Wild child

After changing several places in a row but failing to get rid of Sirius, Fanny finally obeyed the advice and returned home.

There's a lot to do.She wrote a letter to the old Fields in Egypt—brought to them by a local friend of Bill’s. She responded gracefully to everyone’s greetings, and handled her duties as a member of the Order of the Phoenix with a calm attitude that was admired by those around her. The aftermath of the Field family.

After choosing the flowers for the funeral, Fanny thought a little amusedly that coping with bad things that had happened was her forte.

When only Smith, Mrs. Conwell, and Sirius were left in sight, she would put several Binding Charms on the door and lock herself inside.The other two couldn't get in, and as long as Fanny remembered not to starve herself to death, Sirius basically let her do what she did—that's why she always chose to act with Sirius.

The Field family was buried in the family cemetery. The funeral was held a week after the incident. It was hosted by a colleague who was close to Mr. Field. Due to various reasons, it was very deserted.Fanny can't appear in public at the moment, she didn't plan to go, but Sirius broke down Fanny's door for the first time that morning and directly shoved her an invisibility cloak.After arriving at the scene, as soon as Sirius let go of her hand, she left him and found a corner where no one would bump into her. Given that there were not many mourners, this was not a difficult task.

There was a lot of discussion before and after the funeral about why the Fields suffered such sudden misfortune.Aside from the outrageous guesses of the uninformed, most members of the Order of the Phoenix are quite calm about this: the younger generation has no deep impression on the Fields, nor has they seen their tragic situation with their own eyes; Shocked by this.All members of the Order of the Phoenix who could be present came to express their condolences. The eulogy has nothing to do with what the deceased really did in this war, but the members clearly shared some common feelings when listening to it. Mrs. Weasley has been working hard suppressed his sobs.In the past two years, Mr. Field has undertaken the task of contacting and delivering information. He is not close to other members of the Order of the Phoenix, but his contribution is undeniable. Lucy and Sandy also tried their best to help in their own way. .

After the funeral, Fanny went home directly, but she didn't go in immediately just to avoid her door being blown open again, and went to the restaurant to make herself a sandwich.The other three probably communicated before entering the door, only Sirius walked towards her and handed her three envelopes.Inside was the will of the Field family, the ancestral home and the Field family property were bequeathed to Frank and the old Fields—the child Fanny had avoided thinking about before, and now he too was an orphan; the house they lived in, including three The garden, the women's favorite, was left to Fanny together—though there is nothing there now; the couple's savings in the Gringotts separate account was divided equally between Fanny, Frank, and the old Fields—well Well, she has no need to worry about living expenses.

Fanny: Please take good care of Frankie, remember we all love you.Lucy wrote so at the bottom of her will, signed Lucky, the irony of which made Fanny tighten her lips again to keep from laughing.

"He must have arranged it long ago, there is no need for further procedures. Gringotts completed the transfer immediately after their death." Sirius put his hands in his pockets and leaned slightly, "Okay, now put yourself Close it back."

Fanny pocketed the will and obeyed.There was no reason to pull her out now, so she stayed in the room for two full days until the door was blown open again.

"Go out and have dinner." Sirius ordered, ignoring the wooden blocks that fell on his feet with a loud noise.

The scene in the room was somewhat creepy—Fanny was sitting on the bed looking at him, her eyes were empty, and her gray hair was scattered like burnt ashes in the dim light.It wouldn't be long before Mrs. Conwell or Smith could bear it, but Sirius insisted on meeting her gaze, his gray eyes determined and cold.So she lowered her gaze, and controlled her body, which had barely been soaked in water for several days, to stand up.

"I have to clean up first," she said.

After 10 minutes, Fanny tidied herself up and went downstairs. For the next hour, she stuffed every morsel of food that Mrs. Conwell brought her into her stomach, faster than Conwell. Madam didn't even have time to ask "Do you want any more", until Sirius couldn't bear it anymore and pinned down Fanny's hand that was reaching for the baked potato.

"Enough," he said.

Fanny just stopped eating, stared at the dining table in a daze, staring so hard that the three of them couldn't eat any more, and ended the dinner hastily.

Mrs. Conwell quickly gathered the cutlery into a heap, picked it up, and turned away to hide the fact that she was wiping tears.Smith helped to follow the crumbling pile of things and followed into the kitchen, so only Fanny and Sirius were left in the dining room.

"Come out with me," Sirius said.

As soon as she went out, Fanny vomited all her dinner behind the cherry tree.Sirius watched blankly, and waited for Fanny to wipe her mouth and straighten up before he said coldly, "What do you think you are doing?"

"Vomit?"

"I thought I'd give you some time to figure it out for yourself. Even if you tortured yourself to death, it wouldn't be of any help to the Field family. Do you still need me to say this?"

"No, and I really don't know why you're saying that."

For a moment Sirius looked like he was going to punch someone, and Fanny looked like she could hit someone if you wanted to.Sirius seemed to have made a difficult decision, and let go of his clenched fist.

"Go ahead," he said.

"What do you want to hear? I'm hungry again?"

"Their deaths are all your fault, you quit, you want to quit, and so on." Sirius said contemptuously, "What do you think we are doing? People die every day, they are now, and they will be tomorrow." Maybe it's Arthur, Remus, Isa or you and me. If you're scared and want to quit, well, we can send you to Holland or France or whatever the hell is far away from the war. It doesn't even have to be You use poor Fields as an excuse."

Fanny looked at him incredulously: "They are my family!"

"You say I act like the whole world owes me all day, and that's because I don't have a family. We're all the same, stingy, and don't think people are family until they're dead—and that's It's just one person. Whenever it's not about you alone, you run away, that's the kind of person you are."

It was Fanny's turn to be furious, and she didn't swing her fist. She had vowed not to lose control, and that cold little voice kept reminding her.

So she sneered a few times in a way that would make anyone but Sirius shudder: "No, I didn't treat them as family when they died. I never planned to have anything to do with them, but just Like trembling when you're attacked by a murderer, grieving when your friend is killed, you're 'normal' so people don't ask questions—I almost don't know why I pretend I care."

"Does that make you feel better?"

"They were killed because of me—or at least they probably were, and I wasn't going to shed any tears. If I didn't care while they were alive, I certainly wouldn't care about their death. By the way, did I mention that? I knew about Dumbledore weeks before he died, and when he said he had it all figured out I told him to just let it go. Well, I did shed a few tears when he died."

This unexpected information made Sirius silent for a moment, and Fanny was eerily proud.

"So that's why. Things you keep punishing yourself with, ha."

"It's what made me recognize myself. Mr. Field...their thing is just a confirmation." Fanny shrugged.

Sirius ignored her affectation and cover-up, "You're punishing yourself, trust me, I know what it's like. Damn it, I've spent half my life experiencing this, I can smell it without even using my nose .”

"Then what is your harvest?"

"A pure waste of time."

"It's amazing. I can tell you that without cuddling with a dementor for 12 years."

Sirius sneered: "Look at you."

"Sandy has said so many times that she likes me to call her that. She wants me to call them Sandy and Sam, or at least Uncle Sam and Aunt Sandy." Fanny folded her arms to herself, looking holding a bare branch, "It's easy...but I don't want to. I said it would make Lucy feel weird, but I was thinking of my mother. Mr. Field is not qualified to be CC's brother, he My parents are not qualified to be CC's parents because they left her and ran away and left her to go through all of that - because they could have come to me for 13 years and they never had."

"Sam knows this. He's been fighting and trying to help me. He doesn't say it. He hopes to get my forgiveness." Fanny closed her eyes and pressed her lips tightly. "But I didn't, and he never will." Chance heard it. I kept thinking about how funny the reaction would be when I called him Uncle Sam in front of him, Sandy and Lucy..."

Sirius looked at her, Fanny still didn't cry, she was never afraid, never collapsed.The coma did not erase his memory, and the person in front of him was no different from the girl in the Forbidden Forest a few years ago, desperate and unwilling to give up.He taught Fanny many things, but there was one thing she never learned—she instinctively assumed at all times that she had no backup.

"You know, I have a brother, Regulus, two years younger than me," he said at last, "I was very close to him, but before Hogwarts. Luckily , I went into Gryffindor, met James, and really started to despise the shit they preached. And Regulus, he never changed. My parents like to compare me to him. It was their pride, but after my first year I wasn't so popular. Then they despised me, and I despised him. Ironically, he still had a kind of... admiration for me, Even if he doesn't have a hair on his body to understand what I insist on."

"You are his brother."

"Yeah... At 16, I had enough. I ran away from home, forever."

Sirius could have gone quietly, leaving only a note explaining what he had done.Although the Blacks had already begun to monitor his actions at that time, as a core member of the Predator, he certainly had his own way to get rid of it.At that moment, however, it seemed extremely important to walk out the door in a dignified manner.

Though he thought he was ready, he was knocked down before he could draw his wand.The last thing Sirius remembers about his parents is that they taught him an unforgettable lesson.At first Sirius could count the spells his father uttered in a grim, furious voice: the Cruciatus Curse, the Stinging Curse, the Whiplash Curse... and then his memory blurred as much as his mind and consciousness, and he only remembered half-consciousness His mother's vicious screams and his father's curses filled his ears intermittently, while Regulus stood aside and said nothing.

Afterwards, there was a long intermission. Sirius put his face on the intricately patterned carpet and thought for a while before deciding to open his eyes and try to sit up.He kept looking at his three family members as he clasped his arms and braced himself. He didn't know what expression he had on his face, but it was sure that it made them angry again.Father strode over, pointing at his throat the wand that had cast countless spells at him that day, the hand holding the wand was trembling in anger and excitement, and the tip of the wand was pointing at his throat again and again.

"I was not a paragon of bravery and fearlessness. When I looked at my father's face and realized that he was about to strike." Sirius smiled self-deprecatingly. "The only thing I can do is Close your eyes, I will beg him - let me go, I will obey, I will not go."

But Regulus' voice sounded nearby, "...Father."

His younger brother was by no means a coward. In fact, the two brothers were stubborn in opposite directions but to the same degree. The two rarely had direct conflicts because he, Regulus, was less good at talking than his brother.Another complete opposite between the two brothers was that Regulus had always respected his father, and had never really disobeyed his wishes in the past ten years or so.

"Go away, Regulus. You poor wretch," he said, not looking at Regulus, but into his father's identical gray eyes.

The four eyes met, burning with paranoia and madness from the same blood.

Sirius suddenly realized very clearly that he was indeed this man's son.

He saw his father's facial muscles twitch, heard Regulus' short gasp, and he knew he was going to die.

"Go away! You bastard, filthy trash, my bastard! Go away!!" His mother waved her wand and uttered sharp curses that he had never heard before.The sudden scream and loud bang made Sirius flinch instinctively, as did his father.The gate of Black's old house shattered behind him, and his father twitched a few times before finally lowering his wand.

His mother had probably just saved his life, but Sirius found he didn't care.He did his best to walk instead of crawling to the door, and as he staggered and grabbed the remaining half of the doorknob to steady himself, he heard Regulus' voice.

"He called me 'Brother'." Sirius said softly, repeating the tone of the 14-year-old boy: helpless, pleading, and as proud as he was.

In the following 12 years of prison life, while reliving the night that made him lose three friends over and over again, the word "Brother" echoed in his mind countless times, together with his father's cold voice and his mother's screaming .He replayed it over and over until he realized that it all hurt his heart.But at that time, he only felt contempt, and his heart was filled with the joy of victory.

I have won and I am free.He thought, and said the same to his friends.Exhausting his last strength, he took out the double-sided mirror and finished speaking these few words, and immediately lost consciousness on the steps beside Grimmauld Square.

"When I wake up, I'm already at Potter's house." Sirius sighed incomprehensibly. "The Potters treated me warmly. It was definitely the best summer vacation in my life."

Fanny lowered her eyes, imagining the scene more than 20 years ago.The family lives under the same roof, but there is only malicious harm.

"Regulus never gave up trying to reconcile me with my parents. Until I graduated, he kept trying to stop me alone in school. He thought that as long as I would bow my head and admit my mistake, my parents Just forgive me and we'll be family again. A little disagreement and arguments, no big deal.

"As soon as he was an adult, he joined the ranks of the Death Eaters. He believed in the same blood theory as he grew up, and worshiped Voldemort like my parents. I don't know what made him change his mind, but several Months later he decided to call it quits, so he died, and Dumbledore broke the news to me.

"Did I mention? He was really good. He got good grades, he was better looking than me, he was almost as good at Quidditch as James, and he had something I lost forever - he was the pride of my parents. I never told him that while he was alive, and every time James said to me 'Your brother is such a tough guy', I had to do my best to keep him from seeing how proud I was. I never tell him i love him.

"The Quidditch final in sixth grade, Gryffindor versus Slytherin, Regulus versus James as the Seekers. At the end of the Snitch, he and James swooped down side by side. Looked desperate. In the end the Snitch was caught by James, and Gryffindor won. Regulus looked at me when I got off the broom, and I hung my arm around James' shoulders - it was a little scary He, because I don't do that often—carried him back to the castle, and everyone around me was laughing, and I was laughing too, and I could feel Regulus watching me the whole time."

"He kept looking at me," Sirius repeated, "but I never said a 'well done, Reggie' to him. I'll never regret leaving that house, but sometimes... I think Did he ever have the chance to ask me for help. If he told me he wanted to get rid of that stuff, I would die to help him...but he didn't. So I used every opportunity I could to bring him up to belittle and defame him. I'll never have a chance to be a brother again."

Sirius choked, Fanny hesitated, and stood there waiting for him to recover his voice.Sirius never mentioned everything related to his surname in front of people in a tone of no emotion, and she guessed that tomorrow or a few hours later he would start wishing to pick up these words and stuff them anywhere. go back.

It took Sirius a while to calm himself down, he twitched the corners of his mouth, and his voice was a little hoarse when he spoke again. "It's also because you have listened to such nonsense for so long... What I want to say is that some words can't reach the ears of the dead no matter how loud we shout. But this should not be a reason to give up."

"But what if it's really my fault?" Fanny asked.

"My biggest mistake cost the life of my best friend." Sirius said calmly, "If you want to know how to make things better, I will tell you that there is no such way, you can only learn to live with it. The appearance of Wormtail made me decide to leave Azkaban. The moment I swam across the ocean and landed on land, I decided that I would do my best to protect James and Lily's son, and make those who caused their deaths pay for it. price, and then I'll live—almost forgot, you've already commented on that."

"Oh," Fanny genuinely smiled for the first time in days, feeling the tautness of her skin, which had been stiffened by the cold wind. "At least you tried."

"That's all for now, don't mention anything else, you are definitely the most stubborn idiot I've ever seen." Sirius raised a hand, paused, and patted Fanny on the shoulder. "If you still insist on acting like a cold-blooded bastard, well, at least we can be two cold-blooded bastards."

Sirius moved a little bit, muttered, "My blood is going to freeze if I stand any longer," then turned and walked into the room. Fanny followed two steps behind, and her eyes fell on the drooping bird. For a moment, there was an urge to put his hand in.Then she thought, maybe she was just too cold.

For some reason, Fanny thought of Dumbledore again.He assumed the responsibility of leading the entire action against Voldemort, faced all kinds of intertwined power disputes, and made all crucial decisions, and the most difficult thing was that he really cared about those who were willing to die for him.

As soon as she entered, Fanny saw Mrs. Conwell standing in the hallway and Smith standing in the living room. Four worried eyes lingered on her body all the time.She walked over and gave Mrs. Conwell a hug. "Is there anything to eat? And... I'm sorry."

The last word she said to Smith simultaneously, looking over Mrs Conwell's shoulder.Smith's expression was still a little stiff, but he was obviously relieved, and walked over to hug the two of them.

Fanny let go of Mrs. Conwell. She was already half a head taller than her adoptive mother, and she could look down slightly into her eyes: "...I'm sorry."

Mrs. Conwell waited for a while, then smiled almost sadly: "As long as you are all right."

Then she turned around and walked into the kitchen, her back was a little gloomy.Fanny turned her eyes away, sat on the sofa relaxedly under the confused and complicated eyes of Smith and Sirius, and waited for the food to be ready.

The author has something to say:

Congratulations to Fanny and Sirius for reaching the heart-pounding achievement and entering the next stage-no matter how ambiguous they are, they will never be together! (no)

This chapter can be regarded as pointing out some of Fanny’s crux. Some things can’t be let go, maybe it was skipped at that time, but neither Mrs. Conwell’s Smithfield family nor herself has really forgiven her.Carrying these things is certainly heavy, but now she can at least be a cold-blooded bastard with Sirius (emphasis added).

Well, then I really want to spill blood.