Love England

My name is CalperniaAddams, people who know me call me Cali, just like ordinary girls, I like beautiful clothes, like shopping, longing for a beautiful love, but I am not an ordinary girl, even now Not even worthy of being called a "girl".In fact, I am a man who has not fully transgendered into a woman. My real name is Scottie. After God let me be born, I gradually found that He put me, a female soul, into a male body. I was confused, it made me blame myself, it made me feel guilty.My parents were born in the southern part of the United States since childhood, and they have never left their land in their entire lives. Both of them have the hard work of southerners, and like many southerners, they are devout and conservative Christians. They treat me feminine Behavior is incomprehensible, even shameful.My father has a small farm, and he has been extremely strict with me since I was a child. Although my mother is very gentle with me, she can't disobey her husband's orders.My father thought he could reverse my femininity with farm work and horseback riding, and he even forced me to join the army to cultivate my manliness when I was older, but nothing worked out for me as he expected.I'm a pacifist and can't stand war of any kind, that would have been sinful, although I enlisted in the Navy, I didn't become a Marine as my father wanted me to, but secretly chose when I signed up Became a medic, became a nurse.

Becoming a soldier didn't make me more "normal" as my father expected. I couldn't bear the sex that God gave me but didn't belong to me. I wanted to unify my soul with sex.In the end, I left the army, and despite the objections and rejections of my family and friends, I underwent breast augmentation surgery and some hormone therapy, but due to my financial constraints, I couldn't afford the $[-] cost of sex reassignment surgery.So, now I am just a man with a female appearance in front of people-this kind of person is usually called a "shemale" in a vulgar way, which I don't like. I prefer to call myself "transgender".In order to earn high surgery fees, I left Tennessee, where I was born and grew up, and came to Campbell, Kentucky, where no one knew me. I changed my name to Calpernia, and worked as a bar in the only "transvestite" themed bar in Campbell. A singing and dancing resident began a new life.

In this cross-dressing bar, I met many people who had similar experiences to me, and also made many friends who were like me. I quickly integrated into this circle.Here, I am a star, standing under the spotlight of the bar stage, I am confident, sexy, beautiful, exuding charming brilliance, and I am proud of my work.I am very intoxicated by the dazzling and brief moments of releasing myself on the stage, and I also enjoy the applause and cheers from the audience off the stage for my performance.But behind the feasting and feasting, those men with curious eyes who go to the bar to have fun, when you know what they want to get from you behind their eager smiles, you will get nothing but disappointment and nausea Only loneliness and disappointment.Gradually, I became bored with my own life. Once the illusory life of daily corruption and noise and singing and dancing was over, I returned home with exhaustion. After taking a hot bath to relax my whole body, I read a book quietly. My favorite novels have become the best way for me to temporarily escape from reality.

Among the many books, my favorite is the novel "The South and the North" by the 19th century British novelist Mrs. Gaskell. It is the only thing I take with me when I leave Tennessee, and it is also the only link to my past. Because this book has long been a part of my life.It was a birthday present from my mother when I was 12--the paperback black cover has no pictures, and the title is printed in large gilt Latin script, it looks so unpretentious, but as soon as I opened the novel, I was fascinated. It attracted me, and I read it countless times, so that the book gradually became dilapidated and was about to be rummaged through.I read it at dinner, I read it on the bus, I read it when I got home from school, and I still read it in the dressing room, backstage.I love everything described in the book: I love the heroine Margaret for her kindness, intelligence, and independence-seeking character and elegance; I love the old father Mr. Hale who insists on faith and is tolerant and knowledgeable; I love the kind and caring cousin. Edith, I love the politeness of people in that era, I love the warm Helstone in the south of England, I love the industrial city of Milton in the north of England, I love the strength and resistance of the workers at that time, but if you If I were to choose only one favorite character, I would tell you without hesitation, and that would be Mr. Thornton.

Maybe many girls like the handsome Mr. Darcy described by Jane Austen, but I love the resolute and resolute Mr. Thornton described by Mrs. Gaskell.Compared with Mr. Darcy, the prince who came out of the Grimm's fairy tales, although Mr. Thornton is slightly gloomy and lacks elegance, he is more diligent and closer to reality—he will be troubled by career difficulties, and he will be troubled by family problems. Worried about the problems of his love, he will be entangled in his love for Margaret, and even choose to give up for the happiness of his loved one.He will undoubtedly be a man to depend on, and he will undoubtedly be a good husband, and possibly even a good father.When I "meet" him at the age of 12, I fell in love with him as much as Margaret. I wish his love with Margaret, and I also love the love between the two of them. After reading the novel In the end, the two lovers finally got married. You have no idea how gratified and happy I was at that time.

At this moment, I am alone at home quietly, lying lazily on the sofa in my long pajamas, picking up the book "South and North" whose cover has already been curled, and immersing my soul in its world with relish Read it as freshly as I read it for the first time:

"...'He was a tall, broad-shouldered man, about—about how old, Dad?'

' I guess about 30 years old. '

'About 30--with a face that's neither quite mediocre nor pretty, not at all remarkable--and doesn't look much like a man of distinction, but it's not likely he'd be expected to picture. '

' But not vulgar. ' interrupted my father, who was a little afraid of being disparaged by his only friend in Milton.

'Yo, no! ' said Margaret. ' He had such a determined expression, such a face, however commonplace it may be, that it was neither coarse nor vulgar.I didn't like to deal with him, he seemed steadfast, and on the whole seemed born for his business, mother, shrewd and capable, just what a great business man should be. '

'Never mind..." (from the novel Chapter 7 "New Scenes and New Faces")

"Dangdang! Kaka!" Suddenly, a sound came from the storage room, disturbing my reading.God!It must be a rat. The rat poison that was put in a few days ago may have taken effect.I put down the book, boldly, although rationality told me that the broom might not be useful for resisting the rampaging mice, but I still tiptoedly picked up the broom for self-defense.I came to the door of the storage room, opened the door carefully, and was surprised to find that the light in the room was on, and a beautiful woman dressed in the British Victorian era appeared in the storage room—the sound from the storage room just now The source is her.

The woman was holding an extinguished candle in her hand, and was fiddling with the light switch in the storage room. She was also taken aback when she saw me, and then she tried her best to restore her graceful posture, and politely bowed to me. Li, with a British accent, said apologetically first: "I'm sorry, lady! I don't know anyone else here, so I take the liberty of disturbing you. But can you tell me where this is?" My My mind was spinning quickly, and I thought that today is neither Halloween nor April Fool's Day, how could someone dressed like this appear in the storage room of my house, even if it was a joke made by my transgender friends, it was too realistic .Hearing the other party speak to me so politely and gracefully, I also gave her a non-standard curtsey as politely as possible and replied: "You are in the storage room of my house, miss."

"I'm so sorry, I didn't expect this to be your home. I just moved here from Helstone and you must be my new neighbor - oh yes, I haven't introduced myself yet, my name is Margaret Hale! It was a pleasure to make your acquaintance!"

I couldn't believe my ears and eyes, it was Margaret standing in front of me?Is that the Margaret I had in mind?This must be a joke played by my friends who know me well!What a group of naughty ghosts that people love and hate!The Margaret they found really put their best effort into it, from dress to appearance, it was exactly the same as the one described in the novel—let’s cater to her for now!

"My name is Calpernia Addams, my friends call me Cali, nice to meet you, Miss Hale! I want to ask, how did you come to my storage room?"

"It's the door behind me, you see!" This Miss Hale moved as far as she could in the narrow locker room, and behind her was a door that was ajar—of course I knew the door, the door. It was originally a false door. Behind the door was the plumbing facilities and cold walls of the house I rented. For the convenience of repairmen and for the sake of beauty, the landlord installed this false door in the storage room.Because this false door is usually locked and cannot be opened, I have never opened this door.Now the door is actually open?Curiously, I poked my head over, and slowly pushed open the fake door that couldn't be opened with the broom head, for fear that a cream-smeared pie would fly out from behind and fly into my face, making this well-designed prank of my friends succeed.But what surprised me even more was that there was actually another room behind the door, because there was not enough light to see the specific situation in the room clearly.

"There is really a room behind this door!" I couldn't help but exclaim.

"Yes, I didn't expect the door of this room to lead to your home, Miss Addams."

"So your father is really Mr. Hale, who used to be a pastor in Helston?" Upon hearing the mention of Mr. Hale, Miss Hale showed a trace of shame on her face. She lowered her eyes and replied: " Yes, it was the pastor Hale who left the church in Helstone, I didn't expect this news to spread so quickly..."

"No, you misunderstood. I respect your father very much, and I also understand the choice your father made, and I admire him for being so firm in his religious beliefs. I envy you for having such a father, Margot Lite—may I call you Margaret?"

"Of course, my friend!"

"Then you can call me Cali too!"

"Okay Cali! Although today I feel angry and even offended that Mr. Thornton rented this house for us without authorization, I did not expect to meet a friend of my age and I am really happy .”

When she mentioned Mr. Thornton's name, my heart twitched, and I couldn't help asking: "What is Mr. Thornton like, Margaret? I'm really curious!"

"I just heard my father mention him a lot in the past two days. I haven't seen him yet. His secretary told me downstairs that this is the house that Mr. Thornton rented for us. It seems that I really want to talk to him face to face. Thank you!" Although Margaret spoke calmly, her face showed dissatisfaction after being pointed at by others, obviously this dissatisfaction came from Mr. Thornton's own initiative.

"It seems that this is the beginning of the story. She hasn't met Mr. Thornton yet..." I whispered to myself.

"What did you say, Cali?"

"Oh! I mean I hope you will accept Mr. Thornton's offer, and really hope you will be my neighbour, my dear Margaret!"

"Of course, Cali! I am also very happy to have a neighbor from the United States. This is the first time I have contact with Americans. I like your accent! Well, I shouldn't stay with you for too long , It’s time for me to go back, I enjoyed chatting with you, now it seems that maybe my father’s move from Helstone to Milton is not so bad. Goodbye Cali, I will definitely pay you a formal visit after moving here!” Marguerite curtseyed again.

"I look forward to seeing you next time, Margaret!" I quickly returned the salute, and I felt much more natural this time.She nodded and smiled at me, and I watched her walk in through the false door, holding a candle, and it closed again.

When the woman who claimed to be Margaret left, I tried to open the door again, but the door was locked firmly, and I couldn't open it no matter how hard I tried.I walked out of the storage room in a trance, turned off the light, put the broom back where it was, and fell down on the sofa in a daze - God!Am I dreaming?I confirm that I am not drinking alcohol or getting sick, how could I have such a real hallucination?It really doesn't look like a prank by friends, but how to explain the situation just now?Maybe it's because I've been too tired recently, that's why I have such hallucinations before my eyes!Thinking of this, I forced the excitement in my mind to subside quickly, and obediently went back to bed to sleep.