Love England

According to the account of the footman who discovered Mr. Hale's death, he walked into Mr. Hale's room early in the morning, asked a question and got no answer. He moved closer to the bed and saw the pale and cold upturned quiet face face, and realized that Mr. Hale was dead.After being confirmed by Dr. Fox, Mr. Hale died of heart failure. He said that the posture of death was very comfortable, without pain or struggle, but his explanation did not give Mr. Bell and me any comfort.

Mr. Bell's expression was grave, ashen, as if all the vitality of his life had been taken away, and what barely supported him was his handling of the future generations of his old friend.I should have realized that Mr. Bell loved Mr. Hale. I am not only sad for Mr. Hale's death, but also feel sympathy and sadness for Mr. Bell's unswerving death.After Dr. Fox left, he first invited the pastor, and then asked the housekeeper to handle the funeral for Mr. Hale, and wrote to Mrs. Hale, who was recuperating in Europe, to tell her the news of her husband's unfortunate death in Oxford. Then it was evening.Mr. Bell hasn't even had a bite of food since morning, and he hasn't even drank a cup of tea. When I came to his study again in the evening, the tea and refreshments I brought him in the afternoon didn't move at all.

Seeing me coming in, Mr. Bell quickly got up from behind the desk, and said to me in a hoarse voice while finishing the envelope he had just written: "Cali, you came just in time. I just finished writing the letter to Mrs. Hale. I'm going to post it right away. I'm going to take the train to Milton in a minute and try to get Margaret to hear about her father - I'm going to ask you to help me sort things out here, I've got in touch with the undertaker, They're coming back tomorrow to groom Mr. Hale and to determine the size of the coffin again, will you help me?"

"No, I can't!" My refusal obviously took him by surprise, and he was speechless for a moment. "The post office is closed now, and the letter cannot be sent. You haven't eaten all day. You are in a bad state. Too bad, I can't promise any of your requests, and you can't go to Milton like this now!"

"Girl! You can't stop me! You have no right to do that!" He suddenly became irritable, clutching the letter he had just written tightly in his hands, and shouted, "You are unfair to Mr. Hale, you An ungrateful girl!" I also replied excitedly: "You can't just give up on yourself like this, Mr. Hale also hopes that you don't give up on yourself and wantonly hurt your own body! I know today is hard for us all, especially It's you, Mr. Bell! You can't let yourself down, Mrs. Hale and Margaret, and even myself are counting on you, and you can't forget your promise to Mr. Hale!"

Mr. Bell seemed to have calmed down at this moment. He slumped down on the chair and covered his face with his old hands, "I'm sorry for my rude words just now, Cali. To be able to wake up now and realize that I was really dreaming, and when I opened my eyes I saw old Hale waking me up! It was all so sudden, God really played a huge joke on me!" I walked up to him, squatted beside him, saw Mr. Bell so haggard and hopeless, and asked in the softest and gentlest voice: "Mr. Bell, do you still remember yesterday when you talked to me about the person you have always loved, I think it's Mr. Hale, isn't it? You've always loved him, haven't you?" At this question, Mr. Bell looked up, and in his red and swollen eyes I saw a meaningful look—full of fear and surprise, With hide and dodge.

A moment of silence.

I think it's time to confess everything to Mr. Bell, "Mr. Bell, I want to tell you another secret about myself besides being from the future!" He still didn't say a word, but obviously he was waiting for me to go down Saying, "Actually I used to be a man, but I became a woman through sex reassignment surgery..."

"That's surprising!" Mr. Bell stood up and looked at me in amazement. I was familiar with his expression.

"Yes, we used to talk about 21st century medicine, doctors can do it, but because I don't have a lot of money, my sex reassignment operation is only half done, and now my upper body is female and my lower body is female. Male. As a person who has not yet fully transgendered in my era, love between same-sex people in this era will be regarded as heterogeneous—Mr. Bell, the reason why I tell you my secret is to make you Yes, I totally understand and understand how you feel. There is nothing wrong with loving someone, and it doesn't matter if we fall in love with a man or a woman. It's nothing to be ashamed of. I know how much pain you're having right now, and you've been there Mr. Hale Be there for him, help him, stand behind him silently, all because of your feelings for him, beyond friendship. You need to find someone to talk to, as your friend, you don't have to be alone like this Man bears everything! You have to trust me!" I held out my hand to him, hoping he would trust me, hoping he would know that I was with him.

Mr. Bell fell down on the chair again. He messed up his gray hair, then looked at my outstretched hand, held it with both of his, put it on his forehead, buried his face in it, and said with a sob : "Cali, my child! I don't know what to do now!" The door of emotion was finally opened, swallowing everything that was false like a river bursting its embankment, only revealing the truth. Mr. Bell's long-suppressed emotions finally Only at this moment can I get a little release, which is moving.He told me how Mr. Bell fell in love with him when they first met when Mr. Hale first came to Oxford.Knowing that his love might never be reciprocated, he just wanted to be content with Mr. Hale—first he became Mr. Hale's classmate, then his friend, then his best man, and then Mr. Hale. His daughter's godfather... For nearly 30 years, whatever became Mr. Hale's, Mr. Bell could not be his lover.

"Last night was the most beautiful and memorable night of my life. I jokingly called Hale my lady, but in my heart I knew it wasn't a joke. I really wish I could live with him and I really hope he does too. Can love me. I know that this society calls my feelings a sin, even an illegal act. I never revealed my true feelings to him even a little bit. I am not afraid of being punished by secular laws , I was just afraid that when Hale knew that I actually had other feelings, he would leave me, so I kept this feeling buried in my heart, and I was just a best friend to him. For Hale Mrs. Er, I have always felt ashamed, she trusts me so much, but I have other feelings for her husband. "

"Maybe he knows your feelings for him, and maybe he conveys your love in his own way—just like he called you 'my husband' yesterday, didn't he?" I still remember that scene clearly I remember the surprise on Mr. Bell's face after hearing that joking response.

"I don't know what to think about that. I didn't expect him to actually respond to me at the time. It made me happy and excited. It was something I couldn't even dream of. Even if it was a joke he made on me, I would I’m already satisfied—but I didn’t expect it to be the last farewell to him, this is also a joke made by God with me..." Mr. Bell’s voice choked again, and an old man collapsed like this, I couldn’t help hugging He, let him cry to his heart's content, I don't know how long it took before he regained his calm. "Sorry, Cali, it's a bit disrespectful for you to see me like this!" Mr. Bell said shyly, "Thank you, Cali! This is the first time I have revealed my secrets to others. My heart seems to be relieved a lot. Besides, I still have the things that Hale entrusted to me, and I have to cheer up for this!"

"Yes, you are right! Mr. Hale trusts you, and he knows you will not fail him!"

Mr. Bell let out a long breath, and took a sip of the tea I brought in just now.I have never seen that kind of lonely look. He supports himself with his promise to Mr. Hale. If this promise is fulfilled, what will Mr. Bell do?

"Cali, do you like our current era?" Mr. Bell asked me suddenly and righteously.

"Yes, I enjoy this era. Although there are many injustices in this era: poverty, class division, and all kinds of prejudice in society, but what era does not have such similar situations? Even my era cannot escape The corresponding disadvantages are the same poverty, the same class division, and the same various prejudices. Every era will have problems that the previous era can solve, and new problems will appear along with it. But in this era, there are Many people who care about me and I care about, Margaret, Mr. and Mrs. Hale, Frederick, and you - Mr. Bell, you have given me more than I could have dreamed of. Emotions, even being able to trust me and rely on me, made me feel the happiness I have never had before, and even now it is hard for me to imagine what will happen to me when I leave this era.”

"Cali, your words also made me feel something. I think Margaret also knows these things about you?"

"Yes, she knew it, she knew it soon after we became friends. Frederick knew about it as well as you, and even he didn't care about my body at all, and proposed to me— But I can't deceive his feelings because of this, I like him but don't love him, I can't accept his love against my will." Mr. Bell said with a regretful expression: "I always knew Frederick was a good boy, actually I wish, as much as Mr. Hale, that you marry a Hale man..."

"One more thing I want to confess to you is that Mr. Thornton actually proposed to me before Frederick. Mr. Bell, I am sorry to have denied to you that between me and Mr. Thornton things."

"Mr. Thornton?!" Although Mr. Bell had already expected it, he was still quite surprised to hear my own confession.

"Yes! But that was a long time ago, and when I told him what a woman I really was, he ran away, because I didn't want to lie to him any more than I wanted to lie to Frederick. "

"Hey! Although you never complained a word, I think you have suffered more than I have. It is I who should apologize, Cali, for insinuating about Mr. Thornton to you all the time, but I Can you feel that you still have feelings for him?"

"It's all over, Mr. Bell, and I haven't had any contact with him since that proposal."

Mr. Bell shook his head lightly and sighed. He took my hand and hugged me gently in his arms like a kind father. This time he was comforting me instead. "No matter what, you are a kind-hearted girl to me. Old Halle has his Margaret, and I have you by my side. I am very glad to have you by my side at this time. Old man." The two of us looked at each other and smiled, but we both understood that this smile was bitter, accompanied by inner pain and unspeakable anguish. support.

Mr. Bell finally got something to eat after my persuasion, and I hoped to cheer him up.Regarding Mr. Hale's funeral arrangements, I discussed with Mr. Bell that he stay in Oxford to wait for Mrs. Hale's arrival, and wrote to Henry who was in London to help.Tomorrow I will take the train to Milton, and try to get in touch with Margaret and give her the news of Mr. Hale's death.Although Mr. Bell wanted his butler to accompany me to Milton for my safety, but I hoped that this loyal butler could take care of Mr. Bell who was depressed during my absence, so I resolutely declined his kindness.The next morning, after we had breakfast, Mr. Bell invited me into his study again, wishing to have another talk with me, as he had something very important to tell me.

Mr. Bell looked serious. His eyes were red and swollen since he saw him in the morning. It was obvious that he did not have a good rest last night. Now his behavior is even more nervous.He asked me to sit down, and he stood in front of me solemnly, then cleared his throat and said: "Cali, I didn't sleep almost all night yesterday, I was thinking about one thing, a very serious thing— —Before Mr. Hale passed away, I had a very profound conversation with him. He said that he hoped that I could continue to take care of Margaret and you after his death, and I am very happy to take this responsibility. So I have resolved to amend my will, and I intend to proceed with it as soon as Henry comes to Oxford, that I shall leave half my estate to my goddaughter Margaret, and the other half to you , Cali!"

"Mr. Bell!" I was flattered to hear Mr. Bell's decision.

"Cali, you will get my properties in Milton and Oxford and £1000 in cash, and Margaret will get my properties in London, the corporate bonds I invested in, and £1500 in cash."

"Mr. Bell, I am really ashamed. You should leave all your property to Margaret. I don't deserve it. Besides, you are still in good health. It is too early to say this now."

"No, Cali! What happened to old Halle made me see my own future. Human life is always unpredictable, and it will end one day. I am old, and you know I have a very serious ventilation problem. , I should have planned for you and Margaret as soon as possible. After Mr. Hale's funeral, Margaret and Mrs. Hale may go to London to live with the Lennoxes. Mrs. Hale does need My own daughter, and you have no reason to stay with the Hale family anymore and stay in this era, but I really don't want you to leave, I think you also need a reason to stay here, and I can provide you with justifiable reasons, I hope to offer you asylum."

"Even if you don't leave me these inheritances, I will stay by your side and take care of you, Mr. Bell."

Mr. Bell chuckled. He sat down on the chair next to me, held my hand and said, "My legacy to you is just a plan for you after I die. You know, a non-relative The old Miss America is always around an old bachelor and it will inevitably cause gossip - I think you have felt it in Milton, otherwise Old Hale would not have brought you to me, no Are you right?" Mr. Bell was right, I was speechless for a moment, and he continued, "In this day and age, people's words are terrible, although I am not afraid of those gossips, but I, like Mr. Hale, cannot watch Others spoke ill of you, so I thought of a solution—of course, this is also the purpose of my talking to you this time."

"What way? I trust you, Mr. Bell!"

"This way sounds a little selfish, but I hope you will seriously consider it..." At this time, Mr. Bell took my hand, knelt down in front of me on one knee, took out a ring from his pocket, and said solemnly: " Miss Calpernia Addams, I wish you would marry me!"

Hearing Mr. Bell's "method", I can no longer describe it as being flattered. My eyes widened in surprise, and I was speechless for a while. Finally, I realized that I should help him up, and asked without doubt. : "Mr. Bell, you must be too tired, don't you know what you are talking about?"

Mr. Bell stood up, took the ring in his hand, looked at me, then looked at me and said: "I know you must think this idea is crazy, I am old enough to be your father, and you know I have always loved Mrs. Old Halle, how could he want to propose to you again just after he died?"

"Yes, Mr. Bell, I do not hesitate to say that I find your proposal very puzzling."

"Cali, this marriage proposal may seem absurd, but this method may be the best choice now. Our marriage is not based on love, but on a friendship that relies on each other and needs to rely on each other. Both of us Personal marriage is a formal marriage, a disguise on the social order, and I will not ask you to fulfill your obligations as a wife. I just want to provide you with the protection you deserve while I am alive. I think this is It’s a feasible way.” Mr. Bell’s proposal made me not know what to think. If I continue to stay in this era, there will be earth-shaking changes after Mr. Hale’s funeral. The assumptions Mr. Bell just said are true. It will happen, but will my sham marriage with Mr. Bell really work?Although I have long known that a gay and a lesbian can achieve social compromise through physical marriage without changing each other's lifestyles, but I never thought that this kind of thing would happen to me.

"Cali, I know this proposal is crazy and sudden, but I ask you to think carefully about this best-of-both-worlds solution. You don't have to answer me right away. I can give you enough time to think about it." Then he put the ring in In my hand, I walked out of the study.

At this time, the big clock in the living room has struck eleven, and it seems that it is time for me to go to the train station.The butler has already prepared the carriage for me and sent me to the train station, and Mr. Bell also came out to see him off. Before leaving, he reminded me again in a low voice to "consider his proposal carefully". I boarded the carriage and left without answering him. .What happened in the past two days really caught people off guard. Mr. Bell's proposal and reasons for the "formal marriage" really made me think, which is why I accepted the ring without rejecting Mr. Bell.The engagement ring he had slipped into my hand was now in my hand, glistening beautifully in the sun.The ring was delicate and beautiful, with diamonds the size of soybeans set in white gold, and it was like a reminder that maybe I could think about it while I was back in Milton.

When I arrived in Milton, it was already the next afternoon, more tired than disturbed, because I didn't know how to break the news of Mr. Hale's death to Dixon.When Dixon opened the door for me and looked puzzled at me standing alone in the doorway dressed in black, she froze for five seconds, obviously suppressing her wild thoughts, and then let me enter the room enthusiastically .And when I told her the news of Mr. Hale's death, although her face was very calm, her lips were pursed into a slit, and she stood there for a long time, before she could speak: "It seems that I I need to send a message to Mary that I can't help her in the factory cafeteria today! I'll make dinner for you right away, Miss Cali!" When Dixon turned and walked out, I found her holding her big The apron is covering her face, I think she doesn't want to vent her feelings in front of me!Dixon had always been loyal, and she had become a member of the Hale family. It is self-evident that Mr. Hale's death hit her hard.I wanted to comfort her, but I couldn't find a suitable word.

The first thing I did after I had sorted out my luggage was to write to Marguerite to come back quickly, and then I slipped the letter under the attic door—yes, I Once I found that I couldn't open the door of time and space, I could only write a letter, praying that Margaret could see the letter as soon as possible and return here as soon as possible.