[Comprehensive British and American] Family Matters

Red Hood feels that the Bat-family of this universe is not normal.

Tim Drake turns out to be a stoka, and that tree!Shouldn't that be under the jurisdiction of Poison Ivy?Don't tell him that he was sleepy and dreaming, he saw and heard the tree say a word: "I am Groot." Then Tim can understand the meaning there and start a conversation:

"This is temporary, our Jason will be replaced." Tim.

"I'm Groot." Little Tree said.

"No, poking a branch into his nostril won't speed up Jason's return! You'll hurt Jason's beautiful nostril!"

Complimenting the nostrils or something, is there something wrong with this person?

"I'm Groot." Little Tree said.

"Absolutely not! Where did you learn the word [beep——] eye? Forget it immediately!"

Come on!Chop that tree into firewood for him!Right now!

Red Hood deeply felt that if he continued to stay, even if his life would not be threatened, his safety in other aspects would be at stake. He could no longer pretend to sleep, so Red Hood simply got up from the bed and asked the visitor in front of him with a stinking face: "Do you want to go to bed?" Why? Say it quickly."

Tim sits Groot on his shoulders and raises his hands in the internationally accepted "surrender" gesture: "I didn't come to hurt you."

"Of course not." Red Hood sneered, looking up and down at Tim's not tall and strong figure, "I can beat you in the parallel space into a mess with my bare hands, if you want to hurt me, you think you can do it Stand and talk?"

Red Hood thought that if this remark could not scare Tim, at least it would make him understand that he was not welcome, but he obviously underestimated Tim's worship of Jason in this universe like a cult.

"Wow!" Tim's cheeks flushed, it was absolutely impossible to be frozen out in the warm mansion, "As expected of Jason, even the parallel universe version is so powerful!"

"I won't recognize your father and mother who beat you up, why don't you understand this sentence?" Red Hood felt that he was not as broken as he is now when he just found out that Batman found a new Robin.

"It's okay, it's okay, I guess my parents wouldn't recognize me." Tim smiled and waved his hands, as if the two of them were drinking and chatting in the coffee shop in the afternoon, rather than having a violent threat in the guest room in the early morning dialogue.

Red Hood buried his face in his palm helplessly, refusing to meet Tim's gaze: "Whatever you want, what do you want? And what is that?"

"It's not a 'thing', it's Groot, Jason's little tree." Tim put Groot gently on the bed, "Say hi to Jason in the parallel world, Groot."

The little tree man opened his big black eyes, and opened his mouth in a surprised O shape, looking at the red hood peeping at him from between his fingers: "I'm Groot."

"What did he say?" Tim was stunned for a moment and didn't answer right away, making Red Hood's defensiveness rise again, "How?"

"It's okay." Tim quickly translated Groot's greeting to Red Hood, "It's just... Jason could understand Groot before, in fact, anyone who has been with him for a long time can understand it." I understand, I only recently started to understand."

"So?" Red Hood didn't quite understand what exactly Tim was focusing on.

"Don't you think it's very interesting?" Tim began to explain with gestures, "You see, we all know that human memory, acquired knowledge, and language should all be stored in the brain, right? But Looking at the situation of you and our Jason, it is obvious that here we have proved the existence of the soul, and even if you are in Jason's body, you still cannot master the knowledge and ability that you have not learned in the past!"

Red Hood blinked thoughtfully, obviously he hadn't thought of this.That being said, even though he was in Jason's body, what he remembered was still his own memory, not that of the owner of this body, Jason.

"Let me verify a little more." Tim licked his lips and walked back and forth by Red Hood's bed, "Yes, let's say some dirty words about Kree."

"Kerry what?" The red hood looked at Tim with a puzzled face, but the other party just hummed and continued to ask strange questions:

"What was the first book Damian read with you?"

"Who is the real Star-Lord, you or Peter?"

Red Hood looks at Tim with a blank expression the whole time.

"Great, that's about all I want to know, thank you for your cooperation." Tim patted Red Hood's shoulder sincerely, pushed him back to lie on the bed, and even thoughtfully pulled the quilt up to his Chin covered, "Sleep well, good night."

Then he picked up Groot with one hand and left the room with a happy smile.

Until the door of the guest room closed with a "click", Red Hood still didn't quite understand the meaning of this late-night visit.

Red Hood stayed up until six o'clock with his eyes open, and then he got out of bed and went downstairs to pour himself a cup of coffee to wake up his mind, but he didn't expect that a child fell asleep at the door—Damian, he spent It took a while to recall the child's name.

Damian woke up the moment he opened the door, and quickly got out of the half-dream state, those green eyes were piercing like a child's, but Red Hood still captured the childish expectation in them.

"J... Todd." That glimmer of anticipation faded quickly after the Red Hood failed to respond to Damian's presence, replaced by a mask of indifference.

Red Hood clearly knew why Damian was disappointed, and asked instead, "What are you doing at the door of my room? Shouldn't you have your own room?"

"Tt, from your previous aggressive behavior, I judge that you may cause harm to this family. I'm just doing damage prevention." Damian said like a little adult, which made Red Hood almost laugh, but his intuition told him that if Really laughed it off, he could be physically endangered.So he chose to nod, accept the explanation, bypass Damian and go to the restaurant downstairs.

Damian silently followed him downstairs, and when Red Hood went to operate the coffee machine, he sat on the bar stool next to him, put his hands on the countertop and gave him instructions: "I want Eggs Benedict for breakfast. For banana salad, the drink should be cold-pressed fruit juice, and the composition should be cucumber, apple, pineapple and lemon."

Red Hood nearly spewed his coffee out of his nostrils: "Say it again, boy?"

Damian repeated his menu without blushing or panting.

"Excuse me, why should I prepare breakfast for you?" Red Hood confirmed that Damian was serious. He didn't seem to be joking at all. From the cold-pressed juice machine on the countertop and the materials in the fruit basket, Red Hood Do you think these are Damien's weekday breakfast recipes, "or is it the tradition of this universe to let guests cook breakfast?"

"Tt, don't talk stupid, Todd." Damian's superior attitude made Red Hood feel that a certain nerve was challenged, "Since when have you been a guest under Wayne's roof?"

"You're talking about..."

"I heard the conversation between my father and his peers. According to my understanding, Bruce Wayne of another universe still thinks you are his child, even though there are many unresolved issues between you." Damian knocked He knocked on the countertop and raised his chin towards the refrigerator, "Now, for the sake of my peers in that universe, I think it will be helpful to improve the quality of life of my peers to let the family members with cooking skills know my taste early. Helpful. Some ingredients are in the fridge, you can start your recipe."

When Red Hood came back to his senses, he had already brought tender and beautiful Eggs Benedict in front of Damian, the juicer was running, and he was slicing bananas with a fruit knife.

Wait, in fact, this little prince is just helping himself in another universe to train the cook in advance!

"I thought I heard a voice, so it was you who were making breakfast!" Dick rubbed his eyes and appeared in the kitchen, his hair was still messy, and his big yawn made Damian wrinkle his nose and look disgusted, "Could it be that all Do little wings have this beautiful talent?"

"You guys who only eat cereal circles are the odd ones out there." Red Hood shuddered at the thought of Grayson and his colorful cereal circles running a breakfast cereal market in his universe.

Dick made himself a cup of coffee and gulped it down, looking more like a live bird.

"One day I will let the little wings know that the cereal circle is good, little D, record this on the to-do list, thank you."

"I'm not your sidekick, Grayson." Damian grinned at Dick.

"Oh, but you're an intern Robin, and I'm a senior Robin, so you should listen to seniors." Dick smiled and Mimi bumped the red hood with his elbow, "Don't you think so, Senior Robin?" Bin Two?"

Red Hood chooses to roll his eyes.Damian looked smugly at Dick, who failed to pull backup.

"Speaking of breakfast, I also want scrambled eggs with more pepper." Dick happily ordered the meal, and happily instructed him how to conquer Grayson's stomach, "If you go back and find me on the other side showing such an expression Just give me Romanian cabbage rolls! That’s the face that misses childhood.”

"It's amazing! You actually have a face other than Dickface!" Red Hood's childish and cheerful voice made Dick quickly poot his lips to pretend to be pitiful. With such exaggerated acting skills, Red Hood felt that he had a bad reputation. Completely ignored.

"Return the cabbage rolls, please." Tim's voice made Red Hood almost drop the banana salad and juice in his hands, "Just give me coffee, espresso, I like the taste with a little milk, don't American style, that's too rare. As long as we abide by this, we can be good friends for life."

The red hood looked at Tim carefully. He didn't look like he had slept at all. The difference from two hours ago was that the clothes on his body had changed, from the night watch uniform to home clothes.

"Your living habits will kill you one day, Drake." Damian took his salad and juice from Red Hood, and moved the chair under his butt to the side with a very obvious movement , "I refuse to infect this vicious habit from you."

"Compared to the habit of stabbing people with a knife, my habit is much healthier." Tim automatically took out a protein energy bar from the food cabinet, peeled off the package, stuffed it into his mouth, and began to chew. When he saw Red Hood open the refrigerator Vague reminder when taking out whole milk, "Drink low-fat!"

While the red hood flicked sharp eyes at Tim, he honestly put the whole milk back in his hand and replaced it with low-fat milk and three eggs.

Tim was completely unaffected by the eyes of the red hood, and sat down next to Dick and began to flick his phone.

Finding out the milk frother and starting to froth the milk, Red Hood couldn't understand more and more which nerves of this group of people were miswired, and why he was here like a free cook?Although Alfred does a lot of housework, he still gets a salary anyway!Have a retirement account!He is the murderous crime boss Red Hood, why should he give free breakfast to this group of vigilantes from parallel time and space?

Also, what do you mean by the starry eyes waiting to be fed?

Give the crime boss some dignity, okay?It will poison you to death in minutes!

"So you're all here, you got up so early." Even Bruce shuffled in wearing his nightgown, "Tim, you didn't sleep at all, did you?"

Tim shrugged, holding the cappuccino given to him by the red hood, and began to take pictures of the garland of flowers on it—fucking!There is a middle finger drawn out of it!

The red hood didn't want to look directly at the scene where Tim kept changing the angle to take the picture of the cup of "艸你" coffee. He turned around and picked up the conditioning glass and began to beat eggs to make pepper scrambled eggs for Dick.

"Please give me toast and bacon omelette, and black coffee." When Bruce ordered, the red hood was almost paralyzed, and he knew it by humming a few times. A slice of toast was stuffed into the toaster and started to heat up.

When Alfred, who should have been the earliest of the whole family, confessed to the master and the young masters in an unapologetic tone, Red Hood just fried the last piece of pancake and put it on a plate, bringing it to the dear old housekeeper.

"Your favorite pancake, Alfred." Red Hood put the pancake and salted butter in front of Alfred.If the only dish this old god can’t cook well is pancakes, but he still enjoys sharing his favorite food with everyone. No one has ever dared to complain about his craftsmanship in front of Ah Fu, so every time When breakfast meets pancakes, that's when the Bat-Family skills are put to the test.

"Thank you, Master Jason." There was a kind light in the old man's eyes, "You are all good and caring children."

Red Hood sat down with a smug smile and began to eat his own breakfast, enjoying the heartfelt compliments from every diner, with the occasional acknowledgment in reply.

He felt as if he had found a way to deal with his bat colony, and Red Hood was a little smug.

Bruce posted a group message at the back of the newspaper: "Good job, plan goes through."

***

When another "Damian O. Gu" came to the Wayne house with the extraordinary aura of the eldest son, the second son, and my third son, and made Drake, Grayson and his father Wayne angry as soon as they met. When one Buddha was born and two Buddhas ascended to heaven, even the housekeeper couldn't help but roll his eyes, the prodigal son of the Wayne family was the most unrestrained, and the second young master who came as he liked like the wind and went as he wanted also chose to set foot at this time. Enter the house and save everyone from fire and water.

He didn't say a word, just went into the kitchen with a bag of ingredients he just bought.

Everyone was redeemed at the dinner table, and Damian directly upgraded "Todd" to "Jason".

When all the bat vigilantes asked Red Hood how he did it on the encrypted line in the middle of the night, he said, "It's a joke, I'm an informant." Several queuing lists.