-pitched speeches, rarely spoke to him, and only occasionally answered a few black words. Although Madam Er's question was respectful, it was very formal.He never looked at me as if I didn't exist, nor did he take the initiative to talk to me, but I said politely "thank you" when I handed him tea-in short, I have never figured it out Yes, Mr. Thornton had been so uncomfortable for an hour in the Hale's living room, why should he always accept Mr. Hale's convincing?Probably the only contribution Mr. Thornton made to the Hale family's "living room time" was that Mr. Hale would invite Mr. Thornton to read poetry to the group for entertainment, sometimes Horace, sometimes Shakespeare.What I never expected was that whenever I read these beautiful poems, the mean Mr. Thornton disappeared, replaced by a Mr. Thornton with a deep voice, passion, charm and elegance.He was a natural rhetorician, and even the poorest poems, let alone Horace or Shakespeare, became beautiful and enchanting when they came out of his mouth.I really want Margaret to be with me when Mr. Thornton reads his poems, she must love him at once, must feel a wonderful other side of him.I couldn't help but peek at him, listened to the wonderful poems, tried not to let myself scream like a crazy fan in the concert stage, and even kept silently chanting Margaret's name in my heart, like a spell that lifted the love potion .

"I will never admit the union of two true hearts

There will be any obstacle; love is not true love,

If you turn the rudder as soon as you see people change,

Or leave as soon as you see someone turning a corner.

Oh never!Love is an everlasting tower lamp,

It gazes at the storm and does not move;

Love is another star that guides the lost boat,

You can measure how high it is.Its worth is infinite.

Love is unaffected by time, despite beauty

He and his white teeth will inevitably suffer from the poison of time;

Love is not changed by a momentary change,

It stands tall until the end of the end.

If I say this wrongly, and be proved false,

Even if I didn't write poetry, no one really loved. " (Note 1)

As soon as Shakespeare's sonnet was read, it immediately attracted the praise of Mr. and Mrs. Hale.This is the first class Mr. Thornton has given to Mr. Hale since Mrs. Thornton visited Hale's house. Today is Tuesday, four days after Mrs. Thornton's visit.

"Miss Addams, do you like this poem by Shakespeare?"

"What? Oh—very—very much!" I was surprised that Mr. Thornton took the initiative to talk to me today, and I stammered nervously, "Sorry, I still have more to say, Thornton Sir." In order to avoid misunderstanding, I added another sentence clumsily.I saw him smile embarrassedly, even though it was only a momentary upward movement of the corners of his mouth.Then he said to Mrs. Hale: "Mrs. Hale, my mother asked me to convey your thanks for her hospitality last week, and my mother solemnly invites you and Miss Addams to come to the humble house for tea this Thursday afternoon. Of course, I also hope that you and Miss Addams can come." Mrs. Hale accepted the invitation with pleasure, and I also thank Mrs. Thornton for being so polite.

Then Mr. Thornton said to me again: "Miss Addams, Fanny has liked you since the last time I saw you, and admired you very much. I hope you can make her friends. After all, Milton is not as good as girls her age." not much."

"I'm so flattered! I think I shall be friends with Miss Thornton, if Mrs Thornton doesn't want me to get too close to Miss Thornton."

"Miss Addams' outspokenness impressed my mother, but she didn't mean to blame you."

"I'm afraid I was too rude last time, and I hope you will take me to say sorry for Mrs. Thornton." I really shouldn't interfere too much with the affairs of this era, I should have been a bystander.Mr. Thornton took one look at me, then put down the collection of poems and said, "I will pass on your apologies, Miss Addams. Actually, I want to tell you one thing. I have always believed that the health of workers is very important. Workers can work better, so I installed cotton blowing machines in my factory two years ago to ensure that workers do not inhale cotton wool, so my workers are healthier than workers in other factories, but this is only limited to My factory and my own thoughts, after all, 600 pounds to buy cotton blowing equipment is a lot of money for most factory owners, and the benefits brought by the investment in cotton blowing machines are also invisible to our eyes Yes. Last weekend, I mentioned the issue of workers’ health at the meeting of factory owners, and suggested that we add cotton blowing machines so that our workers can work healthier. Although the effect of my proposal is not obvious, But there are still several capable factory owners who say they are willing to consider purchasing such equipment, at least this is a good start. I even plan to buy two more cotton blowing machines in my factory. After all, because of technology, the cotton blowing machine The effect is still limited.”

"I'm glad you did, Mr. Thornton. If my friend Bessie had been working in your factory sooner, I wouldn't have had incurable consumption."

"Poor sister Mary!" exclaimed Mrs. Hale, who had already learned about the Higgins sisters from Dixon and me.

"I have deep sympathy for what happened to your friend, Miss Addams. But then again, we are still factory owners at heart, the purpose is to pursue profits, factories are not welfare homes, and cannot provide everything for workers for free. They exchange labor for us. As the protection of the factory owners, we also provide the workers with everything they deserve based on the premise of profit. This is a premise that will never change. I think you know and understand this, Miss Addams!"

I nodded because I had to agree with Mr. Thornton that he was absolutely right.The strong contradictions produced in this era can never be eliminated, and there will always be misunderstandings and contradictions between workers and factory owners. This is the capitalist Britain in the 19th century.I was naive enough to look at this age by the standards of my age, a mistake in itself, but I can't help feeling unfair when I think of the Higginses.Mr Thornton is a man of integrity and I am happy for all the good he can do for the workers but like he said there is only so much he can do maybe I should look at it from a different angle too After all, there is still a difference between the description in the book and the immersive reality.

"Miss Addams, if you would do me the honor, I would be honored to invite you to visit my factory when I visit my mother on Thursday." This time I was even more pleasantly surprised. Go check it out.

"I am very happy to accept your invitation, Mr. Thornton!" He looked very happy to hear my answer, and then he got up to take his leave, because the clock on the mantelpiece had already struck nine times, and Mr. Thornton once again left. Expressing their expectation of Mrs. Hale and my visit, the Hale couple also replied that they would definitely come as scheduled, and I even shook hands with him to say goodbye when he left.

When Mr. Thornton left, Mrs. Hale and I were alone in the living room. She said to me with a big smile, "Cali, my dear, although Milton makes me feel very rough, Mr. Thornton is indeed a man." A complete gentleman, I think this gentleman must have a good impression of you!"

"My God! Mrs. Hale, you must have misunderstood something. Mr. Thornton rarely talked to me, and today was the most he talked to me. He didn't even look at me. I think he talked to me today. What I said must be related to Mrs. Thornton's visit. I have always misunderstood this factory owner to a certain extent. He just wanted to explain it to me. Even if he invited me to visit his factory, I would I think it is because of this purpose."

"Really?" Mrs. Hale had a noncommittal expression.

"It must be so, my dear Mrs. Hale, and you must take my word for it. If you don't mind, there is one thing I want to tell you."

"What? I don't mind."

"Of course, this can be said to be a prophecy."

"Dixon did tell me your prophecy was right."

I smiled embarrassedly and continued: "I want to tell you that Margaret is more suitable for Mr. Thornton than I am. Margaret will even fall in love with and marry Mr. Thornton. As her best friend, I am very happy and wish them all the best together."

Mrs. Hale laughed when she heard it, "My child, I almost believed all the affirmations you said. Of course, I very much agree with Mr. Thornton's proposal to Margaret." , but Margaret hardly knew him yet, and she's not here at the moment—if your prophecy comes true, I'd be more than happy to take it, and I think Mr. Hale would do the same for both of them. You know how much he likes Mr Thornton!"

At this moment Dixon came upstairs and interrupted my conversation with Mrs. Hale to remind everyone that it was bedtime.I said good night to Mrs. Hale, and went upstairs, and never mentioned to her again that Margaret and Mr. Thornton were to be married.

Thursday came quickly, and Mrs. Hale and I arrived at Mrs. Thornton's house on time. Dixon also brought out a dress that was more gorgeous among Margaret's clothes, with a beautiful bow decoration on the skirt. Lent me clothes to Thornton's, and Mr Thornton even hired a cab to fetch us.The carriage walked along the new street to the end, then turned a few corners, and entered a large door opening. Through the door opening, there was an open space filled with vehicles, workers and goods.To my left were some houses, perhaps those were factories and warehouses--I think this was Mr. Thornton's factory.The carriage continued on and came to the northernmost side of the field. We stopped at the door of a big gray house. Fortunately, Milton is a rare sunny day this afternoon.In the sunshine, the house does not look too dull.

Mrs. Hale and I got out of the car, and a servant showed us into the house, where Mrs. Thornton and Miss Thornton were waiting for us in the drawing room.Everything here is very luxurious, so luxurious that people feel out of place, and the whole house is indeed many times bigger than Hale's house. Although I have known from the book that the Thornton family is very rich, I am still surprised to see it with my own eyes.Mrs. Thornton is like a queen, welcoming Mrs. Hale and me with a daunting momentum. Compared with Miss Thornton’s lively and friendly, I relax a lot. The likable girl has a lot of good feelings.

"Welcome to the humble house, Mrs. Hale, Miss Addams!" Mrs. Thornton shook hands with Mrs. Hale and me according to Milton's etiquette, and Miss Thornton next to her curtsied and smiled at me , in stark contrast to the expressionless expression on her mother's face.After we greeted each other as usual, Mrs. Thornton invited us to sit down, and we sat on both sides like favorites in her court. Then she ordered the servants to prepare black tea and refreshments.Not long after, exquisite tea sets and various exquisite English refreshments were put on the table. I don't know if the ostentation is due to the host's hospitality or to show his status and identity.Mrs. Hale graciously praised the luxury of Mrs. Thornton's house, and the fineness of the tea-service, and I followed my patron's example, in order to please my hosts.

"Miss Addams, I think your home in American Manor is more beautiful and spacious than here?" Mrs. Thornton asked after listening to our compliments.

"My father's house on the Plantation was nothing like this, and my place at Campbell was nothing like it. My father was a rough man, and he didn't have Mrs. Thornton's taste in decorating the house, and my mother just listened to My father wants to do things." Mrs. Thornton was very satisfied with my answer, she reluctantly showed a regretful smile, and politely said that the furnishings in the house are just superficial.At this time, the black lady asked: "Mrs. Thornton, your house is so close to the factory, won't the noise there bother you?"

"Your question is the same as when Mr. Hale first came here. It can be said that the factory has created the Thornton family today. My bedroom even overlooks the factory. How can I feel disgusted by the factory?"

Mrs. Hale nodded in agreement, and the two talked about the weather, cotton and lace. At this time, Miss Thornton took my hand and said that she would show me around here, and Mrs. Thornton also nodded in agreement.Then this lively lady first showed me her beloved piano, and then took me to the second floor to visit her proud bedroom. She bought a room that could not hear the noise of the factory as her bedroom, and the bedrooms of her mother and her brother could see the factory yard and even the factory chimney.

"I really want to get out of here, it's full of workers, dust and bad weather! I really want to go abroad, feel the fashion of France or the sunshine of the coast of Greece, but my mother won't let me go to Bath , I have to rot in Milton and wait for an old and rich single factory owner to marry me before I can leave this dreary home. I envy you, Miss Addams, you can do whatever you want Go where you want to go." Miss Thornton complained as she showed me some fashion magazines ordered from France.I just smiled and didn't answer her words, because she didn't seem to care whether I answered or not, it was more like talking to herself, and she continued, "Look, these few fashion magazines I subscribed to for several months My mother doesn't care about these at all, saying that these magazines are not necessary at all, and she objected to my reading this kind of magazines-how could this not be necessary? I think every lady should know fashion, and I have long been unable to keep up In fashion, like an unwanted spinster - oh! I hope my mother doesn't know I'm saying that. Your haircut and the dress you wore last time are so beautiful and fashionable, I thought I went to buy one or have one made at Mrs. Brown's fashion shop on New Street, but the old tailor had never heard of it, and her lace was also outdated in the magazines mentioned. I really call myself fashion for her. The shop is ashamed, and can only lament once again the lack of popularity here in Milton! What do you think, Miss Addams?"

Miss Thornton finally stopped talking, and I could see from her eyes that she hoped to get a positive answer from me. This willful and spoiled girl is like the adolescent girl we are used to seeing. The same, often so rebellious, full of incomprehension of family members.She was so different from Bessie, who was almost her own age, which made me feel sad for Bessie all the more.In order to appease Miss Thornton's complaints at this time, I sighed softly and said with a smile: "Miss Thornton, you will never marry an old and rich factory owner. You are so beautiful, you will have An admirer, he will be a young man, a rich young man, I even predict that he will be a speculator. When you are married, you may even have the opportunity to help your brother through the difficulties encountered by the factory .”

"My God! Miss Addams!" Miss Thornton seemed very happy after hearing what I said. She hugged me excitedly and said, "Can you tell fortunes or read palms like a gypsy? If it's what you said, I'm so glad then! You're such a good friend of mine! Tell me! Can you see that my future husband is handsome? Will he love me?"

This kind of question stumps me. I can't see the appearance of people from the book. "Miss Thornton, my ability is limited, and I can't tell you this."

"That's all right, as long as he's not an old man and a factory owner, and I don't know what a speculator does, but he's rich! Well, let's go downstairs, I'll Finally, I can show you my brother's study!" Miss Thornton took my arm more affectionately, and at last she led me downstairs to a closed door.

"This is my brother's study!" Miss Thornton said as she pushed open the door, and a simple study opened before my eyes.The style here is too plain compared to the splendor of the whole house. The only decoration in the room is a wood panel oil painting in the style of Titian hanging on the fireplace, depicting the traffic of the commercial city of Venice. Cargo ships and the bustling scene on the shore.Two large, solid-looking wooden bookshelves filled the two walls of the room. Next to an unlit fireplace stood a large desk that also looked solid. On it were neatly placed ink boxes and pen holders, and There is a wooden box containing paper, and opposite the desk is a comfortable-looking armchair, which seems to be the only soft thing in the room.The design of the study is just like the character of the owner here, giving people a sense of seriousness.Miss Thornton introduced: "My brother often works in the office of the factory, and he only stays in the study room for a while at night. This is also the place where he spends the longest time in this house. This study room is really the same as my brother's. Fortunately, he is more open-minded than his mother, and regularly holds banquets at home to keep the family from looking boring, although the people he invites are factory owners like him."

I walked into Mr. Thornton's study slowly, looked around everything, with curiosity and admiration as if visiting a celebrity's memorial hall, trying to remember all this in my mind.

"You must be feeling bored here, don't you, Miss Addams? There isn't a single pretty decoration in this room," said Miss Thornton.

"No, this is what a study should look like, and I think it's pretty good."

"By the way, my brother will hold a dinner party at home next Sunday. You must come. I will ask my brother to invite Mr. Hale. You can come with him."

"I would come if I had the chance. Thank you for your kindness, Miss Thornton!" The thought that if Margaret would return after reading my letter, I would not be here next week. Suddenly, a feeling of sadness welled up in my heart.Fortunately, this sadness did not stay for too long, because a maid informed that Mr. Thornton's assistant was waiting outside the mansion to pick me up to visit Mr. Thornton's factory.

"I really want to go with you, but the thought of the noise in the factory makes me feel terrible. You must not be able to bear it, Miss Addams! My brother is really, even taking a beautiful lady to visit something Dirty factory!" Miss Thornton gave me a mischievous look, and then sent me outside the door.

The assistant waiting outside greeted me warmly, took off his hat and bowed to me, and I shook hands with him according to Milton's etiquette.The assistant is a 40-year-old gentleman with a small beard, a slightly fat figure, and an amiable smile on his face.

"Mr. Thornton is waiting for you in his office, miss! I will show you the way! You can help me, after all, the road here is not easy to walk!" I lifted my fat skirt and followed behind the assistant, Not long after, I came to a small two-story building diagonally opposite the Thornton family's residence. I went up to the second floor and walked into an office. Mr. Thornton was not there.

"I'm really sorry, miss! Maybe Mr. Thornton went out temporarily in case of an emergency. You can wait here for a while, and I will find it for you." After that, the assistant walked out of the office.Now I am the only one left in the office. This office is much simpler than the study in the mansion just now.Although there are documents everywhere, they are all neatly put away; the desk is full of printed forms, which are divided into different types and neatly arranged, and the production schedule is posted on the wall.

After waiting for 5 minutes, neither Mr. Assistant nor Mr. Thornton appeared, so I boldly left the office building and followed the rumbling sound of the machines to the factory behind it.When I pushed open the door of the factory, I was deeply shocked by the sight in front of me. Although I had read it many times in novels, what I saw with my own eyes at this moment was beyond words.Cotton wadding like willow catkins falls on every corner of the factory like beautiful snowflakes. Workers adjust the operation of the machine from time to time in front of the non-stop rotating cotton spinning machine.A dozen children under the age of ten were kneeling on the ground, quickly cleaning up the "snow" that fell from the sky all the time, so that the ground of the factory would not be buried by cotton wool.The machine rumbled like thunder, a reminder that an endless, never-ending blizzard of cotton wool was in progress.Cotton snow fluttered, and some even suspended in the air, with a slightly pungent smell, flooding everyone and giving everyone room to move, forming a strange scene.I couldn't help but took out a handkerchief to cover my mouth and nose, because I knew that behind this white beauty was a deadly hidden danger, just like the beautiful and poisonous white datura flower.I saw that although there were two huge cotton blowing machines on the side of the factory building, driving these tiny white demons away, the cotton wool was still growing wildly like weeds.

I squinted my eyes, wanting to continue to explore through the mist of cotton, tentatively walked to the depths of the factory, and saw a few people talking loudly around a machine not far away, the rumble of the factory covered voice.I approached slowly, and gradually saw that three people were busy repairing the machine, and one of them was Mr. Thornton.He took off his jacket, only wearing a vest and a white shirt, and rolled up the cuffs to reveal his strong arms. He is helping the repairman to repair the stopped machine. The worker standing behind him may be the worker who operates the machine. , he was holding Mr. Thornton's coat, looking worriedly at the machine that stopped working.

"Miss, you are here. I was looking for you everywhere." A voice behind me spoke to me. I turned around and it turned out to be Mr. Assistant.Mr. Thornton also noticed the presence of others, and he approached me with an unhappy expression on his face.

"Take Miss Addams out, Jack! How did you bring her here, it's not for her! What an old fool you are!"

"Mr. Thornton, I want to stay here!" I objected.

"No, not now, Miss Addams! Jack, take the lady out of here and wait for me in my office!"

"Miss, please come with me!" The assistant said in a begging tone. In order not to embarrass the assistant, I finally nodded and obediently followed him out of the factory and returned to Mr. Sander's office.Along the way, the poor Mr. Assistant apologized repeatedly, which made me very sorry.Back in the office, Mr. Assistant served me coffee graciously. Because Mr. Thornton scolded him just now, he dared not leave my side anymore to prevent me from walking around casually again.After waiting for about three to ten minutes, Mr. Thornton appeared at the door of the office. He was still dressed as I had just seen him, but the serious expression on his face was slightly relaxed.

"I'm sorry, Miss Addams, to keep you waiting! I apologize for the scene just now. You should not go to the workshop without someone to accompany you, because you don't know what kind of dangerous situation will happen. Of course, this I have a great responsibility, and I would like to express my deep apologies to you again." As he spoke, Mr. Thornton bowed slightly to me.

"I am not a spoiled lady, Mr. Thornton! I will protect myself, but I accept your apology. But you have to apologize to your assistant sir. It is not his fault. I walked into the factory without authorization. of."

Mr. Thornton stared at me for a moment, then turned to his assistant, and said, "I was a little short-tempered just now, Jack, I'm sorry! Shake my hand!"

"Nothing, sir, nothing!" said the assistant, shaking Thornton's hand.

"I'm also sorry, Mr. Assistant, please forgive my willfulness and impatiently waiting for you to come back." I also quickly curtseyed to him.

"You are serious, miss."

"Of course, Mr. Thornton, I also want to apologize to you. I don't know the rules of the factory very well, so I just wandered around and caused the assistant to be scolded." I think I also have to admit my mistake.

"Miss Addams, you really make me feel ashamed!" Mr. Thornton bowed to me again respectfully, I smiled at him, and the serious expression on his face became relaxed and bright.Then, he solemnly invited me to visit his factory formally, and asked me to take his arm very gentlemanly, and Mr. Assistant also accompanied us and followed behind us.Mr. Thornton first took me to visit the cotton picking workshop, then the cotton ginning workshop, and finally the textile workshop I just entered by mistake. He just took me to stand at the door for a while, and did not go as far as the other workshops.He pointed to the aisle of this workshop and explained to me: "Before a machine broke down suddenly, the situation was urgent, so I helped the repairman to repair the machine. If my attitude offended the lady just now, please forgive me again .I lose my temper because the clothes you are wearing are not suitable for moving in this workshop. Your skirt is too long, too much decoration on the skirt, and the aisle is too narrow here, it is easy to get caught in the loom There is a danger. If you look carefully at the female workers here, you will find that their skirts are very neat and simple, and the sleeves of their clothes are not very long, just to prevent such accidents from happening, all of which are for safety considerations."

Hearing such an explanation, I felt extremely ashamed. I misunderstood Mr. Thornton's good intentions, "I am the one who needs to apologize, Mr. Thornton, and I am extremely ashamed now!"

"I should also take some responsibility, Mr. Thornton. I should have been with Miss Addams all the time." The assistant quickly smoothed things over for me.But at this moment Mr. Thornton laughed loudly, which was rare for me to see him laugh.

"Okay! We all made mistakes today, and we all learned our lessons today, and we all apologized to each other today, and the three of us are even!" Mr. Thornton said with a sense of relief.

"If Margaret were here, she would definitely like your arrangement for visiting the factory this time. She is not as reckless as I am, and she is more stable and gentle than me. I think you and her will become very good friends, San Mr. Ton."

"Aren't we friends now, Miss Addams?" I really didn't know how to answer Mr. Thornton's words. I didn't dare to look at his face, so I just nodded slightly, and he continued, "Every time you Mr. Hale's daughter is always mentioned in my conversation, and it seems that you and Miss Hale are really very good friends!"

"Yes sir, we are friends who talk about everything, I really hope you like her, it means a lot to me!"

"Although Miss Hale and I don't really know each other yet, she is your friend and Mr. Hale's daughter. I think she and I are already friends!" My mood was complicated, and I didn't say anything. I just nodded and said yes. Fortunately, this visit is over. I thanked Mr. Thornton again for his invitation, and said goodbye to Mr. Assistant very kindly, and Mr. Thornton escorted me all the way back to the house. He and Mr. We had a cup of tea together in Mrs. Thornton's sitting room, and Mrs. Hale and I went back to Hale's house, because this Thursday evening was also a day for him to study with Mr. Hale.After Mr. Thornton had finished his lessons with Mr. Hale, he spent the evening with the Hale family in the living room as usual, but this time he did not leave until after ten o'clock, although he still went as usual He is serious and rarely talks to me, but I can't restrain my eyes, I always raise my head involuntarily, and secretly look at his handsome face.

Today is a pleasant day, and if Marguerite reads my letter, my journey here will be over.Now I must seize every opportunity to keep all the beauty of this day in my heart and make it an eternal memory of my life. I also want to use the limited opportunity and time to always remember Mr. Thornton's appearance and his beautiful character , Remember his conversation and the kind of unique tenderness towards me.Even if I return to the United States in the 21st century, his true impression will support me through a life that may be forever lonely.