Heartbreaker

"Hey, we just need a girl here!"

The one who said this was a clown playing with colored balls. His big mouth was painted red and bright, and his eyes were drawn as smiling crosses.The accountant who looked after the orphans obviously had limited patience, took the money from the clown and said, "Take the rest with you."

"Mister, madam, please listen to my explanation..."

The black-haired girl begged by the woman's collar, and the woman looked at her in embarrassment, shaking her head and trying to pull the clothes out of her hand.Not far away, Grace was hugged by her future "father", looking at her pleading, a contemptuous and nervous smile appeared on her lips.

— Gillian, it wasn't your fault at all.Your dad didn't really kill, and you're not the daughter of a murderer...

"We don't want a child with bad behavior. Although most of you orphans will have problems in the future." The woman looked at her worriedly, "God, why do you look so like our dead children? Our children It shouldn't be so similar to a murderer's daughter..."

The girl changed from "Feline" to a panicked "Jillian".

"Hey, is it decided? Can I take the remaining girl?"

The clown's shrill laughter sounded behind him. Seeing that the couple took Grace away, Gillian turned her head stiffly and saw that not far away was the open carriage of the circus, and several women with heavy makeup were dressing up behind the carriage. Costumes.Behind them is a high platform on which circus jugglers perform, those who breathe fire, those who walk on balls and stilts, and those who tame monsters.All the exaggerated and weird painted faces were laughing hysterically, like masks floating around.

"No!" Gillian yelled in horror, looking at the jugglers as if they had seen a ghost.She cried and wanted to find the shadow of the couple drowned in the crowd, but the clown grabbed the back of her skirt and said, "Little girl, you are a member of the circus from today! Our theater troupe just needs a madman." You will be the little female monkey!"

"I will be obedient, I can do anything, please take me away! I will be obedient, please give me a chance to prove it!"

The girl yelled and cried in despair, as if she saw a clown's head grinning grinningly in front of her eyes.The clown laughed and said, "You can do anything, that's great, the circus needs people who can do everything..."

****

"Marcy, jump to the left!"

A whip was thrown on the right side of the girl, at a tricky angle, the tip of the whip just enough to pierce her toes.The girl jumped to the left in pain, another whip was thrown in the air like lightning, and someone shouted, "Marcie, jump to the right again!..."

At the circus, the girl's name changed from "Gillian" to "Marcy" again.Marcy is the name of a female monkey played by her.Her whole body was covered with a layer of rough fur, and she was almost sunburned in the hot midsummer, and her fur was drenched with sweat.But she had to play a female monkey with teeth and claws on the stage, and made all kinds of funny and weird moves under the whip of the animal trainer to win the applause and laughter of the crowd.

"Our cause is really great and noble!" Her circus master once boasted to himself loudly after drinking, "This world is full of bitterness, except for those dignitaries who live in castles, everyone has a look on their faces. Bitterness. Adults spend three-quarters of their time trying to make ends meet, while children are slightly less likely to spend half of their time crying and fussing for a piece of candy or a doll. We sweat and bring joy to other people! We don't have time to relax all day or even have time to smile because we give all of our love and laughter to our audience..."

Marcie just felt disgusted.

"Hahahahaha!"

The audience in the audience applauded and applauded, and someone said, "Marcy, do a somersault!"

Her animal trainer flicked his whip and said with a smile, "Maxie, show us somersaults!"

Marcie, the female monkey on the stage, flailed her arms and climbed onto the stage awkwardly.Sure enough, everyone laughed again when they saw her bloated movements.In fact, Marcie didn't try to be stupid, but the fur on her body was wrapped around her wetly, making her unable to let go of her hands and feet.

Carrying the heavy fur on her back, she turned three somersaults, and when she landed the third time, she fell to the ground with a plop, her leg bones should have been broken.The female monkey girl fell to the ground and twitched mournfully, but the animal trainer swung his whip and glared, "You little stupid monkey, did you eat too many bananas recently?"

The sound of the whip crackled in her ears, and she was beaten by the animal trainer so that she cried and begged for mercy, screaming loudly.All of a sudden, the crowd regained their spirits, the laughter burst into the sky, and the thunderous applause was endless.When it was time for the curtain call, the girl curled up on the ground, was picked up by the animal trainer, and said to the audience, "Okay, let's have a laugh with everyone, Marcie!"

- don't want to laugh.

The audience below echoed, "Laugh, Marcie!"

- don't want to laugh.

Papa, two more whips were whipped on his body, and the animal trainer said fiercely, "If you don't want to laugh, I'll let you cry, Marcie."

The audience answered quickly, yelling, "Cry, cry, cry! Make it cry!"

——I don’t want to laugh, I don’t want to cry.

"Laugh, Marcie!"

In no mood.

"Make her cry! Cry one, Marcie!"

Do not want to do not want to.

Don't want to don't don't don't want to don't don't want to don't want to don't want to don't want to don't want to Don't want to don't don't want to don't want to don't want to don't want to don't want to don't want to Don't want to don't don't don't want to don't don't want to don't want to don't want to don't want to don't want to Don't want to don't want to...

"Why do the audience like you, you crappy stinky monkey!"

Marcie was slapped by another boy and fell to the ground.They snatched the bread and sausage from her bowl, munched it presumptuously in front of her, and laughed defiantly.It is said that these boys are all dressed up as "male monkeys" and perform games such as jumping through fire hoops and stacking towers on weekdays.But recently, people are not very interested in the performances of male monkeys. Instead, they like to call "Maxie the female monkey" to perform.

The animal trainer once asked an audience why they liked "Macie the Monkey", and the person replied, "Because Marcie is always very reluctant when performing, so we like to see how she is tamed, even to see her being beaten." Great fun!"

Nausea.

Amidst the boy's vague laughter, the girl lay on the ground, thinking empty-eyed, how disgusting.

The boys laughed wildly, held the props of the girl's performance in their arms, and ran out of the tent.Marcie stumbled out and was hit head-on by a hard glass ball, causing severe pain like burning from her eye sockets!

"Pick it up! Mother monkey Marcie!"

The boys hissed wryly, and threw her snare drum over again.Marci squatted on the ground and stroked the dents on the drum, watching the other boys throw the marbles in their arms towards her one after another.The colorful balls bounced in the sun, like jumping grasshoppers, nimbly jumping into a series of narrow and hard-to-see places such as ditches, rock crevices, and bushes.

"Hahahaha, the team leader said that whoever loses those special balls will be punished with a stick..."

But in fact, Marcy was not punished.Her benevolent circus master spared her punishment and added an extra pudding to her dinner, seeing that Marcie the Monkey was so popular with the spectators.

Then, apparently, her pudding was divided among the other boys.At night, Marcie huddled under the damp blanket, quietly opened her eyes, and listened to the faint humming of insects in the surrounding grass.Everyone in the circus sleeps in the same tent, and once night falls, the snoring, sleep talking and teeth grinding sounds like a lively opera.

Only one person will stay outside the tent to guard against unexpected accidents or people escaping.As the night deepened, with the cold breath brushing over her skin, Marcie quietly got up from the blanket and walked out of the round tent like a ghost.

A boy sat outside the tent, dozing drowsily, the one who took the lead in bullying her during the day.Marcy walked past the sleepy boy quietly, a hard table knife that she had sharpened extremely sharply gleamed coldly on the cuff...

"Yo hoo, mother monkey Marcie, what are you going to-"

The boy found her leaving the account.Before the other party showed that toad-like smile, Marcy stabbed the knife into the other party's throat.

"Uh oh-"

The boy's scream was quickly drowned in Marcie's hand.The black-haired "Macie" stared at him, gagged the boy's mouth like a branding iron with one hand, and turned the knife in the boy's throat with the other hand at a vertical angle, blood overflowed, cartilage was cut, and flesh was torn. The sound is dull and sticky.

At the moment when the opponent's aura dissipated, Marcie withdrew the knife in her hand, thinking, maybe the captain was right.There are indeed many people in this world who are willing to be that obedient "monkey", because being a "monkey" can make them live better without worrying about food and clothing.As long as they are whipped and reprimanded from time to time, rolled on the stage a few times, and put up their hands to be good, the "monkey" can even live more comfortably than a "human".

The black-haired girl thought silently, with a cold smile on her lips.

——They don't live as "human beings", and naturally they don't deserve to die as "human beings".

——I didn't kill people, I just killed a funny male monkey.

Holding the bloody knife in her hand, she walked so far that she could no longer see the circus yurt, and suddenly threw the knife away, lying in the bushes and vomiting!Her whole body was sore and limp, and she fell weakly on the dirt where the reptiles had burrowed, and cried.

Her father was not a murderer, and she, the daughter of a "murderer," turned out to be a murderer.

Everyone is right.

****

In the simple and quaint church, the floor was covered with dry and peeling walls, and the wind chimes on both sides of the windows made harsh and unpleasant jingling sounds.An old priest looked at the girl lovingly and said, "If you have any troubles, you can talk to the merciful God, dear child..."

"God, hello, God." She looked at the statue quietly and said, "God, I'm Marcie the monkey mother, and I want to die."

The girl Marcy returned to her former hometown, a small village full of poverty.The girl dragged her scarred body up a small dirt slope and sat on the dry grass, as if she had finally found a home that made her feel at ease. Panting, she watched the magnificent and quiet sunset at the end of the sky like a brocade.

The sky is magnificent, and the world is a pool of stagnant water.

She returned to her home and recognized the name that once belonged to her on the graffiti on the wall - "Feline".It turned out that her name was Feline.She is not Gillian, the murderer's daughter, nor Marcie, the mother monkey. Her original name was "Feline".

"Feline, God will understand your suffering, and he will give you the best compensation, provided that you don't despise the life he gave you..."

Whenever she walked into the church, the old priest would pull her to sit next to him to dissuade her from committing suicide.The girl numbly listened to those so-called bright mottos, and asked, "Father, have you really suffered in your life? Or, what is the heaviest suffering?"

The priest was taken aback, as if he hadn't expected the girl to ask such a question.He narrated his life, the girl listened very carefully, and when the other party finished speaking dryly, she just smiled flatly, "That's it, you are really lucky."

Why?Why are people who have never experienced hardships, relying on a naturally pure and unbroken soul, to spread the gospel to the world?Do they really know the weight of suffering?How can you comfort others with empathy if you haven't even suffered yourself?

But soon she discovers that people who have suffered cannot understand each other.They all feel that they are the worst people in the world, and thus completely lose sympathy for other people's suffering.

The girl shook her head frequently amidst the priest's chatter. Although there was a gentle smile on her face, the cold wind was raging in her heart, and the coldness pierced her bones.

"Feline, you have to understand. 'Hope' is not a lantern in your hand, it is a lighthouse in the dark ocean."

When the old priest said these words, Feline was cleaning hard-shelled ancient books in the study.She flicked the fluff off her monk's robe, and watched the fine dust flit and glisten in the sunlight, like shards of diamonds.

"What's the difference, Father?"

"The lantern in your hand can illuminate the darkness at your feet whenever you need it. At this time, the darkness remains unchanged, pressing heavily on people's backs, and it is this light source that becomes. It It’s moving, changing, it’s yours alone, it’s only for you to point the way.”

"Lighthouses are different. When you are drifting on the sea, witnessing your own insignificance in the world, and being afraid of the boundless darkness, you will understand the value of the lighthouse's light. Weak and vague, it is the coordinates of countless lost people. It can't reach you, can't be held in your hand, but it will always stay in that fixed corner, shine for you, and guide you. Let you understand the ever-changing nature of the sea It’s always there. As long as it’s there, you have peace of mind.”

The girl asked calmly, "What if the lighthouse goes out too?"

The old priest swore, "No, the lighthouse is the eyes of God. Unless God blindfolds his eyes and stops looking at his creation, the light of the lighthouse will never go out..."

****

The kind voice of the old priest disappeared in the cold coffin.On the day he died, there was drizzling rain under the dark sky, and the muffled thunder was like gurgling milk foam, shattering behind the mountains and ravines.The people in this village are very indifferent. There are no more than ten people who mourn the old priest, and half of them are porters who need to pay for it.

However, that night, the sky was clear and the stars were shining brightly, staring at the world like countless clear eyes.There was no one in the church, and spiders were spinning their webs slowly in the corner.A girl stepping on the milky moonlight, holding a burning candle, stepped into this unattended church, looking up at a statue of a god with folded hands and loving eyes.

"You are blindfolded."

"Damn you."

With a snap, she picked up a stone and smashed the face of the porcelain idol.