shadow lover

When the sky was roaring, I quickly took out my mobile phone and called Aunt Wang to ask her to go to my house to help close the window. I hung up the phone anxiously and then picked up the paint to continue the work at hand. My eyelids were heavy and my fingers were a little clumsy. From one o'clock in the morning to three forty in the afternoon, I finished my day's work and walked out of the wedding banquet hall.

I stopped and took a taxi. It was only a 15-minute journey and I fell into a coma. "Hey, miss, I'm at the place. It's [-] yuan." The kind driver reminded me to get off, and I thanked him for paying and pushed the door down. The car hunched slightly and ran into the rough alley.

When I entered the house, most of the clothes on my body were wet. I put down the makeup box, took off my coat and walked in. There was no other furniture in the room except a simple iron frame bed.

"Mom, let's sit on the bed, the ground is cold, don't be afraid, don't be afraid."

"An'an, my An'an, where have you been? Don't play hide-and-seek with your mother."

Drag the woman curled up in the corner to the bed and hug her and pat her on the back. This woman is my adoptive mother who brought me home when I was young. She took me as well as my own mother , until one day her tense nerves completely collapsed, and since then, her adoptive mother has become sick more and more frequently, even if she is not in a state of madness, she will continue to think about it.

After a while of consolation, I got up and went to the kitchen to cook. The simple rice mustard became our dinner. When feeding my mother, she overturned the rice bowl, fed a few mouthfuls of rice, and then took the white pills with water.

The thunder outside the window shook the house. I took out the bedding from the cardboard box and spread it on the floor. I turned over and faced the wall and closed my eyes. When I was drowsy, someone kicked me on the back. I heard the woman behind me screaming loudly. Call me a damn human trafficker.I didn't open my eyes and didn't make a sound and continued to remain silent. After the endless chatter, the woman gradually calmed down. When I heard the snoring, I opened my eyes and got up and went to the bathroom to tear off the plaster on my body and replace it with a new one.

Turn off the alarm at two o'clock in the morning and get up quietly, put the bedding into the cardboard box and then turn around and go out. It is normal to go out in the dark, and the deserted streets are not so lonely in my eyes. I stepped into XX at [-]:[-] After entering the working state, the red letter of great joy is also so red in this dark night.

"Is this blush too light? Make it darker."

"Auntie, it's irritating to the eyes when you're deep. Just wait until you get your hair done and put on a wedding dress. Why don't you wait and see the effect. If you still feel bad, let's mend it."

"Okay, let's do it."

"Beauty, your eyes are so beautiful, and you are beautiful without makeup." I was afraid that the customer would not be satisfied with my service, so I started to please the customer by talking good things about it. Looking at other people's happy appearance in a joyful atmosphere, I never thought that one day I would sit in a wedding dress in a fully furnished bride's room and wait for that person to come to marry me.

From the hotel to the hotel, from the hotel to the residence, I have to go back and forth like this at least three times a day. In this historic city, I just received a call from the police when I was putting on makeup. They told me that they found a group of children who had been trafficked They asked me what to watch in the past, and I replied that it was around four o'clock.

At [-]:[-] p.m., festive music was playing outside. I sat alone in the dressing room of the hotel, lying on the dressing table. My stomach was convulsed due to the long-term fasting, and I held a bitten candied date in my hand. He opened his mouth and panted slightly, then put the remaining half of a candied date into his mouth, chewed and swallowed it into his throat.

Two hours later, I finished all my work and went to the police station. A small group of people gathered in the police station. They were all looking for their children. They sat among them and waited for the police to call me. When she called me, I With one hand resting on his stomach and the other carrying the makeup case, he walked over and sat down.

"These few meet the conditions you provided. We have contacted a few of them. This is the phone number. You can go and ask."

"OK, thanks."

Taking the information sheet given by the police, I walked out of the police station and walked to the side of the road. Sitting in the taxi, I curled up into a ball. The pain made my mind not even a little confused. The driver asked me if I needed to go to the hospital. I said no, thank you , the car stopped, took the cosmetic case, got out of the car and walked in step by step.

"Anyang, are you okay, is there something wrong?"

"Aunt Wang, thank you yesterday."

"You don't have to be so polite to me every time. We are all neighbors. Besides, I should help you in this situation."

"Aunt Wang, these are Sixi meatballs. No one has touched them before. Take them back and eat them."

"How embarrassing"

"You take it, please help me take care of my mother."

"You child, then I'll take it. I'm afraid it will rain this day. Go home quickly so you don't get drenched."

"Well, okay, you go slowly."

Aunt Wang said no, but her actions were very honest. Today I secretly took a portion of meatballs at the wedding banquet. People will do shameless things when they are in an extreme state. I am ashamed of my actions. Feel blushing.Holding on to the dilapidated wall, I moved slowly. I don’t know if I can find my mother’s lost daughter this time. I don’t know if this time it will be a waste of time. I don’t know if I really find her one day. Will I accept my mother? Will she recognize her, will she take care of her mother for the rest of her life.

Tremblingly, I pushed open the door and entered the room and fell against the wall. The sweat soaked through the close-fitting vest. Before I fell into darkness, I heard my mother calling An An again.

My name is Anyang, but I am not Anyang, not my mother’s child, but a child she picked up from the garbage dump under the bridge hole, who are my parents, why did they give birth to me, why did they throw me away, why didn’t they come to me, I don’t know but Wondering if they thought of the child they had abandoned after so many years.

I can't see the light in the dark, life taught me to grow, told me to be strong, exercised my will, honed my mind, I wanted to sleep but couldn't sleep, I wanted to lean on but didn't have a pillar, I wanted to cry but didn't Tears, I want to cry but there is no sound.I have been brave in the lonely space for too long, I want to stretch out my hands to find tenderness, I want to seek short-term fireworks in this space where there is nowhere to put it, I want to use selfishness as an excuse to live for myself.

But, the funny thing is, I don't know who I am, but, the sad thing is that I use someone else's name and use my own body to survive.

Anyang, I will give you my name back, please tell me who I am.