Hu Meizi

95.

When I saw Natalie again at dinner in the evening, she had adjusted.The haze on her face had been swept away long ago, and she exchanged words with Sun Du from time to time at the dinner party, smiling happily.

Of the four of them, Natalie smiled and talked while eating, not caring about etiquette at all, and Sun Du responded with a smile from time to time; Albert and Xie Tang all silently lowered their heads and ate their own food in an orderly manner.The two laughed and chatted happily, and the two ate in silence and honestly. The dining table of these four people was unexpectedly harmonious.

Originally, according to the tradition, after the Christmas dinner, the family should get together to celebrate Christmas.But this year Natalie doesn't want that.

"It should be during the festival, and give old couples some time to be alone." Natalie smiled and took Albert's arm. She was wearing a dark red cloak, and she looked alive, "So, just Thank you for celebrating Christmas at home," she said.

She was going to go for a walk with Albert on the river where they fell in love at the beginning, and visit the Christmas market by the way.You know, from her beginning as a duchess, such a lively event as the Christmas market seems to have drifted away with her unmarried 24 years old.

Xie Tang looked at Natalie and Albert, and nodded to them.He and Sun Du stood at the door of Bute Manor's main house, watching Natalie lead Albert into the car.

They are dressed like many ordinary old couples today. Natalie took off her expensive and dazzling jewelry suit, and Albert put down his cane, which symbolizes the authority of the Bout family, and put on I bought a simple cane with no pattern.

Through the half-open car window, you can see that they have some gray hair. They inadvertently look at each other with gentle and loving eyes. They are no different from all loving couples in the world.

Sun Du and Xie Tang stood at the door, watching the vehicle drive out of the manor.

"So," Sun Du took Xie Tang's hand, "is it our time now?" he said.

Xie Tang stared at Sun Du's shining eyes in front of him, didn't say anything, just took Sun Du's hand and walked towards the study.

It is Christmas Eve, and the Filipino maids, the most loyal servants in the Bout family, are all on vacation and reunited with their families at home.The entire Bute family's main house was quiet, except for the bright lights and bustle, only Sun Du and Xie Tang were in Nuo Da's house.

"What are you going to show me?" Sun Du sat on the tatami in Xie Tang's study, looking with interest at Xie Tang who was looking for something in front of his desk.

"A painting," Xie Tang said.

Then he took out a somewhat thick book, this book was similar to Xie Tang's "Reminiscence of Years Past", it was in a somewhat old-fashioned hard-shell packaging, and the title of the book engraved on it was somewhat blurred. I can only roughly see the words LePetitPrince, which should be the French version of "The Little Prince".

Sun Du watched as Xie Tang skillfully took out a neatly folded paper cube from the dusty and yellowed book.

Xie Tang walked up to Sun Du, and carefully unfolded the paper cube that had been pressed so thin and fragile.

This was the first time Sun Du saw Xie Tang being so cautious. He looked at Xie Tang with some surprise. He unfolded as if it was not a piece of paper, but a soap bubble that could burst at the touch of a touch.

"This is... my painting?" Sun Du saw clearly the painting on the paper after Xie Tang unfolded it, and was stunned, "Is this a copy?"

He looked up at Xie Tang in astonishment.

Xie Tang put "The Little Prince" on one side of the tatami, held the painting with some peeling colors in his hand, and nodded.

This painting is the "Hanging" painted by Sun Du when he was 8 years old. Wu Moqing randomly changed the name and introduced it. It was submitted to some kind of International Children's Cup competition and finally won the prize.The printout that Xie Tang took out was a little unrealistic. The horizontal and vertical folded lines of the Jiugong grid were pressed on the painting, and all became white marks, without the original color of the painting.

Sun Du took the painting that Xie Tang brought over with some helplessness, "Is this what you want to talk to me today?" He asked softly, taking the piece of paper carefully in his hand.

Xie Tang was sitting on the tatami, and it was a little crowded with two big men sitting on it.

"This is the first one," he said.

"Tell me." Sun Du carefully folded the paper and looked up at Xie Tang.

Xie Tang's dark blue eyes were always calm, he looked at Sun Du, his dark brown eyes were full of strange emotions.

From the first time he saw Sun Du, he felt that Sun Du was extremely difficult to read. He could see Sun Du's deep and difficult desires, and he could also see Sun Du's simple and thorough sincerity. He could see Sun Du's deep and hard-to-see city. , You can also see Sun Du's pure and direct frankness.To him, Sun Du is contradictory ethics, unsolvable equations, and thorny mathematical problems.

"This painting has been with me for a long time," said Xie Tang, his voice was flat and unwavering, "When I was 16 years old, my uncle Eric and the country Z government hosted a children's painting competition. When I visited him, Found the painting from his secretary's desk."

"At that time, the secretary was preparing to send these unsuccessful works back to country Z, because unfortunately, they were not appreciated." Xie Tang looked at Sun Du quietly, "And I was attracted by this painting, it was pressed in the middle, I only saw a corner, but I was drawn to it and took it out."

Sun Du suddenly remembered what Natalie said about Xie Tang's sudden change at the age of 16.He looked at Xie Tang and opened his mouth to ask if this painting was related to his 16 years old.

Xie Tang looked at Sun Du who was hesitant to speak, and he understood what Sun Du meant.

"Yes," he said, "I've always had a serious emotional disorder. My mental illness has gotten worse since my mother died."

Xie Tang showed no expression, as calm as water, "My psychiatrist once tried to intervene with me and established a good communication bridge with me," he looked at Sun Du, "but unfortunately, no matter how much I want to cooperate, I still can't cooperate .”

"I can't understand what he said." He said, "I have recited the definitions, expressions and meanings of human emotions in psychology, but I still can't understand."

Sun Du held Xie Tang's hand with both hands.

Xie Tang paused for a moment. He lowered his head and looked at his held hand for a moment, then looked up at Sun Du and said, "When I was 16 years old, I saw that painting and suddenly understood the meaning of fear."

He thought for a while and said, "It's an uncomfortable emotion, sweating, shortness of breath, and sometimes feeling speechless."

"My uncle went back to his office and found something was wrong with me, so he contacted my doctor," Xie Tang said. Bert came and I spoke to my therapist. He was very emotional and said I understood the fear."

"So, I knew that the first emotion I understood was fear." Xie Tang stated, "My doctor asked me to get in touch with this painting more. I copied it out, put it in a book and put it under the pillow, When I don't quite understand fear, I take him out and look at it."

"Under the guidance of the doctor, I have mastered the fear, and I also understand why there is fear of death and pain." Xie Tang said.

"Do you hate fear?" Sun Du asked.

He packed up the paintings and books, took them away from the space between him and Xie Tang, and moved to approach Xie Tang by himself.

Xie Tang stared at Sun Du who was close to his arms, like every night when they leaned together to read a book, he put his arms around Sun Du's waist.

"No, I don't hate it." Xie Tang said, "It's just that it makes people feel strange."

"Then will you be sad?" Sun Du held Xie Tang's face in his hands, and pulled him into himself.He looked at Xie Tang, as if he wanted to see the bottom of his heart from Xie Tang's eyes.

"I don't know." Xie Tang said honestly, he stared at Sun Du, just like Sun Du watched him, they seemed to look directly into the souls of each other through each other's eyes and skin.

"When you comfort me, when you open your arms to me and let me hug you, do you feel sad?" Sun Du asked.

They were very close to each other, and the heat of their breath sprayed on each other's cheeks.

Sun Du looked at the Xie Tang he was holding. He was so meticulous that he shaved every morning so that no stubble could be seen, which made people feel that he was extremely clean.

Xie Tang looked at Sun Du with a little doubt, "I will..." He thought about how to describe that feeling, but in the end he gave up describing that subtle emotion.

They are too subtle and too complicated, Xie Tang can't capture them.

So he shook his head, "I don't know."

Sun Du was not disappointed, he asked again, "When I was crying, how did you feel?"

Xie Tang looked at him quietly and did not answer.

Under Sun Du's unchanging and patient gaze, he said after a long time, "I don't want to see you cry."

Sun Du suddenly fell silent, he turned his head to one side, and remained silent for a long time.

"Actually, I don't know which aspect I moved you." Sun Du looked up at Xie Tang and said, his eyes were filled with a thin layer of mist, "Xie Tang, you are sincere and clean. I can't see this, because you are always indifferent, arrogant, and repulsive on the surface. I have thought countless times, if a better and better person than me discovers your essence, if he is stronger and more powerful than me Great, can I snatch you back?"

Xie Tang listened quietly to Sun Du, he listened very carefully, this was the first time he heard Sun Du tell him that it came from his uneasiness, hesitation and bewilderment.

After Sun Du finished speaking, he said, "What impresses me is that you are always you." He said.

Sun Du burst out laughing, and the mist in his eyes still condensed into one or two tears that flowed out along with his smile, hanging on his face.Xie Tang wiped away his tears with the back of his hand.

"Now you really have a set." Sun Du said with a smile.

"Originally, the two of us were promised lovers," Sun Du said as if sighing, "In the end, I didn't expect that you took a few steps forward, and I took a few steps forward."

"What about the second one?" Sun Du put down the hand holding Xie Tang and retracted it into his arms, "It's related to your mother, right?" He asked.

After all, a few days ago, he had asked Xie Tang to talk to him about his mother.

Xie Tang hugged him and nodded, and brought Sun Du's foot to his own leg.Sun Du kicked his shoes on the floor after sitting on the tatami. Although the floor heating was turned on in the study, it was still cold outside in winter with only a layer of thin socks exposed.

"Edward is my mother's son," Xie Tang said, he said it lightly, as if it was an insignificant matter.

He explained clearly in a few words, "When I was four years old, Prince Duran had an accidental relationship with my mother. Princess Duran found out about our mother's pregnancy. She has been under the pressure of the royal family for a long time because of her inability to conceive. So when my mother was pregnant, she planned to adopt Edward."

Sun Du was stunned in Xie Tang's arms. A few days ago in the theater, he saw that Prince Edward and Xie Tang's facial features were somewhat similar. After returning, he secretly mocked himself for thinking wildly - but he didn't expect it to be so. .

"Then why is Prince Edward... obsessed with you?" Sun Du asked strangely.

Xie Tang looked at Sun Du in his arms, and said without emotion, "When he was 16 and I was 20, he climbed onto my bed naked and said he liked me."

He paused, "Then I informed Princess Duran directly. After Princess Duran took him away, she should have told him about the blood relationship between me and him."

Sun Du looked at Xie Tang, not knowing what to say.

Xie Tang stroked his hair, his expression was normal, these secrets were nothing new to him.

"Prince Duran died in a car accident when I was 12 and Edward was 8," he said, "and then my mother died."

Sun Du looked at Xie Tang, and he remembered what Xie Tang had told him, that his mother was not pushed down by others, but jumped off by herself.

"Natalie always thought that Princess Dulan bribed the maid at home and pushed your mother down, right?" Sun Du asked softly.

"Yes," Xie Tang nodded, "They did bribe the maid."

"Then why...you know she committed suicide?" Sun Du said.

Xie Tang paused.

He fixed Sun Du's hair and pinned the hair around Sun Du's face behind his ears.

Xie Tang stared at Sun Du, and said what he didn't tell anyone, "The maid upstairs was very surprised, she looked down in panic. She told Natalie that she was not near my mother, but no one Trust her."

"My mother, dying in front of me, was laughing," he said. "She said to me, 'Stan, you monster that can't cry.'"

Sun Du's hand holding Xie Tang's arm tightened suddenly.