two or three days of birthday

There was a lot of rain in the south in the first half of the year, especially this year. I also encountered a flood a few days before my birthday, which caused road traffic jams and the high-speed rail stopped running that day.Counting half a year, there are very few days with clear skies.

Today is no exception. It has been raining heavily since midnight last night. I woke up to the sound of the rain hitting the windows, and I never fell asleep again, feeling anxious and depressed all the time.

The night is over, and dawn is coming, the heavy rain outside has not weakened a little, and it is still falling in splinters.The person in my arms didn't move and was breathing evenly, but I knew he was awake, he was pretending to be asleep, and I spoiled him so I didn't expose it.

He took out his phone from his pillow to check the time, it was [-]:[-] in the morning.

Every minute and every second is passing, and I feel very depressed and uncomfortable.

Selfish desires arose in my heart, and I wanted the rainstorm to last for a long time, and then it would naturally flood again, so that the high-speed rail would stop running like that day, and he couldn't leave, so he stayed for granted.I'm so selfish that I want to let this rainstorm destroy the city to fulfill my love with him.

I really don't want him to leave, and I'm so selfish that I even feel terrible about myself.How can we let the common people in the world come to fulfill us.I can't be so cruel, I can't have such selfish desires, I can't just think about it.

I know... Love in Allure is not like this.

After waking up, my heart was extremely heavy, but I still talked to him with a smile in order to dispel the fear caused by the upcoming parting. After packing everything up, I checked out the room and took him to have breakfast.He asked me to go to work, saying that he could just go to the high-speed rail station by himself, and the ticket he bought was around [-]:[-] in the morning.

He was about to leave, I didn't have the heart to go to work, but I still smiled and said: "I asked for leave, anyway, I haven't taken my annual leave this year."

He smiled and didn't say anything else. I thought about whether I should say something else, but I opened my mouth but couldn't say anything. He understood my thoughts and smiled again.Sitting on the bus, I was silent all the way. He was hesitant to speak and stopped worrying all the way. When he arrived at the high-speed rail station, he went to the self-service ticket machine to pick up the ticket, and then I bought a ticket with my ID card on the other side. Afternoon tickets to other places.

He was surprised and asked me why I had to buy a ticket. I smiled wryly and said that I must have a ticket to send you in before you can enter the waiting hall. After you get on the bus in a while, I will refund the ticket when you come out.

Follow him through the ticket check at the entrance and walk to the second floor one after the other.I looked at the train arrival and driving time on the big screen, and it was just right, with more than 2 minutes left.We stood side by side against the glass fence behind us, watching the passengers and crowds rushing back and forth with large and small suitcases.

I reached out to take the ring out of my trouser pocket and put it on my ring finger, then I rubbed it in front of him, and said very annoyingly: "Handsome guy, do you think my family has a good eye? He gave it to me, I really like it." .”

He just smiled and said nothing.I don't care about being a clown in front of him, I just want to make him happy, a smile like this is enough, but I'm still disappointed when he doesn't speak.He may have seen through the disappointment in my heart, and he also took out his coin from his trouser pocket and put it on his ring finger. His impulse was to tell me that he didn't want to ignore me.

We carefully avoided, and the closer we got, the two ring-wearing hands groped behind the back to find them, then passed through each other's palms and held them together. After a while, we loosened them again, careful not to attract the attention of outsiders.

Every time we parted, it was like this. We were silent to each other. There should have been thousands of words and thousands of words, a thousand reluctances and ten thousand sorrows, but we would hide them tacitly and always maintain a nonchalant expression on our faces. .

"It's raining really... when will it be the first time." I tried to break the soundless silence between us again.

He turned his head and shook his head to show that he didn't know either. He didn't speak or make any other expressions, which made me even more sad and embarrassed, so I stopped talking.

He casually flipped through Sanmao's "Story of the Sahara" in his hand, and suddenly said, "Do you know that there is a saying 'one disappears in the sea, and the other dies in the sea of ​​people'."

Seeing my blankness and shaking my head, he continued, "This sentence is about Jose and Sanmao, you know..."

I know the story of Sanmao and Jose, so I can understand the meaning of half of his half-sentenced words.But before that, I really didn't know there was such a... miserable and tragic sentence.

"'One disappeared into the sea, the other committed suicide in the sea of ​​people', why do you say this at this time? Do you think... the atmosphere is not enough?"

He smiled helplessly and didn't answer.

When the time was up, the voice on the radio sounded, and he was about to check the ticket and get on the bus.

"The bus is about to arrive at the station," I said, "the ticket check has begun..."

He stood up straight with his back away from the glass fence, looked at me and said, "Yeah."

People on the same train all started to move towards the same place like a tide, including him walking there slowly. I followed him and wanted to reach out to hold his hand. I tried twice but failed. I caught it and slid it away, but I never got it.I yelled at him, and he turned around in response. Before I could ask, I pulled him into my arms and hugged him, and the eyes still filled with water, and everything I looked at was cloudy.The head next to my ear was slightly tilted up, probably his eyes were also filled with tears, so he tilted up a little to pour it back.

In the crowd passing by us, no one stopped for us for a second, and no one was curious about this scene. Most of them thought it was an ordinary farewell for two ordinary good friends.

Counting the seconds in my heart, counting down from fifteen to one, I reluctantly let him go, "Safe trip."

"I am leaving."

"I beg you to go, if you don't go, I really won't let you go."

I took the ring back and held it in the palm of my hand, stood next to the automatic ticket gate machine, stared at his back, watched him check the ticket, watched him walk in, watched him go all the way to the end and then turn right down the stairs until the Never to be seen again.I suppressed my grief and heartache, and ran away without daring to look back.I went to the ticket refund window in the manual ticket hall to refund the ticket on my hand. When I returned to the square of the high-speed rail station, I found that my back was already wet with sweat.He took out his mobile phone to check the time. His train had already left 8 minutes ago.I couldn't help myself for a while, and the tears finally rolled out like a flood.

I found a secluded flower table in the square and sat on it with my legs bent. I buried my head between my knees and hugged myself into a ball. The ring in my hand was hot like blood.I didn't make a sound or shake my shoulders, and let the hot liquid flow out of my eyes automatically. At this time, the rain had stopped, and the wind blowing from the square blew my body cold.

The phone in his trouser pocket vibrated, and he took it out to see that it was a message from him: "What do you think we will become in the future? Is there a future?"

I replied to the message and asked him: "What's the matter? Why do you ask me this way?" When he asked me this way, I felt very uneasy and had no idea. It was obvious that he wanted to tell me something but he was too embarrassed to say it in person, and this kind of question I didn't have the guts to answer in front of him.Even if two people love each other again, it is always difficult to say some things in person, but it is edited into words and sent to the other party's mobile phone, knowing that he can see it, and it is easier to say what is in his heart.

"Your father wants me to persuade you to find a suitable person to start a family quickly... He said that you are 29 years old and you are not young, and you have been procrastinating on whether to find or get married. He and your mother can't do anything about it." .”

I remembered that my dad was alone in the kitchen with him on his birthday, and they talked about it.Instead of following his words and going back, I asked him instead: "What about you? Did your family urge you?"

"Reminder, openly and implicitly urge me every now and then, and I lie to them that I haven't met anyone I like. Actually... let's not say that I have a relationship, just look at how a person like me can deceive other girls."

"'The same people who have fallen in the end of the world', it is already a serious crime for me to hold on to you and not let go, and it is even more sinful to harm someone else's favorite jewel. After death, I will go to the [-]th level of hell. I will never recover from life to life. .”

"I'm very contradictory. I really like you. You don't know that when your dad told me about it, I didn't dare to look at him because I felt guilty."

"You have been depressed since you came out of my house, it's because my dad told you this,... Be obedient, don't think too much, if you really feel guilty, then please keep liking me like this, it's better for me Okay, so as to relieve the guilt in my heart, okay?" It turned out that he had been depressed and preoccupied because of this, and I knew something terrible must have happened, and he was perfunctory when I asked him before, so I want to ask again. I don't know how to ask, because of his temper... If he doesn't want to say something, no matter how aggressive I ask, he will still keep his mouth shut.

"I'm sorry, I know you're having a hard time these two days, and I've made you worry all the time. Keep liking it? I think I'll keep liking it like this (smile~), but I also want you to fall in love with someone else as soon as possible. Fortunately, you are still a woman, I want you to be happy. What should I do? It is too difficult to choose."

"Please, don't push me away. You got into my bed and put on my ring. I said you agreed for the rest of your life. Don't really turn your back on me and deny anyone. I just ask you 'Will you give me the happiness I want or not?'”

"As long as it is what you want, I will give you what I can, as always."

"Fool... Usually you often say that I am stupid, but I think you are stupid, so stupid that I despise you and love you."

"I don't dare to dream about the future, but at least I like you now, and there is no way to forget you."

"Forget what... idiot, I love you."

I understand everything at this moment, and I understand why his expression became so pale and his smile was so unnatural when we were having dinner at my house that day.He was obviously in a lot of pain, why didn't he propose to go back to the hotel earlier, and pretended to be so calm in all the pain.Why did you go back on your word and refuse to stay at my house after hearing me say you were going to work?That's because at first he didn't want to weaken my mother's enthusiasm, and later he was afraid that he would not be able to face my parents calmly because he felt guilty in his heart.

I really understand everything, but he's gone.

He is like a ray of breeze, he can easily and effortlessly fill the corners of my body, but I can't grasp it, I can't hug it, the harder I try, the more empty my arms become. Afterwards he left nothing behind.

I became more and more afraid that we would be forced into the road of marriage, and then there would be no way out.

I was emptied of everything and had no extra energy, dragging my tired body and heavy mind to go home alone.In fact, I was afraid of going home, I was afraid of seeing my parents, but I had nowhere else to go but to go home.

The person I like comes and leaves in a hurry. If the calendar didn't remind me that I was really one year older, I would have thought that these two or three days were just a dream I had.

I am worried that I will live for you, and I am most afraid that I will not be a guest from the past.

After he left, I was depressed for several days, and then I came up with this article.

(Finish)